O Aijo Katsute O Aijo Itsumo des
By Sagitta
A/N: Fifth! Finally! Damn, but this is short. My thanks to all who reviewed (you guys sure inspired me a LOT). This'll be kinda corny, but. . .hey, I gotta get rid of Erts somehow! Warning: this will have a TWIST on the end! It's kinda a prelude to the real action. Er, Rio/Yu. I know that's not popular, but it's essential to the plot.
Chapter Five: Love's Wings
Lost once is lost forever,
But when your goodbyes are left unheard
And your heart is bond; it never forgets,
Love grows from a fledging to a bird.
*Hiead's POV*
They say old habits die hard. The one I have could be a perfect example.
I'm still sitting here in the infirmary, watching Zero in his sleep like I always did back then, when we were both pilot candidates. Gray light permeates past the window curtains, occasionally letting a small ray of light to pierce the mist and light up the room. Shouts, footsteps, and sobs fill the air in the infirmary. Some pilots didn't last the battle.
Mitche, Yukine, and the other nurses are frantic, rushing back and forth in a whirlwind of activity as they try to wave off anxious friends and family. There are gruesome wounds on some patients; I watch as they wheel in a repairer with half a leg, her pilot screaming at Dr. Rill to hurry up and operate on her.
Zero and I are lucky. We got through everything with only superficial wounds; a few bruises here and there, some cuts and contusions. But my mind is scarred, and it will stay that way.
I wish I never stayed in the hangar to see the colony explode.
Then I wouldn't have known how it happened, known how helpless I was, trapped on the shuttle with Koritsu damaged. Tune, my home, my memories for two years – they are all gone, space debris that are now scattered throughout the galaxy. In one moment, all that took so long to build shattered like glass.
I push my thoughts away; they are too hard to face. My eyes turn to the sleeping boy on the bed who has been my bane and my savior for all these years.
A light zephyr blows apart the curtains and tickles his hair gently. A small smile comes to my face unbidden as he takes a deep, unconscious breath and rolls over; Zero is a light sleeper, despite what everyone says. The minutest sound wakes him; I believe it was a habit from his childhood. A smile comes to his face.
Goddess, Zero, why are you smiling in your sleep? You barely survived. *I* barely survived. You came face-to-face with something that almost destroyed you.
Childlike innocence, I suppose. Pleasure in the simplest things. Perhaps I should learn to do that; to not take anything for granted. Being grateful for being able to sleep.
I don't care about sleep. The only thing I'm really grateful for is that I didn't lose you. I – we – came so close to losing the battle for life. Came a hairbreadth to losing each other.
*No*. I shouldn't care about losing you. I'd lose a good pilot and an old rival, but that doesn't mean I have to languish over you. You're nothing more than a. . .a contemporary, someone I know. Don't think that I care about you, Zero. Just. . .don't. Dream about Erts like you're probably doing now and forget about me.
I won't last much longer anyway. I'm a pilot, after all.
You stir, and then your eyes flutter open. The smile widens. "Hiead?" Your hand reaches for mine. I give it to you without thinking, though once you take it, I regret my action; I'm getting too close to you. "Hiead, what are you doing here?"
I shrug, trying to show a ruse of being bored. Instead my heart is beating a hundred times faster than it should, though I don't know why. It might be because you look so pretty in the morning, with your hair swept aside and a soft smile lighting up your face. . .
*Pretty*? Where'd that notion come from?
I thrust my thoughts aside, forcing myself to look nonchalant. "There was nothing else to do, so I decided to check up on you."
You look almost disappointed. "Thanks," you murmur. You look out the window, and there is pain in your eyes that didn't come from physical wounds. "All those people. . .and Tune. . ."
I say nothing for a few moments; the silence can say more than I can. "I. . .was worried about you back there." The words were blurted from my mouth before I could stop myself. Goddess, I sound like Erts. . .I shouldn't have said those words. . .
Your reaction more than compensates for my blunder; the beam comes back again, all thoughts of Tune's death dashed away. "Really?" So much hope. . .
I can't shatter that hope, however much I know I have to. "Yeah. . ." I look away.
