"If I Owned the World Wrestling Federation"
Discussion 16
Disclaimer: There are only four I wish I could own (Taker, Kane, Bradshaw, and Stoney), but since I don't...I'll just pretend while I write this column.
Alright, alright. Seems to me some fans are getting upset with me for trashing the WWF superstars. People, you have to understand. I respect all the guys out there for doing what they do. They are all great entertainers and awesome athletes. The only problem I have with any of them is the fact that most of the storylines are not believable.
Ok, I will say it one more time. I HATE THE FREAKIN' HARDYS! There, are you happy no? I used to like Jeff once upon a time, but the fad soon faded. I'm not into a couple of little guys running around making little girls' hearts flutter. Ready for another revelation? I CAN'T STAND THAT WHINY ASS PIECE OF CRAP TRIPLE H, EITHER! Hmm, with that one, I'm sure I'm pissing you guys off. That's not a bad thing..that's a good thing. Guys, understand something. The Hardys and Trips are getting major pushes, and while I understand why the writers are doing it, I can tell you that I'm not happy about it.
What has Trips done lately that is so impressive? Hmm, he was out for like a year with his leg thing, comes back, promptly wins the Rumble and goes on to become Champ at Wrestlemania. Wow. Sure, I was glad to see Jerkaho lose the title, but not to him. For the love of God, the man was handed that title. He didn't have to work for it at all. Course, if I was the one making the boss' daughter squeal, I'd be the WWF Undisputed Champion too! Since her "banishment" from the squared circle, she's been "helping" a lot with the writing. And she is going to push the hell outta Trips till he does something to piss her off! Completely unfair to the rest of the guys that are more deserving of a title shot. I'd give Jerkaho a shot quicker than Trips! After all, Jerkaho was the very first Undisputed Champion and he defended it a lot more than Trips ever could.
Anyway, moving on to the Hardys. I'm sooo sorry that all these teeny- boppers out there think they are soo hot. I've seen better looking things come outta my cat's ass! They come out dressed like little thugs, but when they get on the mic (which, Thank the Lord, isn't very often!), they sound like they just fell off the turnip truck. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but they haven't done anything to impress me in a couple years now. When they were doing ladder and table matches, I watched. Now that they are doing their little feud thing with Brock Lesnar, I laugh my ass off. S'pretty funny that those two can't even beat that punk ass! Course, that's the writers for ya.
Enough. Just thinking about them makes me sick to my stomach. I will not even begin to discuss the Rock and Hogan. I'll tell ya someone I really like that is getting a decent push. Bubba Dudley. I think he's great! I wish Bradshaw could get a push like that. Of course, when they were pushing him, the intelligent writers couldn't figure out which direction he should go, so they dropped him. Shows you how much they appreciate their talent.
Let's talk about Kane for a bit now. I'm almost positive the writers are already plotting ways to screw Glen when he comes back. Kane is one of the best talents the federation has today and what are they doing with him? Absolutely nothing. They say he will take Taker's place once Big Evil retires, but unless they start writing him better, I don't see that happening. Well, wait a sec. Actually, I can see it. Taker has been screwed so many times in his illustrious career, so I guess they are getting Kane used to it. Yea, that must be it. Boy, sure gives us fans something to look forward to.
I can see it now. No more Undertaker, which will destroy me. Kane will be his replacement (yay!), but will be put on the backburner so the writers can concentrate on Trips and those stupid Hardys. I'm sure Trips will be pushed till he's 50 freakin' years old a la Hogan. Damn, he's only 33 or 34..that's nearly 20 more years of watching his big nosed self. Gods, I am beginning to understand the phrase "hell on earth".
Anyway, I think I have sort of made my point tonight. By the way, this goes out to fans of Trips and the Hardys....sucks to have to take shit for being a fan, huh? Maybe now you will understand what it's like to be a loyal and devoted fan of The Undertaker's. You stop giving me shit, and I'll think about easing up a bit. Till then, LONG LIVE THE DEADMAN!
