Title: Summer Rain 7/?
Author: Emily
Category: Spike/Dawn
Disclaimer: The usual culprits.
Rating: PG 13
Feedback: You want more? Leave a review :)
Spoilers: The Gift, Bargaining maybe.
Part Seven
I spent the whole day waiting for some surprise thing. By eight I was kind of surprised that nothing had happened. A heck of a lot more time passed, it was nearly ten thirty and everyone carried on like a normal day, or night.
All of a sudden it hit me that they'd forgotten.
I guess I should have expected it, everyone has been so busy recently with trivial things just to keep their minds off the really big important things. Giles and Anya have been working in the shop 24/7 while Giles talks about leaving but never does, Willow and Tara have been researching magick non stop and the whole Buffybot thing too. Of course they forgot. Even though it was perfectly logical I was still upset.
I mean, you'd think they could remember just one little day out of 364, right? I know the only day they were remembering was that day a few weeks ago but I just wish they hadn't forgotten this one. Even a card would have been enough.
I looked around and suddenly Willow, Anya, Xander, Giles and Tara seemed like strangers. I slipped out quietly, knowing they wouldn't notice for a while.
As I walked I couldn't help thinking how this was exactly like the night Spike had kissed me. Maybe I should have expected him to show. That's what vampires do, I guess, lurk a lot.
He yelled my name across the street but I carried on like I hadn't heard.
***
"*Dawn*" I shouted for the third time and she reluctantly stopped and waited for me.
"What?" Dawn asked indifferently.
"You shouldn't be out here on your own."
She rolled her eyes.
"Remember a conversation about *not* walking alone in Sunnydale after dark?" I demanded.
"Yeah. Several million actually," She replied flatly.
"I'm serious Dawn!"
"So am I. You've given me that lecture several million times before."
"You shouldn't be out here on your own," I repeated, trying not to get angry with her, but damn the girl was aggravating.
"Why the hell not? Buffy always did," Dawn told me defiantly, moving her hands to her hips in a seemingly unconscious gesture.
"Buffy was the *Slayer*! You're not." I hardly noticed that Buffy's name hadn't made me want to throw myself on a stake as I carried on, "You're fourteen and –"
Dawn mumbled something, interrupting me.
"What?" I asked her.
"Fifteen. I'm fifteen."
"Since when?"
"Since today. It's my birthday" Dawn informed me unenthusiastically.
***
"Oh," Spike said and looked awkward. He peered at me through the darkness, the pale light from a street lamp reflecting on his face and then frowned slightly.
"Shouldn't you be unwrapping presents at some surprise Scooby party that isn't a surprise?"
I shrugged, "Probably. Except that they forgot"
"Not that it's a big deal." I added quickly trying not to sound upset, " I don't mind." I lied.
Spike raised an eyebrow, not buying that.
I sighed, "I just realised that I've never had a birthday before is all. I mean, yes I have but not really, not properly. Just some memories the monks shoved into my head. I remember when we came to Sunnydale, Mom rented out the carousel and Buffy and I rode it all day. And when I was eleven I watched "Nightmare on Elm Street" and was terrified for months. But I didn't really, it wasn't *real*. I don't know, I just wanted my first actual birthday to be somehow normal. Okay so things can't exactly be normal in Sunnydale and after…after what happened but it would have been nice to get a card and presents, to have just acted normal for a while without having to not mention her name or be so careful not to say the wrong thing."
"Dawn, you're allowed to say her name," Spike broke in.
"I can't, not in front of Willow and Xander and everyone. Everything gets awkward and nobody says anything and then they sit and wish that she wasn't dead. And I feel so guilty." The words spilled out of my mouth and I knew I shouldn't be saying all this, not to Spike but I couldn't help it and I had to tell someone.
"Guilty?" Spike demanded. "What do you have to feel guilty about, Bit?" He honestly looks like he doesn't know.
"She died for me! It was my fault. If it hadn't been for me, she would still be here. I should have jumped off that tower, not her," I told him, angrily.
"Dawn, Buffy made a choice. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have changed her mind and she would never have let you die."
"But she should have!" I protested. "I'm the Key, not her. I was supposed to die. Close the portal. It's what I was made for. She was supposed to live." Tears streaked down my face as I tried to explain.
He grabbed me by the shoulders and made me look at him. "Buffy was the Slayer. She knew that she would die young, that's what Slayers *do*. They don't grow old or get married and have children or any of the normal things. They fight and eventually they die. That's how it works. One dies, another is called. Buffy lived longer than most. At least she died for something worthwhile. She didn't die to save the world, or to kill some demon or vampire, she died for you. Buffy died for something that meant everything to her. She told Giles that if Glory killed you then she would have quit. If you want to think that this is your fault then go ahead, I can't bloody stop you but I'm telling you it wasn't."
I took a deep breath. "Okay," I said softly because some of that made sense. Buffy would have died eventually. I wish it hadn't been then and for me, but at least she lived to twenty. At least Buffy got to be in love, and graduate from High School and go to university and have the best friends she could ever have wanted. She had that.
Suddenly I wanted to cry again because I just realised that I had her, I had such a great sister. Even if she bossed me about and yelled at me for stealing her clothes and exposed me to horror movies when I was eleven, she was the best. I can't believe I had never realised this till now.
"Sorry," I told him, wiping my eyes. "I…I know you loved her."
He shrugged. "Maybe. Love's a funny thing," Spike informed me letting go of my shoulders.
I stared hard at him, what was that supposed to mean? Since when had obsessive claims to love Buffy accompanied with stalking turned into a maybe and a shrug?
He ignored my stare and took my arm and looked at my watch. "C'mon Nibblet, there's not much of your birthday left."
I peered at my watch too. Half past eleven.
