The Preparations
Disclaimer: This is getting old real fast. I don't own anyone!
I won't go into the bout of squealing, jumping up and down, and hand clapping that's was Mrs. Briefs after she found out. Needless to say wedding preparations were begun at once. No expense was sparred. Good thing too, as Bulma found out when it came time to order food for the reception.
The friendly (a little too friendly if you ask me) wedding coordinator sat in a chair opposite Bulma and supplied an endless stream of professional chatter. "And we have this scrumpcious set up with tea cakes, strawberry tarts, caviar.."
She went on to name several other strange sounding foods whilst simultaneously keeping the perfect smile plastered across her face. Bulma looked slightly worried. "That sounds wonderful but do you have anything, er, hearty-er?"
The smile disappeared for only a moment before it was back with full force. "Well of course if you prefer more of a lunch setting we have the package with lobster, sushi, slices of honey glazed ham baked with truffles.." once again the woman lost her self in her own happy world.
This time Bulma didn't wait for her to finish. "Ham, ham is good, anything more along *those* lines?" The other woman's smile faded once more, this time for slightly longer.
"Along those lines? What exactly did you have in mind, dear?"
"Well, you know, something..." Bulma struggled for the polite term. The lady waited expectantly, she would be of no help.
"Yes?" she prodded.
"Uh, something meaty-er." finished Bulma.
"I see." The woman quipped. She turned to another page much further back in the book. "How's this?" Not even bothering to read off the list of foods she merely held the book open for Bulma to see. The smile appeared to have taken a not so temporary leave of absence. Good thing too, it was a scary smile.
The picture in the book showed a table pilled high with sausages, turkey legs and one or two suckling pigs. Bulma's face lit up. "Oh that's *perfect*!" she exulted "I'll take three!" The lady just about choked on her own spittle.
"THREE?!?! But my dear you are only inviting 9 people, not counting the cat, the pig, and the little boy!" At this point she tried to calm down a little but it was all in vain.
"A little boy? That's right, Gohan! Almost forgot about him. And what if that nice purple haired guy shows up again? I don't care *what* Vegeta says, I bet he'd eat like a saiyajin too." She turned back to the woman and with the cheeriest of smiles declared "Better make it four."
"Four!?!?!"
"Yup, better to be safe than sorr-....are you alright?" The vein on the lady's forehead began to twitch spastically. Bulma began to ooch out of the room leaving the woman to her Vegeta-like conniptions.
"No!" ::twitch twitch:: "It's *not* *possible*." ::twitch twitch::
The only good thing about this little scenario was that after she ordered the food, I don't think that lady ever came back. The Briefs found more...understanding help, and apart from the beautiful Kodak moments that were Vegeta being fitted for a tux everything else went of without a hitch. Well, of course it did, I mean, the wedding hadn't come yet. *That's* when they would be hitched. ... I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't pelt me with vegetables!
As I was saying, everything else went off...smoothly and soon it was time for that antiquated human ritual know as the "bridal shower". This involved several women coming over to the Brief's residence and bestowing upon Bulma packages that consisted mainly of toaster oven. Well...there was a very *sturdy* looking frying pan from ChiChi. But mostly toaster ovens. Good thing too. The frying pan looked *very* sturdy.
"Psst!" an urgent whisper came from below my hiding spot. I jumped. Shit. Had I been detected? I risked a cautious glance. I was greeted by Goku's perpetually smiling visage. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Shhhh! What is it?" I whispered as loudly as I dared. He smiled, grabbed my arm and suddenly we were both outside. "What?" I asked again, louder this time. "Is something wrong?"
"Naw." he grinned "Everythings fine. The guys and I were just about to kidnap Vegeta for a bachelor's party and I thought you'd rather come with us to the bar than sit here with the ladies." he explained. I blinked.
"You mean like out in the open, with everyone?"
"Yup"
"What if I let something slip, you know, mess it all up?"