Peace. Your hand unconsciously tightens over mine as you replay the scenes in your mind. "I was so worried about you, Hiead," you murmur. "I thought you were going to die, and we'd be separated again."
Your eyes are clouded; you're not with me anymore. But you keep talking, and I can't stop you, fascinated with what you say. I should stop you, I know, but curiosity defeats me and I ache to hear what you have to say. "I don't want you to go away again like you did. I was so terrified when you left, Hiead, because you left me alone back there."
You're not referring to the battle anymore. You've gone back further, to two years ago when I walked away.
"I didn't forget. I cried over you, Hiead. Why'd you leave?" You pull me closer to you, not looking at me but staring past and *through* me. A hand strokes mine subconsciously. "Please. . .promise you won't leave again. . ."
Goddess, you're crying, Zero. You press your face against my chest, tears running down your cheeks. The tears don't brighten your misted eyes. I can't help but comfort you, sitting on the bed and letting you dry your eyes on my shirt. "I won't leave, Zero. I promise."
"Really?" Faith glows in your eyes. I nod, and you embrace me; I cradle you like a child. "At the battle, I thought of you first. I didn't care about what happened to me but I was wondering if you could make it. I. . .Hiead. . ."
I can't take it anymore. You're so close to saying something I know you've been wanting to say, but I don't know if I want to hear it. I have to stop you before you break and tell me those words. . "Zero, that's enough. I. . .I have to go now. Sleep well." I remove myself with leaden arms. Your hands frantically try to hold to me, and I loathe to push you away. It's for your own good, Zero. Don't you understand?
At last I manage to push you back into a lying position on the bed, your face flushed and wet. I hand you a tissue and you take it with a detached expression. I can't resist, and linger for a moment to stare at you before I turn around.
Erts is standing there in the doorway, gazing at us with an indiscernible expression on his pale face. Words that aren't traitorous fail to come to my lips and I can only look helplessly at him. "Erts. . .it's not what it seems. . ."
But he knows, and understands. Eyes wide and accusing, he whirls around with a barely heard sob and disappears.
What's happening to me?
~*~
*Ert's POV*
I stopped running when I came to my room, crumpling in the doorway in a weak heap. Tears dripped on my clothes and the floor; I didn't stop their paths, hugging my knees and rocking back and forth.
I thought of nothing while I lay there crying, unmoving, my mind a total blank. It was a long time before I finally crawled to my bed and collapsed in the soft cotton, my fingers aching to crush the pillow and wishing for pain. Or anything, to stop me from thinking and letting my thoughts drift to what I saw. . .
But the scene resurfaced over and over again, especially that one peak moment when Hiead's eyes met mine and something sharp struck me in the heart. I had come in when Zero first started talking, hoping to comfort him, but stopped when I saw he was still speaking to Hiead.
Hiead got there before I did.
I watched as something made Zero snap, and he began pouring out his emotions to Hiead, emotions he never told me he felt. I was so confused as he clutched Hiead close to him. . . was I undeserving of his thoughts? Was I just. . .a toy he used?
No, Zero would never do that to me; I realize that now. But as I stood there in the doorway, I felt he had. I felt like my world was shattering around me.
I slowly push myself up in a sitting position and dry my eyes. The look he had given Hiead. . .so much pain and . . . and love.
He had looked at me with fondness before, but it was nothing to the glimpse of his soul that he had granted Hiead. Why hadn't I noticed it before? How passionless the love was that we shared between each other. Quick kisses, sweet looks, gentle beddings.
Something changed in Zero from the time he first went to the colony, and from the time he came back. Something that hadn't anything to do with me, an intruder. Why didn't you tell me before, Zero? That our love was fake, unreal, just a false affair. I know you don't want to hurt me, but you're hurting yourself and me by pretending to love me when you ache for someone else.
When we made love the night before you left, your thoughts were filled with Hiead.
I should feel hate for the silver-haired boy, but I can't summon anything but a resignation, an acceptance; maybe I already knew what was happening. Maybe I already saw it in Hiead, and only now, when the truth hit me, I can finally admit it to myself.
