*Notes*

-I do not own x-men evolution or its characters in any way, shape or form

-This is my own personal fanfic; please don't re-post it as your own… thx

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5/26-Sunday

Dear Diary,

There have been big mutant debates all over the news. Are we dangerous? Can we be trusted? What should be done about the 'problem?' It sickens me. There are a few people out there who were interviewed that are for us, believing that we have as much a right to be here as others do but a majority of those interviewed are scared. People tend to fear what they don't understand. One of the local news broadcasts promised a statement from some mutants tomorrow. Scott has a gut feeling it's going to be the new Brotherhood who makes the statement. He thinks they're going to call for a worldwide "coming out." I bet they're going to really strike fear into people's hearts. They're callous and bitter. If they do, I can only imagine that they'll tarnish all chances of people knowing that not all mutants are evil. It will ruin everything.

Kurt and I went on a mini-mission this morning around 2 am. We had to go so late to avoid all the people and press. We went back to that underground facility we found when the ground collapsed and the robot came. He and I had the best chances of finding anything because our powers allow us to get away if any people come. The place was abandoned. We wandered the place and found a few papers and some computer discs but not much else. Definitely no Rogue or Evan or anything like that. Kurt found a few scratch marks on the wall and ground that resembled Logan's claw marks. When Jean picked up on that trace of Logan using his healing powers, it was right in that same area. It looks like the same guys who have Rogue and the others have Logan as well.

I gotta admit, that place was creepy. Especially with only Kurt and I there. We've definitely got to bring Forge back there. He would be able to go thru the computer systems. One of the papers we brought back contained some rough information on that robot thing—called a Sentinel. Apparently, it's able to detect mutant energy and it's programmed to destroy at any cost. It's equipped with numerous weapons and defense mechanisms. The computer discs contained a few plans on some of the weapons the Sentinel was equipped with. There were a few detailed weapon plans but most were incomplete. There were also plans and contracts for more Sentinels to be made. That one we fought was just a test model.

Wonderful, just friggin wonderful. I bet the next batch will big bigger and twice as bad.

We didn't find out much more, like where the Sentinels are being produced or where everyone disappeared to but I have a feeling that it's all on the computer systems. Forge would be able to crack any codes or passwords. Kurt and I are going back tomorrow night with Forge to see if he can find out anything else.

We rummaged thru the house debris again today. No one found much else but Kurt did find his fireproof safety box. He was the only one other than the Professor who made such a smart investment. He teared up when he found it. I went over and gave him a hug. He was so appreciative and it broke my heart. Of all the people, Kurt is taking this the hardest because Mystique is his birth mom and this ruin is all her fault. He told me he has this huge guilt weighing on him. He thinks that he could have done something to prevent her from doing this. I told him that no one blames him in the slightest, which is soooooo true. We can't help who our parents are; we just have to do the best that we can. He nodded at me but I know deep inside he isn't comforted by that thought in the least. I wish I knew what to say to show him that no one blames him at all. All I can do is be there for him if he needs a friend. I don't pity Kurt, I truly care about the way he feels.

Amanda has been supportive towards Kurt as well. You can tell from their eyes that they are so much in love with each other. She's so good for him. I'm glad that he has her. Hopefully she'll be able to help him realize that all of this wasn't his fault.

Scott and Jean have also grown a lot closer. It makes me miss Rogue something awful. I pray that she's ok. I miss my best friend. I should have done something to at least save her since I was right there when we were both gooked. I know it's not my fault but I do feel somewhat bad deep inside. It always comes down to that damn 'what if' doubt. What if I had done something? What if I had phased her thru the gook? What if we had run just a little faster? What if….

Arrggrrrrr!

I won't get anywhere if I concentrate on those what ifs. It won't change anything now. It won't bring her back. It won't bring anyone back so there's no use in torturing myself.

I haven't thought about Lance in a few days but I had a profound moment today while looking at the damage. I kinda stood off away from the group to have some time to myself and the thought of him hit me. I realized that when he said, "You're going to hate me real soon," he knew what was going to happen with Mystique blowing-up our house. That bastard knew what she had in store and he didn't warn me about it. Pathetic f'ing loser!!! It disgusts me that he lacks a backbone. He can't stand up for himself???? Oh, poor Lance who's had such a horrible life… screw him! If he loves me soooooooo much like he says he does, he should have had the guts to give me a heads up!!!!! Regardless of how scared he is of Mystique, he should have warned me just the same. Oh boy, am I going to give him a piece of my mind! And a piece of my fist too, right to his stupid lying mouth! He's right, I hate him. I hate him more than I could hate anything in this world.

I gave him a chance. I saw past all his faults to find the person underneath. I was the one person who actually gave two sh*** about him and this is how he repays me? F' him! F' him and his lies! I forgave him for almost hurting my parents and myself. I forgave him for hurting my friends. I've forgiven him time and time again and this is what I get? Grrrrrrrrr! He can rot in hell; he can rot in hell and be probed with a red-hot pitchfork for all I care!

How could he do this to me? How can you say you love someone but hurt them so much? Sure everyone makes mistakes but he's crossed the line this time!

He'll get it if he comes to school tomorrow, oh boy will he get it!

Ok, my tears are starting to flow again…

~Kitty~