Things that Star Trek characters would never say

By Captain Delyon

Disclaimer: Star Trek = Paramount. Happy, lawyers? Oh, and I really do like the characters here.

(({{[[^^^***^^^]]}}))

Picard: Okay, let's go by the Prime Directive and not save that guy down there.

Beverly: Yeah, we all hate Wesley.

Riker: And I hate Deanna!

Worf: So do I!

Troi: And I! Hey, wait a minute… Actually, this crew is a bunch of slime.

Data: Oh yeah! I'm emotional now!

Geordi: What a nice day… the warp core's about to breach. I'm glad! I never liked it anyway.

(({{[[^^^***^^^]]}}))

Guinan: Hi, Q!

Q: Hi, Guinan! What about a stroll on the holodeck?

Guinan: Sure!

Everyone: Hi, Q! Want a cigar? Can I get you a drink? (etc.)

Q: No, actually, I was about to go out with Guinan.

Data: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Q and Guinan! What a pair!

(({{[[^^^***^^^]]}}))

Geordi: It's a good time for necromancy, isn't it, Cap'n?

Picard: Sure!

(Geordi and Picard chant weird death chant)

Picard: Hi!

Geordi: Hi!

Tasha: Who are you people? Just a minute ago, I was whizzing through space in a torpedo thingy.

Data: Now that you're back from the dead, we can sing karaoke to our heart's content!

BABE! I GOT YOU BABE! I GOT YOU BABE!

Picard:

I AM A ROCK! I AM AN I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ISLAND!

Q:

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR INTERESTS LIE!

Tasha:

WON'T YOU STOPAND REMEMBER ME? AT ANY CONVENIENT TIME?

Guinan:

THE S-O-O-O-O-O-OUND OF SILENCE!

Beverly:

I'M A SLA-A-A-A-A-A-AVE 4 U!

Picard: Good. Swab the decks!

Riker: Don't interrupt our karaoke fest.

I SAW HER FACE! NOW I'M A BELIEVER!

Everyone:

NOT A TRACE! OF DOUBT IN MY MIND!

Data:

I'M IN LOVE! NOW I'M A BELIEVER!

Troi: My turn!

SHE'S SO LUCKY! SHE'S A STAR! BUT SHE CRY-CRY-CRIES IN HER LONELY HEART!

Picard: Eeew, Britney Spears!

Troi: You didn't say that to Beverly!

Picard: That's 'coz she's my girlfriend!

Everyone: Eeew!

Q: I'm outta here!

(Q disappears)

Narrator: Next… Voyager!

TBC with Voyager.