Chapter 18 – Bitter Partings
After Sam had gone, Frodo resumed his vigil by Robin's bed until the morning sun rose again in the eastern sky though with it no hope came to Frodo's heart. His very soul ached to see her. Her face was sallow and her chestnut hair was soaked with sweat. The only thing that remained the same were her eyes. Her gaze, as it fell on him was filled with love and they shone with the youth and strength of life that he had come to adore so much.
"Frodo I have to tell you something" she said touching his face with her hand. "I… I…." She struggled to speak, her breathing laborious.
"I love you" she continued "I will always love you. It was a fortunate day that we met Frodo for fate held us in its hands and I am sure that it meant us to be together. Though we have been tried we have managed to come through and our love has grown stronger for the trials that we have faced. Though, my love, if it had not been for my own foolishness…" Frodo went to interrupted but she held up her hand to stop him. "Nay it was stupidity on my part that kept us separated for so long. Had I realised sooner that we were meant to be together then we would have shared more but now we shall never know and for that I am truly sorry. If I could turn back time I would never have wrote that letter, but every moment that we have shared since has been more perfect than life itself. Like a crystal that holds the light of life so the memories of our time will be held in my heart. Whatever happens remember that I am glad to have loved you, though it has been so short a time, I know that I would have sacrificed all for you. I love you Frodo and always will."
She let her head fall back to the pillow exhausted from her speech. Frodo wept hard holding both her hands in his own.
She spoke again but her voice was softer "I remember a wise and loving Hobbit once said to me 'Do not cry, for we have little time together and we should treasure it.' Then my tears were of happiness but heed your words Frodo, weep not for what we shall lose but be joyful for what we have had."
Frodo wiped the tears from his eyes. "How can I take my own advice when I feel that my heart is breaking. I cannot let you go Robin for I love you like I never loved another. You are going to make my life complete. We shall be happy at Bag End together and we may even have a child." Robin smiled at him touched by his innocence. "And that is why I love you my dear." She whispered "I have never known a Hobbit with so strong a soul and with so much hope."
"I had no hope at all until I met you Robin. You restored in me strength I thought I would never feel again and that is why I love you."
She ran her fingers lightly over his lingering sadly at the gap on his right hand "Frodo promise me something?" "Anything my love" His voice again cracking with tears.
"Never, never think what you have done has been in vain. Anytime you feel weary or sad just look around you and you will see what you have made happen. There would not be a Shire if it hadn't been for you. And remember there will always be Hobbits there for you that love you. Be at peace Frodo Baggins and please don't ever forget me" With that she kissed him and the memories of all the times they had shared flashed through his mind.
Laying back down she started coughing again and Frodo could tell that she was weakening fast.
"I shall never forget you Aewen i menel" he whispered in her ear, her tears mixing with his own. "Your spirit shall be joined with mine until the Valor choose that we shall meet again in body"
Robin closed her eyes and drifted back into quiet sleep. Frodo laid his head on her chest and listened to the sound of her heart beat until finally it stopped.
Frodo led for what he felt was an eternity. He could hear the sounds of the customers in the Inn and the children playing on the green outside. He rose at the sound of a knock on the door and Sam walking in. Frodo looked up at his friend and from the look on his face Sam knew. His eyes were swollen and red but there was an emptiness in them that Sam hadn't seen for a long time. Sam then looked at the bed were the body of Robin lay. Shakily he walked over to the bed then dropping to his knees he moaned into his hands.
"Nooo" he sobbed "This cannot happen"
Frodo remained silent, his body rigid though his heart called out for comfort. Sam then remembered his friend.
"Oh Frodo I am so sorry" he gasped through his tears "Poor Miss Robin…oh no… Master Peregrin's here… oh what shall we do?" He began rushing round the room, blind in his panic and grief, but Frodo remained quiet his hands still grasping Robins.
Then quietly he spoke "Sam…"
Sam knelt before him. Taking Frodo's hands from Robins he pressed them to his face, his salty tears washing over them.
"My dearest master and friend" Sam said hoarsely "Why do you not show the grief that you are surely feeling. It is ok to cry for her."
Frodo looked down and Sam perceived the darkness there, like lifeless windows looking out from a long deserted house.
"I cannot grieve for what I cannot accept" Frodo answered slowly "Robin is but asleep and when she wakens we shall be together again. His voice was devoid of emotion and his face was drawn and empty.
Sam's eyes grew wide as the force of Frodo's denial hit him and he knew he couldn't let his master continue this pretense to himself.
Rising he took hold of Frodo's shoulders, shaking him non-too gently.
"Now you listen to me" Sam said trying to sound firm while holding back his own tears. "This shouldn't have happened but it has and we are just going to have to face it. I feel so much sorrow inside but it must be nothing to what you are feeling. You cannot bottle it up Frodo, you will end up dying inside. I know it hurts but you must accept it, Robins gone" He looked pleadingly at Frodo begging silently for him to heed his words.