"Naw, you aren't my kid are you?" He had a point. Still, something had to be wrong with this great sounding deal.
"I'm under age."
"Technically you aren't even born yet." then he added in an undertone "Now, whether you're conceived or not..."
My face must have mirrored my utter horror and disgust cause right about then Goku burst out laughing. "HA HA! Just kidding, just kidding. The point I'm trying to make is that your age is so screwed up it really doesn't matter. Come on! What do ya say?" I sighed in defeat.
"Sure. Why not."
"Great! Come on." We went to the car where Krillin, Yamacha, and Piccolo were waiting. Thank Kami there was only a minor amount of gaping at my appearance. I was quickly accepted and Goku went off to get Vegeta. In a minute or two they materialized in the the front seats of the car and we were off.
"Kakkarott! I demand to know what's going on!"
"Relax Vegeta. It's just a bachelor's party. We're going to a bar to hang for a while while the girls "ooh and ahh" over toaster ovens. It'll be loads of fun! Tons of fun!
"More fun than a barrel of monkeys!" Krillin chimed in. Vegeta and I affixed him with a not-so-friendly glare. Goku cleared his throat to alert Krillin that given 50% of the car's population that was probably *not* the brightest figure of speech to use.
"Ehh, it'll be a lot of fun!" Krillin amended lamely. Vegeta grunted, obviously not too convinced.
"Gee wiz, the kid is as touchy as Vegeta." Krillin muttered to Yamacha.
"You know," Yamacha whispered back "They kinda look alike! Especially when they glare."
"Hmmm, I dunno." pondered Krillin "What do *you* think, Piccolo." Piccolo only grunted.
Now this was food for thought. Me? Look like Vegeta? I quickly inspected my hairline in the rear view mirror expecting to see the sides receding and the middle slowly inching forward. Luckily everything seemed alright. But in any case I spent the rest of the trip there worrying.
That and fearing for my life. I don't know if Goku has a license but driving with him is rather similar coasting down rapids on a piece of plywood. Apparently others shared this opinion.
"Remind me too get so drunk I won't remember the ride home." said Yamacha to no one in particular.
"Wow Yamacha! Did you know that that's exactly the same thing my driving instructor said to me?" mentioned Goku. I decided I wouldn't press for details.
Finally we got to the bar. We all went in, sat down, the people who knew what they were doing ordered drinks for those of us who didn't, Krillin passed a little dinky glass of *something* to me and they drank. Me? I just sat there. I mean, I didn't have any experience with alcohol. It looked innocent but smelled funny. I raised it to my lips meaning to take a small sip but...
"Yeah! come kid, show us what you've got!" Krillin cheered as he say me lift the glass. I hesitated but unfortunately that got the entire table involved.
"Drink the whole thing!" encouraged Yamacha
"Ya gotta try sometime." commented Goku. Even Vegeta snorted. I raised the glass to my lips again and swallowed it all.
I'm sorry to report that I don't recall a lot after that. Oh wait! I remember the drinking game. Well some of it. I remember getting glared after I took a sip when Piccolo said "I've never turned into a giant monkey." S'not my fault no one ever mentioned that bit of my genetics to me til a full moon. There was "I've never been bald", "I've never worn pink", "I've never died".
And then someone said "I've never kissed Bulma." Vegeta took a sip. Yamacha smiled and downed his glass. I don't know why he did that. I guess he had known Bulma longer and all but gee wiz! Maybe he was just trying to piss off Vegeta. Well, he suceeded and the epic battle began. Vegeta glared daggers downed his glass and called for another. Yamacha was soon to follow suit. The bar knows this battle as "The Battle of the 49 Tequilas". Yamacha passed out on #48.
Then I remember Goku saying something like "Well, I guess we'd better go." And I vaguely recall reaching for another glass with the intention to carry out the words of wisdom that came from our good buddy who was under the table, most likely dead. Guess those words of wisdom were true cause I don't remember a thing about the rest of the night. But the next morning...that's another matter.
