Willow closed the front door, tired from school, wondering will things will get easier. Turning around to trudge up the stairs and hide in her room for a bit, there is the surprise to see everyone in the dining room, waiting for her, silently appraising her.
Never a good sign.
"Hi guys, what's up?" escaped from her mouth with the false cheer that was her norm around them.
Anya spoke first. "I was going over inventory and special orders and noticed something odd. I told Xander, and he..."
"I went in your room Willow. I'm sorry, but I was worried, and I didn't want to see you hurting yourself and found this" and with that he gestured to the dining room table.
With the Epps notes on how to bring the dead back to life. With an Orb of Thessula for finding souls and bringing them back into their bodies. A copy of Wesley's notes on the Scroll of Aberjain which was used to recorperate Darla. Every single scrap of information and artifact that they had heard of concerning resurrection ever since they began Scoobying.
Buffy was the one that broke the silence. "Willow, we miss her too, but you can't..."
All of the frustration she had bottled up, carefully stoppered by examining the notes every night for the last two months came bubbling out. "You think I don't know that? That I don't remind myself of that every night before I cry myself to sleep? That I can't bring her back?"
Of all of them, Dawn had not looked enthused to be there, asked the hopeful question while the rest of them were taken back by her Willow's outburst.
"Why not?"
And with one question, Willow's anger fell into quiet despair.
"Because she's in heaven."
She continued over Giles inevitable 'oh dear' with the relentless logic that she found herself trapped in every night looking over this information.
"She's in a heaven, I mean where else can she be? Can you imagine her being anyplace else? We, I thought Buffy could be suffering in some hell dimension because of the way she died, but I don't even have that lie with Tara."
"If I brought her back, it would just for me. And already learned what happens when I go down that path, haven't we?" and bitter drops of words began to match her bitter tears.
"Buffy, you should have hated us when you came back. Tara would want to, since we know better. I wouldn't know what to do is she hated me."
"Well, at least you're not being dumb about this. But why bother then?" Anya barrelled on despite Xander's desperate shushing motions.
"Because it's the only way I can make it day by day. That if it gets too bad, I could bring her back."
She leaned over the table, grabbing the notes and files.
"But I won't ever be willing to destroy what we had by doing so."
Holding them close to her body, no longer even looking at her friends, she whispered "I'll be upstairs if anyone needs me." and ran up them, already mentally creating the first protein pairing for the revivification chemicals
Tomorrow night will be the night she tries, she told herself with surety.
The same surety she had every night she told herself that tomorrow would be the day she tried.
And so she made it through one more night.
Never a good sign.
"Hi guys, what's up?" escaped from her mouth with the false cheer that was her norm around them.
Anya spoke first. "I was going over inventory and special orders and noticed something odd. I told Xander, and he..."
"I went in your room Willow. I'm sorry, but I was worried, and I didn't want to see you hurting yourself and found this" and with that he gestured to the dining room table.
With the Epps notes on how to bring the dead back to life. With an Orb of Thessula for finding souls and bringing them back into their bodies. A copy of Wesley's notes on the Scroll of Aberjain which was used to recorperate Darla. Every single scrap of information and artifact that they had heard of concerning resurrection ever since they began Scoobying.
Buffy was the one that broke the silence. "Willow, we miss her too, but you can't..."
All of the frustration she had bottled up, carefully stoppered by examining the notes every night for the last two months came bubbling out. "You think I don't know that? That I don't remind myself of that every night before I cry myself to sleep? That I can't bring her back?"
Of all of them, Dawn had not looked enthused to be there, asked the hopeful question while the rest of them were taken back by her Willow's outburst.
"Why not?"
And with one question, Willow's anger fell into quiet despair.
"Because she's in heaven."
She continued over Giles inevitable 'oh dear' with the relentless logic that she found herself trapped in every night looking over this information.
"She's in a heaven, I mean where else can she be? Can you imagine her being anyplace else? We, I thought Buffy could be suffering in some hell dimension because of the way she died, but I don't even have that lie with Tara."
"If I brought her back, it would just for me. And already learned what happens when I go down that path, haven't we?" and bitter drops of words began to match her bitter tears.
"Buffy, you should have hated us when you came back. Tara would want to, since we know better. I wouldn't know what to do is she hated me."
"Well, at least you're not being dumb about this. But why bother then?" Anya barrelled on despite Xander's desperate shushing motions.
"Because it's the only way I can make it day by day. That if it gets too bad, I could bring her back."
She leaned over the table, grabbing the notes and files.
"But I won't ever be willing to destroy what we had by doing so."
Holding them close to her body, no longer even looking at her friends, she whispered "I'll be upstairs if anyone needs me." and ran up them, already mentally creating the first protein pairing for the revivification chemicals
Tomorrow night will be the night she tries, she told herself with surety.
The same surety she had every night she told herself that tomorrow would be the day she tried.
And so she made it through one more night.