"Rob… Robin's… gone?" Frodo repeated and as he stared at Sam his sapphire blue eyes started to brim with tears.
Sam pulled Frodo into his embrace letting his friend and master open the well of emotion that had built up in his heart. Sam wept with him.
2 weeks had passed since Robin's death and the autumn of 1421 had grown cold and in Frodo's heart not least. Late one night Frodo called Sam into his study.
"Its Bilbo's birthday on Thursday, Sam" he said "I want you to see Rose and find out if she can spare you, so that you can see me on my way. I cannot stay here one more day as she is every where, reminding me that I cannot hold her. I must get away" Tears started in his eyes that Sam had grown all too accustomed to.
"I wish I could go with you to Rivendell, Frodo, I do not like that you will be alone" said Sam
"I am never alone Sam" Frodo replied quietly then more loudly he said "Poor Sam! It will feel like that, I am afraid. But you will be healed though I may never be"
It was 21st September when they set out together 1 day before Robin and Frodo would have been married. Frodo gave all his possessions to Sam including the Red Book whose last pages were left blank for Sam to finish the story. While riding through Woody End they met with the Lord Celeborn and the Lady Galadriel and Sam finally relalised that his master was leaving Middle Earth forever. They rode on to the Grey Havens where Gandalf was waiting with Shadowfax. There also were Merry and Pippin who Gandalf had brought to say farewell to their friend. Pip was the first to approach Frodo and he had tears in his eyes. "Frodo I do not pretend not to know the reason that you are leaving but surely you can see that time amongst your friends would be the best healing for you"
Frodo touched his face "My dearest Peregrin, long have we been friends and would I find a cure with you then verily I would stay. But deep are my wounds and not only of the heart though I feel that my heart will now never heal"
"But we all loved her too" replied Sam "But we have to stay here. Why cannot you stay to enjoy the Shire that you help save?"
"Do not be sad, Sam" Frodo replied turning to his best friend "You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole, for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do"
"But we would have you here with us" said Merry, his voice hoarse though no tears he shed. "Sam is right, there would be no Shire if it wasn't for you"
Frodo gazed at his friends but his look was far away as if remembering something that had past
"I know" he replied "I was told once that if I was to feel sad then to remember the Shire and I shall, though I leave it now to you."
Merry embraced his cousin. "Goodbye Frodo and remember the memory of Robin will stay alive in Middle Earth for she is always in our hearts"
Then Frodo kissed Pippin and last of all Sam and went aboard the great white ship that was to bear him to the west. The three friends gazed out onto the gray sea until all had passed into darkness.
After Sam had gone, Frodo resumed his vigil by Robin's bed until the morning sun rose again in the eastern sky though with it no hope came to Frodo's heart. His very soul ached to see her. Her face was sallow and her chestnut hair was soaked with sweat. The only thing that remained the same were her eyes. Her gaze, as it fell on him was filled with love and they shone with the youth and strength of life that he had come to adore so much.
"Frodo I have to tell you something" she said touching his face with her hand. "I… I…." She struggled to speak, her breathing laborious.
"I love you" she continued "I will always love you. It was a fortunate day that we met Frodo for fate held us in its hands and I am sure that it meant us to be together. Though we have been tried we have managed to come through and our love has grown stronger for the trials that we have faced. Though, my love, if it had not been for my own foolishness…" Frodo went to interrupted but she held up her hand to stop him. "Nay it was stupidity on my part that kept us separated for so long. Had I realised sooner that we were meant to be together then we would have shared more but now we shall never know and for that I am truly sorry. If I could turn back time I would never have wrote that letter, but every moment that we have shared since has been more perfect than life itself. Like a crystal that holds the light of life so the memories of our time will be held in my heart. Whatever happens remember that I am glad to have loved you, though it has been so short a time, I know that I would have sacrificed all for you. I love you Frodo and always will."
She let her head fall back to the pillow exhausted from her speech. Frodo wept hard holding both her hands in his own.
She spoke again but her voice was softer "I remember a wise and loving Hobbit once said to me 'Do not cry, for we have little time together and we should treasure it.' Then my tears were of happiness but heed your words Frodo, weep not for what we shall lose but be joyful for what we have had."
Frodo wiped the tears from his eyes. "How can I take my own advice when I feel that my heart is breaking. I cannot let you go Robin for I love you like I never loved another. You are going to make my life complete. We shall be happy at Bag End together and we may even have a child." Robin smiled at him touched by his innocence. "And that is why I love you my dear." She whispered "I have never known a Hobbit with so strong a soul and with so much hope."
"I had no hope at all until I met you Robin. You restored in me strength I thought I would never feel again and that is why I love you."
She ran her fingers lightly over his lingering sadly at the gap on his right hand "Frodo promise me something?" "Anything my love" His voice again cracking with tears.
"Never, never think what you have done has been in vain. Anytime you feel weary or sad just look around you and you will see what you have made happen. There would not be a Shire if it hadn't been for you. And remember there will always be Hobbits there for you that love you. Be at peace Frodo Baggins and please don't ever forget me" With that she kissed him and the memories of all the times they had shared flashed through his mind.
