The Pleasantville Strangler Strikes Again
Everybody is still standing in the same positions as in the last episode. A few seconds go by.
Merton: Okay, we've been standing here with shocked expressions for like five minutes, is anyone gonna comment on the situation.
Becky: You're the…you're the…
Becky faints; Merton and Tommy's eyes follow the body as it hits the ground. Merton turns to Tommy.
Merton: Well that was constructive.
(Theme Song)
Tommy is pacing back and forth.
Tommy: What are we gonna do?
Tommy starts to wolf out.
Tommy: This is bad.
Merton: Calm down Tommy, you're stressing too much.
Tommy: No I think I'm stressing just enough. Everybody who has found out I'm the werewolf has kept the secret, but Becky is the biggest gossip in town; tomorrow everyone will know. They're gonna burn me at the stake Merton, and you know how I don't like fire and stakes.
Merton: They're not gonna burn you at the stake.
Tommy: Then they're gonna hang me or dip me in boiling oil or something just as medieval.
Merton: They're not gonna do anything because she's not gonna tell.
Tommy: How do you know that?
Merton: Look, when she gets up will use plan A.
Tommy: I don't even know why we made plan A, Becky's never going to believe it was a dream.
Merton: Becky still believes I'm adopted.
Tommy: No, that's just her fondest wish.
INT: The Lair, A Little Later
Merton is looking on as Becky starts to get up.
Merton: Becky, wake up, you looked like you were having a bad dream.
She looks of screen to the right and screams in terror. Camera pans over to see a fully wolfed out Tommy. Merton looks over and sighs.
Merton: You know, it would have worked if you had just calmed down a little.
Tommy: Sorry.
Becky sits up and moves away from Tommy.
Tommy: Becky, don't freak out.
Becky lets out a scream that gets everyone off guard.
Merton: I believe he said DON'T freak out.
Tommy: Just calm down and let me explain…
Becky: Oh my god, you're the Pleasantville werewolf.
Tommy: Well yeah, there's that whole thing.
Becky: What are you doing in my house.
Tommy: Uh…Merton, could you field this one.
Becky looks to him for an answer.
Merton: Would you believe we both fight supernatural evil?
Becky: Well, maybe him.
Merton: So you're not freaked out anymore?
Becky: No I think I'm good now. So you can speak.
Tommy: Yeah, I kinda learned when I was two.
Becky: No, I mean you're a werewolf but you can communicate.
Tommy: Better than most.
Merton: Becky, we need to run something by you…
Becky gets up and starts to pull at the fur on Tommy's face.
Tommy: Ow!
Becky: This is so cool.
Merton: Yeah you're right, it is cool, and you know what would make it even cooler? Not telling anybody about it ever. Sound cool?
Becky: Are you gonna have to kill me if I don't.
Tommy: Well, we'll start with a strong reprimand.
Merton: I'm serious about this, you can't tell anybody.
Becky: Are you kidding? This is the biggest new since Shirley Newman stole the principal's car and drove it to Mexico. Wait till Ashley hears about this.
Tommy: No, Ashley can never hear about this.
Merton: If this got out…that was Shirley? Never mind, if this got out, Tommy will be in big trouble.
Tommy: Tell her about the lynching.
Merton: Long story short, he'll be lynched.
Tommy: I don't like lynch mobs.
Merton: I have to know I can trust you with this.
Becky (unconvincing): You can trust me.
Tommy and Merton share a look, your standard "Oh Shit" expression.
INT: Pleasantville Highschool
Tommy is walking down the hallway to his locker.
(Tommy's Inner Monologue)
Jeez, it seems like I haven't been to school in forever. Anyway, I've got another person in on the secret and things are generally on edge. This isn't one of those easy secrets like cheating on a test, this is a lynching secret and with Becky knowing, we'll just have to wait and see how it turns out.
Tommy gets to his locker and meets up with Merton.
Merton: Hey Tommy.
Tommy: Hey Merton, what's up?
Merton: I've been working.
Tommy: On what?
Merton: Damage control.
He hands Tommy a file folder.
Tommy: What's this? (He starts to leaf through the pages)
Merton: Pages from Becky's diary.