Author: Emily
Category: Spike/Dawn
Disclaimer: The usual culprits.
Rating: PG 13
Feedback: You want more? Leave a review :)
Spoilers: The Gift, Bargaining maybe.
Part Seven
I spent the whole day waiting for some surprise thing. By eight I was kind of surprised that nothing had happened. A heck of a lot more time passed, it was nearly ten thirty and everyone carried on like a normal day, or night.
All of a sudden it hit me that they'd forgotten.
I guess I should have expected it, everyone has been so busy recently with trivial things just to keep their minds off the really big important things. Giles and Anya have been working in the shop 24/7 while Giles talks about leaving but never does, Willow and Tara have been researching magick non stop and the whole Buffybot thing too. Of course they forgot. Even though it was perfectly logical I was still upset.
I mean, you'd think they could remember just one little day out of 364, right? I know the only day they were remembering was that day a few weeks ago but I just wish they hadn't forgotten this one. Even a card would have been enough.
I looked around and suddenly Willow, Anya, Xander, Giles and Tara seemed like strangers. I slipped out quietly, knowing they wouldn't notice for a while.
As I walked I couldn't help thinking how this was exactly like the night Spike had kissed me. Maybe I should have expected him to show. That's what vampires do, I guess, lurk a lot.
He yelled my name across the street but I carried on like I hadn't heard.
***
"*Dawn*" I shouted for the third time and she reluctantly stopped and waited for me.
"What?" Dawn asked indifferently.
"You shouldn't be out here on your own."
She rolled her eyes.
"Remember a conversation about *not* walking alone in Sunnydale after dark?" I demanded.
"Yeah. Several million actually," She replied flatly.
"I'm serious Dawn!"
"So am I. You've given me that lecture several million times before."
"You shouldn't be out here on your own," I repeated, trying not to get angry with her, but damn the girl was aggravating.
"Why the hell not? Buffy always did," Dawn told me defiantly, moving her hands to her hips in a seemingly unconscious gesture.
"Buffy was the *Slayer*! You're not." I hardly noticed that Buffy's name hadn't made me want to throw myself on a stake as I carried on, "You're fourteen and –"
Dawn mumbled something, interrupting me.
"What?" I asked her.
"Fifteen. I'm fifteen."
"Since when?"
"Since today. It's my birthday" Dawn informed me unenthusiastically.
***
"Oh," Spike said and looked awkward. He peered at me through the darkness, the pale light from a street lamp reflecting on his face and then frowned slightly.
"Shouldn't you be unwrapping presents at some surprise Scooby party that isn't a surprise?"
I shrugged, "Probably. Except that they forgot"
"Not that it's a big deal." I added quickly trying not to sound upset, " I don't mind." I lied.
Spike raised an eyebrow, not buying that.
I sighed, "I just realised that I've never had a birthday before is all. I mean, yes I have but not really, not properly. Just some memories the monks shoved into my head. I remember when we came to Sunnydale, Mom rented out the carousel and Buffy and I rode it all day. And when I was eleven I watched "Nightmare on Elm Street" and was terrified for months. But I didn't really, it wasn't *real*. I don't know, I just wanted my first actual birthday to be somehow normal. Okay so things can't exactly be normal in Sunnydale and after…after what happened but it would have been nice to get a card and presents, to have just acted normal for a while without having to not mention her name or be so careful not to say the wrong thing."
"Dawn, you're allowed to say her name," Spike broke in.
"I can't, not in front of Willow and Xander and everyone. Everything gets awkward and nobody says anything and then they sit and wish that she wasn't dead. And I feel so guilty." The words spilled out of my mouth and I knew I shouldn't be saying all this, not to Spike but I couldn't help it and I had to tell someone.
"Guilty?" Spike demanded. "What do you have to feel guilty about, Bit?" He honestly looks like he doesn't know.
"She died for me! It was my fault. If it hadn't been for me, she would still be here. I should have jumped off that tower, not her," I told him, angrily.
"Dawn, Buffy made a choice. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have changed her mind and she would never have let you die."
"But she should have!" I protested. "I'm the Key, not her. I was supposed to die. Close the portal. It's what I was made for. She was supposed to live." Tears streaked down my face as I tried to explain.
He grabbed me by the shoulders and made me look at him. "Buffy was the Slayer. She knew that she would die young, that's what Slayers *do*. They don't grow old or get married and have children or any of the normal things. They fight and eventually they die. That's how it works. One dies, another is called. Buffy lived longer than most. At least she died for something worthwhile. She didn't die to save the world, or to kill some demon or vampire, she died for you. Buffy died for something that meant everything to her. She told Giles that if Glory killed you then she would have quit. If you want to think that this is your fault then go ahead, I can't bloody stop you but I'm telling you it wasn't."
I took a deep breath. "Okay," I said softly because some of that made sense. Buffy would have died eventually. I wish it hadn't been then and for me, but at least she lived to twenty. At least Buffy got to be in love, and graduate from High School and go to university and have the best friends she could ever have wanted. She had that.
Suddenly I wanted to cry again because I just realised that I had her, I had such a great sister. Even if she bossed me about and yelled at me for stealing her clothes and exposed me to horror movies when I was eleven, she was the best. I can't believe I had never realised this till now.
"Sorry," I told him, wiping my eyes. "I…I know you loved her."
He shrugged. "Maybe. Love's a funny thing," Spike informed me letting go of my shoulders.
I stared hard at him, what was that supposed to mean? Since when had obsessive claims to love Buffy accompanied with stalking turned into a maybe and a shrug?
He ignored my stare and took my arm and looked at my watch. "C'mon Nibblet, there's not much of your birthday left."
I peered at my watch too. Half past eleven.
