Freaky Wednesday
INT: Warehouse
Tommy is wolfed out as he and Merton are taking on the Merton clone who is backed against the wall.
Tommy: Okay evil me, fix this now.
Merton: Were waiting.
Evil Merton: Fine.
Evil Merton puts his hand into his jacket and pulls out a green gem. He slides it down his sleeve and then shoots a vine out of his wrist. It wraps around Tommy's arm. The scene stops and Tommy's voice can be heard.
Tommy: This may be a little weird for you so let's start from the beginning.
INT: The School
Tommy is getting books out of his locker. Merton walks on screen downtrodden
Merton: Hey Tommy.
Tommy: Hey Merton. Did you figure out a solution to your problem?
Merton: No, every time I ask her what I said she says "well if you don't know I'm not gonna tell you."
Tommy: Did you say she was fat?
Merton: I don't think so.
Tommy: It's probably something like that.
Merton: I don't know, maybe, but it must be something important because now she'll hardly talk to me.
Tommy: I think your stressing over this way too much. Why don't you come to the Factory tonight? Have a few drinks and take a little break.
Merton: I guess your right.
Tommy: I know I am.
Merton: I'll see you tonight.
Tommy: See ya.
They leave in opposite directions.
INT: Warehouse
Evil Merton creeps up slowly to the Tiki statue. He runs his hand down the sleek wooden surface and a brown furred, sharp toothed demon jumps him. He throws him to the opposite wall and pulls a green jeweled pupil out of the statues one eye. The creature gets up and charges again but he holds the jewel in its direction.
Merton: Stop!
The creature obeys.
Merton: Good boy.
He turns his gaze to the writing on the right side of the statue and reads up.
Merton: Hmm.
INT: Office Hallway
Two guys, a short bald guy and a tall one walk down a hallway in silence and open a door at the end.
INT: Office Room
The two men sit down at the desk and a fat guy in a suit spins his chair to face them. He slips a file to one of the men and he opens it to see Merton's face.
Short Guy: Who's the nerd.
Fat Man: Goth actually, at least according to his file, and it's not him, it's his clone.
Short Guy: Didn't we just get through all that?
Tall Guy: I thought the plant was destroyed?
Fat Man: There were no witnesses to the actual destruction and the spies we have say a clone of this poor kid is still out there.
The tall one looks at the file again and closes it.
Short Guy: Were on it.
The two men leave the room and the fat man spins back around. A ball connected to a string from one of those paddle ball things jumps up repeatedly from behind the chair.
INT: The Factory
Tommy, Merton, and Lori are sitting at the bar waiting for their drinks. Lori gets hers.
Lori: Thanks.
And addresses the bored group.
Lori: So, is their any new business?
Tommy: What do you mean?
Lori: You know, demons, monsters, creatures of the night.
Tommy: Nope.
Lori: Really none?
Tommy: Not that we know of.
Lori: Than why do I hang out with you guys?
Merton: Intense physical attraction to me?
Tommy: I pick up the tabs.
Lori: I think we should start patrolling.
T and M in unison: What?
Lori: Find them before they find us.
Merton: I don't think that's such a good idea.
Lori: Why?
Merton: Too much work.
The bartender hands Merton a drink.
Merton: Thanks
Tommy: It always turns out all right. Why spoil a good thing?
Lori: Because I'm bored.
The camera moves to another table where evil Merton is sitting with a large trench coat to hide himself. He pulls the gem out of his pocket and aims it in their direction. The camera is now green filtered and refracted, is shows Merton, flashes a little, then moves to Tommy and does the same thing. Evil Merton starts chanting softly in some dead language.
Voice From Off Screen: Um sir?
Merton turns annoyed to see a waiter with his drink.
Waiter: Your Seabreeze?
Merton: Oh yes.
He takes the Seabreeze and the waiter stands there with his hand out.
Merton: Thank you.
He leaves angrily. Merton takes a sip of his Seabreeze and laughs slightly.
EXT: The Factory
The gang walks out of the factory.
INT: The Factory
Merton finishes his chanting and the gem flashes.
EXT: The Factory
Tommy and Merton stop in their tracks as a light passes between them. They stare at each other in shock while Lori keeps walking.
(Okay, from here on out, when I say Merton I really mean Merton in Tommy's body and when I say Tommy I mean Tommy in Merton's body.)
Tommy: Are you seeing you?
