"If I Owned the World Wrestling Federation"

Discussion 6

Disclaimer: For the last time, I don't own them. Wish I did, but I don't. If I did own them though, I think the Undertaker would be my love slave..LOL!

Hello again wrestling fans. I know I've not really been writing about what would happen if I really did own the Federation (I still refuse to call it by that other name). So, I thought I'd try again, tell you what this is really all about.

Well, as I stated in my first chapter, The Undertaker is and always has been my favorite wrestler. As you all know, Mark Callaway has been on the receiving end of some pretty shitty script-writing here lately. The thing that irks me, and the thing I would change first, is the fact that he isn't Mr. Main Event anymore.

The Rock, Triple H, Stone Cold, and Hogan are all phenomenal athletes and have done great things for the world of sports entertainment. The Undertaker, however, is The Phenom and carried the Federation when those guys were out with injuries. No one can say that he isn't equally as worthy.

For the year (give or take a month or two each way) Mark Callaway was out, the Federation just wasn't the same. He's the American Badass for goodness sake! To have a WWF with no Undertaker is to have no WWF at all. I'm not saying that he's the greatest of all time, but pound for pound, he's just as damned good (if not better!) than the rest of the clowns employed by Vince McMahon.

Mr. McMahon is definitely a man to respect. He is sports entertainment! But I have to say that he's done a fairly foul job of handling the resident Deadman. If I had 6'10" of rock hard muscle in my employ, the last thing he'd be doing is opening shows and getting screwed daily.

I think I'd start by having The Undertaker become and remain Undisputed Champion for sometime. I don't mean he'd just hold the title with no defenses, but he would meet and beat every challenger, the way he used to. Sure, he's getting older. I mean, he just turned 40 in March (Happy Late Birthday Mark!!) and he's not in the same shape he was 12 years ago, but he's still a formidable presence in the ring and he can still keep up with the best of them.

This whole draft thing never would have happened if I was in charge. I think that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen, bar none! First off, separating the wresters might be a good idea, but that's what weight classifications are for. laughs

Alright, second thing. I don't like Triple H anymore. Lost respect for him a long time ago. He'd be my show starter. Instead of headlining matches, his ass would be the opening match on "Raw" and "Smackdown" for a long while. The Rock would probably have the second match of the night! Followed by Stone Cold (what?) and Hogan. I can't stand those clowns.

The Undertaker as Champion just rings beautifully in my ears. I love the idea of him being back on top, so that's what would happen, very quickly. Don't think I'm just being dumb because he's who I like. You have to understand. He's been the victim for so many years and now it's just time for a change.

At any rate, I think if I owned the Federation, things would certainly be great for The Undertaker/Mark Callaway. Of course, it would suck ass for the rest of the stars, because 'Taker would be my main focus. Sucks, huh? Bet you all are really glad I don't own it…

On that note, I think I'm pausing for tonight. After Sunday, when Callaway wins the title back, there's going to be a huge celebration that I'm masking as my dad's birthday party..LOL! So, if you're in VA (hehe), come on over, we'll watch the Deadman take back what's rightfully his, drink a beer or two (or twenty!) and just enjoy the show..

Oh yea, this has nothing to do with this column, but I'd like to promote something of my own that will soon be posted here on FF.net. It's a story entitled "Death Becomes Her" and it stars Mark Callaway, of course. I'm not going to give anything away, I pretty much just wanted to use this opportunity to let you guys know it's coming.

Take it easy, be safe wherever you are.

LONG LIVE THE DEADMAN!

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