Tommy throws the folder down.
Tommy: What? I don't want to read these.
Merton: They're not to read Tommy, they're a bargaining chip to buy Becky's silence.
Tommy: Blackmail? That's low Merton, even for you.
Merton: What do you mean, even for me?
Tommy: You've been known to do some bad things to get what you want.
Merton: Give me one example.
Tommy: Well, let's see, you outed Tony Baldwin for being a football fan so you could get reelected as President of the Gothic Fantasy Guild, you yelled " Hey look, it's Sarah Michelle Geller!" at the SciFi convention to clear the room and get Bruce Campbell's autograph, and what about the time you said your Mom died to get out of gym that week?
Merton: I said give me ONE example. Besides, this isn't a want; it's a need. You don't want your secret to get out do you?
Tommy: Well no.
Merton: Than let me take care of it.
Tommy: You don't think she's told anyone yet, do you?
Merton: There's no way to tell, Tommy.
Merton leaves.
(TIM)
Maybe Merton's right, I don't feel good about it but maybe blackmail is necessary.
Tommy starts to look around. People pass by him and eye him suspiciously. He starts to sweat and walk down the hall incredibly nonchalant. He stops and laughs to himself.
(TIM)
I'm just being paranoid.
H starts to walk again.
Voice From Behind Him: Hey Tommy.
Tommy turns around and a girl runs up to him.
Tommy: Oh, hey Ashley.
Ashley: Hi, I was just wondering if you were going to the Factory tonight.
She starts to tilt her head to the side, looking for something in Tommy's hair.
Tommy: I don't know I might, Why?
He starts to move away from he inspection.
Ashley: No reason, just wondering. I'll be there.
Tommy: Really?
Ashley: Yeah.
She walks away. Tommy starts to check his hair to see what she was looking for. He runs his finger along the rim of his ear and is shocked to find that his ear has grown to a point ala wolfiness. He runs off in the direction Merton went.
Tommy: Merton!
INT: Mausoleum
Evil Merton sits on a crypt, picking his teeth with his gigantic claw fingers.
Voice From Off Screen: Listen man, I don't know what else I can do, just let me go.
Camera goes to what Merton's looking at, a bruised and beaten man, tied up in a chair. Merton gets up and goes over to the man.
E. Merton: I'm afraid I can't do that.
Guy: You have your scroll, what else do you want.
E. Merton: It's not about what I want anymore, it's what it wants.
Guy: It?
E. Merton: A demon that I've recently come to have inside of me.
Guy: I demon, right.
E. Merton: It's this demon that makes me keep you here as a continuous source of nourishment.
Evil Merton runs his finger on the guy's cheek to gets some blood on it. He then proceeds to lick his finger clean.
Guy: Dude, that's disgusting
E. Merton: You get used to it.
E. Merton's face begins to change into that of the guy's
Guy: What are you?
E. Merton: Oh that's rich, everything about the demon and the claws you buy, but shapeshifting throws you.
Guy: What do you want?
E. Merton: You mean other than to eat you?
Guy: Besides that?
E. Merton: I want a werewolf and his fun little mortal buddies dead.
Guy: And what do I have to do with that?
Evil Merton looks down at his new form.
E. Merton: Actually, you could help me out a lot.
INT: School Cafeteria
Merton sits at a table with his lunch, watching Becky in the lunch line, chatting with friends.
Merton: This would be a lot easier if I knew how to read lips.
Becky sits at a table with her friends and Merton bolts over.
Becky: So anyway, I have got to tell you guys…
Merton (Jumping into the conversation): Hey Becky.
Becky: What is it, freaker?
Merton: Could I talk to you?
Becky: No.
Merton: I really need to talk to you.
Becky: Well you can't.
Merton pulls Becky from the table and into a corner of the lunchroom.
Becky: Hey, rude much?
Merton: We have to talk.
Becky: Then talk, freaker.
Merton: I have certain incriminating material that you might be interesting.
He hands her the folder and she opens it.
Becky: This is my diary, how could you do this.
Merton: The same way I made several copies of your diary.
Becky: Why?