Merton: Yeah, what about you?
Tommy: Yeah.
Lori turns around.
Lori: Are you guys coming?
T and M in unison: Yeah.
They stiffly walk on.
INT: The Lair
Tommy and Merton are sitting across from each other in silence, just staring at each other. After a long pause Tommy breaks the silence as he tries to calmly assess the situation.
Tommy: Look, we've fought evil cable guys and giant lizards, not to mention all the times you were turned into something: morbidly obese, invisible, a caveman. I guess it was just a matter of time before something like this happened.
Merton: To be fair a lot of that stuff wasn't my fault.
Tommy: I think the best thing to do is check the books for anything about switching bodies and stuff like that.
Merton: We can look but we probably wont find anything tonight.
Tommy: It's not like we're on a tight schedule or anything.
Merton: You don't know that Tommy, this curse thing could become permanent if we don't find a way to stop it, but that's not what I'm worried about.
Tommy: What do you mean?
Merton: Were gonna have to take over each other's lives, you cant just go back to your house looking like me and fall asleep in your bed, your parents might find that a little intruding.
Tommy: Don't worry about it.
Merton: What about my grades? You're not really what the national honor society would call "smart".
Tommy: I'll do fine, besides you'll have it pretty easy.
Merton: What?
Tommy: You're gonna be popular now, a lot more than you are now.
Merton: For the record I'm insulted, but that does sound kinda nice…but what about the wolf?
Tommy: Oh yeah, you turn into werewolf every full moon, but other than that you can coast.
Merton: No, I mean did the curse go to my body or stay with yours. I guess we could wait for the full moon…
Tommy punches him in the stomach.
Tommy: Or we could check now.
Merton gets up and has transformed, but rather than being angry, he's actually giddy about the experience.
Tommy: You all right Merton?
Merton: Are you kidding?
Merton does a few punches and karate kicks to the air.
Merton: This is great.
Voice: Aw, did you stub your toe again?
Tommy and Merton (or Merton and Tommy, which ever you prefer) turn to see Lori standing in the stairwell.
Merton: Hey Lori.
Lori: Hey Tommy.
She walks in and sits in the computer chair.
Merton: You know there's a thing called knocking?
Lori: Why do you care?
Merton: It is my house.
She gets up.
Lori: What?
Tommy: Oh yeah, I forgot, we switched bodies.
Merton: Some supernatural thing.
Lori: When were you gonna tell me.
Tommy: Slipped my mind.
Lori: Come on, let's go get the guy that did this.
Merton: Can't.
Lori: Why not?
Merton: Don't know who did it.
Tommy: Don't even know if it's a guy really.
Merton: That's actually kind of sexist of you.
Lori: Oh shut up.
She sits down on the bed.
Lori: First action in weeks and you've got no leads.
Merton: Were working on it.
Lori: If we had been patrolling this would have never happened, we would have gotten to whoever did this before it happened.
Tommy: You better get home, Dean gets cranky if you aren't there to watch Felicity with him.
Merton: Okay, I'll see you guys later.
Lori: I better go too.
Tommy: Don't take it personally, this just happened really.
Lori: It's all right.
Lori and Merton leave the room via the stairs and pass Becky as they go up.
Becky: Hey freaker, dinners ready.
Tommy: Thanks.
Becky: Whatever freaker.
She goes back upstairs. Tommy opens the coffin in the back and pulls out a long sword. He swings it a couple of times and laughs.
INT: The Warehouse
The demon sits "Indian Style" in the middle of the room as Evil Merton paces in front of him.
E. Merton: Okay, I'd better act fast before reality starts taking its toll on my little spell…
Voice: And you wouldn't want to waste all the time you have left.
Evil Merton turns to see the trench coat man from NIB.
He moves up.
E. Merton: What are you doing here?
Man: I was about to ask you the same question. Once we figured out that you were the presence she felt; we sent another me to make everything right.
E. Merton: Make it right?
Man: You don't deserve this body. You don't belong here.
E. Merton: Yeah that pesky "free-will thing" isn't what you guys look for in a clone, I've heard, the problem is, I'm not going anywhere.
Man: You don't have a choi…
Before he could finish, the demon jumps him and rips him to shreds off screen.
E. Merton: Shut up.
INT: High School Cafeteria
Tommy walks in through one door looking around paranoid. He walks up and sits down at Lori's table.