I try to remember those years when we were still training, the golden years when our lives were blissful and carefree. You spent most of that time with Hiead and Clay, fellow pilots and rivals. Sometimes you stared after Hiead when he left the room, sometimes held your breath when he fought at the PRO-INGS, sometimes looked at him with something foreign in your eyes. And Hiead would push you away and then return the looks when you weren't looking. . .
Oh Goddess, why didn't I see it? Hiead was denying himself too then, unwilling to draw close but unable to stay away. I was just a dolt, a boy with a crush on Zero, eyes blinded to all else.
So Hiead felt something for you too, Zero. A fledging trapped in his heart with broken wings, struggling to break free for all these years. Its resolve has grown, and it won't stay a captive much longer. . .how long until it bursts free?
Zero's bird has flown and is only testing its wings, but I know I've lost him already.
And for some reason, I can accept that.
I stand up to go to the window, pushing open the windowpane to let the breezes caress my face. I'm contented as long as you are, Zero. As long as you're happy, I will be. I love you too much to be selfish and keep you.
If you don't break away, then I will.
Zero, the bond between you and Hiead was established far before our bond was. It didn't go away when it left; it only grew stronger with each passing day without him.
After all, to love once is to love forever, ne?
*End Erts's POV*
~*~
Almost two years ago, she had left. . .
With her came the bright-eyed one, with the russet hair and heart filled with thoughts of his other. She came with heavy knowledge in her heart, while he knew nothing.
She fought with the force of the Goddess, but in the end, so the Goddess abandoned her and left her with the Slayer. And the dark powers corrupted her though inside she screamed for freedom.
The one who went with her fell to the darkness also, and so the one he thought of was broken from his mind. But as they say, to love once is to love forever. . .
The Goddess-Slayer rose from the ashes, revived with new strength from the girl whose power burned within her. She called forth the dispirited Victims and bid them rise and take vengeance upon their oppressors in an almighty war, the war that would be a war above all other wars. . .
And the Victim Enforcers came to her call, and they swept away the galaxy in a series of savage battles, ever nearing the last planet called Zion.
She looked from her throne room and felt a chill as the last breath of one of her brethren was taken. So two of the Goddess-born still stood in her way. . .
And with their deaths would come victory. . .
And yet there was a third, a hidden light that had yet to reveal itself. Her instincts told her to beware, for this third had power beyond even hers. . .yet even as she thought of the enigma, she knew it was helpless to defy her.
Her hand raised and silenced those in the room with her. Her lips curved in a deadly smile. So let the two try, and they would die in a crushing defeat. "Send out my army, and let the true power of the Goddess- Slayer be known."
Inside her, someone grieved. . .
~*~
Rio smiled gently and reached out a hand to touch his with a tenderness Yu did not know he possessed. "Yu, you must understand!"
Yu was too breathtaken to say nay, his heart pounding as Rio drew him in. His mind screamed at him that something was wrong, but his heart furiously denied all reason. "Rio. . ." he whispered brokenly, pleading.
"I'm fighting for a just cause here," Rio said, not letting him off the hook. He looked intently at him, and Yu thought he looked quite handsome, with the daring flash in his eye and a conviction to his voice that Rio had not before. "We are being oppressed; all we wish is to live in peace, side by side. . .but Zion was ours before, and we must have the motherland!"
Yes, yes, we must have the motherland, Yu thought vaguely. He could barely make out the contours of Rio's face, so ambiguous was his vision. But Rio was right, he was sure, he sounded so very honorable. . .
Rio suddenly broke free from him. "I'll meet you again," he said hastily, and something flashed in his eyes that made Yu wonder. "I have to go now. . .but please, Yu, think of it. . ."
Yu stared after him as he left, and the edges of the vision faded. "Very well then, Rio. . .I trust you."
When he woke up to the storm sounding outside his room, there was no doubt in his mind. As much as he loved GOA, he belonged to the Goddess- Slayer anyway. Weren't they kin, with the same EX? And now that Rio had gone, so could he, clear of guilt.
He glanced out at the storm flashing outside, and something glinted in the window that made him almost faint. Teela's image.
Her hair whirled around her like a cyclone, and her voice sounded distant, so very distant that later he was to doubt if he heard the voice or saw the face. But she held out a hand pleadingly.
"Don't do it, Yu, Rio's. ."