Merton: Leverage. You keep Tommy's secret and your crush on a certain Mathletics champion stays hidden.
Becky: I said I wouldn't tell anyone.
Merton: So that wasn't our little secret you were about to blab to your friends just then?
Becky: No.
Merton: Well now we understand that it never will be.
Becky: You are pure evil.
Merton: Mwahahas and all.
Becky: I will get you for this, I swear.
She walks back to her table in anger. Tommy runs up to Merton and he jumps.
Tommy: Merton, I think we have a problem.
Merton: Yeah, I might have made things worse with Becky for no reason.
Tommy: What are you talking about?
Merton: Nothing, I'll handle it. What's your thing?
Tommy: I think Ashley knows.
Merton: That's bad.
Tommy: Really? Cause I didn't think so.
Merton: Where is she now?
Tommy: I don't know, I don't think she has our lunch period.
Merton: We have to get to her before she talks to anybody.
Tommy: She said she was gonna be at the Factory tonight.
Merton: Good, better than nothing at least.
Tommy: How's Becky?
Merton: I don't know. I'm not sure if she's told or is about to.
Tommy: Find out.
Merton: I'm working on it.
Tommy: I don't want to be lynched, Merton.
Merton: You won't be, I have it all under control.
INT: Werewolf Syndicate
Pictures of Allison sit on the desk as Deirdre and Regis debate.
Regis: She's totally out of control and you let her go.
Deirdre: I know, I underestimated her.
Regis: Underestimated? You let a small girl who isn't even a full werewolf yet to run away.
Deirdre: Well placing blame won't help, maybe executing you for your insolence will.
Regis: What would that do?
Deirdre: It'd make me feel better.
Regis: We have to do something, damage control.
Deirdre: I'll send a scout out to retrieve her.
Regis: She'll be on her guard now.
Deirdre: She's just a girl.
Regis: Who managed to escape you with little effort.
Deirdre: I can't believe I let her get away.
Regis: Why do you want her so badly.
Deirdre: I see something in her, something I haven't seen in a long time.
Regis: If you want her that much, let me take care of it. I'll bring her to you.
Deirdre: Fine, but do it quickly.
Regis: Do you want it done fast or do you want it done right.
Deirdre: Fast.
(Pause)
Regis: You know something, don't you?
Deirdre: She's important.
Regis: To whom?
Deirdre: To the organization.
Regis thinks this over and the camera goes to the Werewolf Syndicate coat of arms on the wall.
INT: The Factory
Tommy sits at the bar, looking into the crowd. He sees Ashley and calls her over. She does and Tommy slips into his serious "we need to talk" face.
Ashley: Hey Tommy.
Tommy: Hello Ashley. I need to ask you something and I…
Ashley: Wait, this is like, my favorite song.
She starts to rock out to the music going on in the club.
Tommy: Ashley, I have something important to ask you about and it may sound a little weird.
Ashley: Do you like Tool?
Tommy: The band or an all-purpose tool.
Ashley: The band.
Tommy: Yeah, I guess. Look, this is serious.
Ashley: You want to dance?
Tommy: No I…have you talked to Becky Dingle at all today?
Ashley: Not today, why do you ask?
Tommy: No reason.
He sighs in relief.
Ashley: You know, your ear does the cutest little thing when you smile, it like twitches.
Tommy: It doesn't twitch.
He laughs.
Ashley: See, there it is.
He smiles again at the realization that his fears are unfounded.
Ashley: I need to ask you something now.
Tommy (A load off his back): Sure, what do you need?
Ashley: Do you think, maybe, you'd wanna go out sometime?
Tommy (struck dumbfounded): Um…
Off in the corner of the Factory, a shadowy figure watches Tommy.
INT: The Lair
Merton sits at his desk and types at the computer. Becky comes down the stairs.
Becky: Merton, dinner's ready.
Merton: Okay, thanks.
She starts to leave.
Merton: Becky, could you hold up a minute?
She stops.
Becky: What do you want.
Merton: Sit down.
She goes to the desk and sits down.
Becky: Find more evidence to blackmail me with?
Merton: Actually that's what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted to apologize about the whole diary thing.
Becky: Well you should be sorry.