Laying back down she started coughing again and Frodo could tell that she was weakening fast.
"I shall never forget you Aewen i menel" he whispered in her ear, her tears mixing with his own. "Your spirit shall be joined with mine until the Valor choose that we shall meet again in body"
Robin closed her eyes and drifted back into quiet sleep. Frodo laid his head on her chest and listened to the sound of her heart beat until finally it stopped.
Frodo led for what he felt was an eternity. He could hear the sounds of the customers in the Inn and the children playing on the green outside. He rose at the sound of a knock on the door and Sam walking in. Frodo looked up at his friend and from the look on his face Sam knew. His eyes were swollen and red but there was an emptiness in them that Sam hadn't seen for a long time. Sam then looked at the bed were the body of Robin lay. Shakily he walked over to the bed then dropping to his knees he moaned into his hands.
"Nooo" he sobbed "This cannot happen"
Frodo remained silent, his body rigid though his heart called out for comfort. Sam then remembered his friend.
"Oh Frodo I am so sorry" he gasped through his tears "Poor Miss Robin…oh no… Master Peregrin's here… oh what shall we do?" He began rushing round the room, blind in his panic and grief, but Frodo remained quiet his hands still grasping Robins.
Then quietly he spoke "Sam…"
Sam knelt before him. Taking Frodo's hands from Robins he pressed them to his face, his salty tears washing over them.
"My dearest master and friend" Sam said hoarsely "Why do you not show the grief that you are surely feeling. It is ok to cry for her."
Frodo looked down and Sam perceived the darkness there, like lifeless windows looking out from a long deserted house.
"I cannot grieve for what I cannot accept" Frodo answered slowly "Robin is but asleep and when she wakens we shall be together again. His voice was devoid of emotion and his face was drawn and empty.
Sam's eyes grew wide as the force of Frodo's denial hit him and he knew he couldn't let his master continue this pretense to himself.
Rising he took hold of Frodo's shoulders, shaking him non-too gently.
"Now you listen to me" Sam said trying to sound firm while holding back his own tears. "This shouldn't have happened but it has and we are just going to have to face it. I feel so much sorrow inside but it must be nothing to what you are feeling. You cannot bottle it up Frodo, you will end up dying inside. I know it hurts but you must accept it, Robins gone" He looked pleadingly at Frodo begging silently for him to heed his words.
"Rob… Robin's… gone?" Frodo repeated and as he stared at Sam his sapphire blue eyes started to brim with tears.
Sam pulled Frodo into his embrace letting his friend and master open the well of emotion that had built up in his heart. Sam wept with him.
2 weeks had passed since Robin's death and the autumn of 1421 had grown cold and in Frodo's heart not least. Late one night Frodo called Sam into his study.
"Its Bilbo's birthday on Thursday, Sam" he said "I want you to see Rose and find out if she can spare you, so that you can see me on my way. I cannot stay here one more day as she is every where, reminding me that I cannot hold her. I must get away" Tears started in his eyes that Sam had grown all too accustomed to.
"I wish I could go with you to Rivendell, Frodo, I do not like that you will be alone" said Sam
"I am never alone Sam" Frodo replied quietly then more loudly he said "Poor Sam! It will feel like that, I am afraid. But you will be healed though I may never be"
It was 21st September when they set out together 1 day before Robin and Frodo would have been married. Frodo gave all his possessions to Sam including the Red Book whose last pages were left blank for Sam to finish the story. While riding through Woody End they met with the Lord Celeborn and the Lady Galadriel and Sam finally relalised that his master was leaving Middle Earth forever. They rode on to the Grey Havens where Gandalf was waiting with Shadowfax. There also were Merry and Pippin who Gandalf had brought to say farewell to their friend. Pip was the first to approach Frodo and he had tears in his eyes. "Frodo I do not pretend not to know the reason that you are leaving but surely you can see that time amongst your friends would be the best healing for you"
Frodo touched his face "My dearest Peregrin, long have we been friends and would I find a cure with you then verily I would stay. But deep are my wounds and not only of the heart though I feel that my heart will now never heal"
"But we all loved her too" replied Sam "But we have to stay here. Why cannot you stay to enjoy the Shire that you help save?"
"Do not be sad, Sam" Frodo replied turning to his best friend "You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole, for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do"
"But we would have you here with us" said Merry, his voice hoarse though no tears he shed. "Sam is right, there would be no Shire if it wasn't for you"
Frodo gazed at his friends but his look was far away as if remembering something that had past
"I know" he replied "I was told once that if I was to feel sad then to remember the Shire and I shall, though I leave it now to you."
Merry embraced his cousin. "Goodbye Frodo and remember the memory of Robin will stay alive in Middle Earth for she is always in our hearts"
Then Frodo kissed Pippin and last of all Sam and went aboard the great white ship that was to bear him to the west. The three friends gazed out onto the gray sea until all had passed into darkness.
