By Sir Captain Delyon
Author's Note: Sorry for the wait! Hope you all like this one!
Archer: Clean the latrines, Private.
Trip: That's Lieutenant, (sarcastic) Captain.
Archer: Private sounds better. Especially since we're referring to latrines.
Trip: Enterprise doesn't have latrines. We have indoor plumbing.
Archer: We do?
Trip: Oh come on. This dump isn't that antiquated! At least we have cool special effects that Kirk could only dream of!
Archer: Who's Kirk?
Trip: (sigh) Never mind…
(({{[[^^**^^]]}}))
T'pol: Hi, Trip! Wanna go rub gel on each other like we did in the first episode?
Trip: Sure!
Reed: Can I come, too?
T'pol: OK. Hey, has anyone noticed that my name is the same as a cheap Romulan Vulcan impostor from The Next Generation?
Archer: What's The Next Generation? And what are you saying?
T'pol: She was a Romulan impersonating a Vulcan impersonating a Romulan. Hasn't anyone watched "Gambit?"
Archer: What's "Gambit?"
T'pol: Never mind. You're just too dumb to think of these things.
Hoshi: You're stupid, though. I mean, if I said I had the same name as a lady from the future who was a Suliban impersonating a human impersonating a Suliban, they'd cart me off to the loony bin.
Archer: What's a Suliban?
Doomed Red-Shirted Extra: Hey Cap'n, you're supposed to be trapped in the 31st century! It said so in the season finale!
(Reed shoots the extra.)
(T'pol gives Reed a dirty glance.)
Reed: He was gonna die anyway…
(T'pol, Hoshi, Reed and Trip go off to rub gel on each other.)
(({{[[^^**^^]]}}))
Phlox: Hi everyone! Now we're going to sing a song!
Trip: Oh no you don't! That's the oldest joke in this fanfic! The Borg did it last chapter, and the Enterprise-D crew did it in the first!
Archer: You think we care? Hey, what's the Borg? What's the Enterprise-D?
(Hoshi cleverly disguises her statement of "Idiot!" as a hacking cough.)
Phlox: Is something wrong?
Hoshi: You're not getting any of your quackery near me! It's just a little cough!
Phlox: Oh… (evilly) Well, that's not going to stop you from singing with us, now is it…?
Hoshi: N-no.
Phlox: Good. It would be most regrettable if we were to be deprived of your lovely voice, now wouldn't it?
Archer: What's "regrettable?"
Phlox: Never mind. We will now sing our theme song.
Reed: NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Anything but the theme song!
Archer: This is my ship. I give the commands.
IT'S BEEN A LONG RO-O-O-O-AD
Trip: No! It's mutiny time!
(Phlox injects Hoshi)
(Hoshi becomes a mindless slave)
Hoshi:
GETTIN' FROM THERE TO HERE
Archer:
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
Reed: You two are worse than that redshirt! I think I'll shoot you-
Hoshi (interrupting):
BUT MY TIME IS FINALLY HERE!
(Reed stuns Phlox, Hoshi, and Archer.)
Trip: Thank you!
Reed: Now we can sing what we want!
Everyone:
HELP!
Reed:
I NEED SOMEBODY!
Everyone:
HELP!
Trip:
NOT JUST ANYBODY!
Everyone:
HELP!
T'pol:
YOU KNOW I NEED SOMEONE!
Everyone:
HE-E-E-E-ELP!
(guitar plays)
Reed:
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER SO MUCH YOUNGER THAN TODA-A-AY
Trip:
I NEVER NEEDED ANYBODY'S
Everyone:
HELP IN ANY WAY!
T'pol:
BUT NOW THESE DAYS ARE GONE I'M NOT SO SELF ASSURED
Daniels:
NOW I FIND I'VE CHANGED MY MIND
Everyone:
I'VE OPENED UP THE DOORS!
(The stunned people wake up and stun everyone.)
Archer:
'CAUSE I'VE GOT FAITH!
Hoshi:
OF THE HEART!
Narrator: In order to spare our innocent audience from the rest of the Enterprise theme song, we will close this act here. Next is (bum bum bum!) The Original Series (echo)
TBC with The Original Series.