Merton: I am.
Becky: How did you get into my diary anyway?
Merton: Junior Lock Pick Set, got it for my birthday when I was ten. I'm really sorry, I threw the pages away.
Becky: And the copies?
Merton: All of it.
Becky: I don't see why you couldn't just trust me, I wouldn't have told anybody.
Merton: What about Ashley?
Becky: I didn't tell Ashley.
Merton: Tommy seems to think she knows, he says she's been acting weird around him.
Becky: Oh. That's probably just because she's had a huge crush on him for years. I finally convinced her to go for it and ask him out this morning.
Merton: What?
Becky: Yeah, apparently she's like totally in love with the guy.
Merton: He gets a cheerleader and I get a witch.
Becky: What?
Merton: Huh? Oh nothing.
Merton's cell phone rings on the desk and he picks it up.
Merton: Dinglecom Enterprises, CEO Merton Dingle speaking.
Tommy (on the phone): What? Merton is that you?
Following scene intercut between Tommy on a pay phone and Merton on his cell phone.
Merton: Yeah, it's me, Tommy, what's up?
Tommy: Ashley doesn't know anything.
Merton: Yeah, I heard. Good going man, when are you guys going out?
Tommy: How the hell do you do that?
Merton: I have super powers too, ya know.
Tommy: How's everything on your end?
Merton: We're good, we can trust Becky with the secret.
She smiles at this.
Merton: Enjoy the night off man.
Tommy: I will. See ya later.
Merton: See ya.
Merton goes back to his conversation but Becky has already gotten up.
Merton: Where are you going.
Becky: Factory.
Merton: What about dinner.
Becky: I already ate.
Merton: Oh, say "hi" to Tommy for him.
Becky: What, are you two married or something?
Merton: Not yet, we're waiting to go to Vermont where it's legal.
Becky: You're retarded.
Merton: Bye.
Becky: See ya later.
She leaves via the new Lair door.
EXT: The Lair, Day
Becky walks out and onto the street. Evil Merton, in the supernatural guise of his hostage, runs up to her and stops her.
E. Merton: Wait up, you're Becky Dingle right?
Becky: Yeah.
E. Merton: Merton's sister?
Becky: Oh, you want him? He's inside.
She points back to the Lair.
E. Merton: Actually, I wanted to talk to you.
Becky: What about?
E. Merton: Well, it was about kidnapping you and using you as bait.
His face starts to morph and change until he is Merton-like again.
Becky: What the…
Evil Merton grabs Becky and starts to take her away against her will.
Becky: Help me!
E. Merton: Quiet.
Evil Merton snaps his fingers and a magic electric flare shoots out. Becky goes quiet, she continues to scream but no noise comes out.
E. Merton: Good girl.
He drags her into an alley and disappears.
Merton picks up the phone and dials a number. It rings a couple times and he hangs up when he hears the answering machine. He gets up, picks up his coat, and leaves the Lair.
INT: Mausoleum
Evil Merton bursts into the crypt with Becky in his grip. He puts her in a chair and chains her to it, next to the other guy.
Guy: Hi, how ya doin?
Becky: Fine I guess. I'd rather not be kidnapped but what are you gonna do?
E. Merton: That's the spirit.
Becky: Who or what are you?
E. Merton: Don't you recognize me?
Becky: You are not Merton. For one thing, you're much cooler than he is; recent kidnapping notwithstanding.
E. Merton: Thanks, and you're right; I'm not Merton.
Becky: Than who are you and why do you look like him?
E. Merton: To be honest, I don't even remember my name. Of course, my original body has been dead for so long, I suppose it doesn't matter.
Becky: You're undead?
E. Merton: Not exactly, more of an alien clone.
Becky: Ah, cause that makes more sense.
E. Merton: You don't have to be afraid, I have no need to kill you.
Becky: Well I have no need to kick you in the crotch but I really want to.
E. Merton: Well thank goodness for chains then. You know, now that I think about it, I may have to kill you if the situation gets bad. I'm kinda pulling this off on the fly.
Becky: And here I thought you'd had everything planned. You're insane, aren't you?
