"If I Owned the World Wrestling Federation"

Part 11

Disclaimer: Haven't we gone over this before? You know what I'm talking about. Pretty much, I don't own the guys, I would only want to own one, but that's not gonna happen.



Anyway. I have to apologize for my column being posted so late. My Grandma gave us quite a scare last night and had to be rushed to the hospital. Thankfully all is well.

Um, I know this is going to sound bad, but my mind really isn't entirely on this tonight, so pardon me if I do things a little differently. I have your Raw results, but rather than tell a story with them, I'm just going to lay them out on the table.

RVD, fresh off his "Judgment Day" experience, came down at the very beginning of Raw. JR was talking about some of the things that had gone down at the PPV, including the Undertaker's victory over Hulk Hogan. He didn't get the words out of his mouth when the Undertaker himself charged down the ramp and attacked RVD. He split RVD's eye open on the ring post and climbed into the ring, leaving Van Dam a bloody mess.

He basically told the fans that things were going to change since he was the champ now. When Taker has something to say, Taker's coming down to say it, whether there is someone in the ring or not. He said that they had two choices. Get out of his way or get their asses kicked. He said that he not only took Hogan's title, but he killed Hulkamania. I laughed when he said, "Check this out. May Hulkamania Rest In Peace. He then talked about respect. "You will respect The Undertaker." He made that point abundantly clear. Meanwhile, RVD stumbled back in the ring and attacked the Taker, even going so far as to put his Five Star Frog Splash on the Man.

Taker charged into the back and told Flair he wanted RVD that night. Flair gave him the match and then upped the stakes. It was to be an Undisputed Title match. Taker wasn't pleased, but was forced to accept. Ok, that's the beginning. Now, here are the matches, and no, this might not be in order, but you get the idea.

/The Hardy Boys vs. Big Show and X-Pac.

Winners: The Hardys, thanks to Goldust's interference.

/Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline Women's Championship

Winner: Trish Stratus with a Bulldog.

Paul Heyman had approached Trish earlier and had basically asked her to have sex with him. He and Brock came down to ringside after Trish's match and demanded an answer. Trish screamed no, and Paul sent Brock in after her. Bubba came to the rescue and he and Lesnar faced off. Heyman held Brock back, but that would play a big part later on.

/Steven Regal vs. Bubba Dudley European Championship

Winner: Steven Regal, thanks to Lesnar's interference. After a call of "Bubba! Get the table!" Bubba was attacked from behind and the match was tossed out.

Booker T and Goldust vs. The Hardy Boys

Winners: The Hardys..again.

Um, X-Pac came down and kicked Goldust, which helped Matt Hardy as he rolled Goldust up for the pin. Kevin Nash came down as the New World Order argued in the ring. He declared he was the leader of the pack and whoever wanted in better say so then. The New World Order is a unit again, with Nash, X-Pac, Big Show, and Booker T.

Ric Flair called out Stone Cold and basically benched him. Said if he wasn't wrestling, he couldn't get into trouble. Stone Cold went to Mugs Pub in Memphis with Debra and proceeded to drink a few beers. Eddie Guerrero (?) was there and bought Stoney a beer and Deb a teddy bear. Stoney refused both. Eddie ended up sing karaoke, I think. The song he butchered was "Shameless" by Garth Brooks. Stone Cold sang later. "Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffet, and "Family Tradition" by Hank Williams, Jr. Eddie took offense because Stoney didn't get booed the way he did. Eddie broke a beer bottle over Stoney's bald skull. That was the end of that.

Oh yea, Raven was commentating with the King and JR and told the King that he didn't know anything about wrestling, but if he wasn't scared, Raven would teach him a thing or two again. King accepted and they squared off. King whipped his ass and Raven walked away, earning himself the defeat my count-out. But that's not the important thing. The King won in his own hometown, so that was cool.

That brought us to the title match. RVD had the match well in hand (dammit). He and the Taker traded blows for a while, then Van Dam hit Taker with Rolling Thunder. The ref didn't see Taker's foot on the rope and made the three count, which made RVD the new champ! Needless to say, I was one pissed off woman! Flair ran down to the ring and said that since Taker's foot was on the ropes, the match would continue, RVD was NOT the champ. RVD turned to confront Flair and ended up being on the receiving end of The Undertaker's Last Ride. Taker was awarded the three count and retained his title, thank the Lord. Anyway, that was Raw for Monday May 20, 2002.

I would write more, but it's after 7AM and I haven't slept yet. I may later. Take care wrestling fans.

Before I end this, I would like to send my condolences to the family of David "The British Bulldog" Smith. Sadly, he passed away Sunday May 19, 2002. Smith was 39 years old. He will be missed in the wrestling community. Rest in peace Davey Boy.

out of respect, I won't end this the way I normally do, nor will I have any quotes from the Undertaker here.

-end-