*Notes*

-I do not own x-men evolution or its characters in any way, shape or form

-This is my own personal fanfic; please don't re-post it as your own… thx

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5/19-Sunday

Dear Diary,

I'm such a bad girl! I went to see Lance today. I couldn't help myself. It was eating me alive. I snuck away from the Institute and made my way over to the Brotherhood house. I kinda sorta did a little breaking and entering (although I didn't have to pick any locks or break any windows). I scoped out the kitchen thru the window till it was safe and clear of the Brotherhood. Then I just phased thru the wall. Todd nearly caught me when he rounded a corner but thank goodness I was quick enough to phase into the ground. Lance's room was easy to find-he had a 'Lance's room KEEP OUT' sign on his door. I sucked in a deep breath and went thru the door.

Poor Lance, he looked so awful. I walked in on him curled up in the far corner of his room, quietly crying. My heart broke for the hundredth time when we made eye contact. He got this puzzled look on his face and he whispered, "Kitty?"

I started to cry then, softly. I told him I just had to come see him. He stood slowly and I ran to him. We embraced and cried with each other, never wanting to let go. He wondered aloud if it was real and I assured him it was with a kiss. We clung to each other for dear life. Waves of emotion overwhelmed me again. He made me tingle in ways I never have before. Our kisses became desperate and frightened, almost crazed. I didn't want to hold back. I wanted to go with it, I wanted more.

Somehow during the kissing, we made our way over to the bed. Again, he was the one to stop it all when he realized what was happening. He turned from me and shook his head. I reached for his arm and before he could jerk it away I noticed something. There were cuts and scratches. I questioned, "Lance?" and he quietly said, "Please just go." I told him no and he turned to face me. His eyes were filled with so much agony and despair. I asked him what happened to his arm and he told me he did it himself. Again I reached for him but he avoided my touch. He told me to go again and I refused. I asked him why he did that and he said to focus on something other than the emotional torment he was going thru. I said it didn't have to be that way but he said I don't understand. I told him, "I love you" and he said, "you're going to hate me real soon."

I asked him to explain but he wouldn't. He just asked me to go for a third time and this time I did. I ran thru the door, down the stairs and out of the house not caring if the Brotherhood members saw me. I ran all the way home in tears and sorrow.

How could I ever hate Lance? I love him with all my heart.

What did he mean by it?

I'm so confused!

~Kitty~