E. Merton: Yes, I'm afraid I am. My mind is composed of a rapidly decomposing mass of plant-like alien matter. It's driven me a bit peculiar to say the least.
Becky: That's just great. I'd say you'll never get away with this cause my brother and his friend will save me, but I'm guessing that's what you're counting on. Am I right?
E. Merton: You're a good guesser.
Becky: It's a gift.
There's a knock at the door and Merton goes to get it. HE opens the door and a very large unseen someone is behind it.
E. Merton: Ah, you're here. Come on in.
Becky's eyes go wide at the sight of the person we don't see.
EXT: Allison's Front Door, Night
Merton walks up to the front door and knocks on it. Allison's father opens the door and steps out when he sees Merton.
Allison's Father: Can I help you?
Merton: Yeah, my name's Merton, Allison's boyfriend, is she in?
Allison's Dad: oh my god, you don't know?
Merton: Why would I know?
Allison's Dad: She didn't come home last night, I assumed she was with you and just hadn't called.
Merton: I haven't seen her.
Allison's Dad: We have to find her, I'll call the police.
Merton: You do that, I'll be back in a while.
Allison's Dad: Okay.
He closes the door and Merton leaves.
INT: Junkyard, Night
Allison: So, what exactly are you anyway?
Allison is sitting on a pile of rubble. The Leader swoops into the camera's line of site and lands on another rubble pile near her.
Leader: It's a long story.
Allison: I've got time.
Leader: I doubt that.
Allison: Okay, if you won't talk about it, at least tell me how you survived. I saw you die.
Leader: You saw me covered in rocks and metal; that's not death.
Allison: I'd be gone if I were smashed like that.
Leader: Let's just say I was rescued by a friend.
Allison: This wouldn't happen to be a whispering ghostly friend, would it?
Leader: You are amazing.
Allison: I know.
Leader: You better get back, you've been away all day. You should get back to your boyfriend.
Allison laughs to herself.
Allison: It doesn't matter.
Leader: It does. If you ever want to survive in this town, you have to keep a low profile; keep up the appearance that you're nice and commonplace. I only wish I'd figured that out before.
Allison: But you seem to be all right.
Leader: Just go home, I'll keep in touch.
Allison: Really?
Leader: Well, not literally, of course.
Allison: See you soon.
She gets up and leaves.
INT: The Factory
Merton rushes into the front door and into the club. He looks through the crowd and sees Tommy talking to Ashley. He rushes over to them.
Merton: Hey Tommy, got a minute?
Tommy: Sure.
Merton pulls Tommy away from the table and to a deserted part of the room.
Merton: Allison's in trouble.
Tommy: What, how do you know?
Merton: She never came home last night.
Tommy: What are you thinking, clone related.
Merton: Maybe.
Tommy: Let me just say goodbye to my date and we'll go.
Merton: Okay, I'll meet you outside.
EXT: Outside The Factory, Night
Merton stands outside of the Factory, eventually, Tommy comes out.
Merton: You ready?
Tommy: Yeah, where are we going.
Merton: I figured we'd go back to the park, it's the last place I saw my double and I thought you might be able to pick up the scent.
Tommy: I don't know, maybe.
Merton: It's our only shot.
They run off screen. From out of the shadows behind them, a man comes out who had been spying and listening in on the conversation. His eyes glow yellow and he follows them.
EXT: The Park, Night
Tommy and Merton are looking around the park for clues.
Merton: Getting anything?
Tommy: Not yet.
Merton: Maybe we're too late and his scent has faded.
Tommy: No wait, I think I got something.
Tommy starts off in one direction and Merton follows him. Behind a tree, the werewolf stalks them. Behind him, Allison comes up and knocks him out.
EXT: Graveyard, Night
Tommy and Merton are searching around graves.
Merton: You sure you're getting something here?
Tommy: No, I'm just leading you on a wild goose chase.
Merton: It doesn't look like anything's here.
Tommy looks up and finally notices the Mausoleum.
Tommy: What about in there?
Merton: Where?
Tommy: That big crypt back there.
Merton: I feel a bit stupid right now.
INT: Mausoleum
The big stone door creeps open and Merton and Tommy enter.
