Title: Summer Rain Part 1/?
Author: Emily
Category: Spike/Dawn – if you don't like it then well don't read.
E-mail: emily.balls@tinyworld.co.uk
Disclaimer: If Dawn can't have Spike, can I have him? Lol, um anyway BtVS belongs to Joss, UPN, Mutant Enemy etc.
Distribution: Anywhere, just ask :)
Author's Notes: My first Dawn/Spike fic and I would love feedback.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Set in the summer after 'The Gift'
******
Part One
I saw him outside the house again tonight. He comes most nights, just stands there and waits. I don't know what he's waiting for. Her, I guess. Watching where she once was, where traces of her are everywhere and maybe, maybe if he really tries then he can imagine she's still there.
I used to do that. I went into her room and touched all of her belongings. Clothes, photos, jewellery. Sometimes I put the jewellery on as if by wearing it she'd somehow still be there. After a while I crammed into a drawer and left it there to rust.
Without her it didn't mean anything.
Sometimes I want to go out there and talk to him. But then I don't know what I'd say. Nothing would make it better, I know that. People talking about how brave and good Buffy was doesn't make the pain go away.
God, look at me. I'm sitting alone in my room and I'm crying and I didn't even realise it till now. Why I'm so worried about Spike I don't know. Or I do know and it's so stupid and trivial I don't want to admit it.
I should be worried about *me*. She was my sister. No, not in the normal simple way but in all the ways that matter.
I grab a tissue as I feel tears course down my cheeks. Furiously I wipe them away, and turn to the window for an escape from this. He's still there, blond hair gleaming under a street lamp. I look away from that because it's no escape.
I can't believe I still have a crush on him. I wish I didn't. It was okay to fantasise then that maybe one day Spike might like me. But now I can't. Now I know it's crazy. I know that he won't like me that way, or love me or any of those things. Not even because I'm fifteen and the Key. Just because simply he loved her. He probably still does. It hurts to think that so I won't write it.
I got a new diary, since I kind of went Carrie on all the old ones. It has pale cream pages and a blue silky cover, almost too pretty to write in. I bought it a week or so after it happened. *It*. God, I should be able to say it at least.
After she died.
The words are still as harsh and cold and unbelievably scary as they were at the time
I can't write about that. Anyway, this diary. I opened it and didn't know what to write. Where would I start? The Key? Glory? Buffy? Spike? I didn't know. In the end I didn't write about any of that, I wrote a couple of stupid lines about some movie.
It's not like I'm going to describe in minute detail everything that happened that night. Not about what happened because I know what happened. I was there, part of it and I saw it all. I'm not ever going to forget so why write it down?
Author: Emily
Category: Spike/Dawn – if you don't like it then well don't read.
E-mail: emily.balls@tinyworld.co.uk
Disclaimer: If Dawn can't have Spike, can I have him? Lol, um anyway BtVS belongs to Joss, UPN, Mutant Enemy etc.
Distribution: Anywhere, just ask :)
Author's Notes: My first Dawn/Spike fic and I would love feedback.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Set in the summer after 'The Gift'
******
Part One
I saw him outside the house again tonight. He comes most nights, just stands there and waits. I don't know what he's waiting for. Her, I guess. Watching where she once was, where traces of her are everywhere and maybe, maybe if he really tries then he can imagine she's still there.
I used to do that. I went into her room and touched all of her belongings. Clothes, photos, jewellery. Sometimes I put the jewellery on as if by wearing it she'd somehow still be there. After a while I crammed into a drawer and left it there to rust.
Without her it didn't mean anything.
Sometimes I want to go out there and talk to him. But then I don't know what I'd say. Nothing would make it better, I know that. People talking about how brave and good Buffy was doesn't make the pain go away.
God, look at me. I'm sitting alone in my room and I'm crying and I didn't even realise it till now. Why I'm so worried about Spike I don't know. Or I do know and it's so stupid and trivial I don't want to admit it.
I should be worried about *me*. She was my sister. No, not in the normal simple way but in all the ways that matter.
I grab a tissue as I feel tears course down my cheeks. Furiously I wipe them away, and turn to the window for an escape from this. He's still there, blond hair gleaming under a street lamp. I look away from that because it's no escape.
I can't believe I still have a crush on him. I wish I didn't. It was okay to fantasise then that maybe one day Spike might like me. But now I can't. Now I know it's crazy. I know that he won't like me that way, or love me or any of those things. Not even because I'm fifteen and the Key. Just because simply he loved her. He probably still does. It hurts to think that so I won't write it.
I got a new diary, since I kind of went Carrie on all the old ones. It has pale cream pages and a blue silky cover, almost too pretty to write in. I bought it a week or so after it happened. *It*. God, I should be able to say it at least.
After she died.
The words are still as harsh and cold and unbelievably scary as they were at the time
I can't write about that. Anyway, this diary. I opened it and didn't know what to write. Where would I start? The Key? Glory? Buffy? Spike? I didn't know. In the end I didn't write about any of that, I wrote a couple of stupid lines about some movie.
It's not like I'm going to describe in minute detail everything that happened that night. Not about what happened because I know what happened. I was there, part of it and I saw it all. I'm not ever going to forget so why write it down?