And then she was gone, and there was only lightning again.
By Sagitta
A/N: Fifth! Finally! Damn, but this is short. My thanks to all who reviewed (you guys sure inspired me a LOT). This'll be kinda corny, but. . .hey, I gotta get rid of Erts somehow! Warning: this will have a TWIST on the end! It's kinda a prelude to the real action. Er, Rio/Yu. I know that's not popular, but it's essential to the plot.
Chapter Five: Love's Wings
Lost once is lost forever,
But when your goodbyes are left unheard
And your heart is bond; it never forgets,
Love grows from a fledging to a bird.
*Hiead's POV*
They say old habits die hard. The one I have could be a perfect example.
I'm still sitting here in the infirmary, watching Zero in his sleep like I always did back then, when we were both pilot candidates. Gray light permeates past the window curtains, occasionally letting a small ray of light to pierce the mist and light up the room. Shouts, footsteps, and sobs fill the air in the infirmary. Some pilots didn't last the battle.
Mitche, Yukine, and the other nurses are frantic, rushing back and forth in a whirlwind of activity as they try to wave off anxious friends and family. There are gruesome wounds on some patients; I watch as they wheel in a repairer with half a leg, her pilot screaming at Dr. Rill to hurry up and operate on her.
Zero and I are lucky. We got through everything with only superficial wounds; a few bruises here and there, some cuts and contusions. But my mind is scarred, and it will stay that way.
I wish I never stayed in the hangar to see the colony explode.
Then I wouldn't have known how it happened, known how helpless I was, trapped on the shuttle with Koritsu damaged. Tune, my home, my memories for two years – they are all gone, space debris that are now scattered throughout the galaxy. In one moment, all that took so long to build shattered like glass.
I push my thoughts away; they are too hard to face. My eyes turn to the sleeping boy on the bed who has been my bane and my savior for all these years.
A light zephyr blows apart the curtains and tickles his hair gently. A small smile comes to my face unbidden as he takes a deep, unconscious breath and rolls over; Zero is a light sleeper, despite what everyone says. The minutest sound wakes him; I believe it was a habit from his childhood. A smile comes to his face.
Goddess, Zero, why are you smiling in your sleep? You barely survived. *I* barely survived. You came face-to-face with something that almost destroyed you.
Childlike innocence, I suppose. Pleasure in the simplest things. Perhaps I should learn to do that; to not take anything for granted. Being grateful for being able to sleep.
I don't care about sleep. The only thing I'm really grateful for is that I didn't lose you. I – we – came so close to losing the battle for life. Came a hairbreadth to losing each other.
*No*. I shouldn't care about losing you. I'd lose a good pilot and an old rival, but that doesn't mean I have to languish over you. You're nothing more than a. . .a contemporary, someone I know. Don't think that I care about you, Zero. Just. . .don't. Dream about Erts like you're probably doing now and forget about me.
I won't last much longer anyway. I'm a pilot, after all.
You stir, and then your eyes flutter open. The smile widens. "Hiead?" Your hand reaches for mine. I give it to you without thinking, though once you take it, I regret my action; I'm getting too close to you. "Hiead, what are you doing here?"
I shrug, trying to show a ruse of being bored. Instead my heart is beating a hundred times faster than it should, though I don't know why. It might be because you look so pretty in the morning, with your hair swept aside and a soft smile lighting up your face. . .
*Pretty*? Where'd that notion come from?
I thrust my thoughts aside, forcing myself to look nonchalant. "There was nothing else to do, so I decided to check up on you."
You look almost disappointed. "Thanks," you murmur. You look out the window, and there is pain in your eyes that didn't come from physical wounds. "All those people. . .and Tune. . ."
I say nothing for a few moments; the silence can say more than I can. "I. . .was worried about you back there." The words were blurted from my mouth before I could stop myself. Goddess, I sound like Erts. . .I shouldn't have said those words. . .
Your reaction more than compensates for my blunder; the beam comes back again, all thoughts of Tune's death dashed away. "Really?" So much hope. . .
I can't shatter that hope, however much I know I have to. "Yeah. . ." I look away.
Peace. Your hand unconsciously tightens over mine as you replay the scenes in your mind. "I was so worried about you, Hiead," you murmur. "I thought you were going to die, and we'd be separated again."