Lori: What's up.
Tommy: This is harder than I thought it would be.
Lori: What do you mean?
Tommy: You know that Pre-Calculus they want us to take? That's what I thought his schedule said, turns out it's some kind of advanced Calculus, I was completely lost.
Lori: Its only one class, its not the end of the world.
Tommy: Its all the classes, not to mention I've been ducking TNT all day.
Lori: Jeez, I wonder how Merton's doing.
Merton swaggers in with the rest of the football team, bragging and laughing. He sits down at the table still chuckling.
Merton: Hey guys.
Lori: Hey Merton.
He notices Tommy's weird look.
Merton: What's with him?
Lori: Bad day.
Merton: You gonna finish that?
He gestures to her chicken sandwich and she gives it to him. He gobbles it down in seconds.
Merton: I guess (gulp) I got your (gulp) appetite too.
Tommy: You can have mine.
He slides his plate over.
Tommy: I'm not that hungry.
Voice: Hey Tommy!
Camera turns to a football player who throws a football. (Naturally)
Tommy goes to catch it but fails miserably; Merton gets up and catches it effortlessly.
Merton: I'm Tommy, remember?
Tommy: Force of habit.
He throws it back in a perfect spiral and sits down. TNT barge into the cafeteria.
Tommy: Bye.
He slides off screen.
TNT walk to the table and slam down on the stools next to Merton and Lori.
Travis: Any of you seen Dingle around here?
Tim: Were gonna give him a little pay back for what he did to Travis at the party.
Lori: What happened?
Tim: Well you see…
Travis stops him.
Tim: Oh, its all right man. We don't want to talk about it. Anyway, have you seen him?
Lori: We haven't seen him.
Merton: You know you really should stop messing with Merton.
Tim: Sorry Tommy but it's the law of natural selection, and who are we to argue with that?
They leave.
Voice from below: Are they gone?
Lori: Yeah, you can come out Tommy.
Tommy comes out from under the table and sits back down.
Tommy: That was close. What did you do?
Merton: Actually, it a very funny story…
The bell rings.
Merton: But it will have to wait, I've got Science in five minutes.
He leaves.
Lori: Bye Merton.
A scene of Merton laughing it up with popular looking kids and one of Tommy being pushed into the wall of lockers repeatedly are spliced together, accompanied by alternative rock music.
INT: The Factory
Merton maneuvers his way through the crowd holding three drinks awkwardly. He sits down at the table and gives out the two drinks to Lori and Tommy.
Tommy: Maybe it was something in the drinks.
Merton (between gulps): What?
Tommy: The switch-a-roo thing, maybe it was in the drinks.
Merton puts down the glass abruptly.
Lori: It can't be, I didn't switch into anybody.
Tommy: Maybe somebody spiked ours.
Lori: Like who, Phil?
Tommy: I don't know, I'm reaching.
Merton: Don't worry Tommy, we'll be back in research mode soon and we'll find everything out.
Tommy: Let's get out of here.
Merton: But I've got wings coming.
Tommy: There are much more important things going on than wings.
He turns to leave and Merton gets up to follow.
Merton: Maybe to you.
While pushing through the crowds, Merton's hip slides on the edge of a table with a sludgy sound. He checks his shirt and pulls up green slime. Lori turns around.
Lori: Are you coming?
Merton: Yeah.
He wipes the slime on some guy's shirt.
Off in the distance.
Lori: What happened?
Merton: Somebody forgot to clean the table.
EXT: Merton's House, Night
A van sits outside, parked by the side of the road.
INT: The Van
The two agents sit inside the van with surveillance equipment. Lori's voice can be heard.
Lori: Okay, try looking up body transference.
A long pause as the agents sit in silence.
INT: The Lair
The gang is sitting around in the Lair. Merton is sitting at the computer.
Lori: Merton?
Merton: Huh?
Lori: What are you doing?
Merton: Oh, I was playing crazy eights.
Tommy nudges Merton off the chair and starts typing.
Tommy: Okay, "body transference".
The screen flashes.
Tommy: Whoa.
Lori: What do they got?
Tommy (reading from computer): 523,802 matches. I'll try the supernatural index. Here we go. Orb of Lominos, Shard of Infinity, Imbutu's Shrine, Marv's Backyard Body Transference Laboratory…
Lori: Wait, go back to Imbutu's Shrine.