Discussion 16
Disclaimer: There are only four I wish I could own (Taker, Kane, Bradshaw, and Stoney), but since I don't...I'll just pretend while I write this column.
Alright, alright. Seems to me some fans are getting upset with me for trashing the WWF superstars. People, you have to understand. I respect all the guys out there for doing what they do. They are all great entertainers and awesome athletes. The only problem I have with any of them is the fact that most of the storylines are not believable.
Ok, I will say it one more time. I HATE THE FREAKIN' HARDYS! There, are you happy no? I used to like Jeff once upon a time, but the fad soon faded. I'm not into a couple of little guys running around making little girls' hearts flutter. Ready for another revelation? I CAN'T STAND THAT WHINY ASS PIECE OF CRAP TRIPLE H, EITHER! Hmm, with that one, I'm sure I'm pissing you guys off. That's not a bad thing..that's a good thing. Guys, understand something. The Hardys and Trips are getting major pushes, and while I understand why the writers are doing it, I can tell you that I'm not happy about it.
What has Trips done lately that is so impressive? Hmm, he was out for like a year with his leg thing, comes back, promptly wins the Rumble and goes on to become Champ at Wrestlemania. Wow. Sure, I was glad to see Jerkaho lose the title, but not to him. For the love of God, the man was handed that title. He didn't have to work for it at all. Course, if I was the one making the boss' daughter squeal, I'd be the WWF Undisputed Champion too! Since her "banishment" from the squared circle, she's been "helping" a lot with the writing. And she is going to push the hell outta Trips till he does something to piss her off! Completely unfair to the rest of the guys that are more deserving of a title shot. I'd give Jerkaho a shot quicker than Trips! After all, Jerkaho was the very first Undisputed Champion and he defended it a lot more than Trips ever could.
Anyway, moving on to the Hardys. I'm sooo sorry that all these teeny- boppers out there think they are soo hot. I've seen better looking things come outta my cat's ass! They come out dressed like little thugs, but when they get on the mic (which, Thank the Lord, isn't very often!), they sound like they just fell off the turnip truck. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but they haven't done anything to impress me in a couple years now. When they were doing ladder and table matches, I watched. Now that they are doing their little feud thing with Brock Lesnar, I laugh my ass off. S'pretty funny that those two can't even beat that punk ass! Course, that's the writers for ya.
Enough. Just thinking about them makes me sick to my stomach. I will not even begin to discuss the Rock and Hogan. I'll tell ya someone I really like that is getting a decent push. Bubba Dudley. I think he's great! I wish Bradshaw could get a push like that. Of course, when they were pushing him, the intelligent writers couldn't figure out which direction he should go, so they dropped him. Shows you how much they appreciate their talent.
Let's talk about Kane for a bit now. I'm almost positive the writers are already plotting ways to screw Glen when he comes back. Kane is one of the best talents the federation has today and what are they doing with him? Absolutely nothing. They say he will take Taker's place once Big Evil retires, but unless they start writing him better, I don't see that happening. Well, wait a sec. Actually, I can see it. Taker has been screwed so many times in his illustrious career, so I guess they are getting Kane used to it. Yea, that must be it. Boy, sure gives us fans something to look forward to.
I can see it now. No more Undertaker, which will destroy me. Kane will be his replacement (yay!), but will be put on the backburner so the writers can concentrate on Trips and those stupid Hardys. I'm sure Trips will be pushed till he's 50 freakin' years old a la Hogan. Damn, he's only 33 or 34..that's nearly 20 more years of watching his big nosed self. Gods, I am beginning to understand the phrase "hell on earth".
Anyway, I think I have sort of made my point tonight. By the way, this goes out to fans of Trips and the Hardys....sucks to have to take shit for being a fan, huh? Maybe now you will understand what it's like to be a loyal and devoted fan of The Undertaker's. You stop giving me shit, and I'll think about easing up a bit. Till then, LONG LIVE THE DEADMAN!