Your eyes are clouded; you're not with me anymore. But you keep talking, and I can't stop you, fascinated with what you say. I should stop you, I know, but curiosity defeats me and I ache to hear what you have to say. "I don't want you to go away again like you did. I was so terrified when you left, Hiead, because you left me alone back there."
You're not referring to the battle anymore. You've gone back further, to two years ago when I walked away.
"I didn't forget. I cried over you, Hiead. Why'd you leave?" You pull me closer to you, not looking at me but staring past and *through* me. A hand strokes mine subconsciously. "Please. . .promise you won't leave again. . ."
Goddess, you're crying, Zero. You press your face against my chest, tears running down your cheeks. The tears don't brighten your misted eyes. I can't help but comfort you, sitting on the bed and letting you dry your eyes on my shirt. "I won't leave, Zero. I promise."
"Really?" Faith glows in your eyes. I nod, and you embrace me; I cradle you like a child. "At the battle, I thought of you first. I didn't care about what happened to me but I was wondering if you could make it. I. . .Hiead. . ."
I can't take it anymore. You're so close to saying something I know you've been wanting to say, but I don't know if I want to hear it. I have to stop you before you break and tell me those words. . "Zero, that's enough. I. . .I have to go now. Sleep well." I remove myself with leaden arms. Your hands frantically try to hold to me, and I loathe to push you away. It's for your own good, Zero. Don't you understand?
At last I manage to push you back into a lying position on the bed, your face flushed and wet. I hand you a tissue and you take it with a detached expression. I can't resist, and linger for a moment to stare at you before I turn around.
Erts is standing there in the doorway, gazing at us with an indiscernible expression on his pale face. Words that aren't traitorous fail to come to my lips and I can only look helplessly at him. "Erts. . .it's not what it seems. . ."
But he knows, and understands. Eyes wide and accusing, he whirls around with a barely heard sob and disappears.
What's happening to me?
~*~
*Ert's POV*
I stopped running when I came to my room, crumpling in the doorway in a weak heap. Tears dripped on my clothes and the floor; I didn't stop their paths, hugging my knees and rocking back and forth.
I thought of nothing while I lay there crying, unmoving, my mind a total blank. It was a long time before I finally crawled to my bed and collapsed in the soft cotton, my fingers aching to crush the pillow and wishing for pain. Or anything, to stop me from thinking and letting my thoughts drift to what I saw. . .
But the scene resurfaced over and over again, especially that one peak moment when Hiead's eyes met mine and something sharp struck me in the heart. I had come in when Zero first started talking, hoping to comfort him, but stopped when I saw he was still speaking to Hiead.
Hiead got there before I did.
I watched as something made Zero snap, and he began pouring out his emotions to Hiead, emotions he never told me he felt. I was so confused as he clutched Hiead close to him. . . was I undeserving of his thoughts? Was I just. . .a toy he used?
No, Zero would never do that to me; I realize that now. But as I stood there in the doorway, I felt he had. I felt like my world was shattering around me.
I slowly push myself up in a sitting position and dry my eyes. The look he had given Hiead. . .so much pain and . . . and love.
He had looked at me with fondness before, but it was nothing to the glimpse of his soul that he had granted Hiead. Why hadn't I noticed it before? How passionless the love was that we shared between each other. Quick kisses, sweet looks, gentle beddings.
Something changed in Zero from the time he first went to the colony, and from the time he came back. Something that hadn't anything to do with me, an intruder. Why didn't you tell me before, Zero? That our love was fake, unreal, just a false affair. I know you don't want to hurt me, but you're hurting yourself and me by pretending to love me when you ache for someone else.
When we made love the night before you left, your thoughts were filled with Hiead.
I should feel hate for the silver-haired boy, but I can't summon anything but a resignation, an acceptance; maybe I already knew what was happening. Maybe I already saw it in Hiead, and only now, when the truth hit me, I can finally admit it to myself.
I try to remember those years when we were still training, the golden years when our lives were blissful and carefree. You spent most of that time with Hiead and Clay, fellow pilots and rivals. Sometimes you stared after Hiead when he left the room, sometimes held your breath when he fought at the PRO-INGS, sometimes looked at him with something foreign in your eyes. And Hiead would push you away and then return the looks when you weren't looking. . .