Tommy (reading from computer): Imbutu's Shrine, a cycloptic Tiki god believed to hold the power to decide the fate of souls. That's all it says.
Lori (reading from newspaper): A rare Tiki idol known as Imbutu's Shrine has gone missing. It, along with some ancient Tibetan scrolls, was supposed to arrive at the Pleasantville Museum but has yet to show up.
Merton: Do you think that's what we're dealing with.
Tommy: There's a good chance.
Lori: But where could it be?
INT: Van
Still listening.
Tommy: It would have come in by ship so we could check the waterfront.
Tall Guy: Do have any idea what they're talking about?
Short Guy: Not a clue.
TG: Maybe the bureau's wrong about this one, he doesn't sound like a clone.
SG: How would you know what a clone sounds like?
TG: Don't you remember? Back in Denver?
SG: You lost me.
TG: Your clone almost ran me through with a lead pipe.
SG: I don't remember that.
TG: Of course you don't, you were imbedded into a wall.
SG: That never happened.
TG: Did too.
SG: Let's just get this guy into custody.
TG: I'm telling you it's the wrong kid.
SG: If it is than we let him go, no harm, no foul.
TG: Fine.
The short one sees something out the window.
SG: Hold up, someone's coming. Let's go.
TG: I think we should follow them.
SG: Why don't we just go out and…okay, fine.
TG: Good.
The tall one starts up the car.
TG: Was that so hard?
They drive off.
Off in the distance.
TG: Looked like you hurt yourself.
SG: Shut up and drive.
INT: Warehouse.
Whimpering can be heard in the background. E. Merton is admiring his claw and talking in the direction of the noise.
Girl (Unseen): Why are you doing this to me.
He starts walking toward the wall.
E. Merton: Well, I'd already messed with their minds and magically screwed with the universe, now I want to hurt them on a more personal level. I needed a sacrifice anyway so I thought this was perfect.
Girl: Who?
E. Merton: Oh you'll find out soon enough, in fact I think they'll be here any minute.
The camera turns to show Allison chained up to the wall.
E. Merton: Besides, you should consider yourself lucky, you're gonna be something huge.
EXT: The Harbor, Night
The gang stands by the entrance to the harbor in awe of all the warehouses.
Merton: Any bright ideas guys?
A scream rings through the area.
Lori: It came from over there.
They follow Lori's finger to an open warehouse door and race to it just as the van pulls up in the background.
INT: The Warehouse
E. Merton is reading a scroll aloud in Latin when the gang barges in. Merton is wolfed out.
Merton: Anybody home? Maybe some evil demon bent on mis…
He notices E. Merton.
Merton: Chief?
He turns to Tommy, back to E. Merton, back to Tommy, then back to E. Merton again.
E. Merton: I'm sure this is all a bit confusing for you but I assure you, I am evil and in the future I'm gonna try to kill you and possibly a good portion of the rest of the world.
Tommy: A clone! This explains everything.
Merton: It does?
Tommy: Your problem.
Merton doesn't get it.
Tommy: You swore you didn't say anything to make your girlfriend mad so if you didn't then someone who looks just like you probably did. Some one like, oh say, that guy.
Merton: Oh yeah, what did you say?
E. Merton: I just said she could lose a few pounds.
Merton: I knew it!
E. Merton: Oh by the way…
The creature jumps on Merton from off screen causing a huge fight to brew but Tommy is still caught up the clone.
Tommy: Your claw.
E. Merton: Lovely isn't it?
Tommy: Thought you were all destroyed.
E. Merton: I was lucky.
Tommy: Who are you?
E. Merton: I'll give you a hint; about a year ago I escaped a watery prison and tried to kill you and your friend over there. You sent me back to said prison until the aliens came and gave me access to many new bodies.
Tommy: The Pleasantville Strangler? We can't do that
E. Merton: And why not?
Tommy: We already did the villain comeback thing, a couple of times actually. The Werewolf Syndicate, the vampires, and Butch.
E. Merton: I'm sorry I don't get the references.
Tommy: It doesn't matter, just know your gonna go the same way as the did.
Allison: Could somebody help me please?
He finally notices her chained to the wall.
Tommy: What are you doing here?
Allison: I don't know…just kinda hangin' around.
Tommy: What is she doing here?
E. Merton: Oh that's something totally different, doesn't pertain to you.
Allison: Uh Merton? Mertons, what's going on?