Merton: Hello? Any creepy plant monsters in here?
Becky: Merton?
Merton: Becky? What are you doing here?
Becky: Not much. Got kidnapped.
Merton looks to Tommy for an explanation.
Tommy: Don't look at me.
Merton: You didn't talk to her at the Factory?
Tommy: She didn't come to the Factory.
Becky: I was too busy getting kidnapped.
Merton: Who did this to you?
Becky: Just some guy, about your height. Actually he looks a lot like you now that I think about it.
Merton: Clone?
Becky: Yep.
Tommy: So where is he?
Becky: Behind you.
Tommy and Merton jump and turn around to meet Evil Merton. Both Mertons draw up crossbows and have them aimed right at each other's heads.
Tommy (ever the mediator): Okay everyone, we've all got crossbows; let's just put them down and talk like rational adults.
E. Merton: I'd rather use the crossbow.
Merton: Me too.
Tommy: So at least we're agreeing on something.
Merton: I don't see how you expect to get out of here. It's two against one.
Becky: What about me.
Tommy and Mertons in unison: In a minute.
Becky: You guys suck.
E. Merton: I'm not exactly alone.
A shadow is cast over them.
E. Merton: I believe you've already met my friend.
Merton and Tommy stop in their tracks and stiffen up.
Merton: Becky, help me out, big monster?
Becky: Yep. Coulda helped ya if you'd untied me earlier.
Merton: Not helping.
They turn around and we finally see that it's the big green monster that fell out of the window in Werewolves vs. Modern Science.
E. Merton: This is Clive, I met him while running through the woods one night.
Merton: You know, for a big ugly monster, you sneak really well.
Monster: I practice, now would you kindly drop your weapons and get up against the wall?
Tommy: Sure man, whatever you say.
Merton: Wait a minute.
Merton reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Ken-like doll.
Tommy: Justin Timberlake doll?
Merton: My taser must be in my other jacket…and it's an action figure.
Tommy: Don't think we're not gonna talk about this later.
Merton throws the doll down.
E. Merton: You won't get a chance, Clive, get it over with and kill them.
Clive: Gotcha boss.
Clive leaps into an attack on Tommy, now wolfed out. Evil Merton walks up to Becky.
E. Merton: You know, he really does do good work.
Becky: What are you gonna do me?
E. Merton: I'm letting you go.
Becky: Really?
E. Merton: No, I'm gonna feed you to my monster, I was only fooling just then.
He unties Becky and lifts her to her feet. Becky reacts by punching Evil Merton and karate kicking him into the wall.
E. Merton: That wasn't totally unexpected.
Becky: Merton, heads up!
She reaches into her pocket and produces a taser.
Merton: So that's where it went.
Becky: Here.
She throws it to him and he slams it into Clive's back as he descends on Tommy. Clive comes up and turns around.
Clive: That hurt!
Merton jams the taser into his neck and he eventually drops. Evil Merton runs up and approaches the group.
E. Merton: You just can't find good help these days.
Merton: Hey, you're my clone right?
E. Merton: Yeah.
Merton: Which means you have all my weaknesses.
E. Merton: I suppose so.
Merton knees him in the crotch. Evil Merton goes down.
Tommy: Getting kicked in the nads is your weakness?
Merton: Like Kryptonite to Superman.
Evil Merton gets back up and launches after Tommy.
Tommy: Hey, watch it man.
Evil Merton grabs onto Tommy and drops his fangs.
E. Merton: Just a quick bite before I go.
Evil Merton sinks his teeth into Tommy and starts to drink. A few seconds later, he stops and spits out blood.
E. Merton: Ewww, no offense but that is some rat nasty blood.
Tommy: None takin.
E. Merton: Gotta go.
He breaks into a run with the other running after him.
EXT: The Graveyard, Night
Evil Merton runs out of the Mausoleum and into the graveyard. After a few steps, he stops and turns around to face the gang as they come out.
Merton (smiling suddenly): Something wrong?
E. Merton: I don't know, I seem to feel sick all of a sudden.
Merton: Maybe it's all that bad werewolf DNA you just put in your system.