Oh Goddess, why didn't I see it? Hiead was denying himself too then, unwilling to draw close but unable to stay away. I was just a dolt, a boy with a crush on Zero, eyes blinded to all else.
So Hiead felt something for you too, Zero. A fledging trapped in his heart with broken wings, struggling to break free for all these years. Its resolve has grown, and it won't stay a captive much longer. . .how long until it bursts free?
Zero's bird has flown and is only testing its wings, but I know I've lost him already.
And for some reason, I can accept that.
I stand up to go to the window, pushing open the windowpane to let the breezes caress my face. I'm contented as long as you are, Zero. As long as you're happy, I will be. I love you too much to be selfish and keep you.
If you don't break away, then I will.
Zero, the bond between you and Hiead was established far before our bond was. It didn't go away when it left; it only grew stronger with each passing day without him.
After all, to love once is to love forever, ne?
*End Erts's POV*
~*~
Almost two years ago, she had left. . .
With her came the bright-eyed one, with the russet hair and heart filled with thoughts of his other. She came with heavy knowledge in her heart, while he knew nothing.
She fought with the force of the Goddess, but in the end, so the Goddess abandoned her and left her with the Slayer. And the dark powers corrupted her though inside she screamed for freedom.
The one who went with her fell to the darkness also, and so the one he thought of was broken from his mind. But as they say, to love once is to love forever. . .
The Goddess-Slayer rose from the ashes, revived with new strength from the girl whose power burned within her. She called forth the dispirited Victims and bid them rise and take vengeance upon their oppressors in an almighty war, the war that would be a war above all other wars. . .
And the Victim Enforcers came to her call, and they swept away the galaxy in a series of savage battles, ever nearing the last planet called Zion.
She looked from her throne room and felt a chill as the last breath of one of her brethren was taken. So two of the Goddess-born still stood in her way. . .
And with their deaths would come victory. . .
And yet there was a third, a hidden light that had yet to reveal itself. Her instincts told her to beware, for this third had power beyond even hers. . .yet even as she thought of the enigma, she knew it was helpless to defy her.
Her hand raised and silenced those in the room with her. Her lips curved in a deadly smile. So let the two try, and they would die in a crushing defeat. "Send out my army, and let the true power of the Goddess- Slayer be known."
Inside her, someone grieved. . .
~*~
Rio smiled gently and reached out a hand to touch his with a tenderness Yu did not know he possessed. "Yu, you must understand!"
Yu was too breathtaken to say nay, his heart pounding as Rio drew him in. His mind screamed at him that something was wrong, but his heart furiously denied all reason. "Rio. . ." he whispered brokenly, pleading.
"I'm fighting for a just cause here," Rio said, not letting him off the hook. He looked intently at him, and Yu thought he looked quite handsome, with the daring flash in his eye and a conviction to his voice that Rio had not before. "We are being oppressed; all we wish is to live in peace, side by side. . .but Zion was ours before, and we must have the motherland!"
Yes, yes, we must have the motherland, Yu thought vaguely. He could barely make out the contours of Rio's face, so ambiguous was his vision. But Rio was right, he was sure, he sounded so very honorable. . .
Rio suddenly broke free from him. "I'll meet you again," he said hastily, and something flashed in his eyes that made Yu wonder. "I have to go now. . .but please, Yu, think of it. . ."
Yu stared after him as he left, and the edges of the vision faded. "Very well then, Rio. . .I trust you."
When he woke up to the storm sounding outside his room, there was no doubt in his mind. As much as he loved GOA, he belonged to the Goddess- Slayer anyway. Weren't they kin, with the same EX? And now that Rio had gone, so could he, clear of guilt.
He glanced out at the storm flashing outside, and something glinted in the window that made him almost faint. Teela's image.
Her hair whirled around her like a cyclone, and her voice sounded distant, so very distant that later he was to doubt if he heard the voice or saw the face. But she held out a hand pleadingly.
"Don't do it, Yu, Rio's. ."
And then she was gone, and there was only lightning again.