Tommy: (Sigh) If I said that this Merton was actually an alien clone would you belief me?
Allison: Well given the circumstances I'm not in a position to doubt.
Tommy: And what if I said that I'm not really Merton but actually his friend Tommy and this guy used some magic to switch us around.
Allison: Yeah I'm cool with that, but where is Merton then?
Tommy: Oh he's the furry guy fighting the other furry thing.
Allison: Which one is he?
Tommy: The one in the shirt. Hey Lori, could you…
He gestures to the chains.
Lori: On it.
She walks up to the girl chained to the wall and reaches for the shackles.
E. Merton: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
She grabs them and they start to heat up, she pulls back instantly.
Tommy: Why did you do all this.
E. Merton: Which part?
Tommy: Whole situation up until this point.
E. Merton: The switch thing was just too fun to resist
Tommy: Well you're gonna fix it.
E. Merton: Why? In about twenty minutes it's not going to matter anyway.
Tommy: What do you mean?
E. Merton: Haven't you seen the changes?
Tommy: Changes?
E. Merton: When I cast the spell, it changed the universe so drastically that the universe started a vain attempt to make everything right. I thought you would notice the transference in attributes, you would become more intellectually inclined and Merton would become more physical. Of course it all seems redundant when they give up after forty-eight hours and then the spell becomes permanent.
Tommy: All the more reason to turn us back.
E. Merton: No, I think I'll just sit tight with my little creature bodyguard and see how everything turns out.
The creature flies across the room into the far wall and doesn't get back up. Tommy walks on screen and cracks his neck and shoulder.
Merton: I think I'm getting the hang of this fighting thing.
He claps his hands.
Merton: So what's everybody up to?
Tommy: I was just conversing with our friend here about reversing his spell.
He looks expectantly.
E. Merton: Oh, I'm not going to.
Merton: That's what I was hoping for.
Merton charges E. Merton and a fight ensues. The brawl goes on for a minute until the clone is backed against the wall.
Merton: Okay evil me, fix this now.
Tommy: Were waiting.
E. Merton: Fine.
Evil Merton puts his hand into his jacket and pulls out the green gem. He slides it down his sleeve and then shoots a vine out of his wrist. It wraps around Merton's arm and he pulls back and elbows E. Merton in the face. After they trade blows, Merton slams E. Merton into the wall and pounds him repeatedly to force the gem out of his sleeve. The gem falls to the ground and Merton steps on it. The light passes through them and the werewolf that is once again Tommy drops the clone to the ground.
Tommy: Good to be home.
Merton walks up and kneels down to be face to face with E. Merton.
Merton: Now how do we get her down?
E. Merton: It's another spell.
Merton: Break it.
E. Merton says something in Latin and the shackles unlock. Allison falls to her feet and runs up to the others.
Allison: Can we go home please? Like now.
Merton: Well first we have to decide what to do with my double.
Lori: Uh guys? Where did he go?
The camera turns to the now empty wall and then back to the gang.
Tommy: Well that was easier than I thought.
Lori and Allison start to leave and turn around when they get to the door.
Lori: Hey!
Merton: Yeah we're coming.
EXT: Parking Lot, Night
The short agent is standing near a pay phone where the tall one is talking to the fat guy.
Fat Guy (Voice): Agent Fawkes, what do you have to report?
Fawkes: There is a lot more going on here than we thought, were gonna need more time.
Fat Guy: What did you see?
Fawkes: I'm not sure but it was weirder than aliens, well not necessarily weirder than aliens but a surprise nonetheless.
Fat Guy: We'll send the keeper to your location immediately.
Fawkes: Got it.
He walks out of the phone booth and addresses his partner.
Fawkes: Their sending Claire down to help out.
Short Agent: So what do think happened out there tonight?
Fawkes: Well I'm sure what we saw in there was a werewolf, I don't even have a guess as to what the other thing was.
Short Agent: And the clone?
Fawkes: No clue.
Short Agent: Let's go back to the hotel, we can figure it out in the morning.
They walk off screen.
EXT: Graveyard, Night
Evil Merton is charging through the graveyard angered. He pounds on a gravestone and breaks it in half.
E. Merton: Arrrgh! This body is too weak to meet my needs.
He pulls the scroll out of his jacket and reads it to himself.
E. Merton: Luckily that's al gonna change soon enough.
He runs off screen dramatically.