Tommy: Yeah that's right, my blood killed the mamma plant, didn't it.
Merton: Killed it dead.
E. Merton: Oh no.
Merton: Oh yes.
Evil Merton starts to melt.
Tommy: Tough break man.
Merton: Eh, he had it coming.
The gang gets together and looks down at the dead mush.
Merton: Why did you have my taser?
Becky: I was going to use it with Mom and Dad to blackmail you into giving me my diary pages back.
Merton: I love you so much.
Becky: I love you too Merton.
Tommy: I'd hate to interrupt this loving moment but we still have a problem, we didn't find Allison.
Merton: I know, let's check back at the Lair, maybe she stopped in.
The gang leaves the Mausoleum and walks out of the Graveyard. Out of the shadows, Allison follows them.
INT: Werewolf Syndicate
The werewolf spy is reporting back to Regis.
Regis: Did you find her?
Spy: A little too easily. She jumped me when I was following Tommy Dawkins and his friend. It didn't seem like they knew where she was either.
Regis: Go back out, and don't come back until you find something.
Spy: Yes sir.
The spy leaves and Regis goes into Deirdre's office.
Regis: Deirdre?
Deirdre: Did you find her?
Regis: We're close.
Deirdre: You're lying.
Regis: Don't worry, everything is taken care of.
Deirdre: It better be.
INT: The Lair
Merton opens the door and the gang walks in. Allison is sitting on the desk.
Merton: Allison, where have you been?
Allison: I was just out.
Merton: You're parents are worried sick, have you been home?
Allison: Not in a while.
Merton: I can see you later, you should go to them.
Allison: Are you sure you don't need me for anything?
Merton: Nothings wrong anymore, go to the rents and let them know you're fine.
Allison: Sure.
Becky: Is this your girlfriend?
Merton: Yeah, I think you've met before.
Allison: Becky, right?
Becky: Yeah, hi.
Allison: Bye.
Allison slips out, passing Tommy by.
Tommy: Bye Ali.
She leaves.
Tommy: Did she seem weird to you?
Merton: Don't start, anything weird can wait till tomorrow.
Tommy: Probably nothing.
EXT: The Lair, Night
Allison walks out into the street. Close up on her face (not too close though). The Leader appears as if from nowhere, beside her and walks away with her.
EXT: The Graveyard, Night
Close up on the pile of mush. A purple mist rises from it and flows into the Mausoleum.
INT: Mausoleum
The mist first goes up to Clive, but moves away from it and into the ground. Mertons doll jumps up, moving like an actual person.
Doll: Oh bugger all, I'm a ghost again.
The suddenly bursts open and two guys in black suits rush in, supped up rifles drawn.
Guy 1: All clear!
Guy 2: Call a clean up crew.
Guy 2 uses his rifle to roll Clive on his back.
Guy 2: We've got one down.
Guy 1: Alive?
Guy 2: Not sure.
Clive suddenly opens his eyes and out of fear, Guy 2 blasts him to death with laser fire.
Guy 2: Dead now.
The strangler doll crawls up to Guy 1's leg and the life is sucked out of it and into the leg. The camera runs up the leg to the face. The man's eyes glow light purple until he puts a pair of Ray Bans on.
Strangler in Guy 1's Body: Let's go.
The two men walk out of the Mausoleum.
INT: Small Ratty Apartment
A fat, dirty guy leans back in a cut up La-Z-Boy, watching infomercials. Suddenly, the TV flicks to a different channel and a sharp looking man in a suit walks on screen (The TV screen).
Man on TV: Bernie?
Bernie (The Fat Dude): What?
Man: Bernie, I need you now.
Bernie: No!
Man: Don't push me, Bernie.
Bernie: Get outta my head!
The man crawls out of the TV and into Bernie's living room. He rips off his face like a rubber mask and reveals his true head, that of the deranged cable man Santini.
Santini: I told you I need you.
Bernie: What do you want?
Santini: Your head.
Bizarre CGI shot; Santini opens Bernie's mouth wider than physically possible and crawls into it. When he gets all the way in, Bernie gets up kicks in the TV screen.
Santini In Bernie's Body: Time to play again.
