Sorry this Chapter took so long…. Anyway, here it is.
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Julian was frantic. He had spent the last hour running around the station, trying to find Jadzia. Gul Dukat had invaded the station; somehow he managed to beam onboard, and he was reeking havoc on the promenade. One of Quark's precious lobes had been blown off, and Rom had been knocked into a coma by a tricorder blow. He rounded a corner and arrived just in front of the infirmary. Then he saw Jadzia tearing up the stairs towards the Bajoran temple.
As Julian reached the temple, Gul Dukat himself appeared, not a hundred yards behind Jadzia.
"Jadzia! Behind you!" frantically shouted Julian, as he ran to aid her. But it was too late. As she whirled to face Dukat, he fired his phaser. She took it directly in the abdomen, and fell face down on the cold floor.
"No!!!!" Julian screamed, simultaneously going for Dukat's throat. In his pain, Julian sounded like a mix between a mortally wounded cat, and a vicious lion, about to kill its prey. They struggled hand to hand for a few minutes, which seemed like an eternity to Julian. Captain Sisko, Odo and O'Brien appeared on the promenade, just in time to see Julian lunge at Dukat. They were amazed that Julian had lasted this long against the incredibly powerful Dukat. O'Brien was about to go help Bashir, when Sisko held him back.
"He needs to deal with this himself." Sisko told him.
"But why Sir? He can't hold up much longer."
Sisko turned his head toward Dax. He seemed to be the only one who deduced the situation, but he was too much in shock to call for a nurse to help Dax. O'Brien followed the Captain's gaze, and immediately became somber. He knew better than anyone that Julian was in love with Jadzia, and felt as the Captain did, that Julian should deal with Dukat himself; as long as could that is.
Under normal circumstances, Julian would long ago have succumbed to Dukat's power, but now, with fear for Jadzia, and despicable hatred for Dukat on his side, he had almost superhuman strength. He could feel Dukat straining against him, and took advantage of the opportunity to place his hands around the Cardassian's throat. He squeezed with every ounce of his being. He must do this quickly, Jadzia might still be alive and he was the only one who could help her. Dukat was weakening, and fell to his knees, gasping for breath. All the will for peace was gone from Julian, he only desired to see this pig punished by death, and if he was the executioner, so much the better.
"He's really going to kill him." Sisko said to no one in particular.
"I believe he is Sir." said O'Brien. He was not about to stop Julian. One less Cardy in the world would be a blessing.
Sisko finally snapped out of it. "I want Dukat alive. He's of no use to us dead." A security team immediately tried to separate Julian and Dukat. It was not easy, for Julian had an iron grip on Dukat's throat, causing the veins to bulge out on his face. He was very near death, and the team released him from Julian just in time. He keeled over, unconscious.
Once Dukat was out of Julian's sight, he rushed over to the forgotten Jadzia. Not many had noticed her, and those that had were too shocked to do anything. She was still lying on her face, and Julian rolled her over, placing her head tenderly in his lap. A few tears of anguish escaped from his eyes and dropped on Jadzia's neck. He felt for her pulse, and joyfully shouted: "She's alive!" to everybody. He immediately tried to put his feelings aside, and become the doctor again. He ran a tricorder over her, and examined her wound, which was very serious. He didn't bother to call for a stretcher, but very gently picked Jadzia up and carried her across the way to the infirmiry. *If anything happens to her, I'll kill myself* he thought on the way. He placed her on a surgical biobed, not noticing that Sisko and O'Brien had followed him in. Odo was cleaning up the mess on the promenade. A nurse was put in charge of Dukat, and she soon had him out of danger.
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An hour later, Julian was no farther along than before. Jadzia had still not woken up, and her life signs were not very strong. He refused to admit it to himself, but it was very unlikely that Jadzia would survive this. He was about to give her a stimulant, when he remembered Dax. Somehow he always seemed to forget about the symbiont. It was difficult for him to view Jadzia as two separate beings. He ran a tricorder over her abdomen to analyze Dax's condition, and was horrified at what he found. The symbiont was injured, and was draining energy from Jadzia's system. If he didn't remove Dax, Jadzia would die of chemical depletion, but if he did remove Dax, she would die of neural failure; unless he could find a way to restore her neural functions without the symbiont. It had never been done before, even by Trill physicians who spent their entire lives researching the problem. Julian tried again and again to stop Dax from feeding off Jadzia, but without success. He didn't know what to do.
"Captain, I need to speak with you." Julian said, in a tired voice. After he had told all that was going on, Benjamin said:
"If you remove Dax from Jadzia's body, what are the chances of survival for both?"
"That's hard to say. A separation's never been done before, so I really don't know the odds. I'd guess about a hundred thousand to one." He said gloomily," For Dax, all we'd have to do is place it in stasis after healing it's wound, then send it to Trill for a new host body. It's not that complicated."
"I really don't see another option Dr. We are obliged by the Trill treaty to do all in our power to save the symbiont. We must remove it from Jadzia." Sisko held up his hand, as Julian was about to say something, "I don't care more about Dax than I do about Jadzia, but we must preserve peace with Trill I have full confidence in your ability to save Jadzia, Dr.. I have not forgotten the many lives you've saved through your marvelous work."
"Very well, Captain. I will do my best." Julian said gloomily. He prepared a stasis chamber for Dax, called two nurses, and set to work. He healed the external burns and scarring from Jadzia's stomach, and removed the symbiont. Through the whole procedure, Julian was reminded of the time when Verad had forced him to transplant Dax. It was the most difficult thing he had ever done. Now, this was infinitely more difficult because he was going in blind. *Wait, I know what to do. I have to attach a neural stabilizer to her cerebral cortex, and replace the nerves that Dax was attached to. Then I must stimulate her brain functions and monitor their alpha wave patterns. I'll reattach the new nerves to her spinal column, and that should do it. * He felt satisfied that he knew how to proceed, but then, *How do I know this? I couldn't have read about it, it doesn't exist. * Then other things crept into his mind. A strange looking shuttle, dreams, dead Trill, a young Trill girl, he somehow associated with Dax. *Oh well, I'll take advantage of this while I can. It seems like it should work. *
Julian gathered together all the things he would need for the operation, and was surprisingly calm, considering his feelings. After about four hours straight, he sent one of the nurses to report to Sisko that he would not be done for quite some time. The surgery was taking an incredibly long time. Between keeping Jadzia alive, and regenerating her systems, it would probably not be done in less than twenty hours, maybe more.
More time passed. When Julian looked at the life support monitor, he let out a gasp. Jadzia's life signs had started to stabilize.
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Captain Sisko woke up, dressed, and headed for the promenade. It was the morning after the Dukat incident, and Benjamin was anxious to see how Jadzia was, if she were still alive. He approached the infirmary just in time to meet Major Kira coming out.
"How is she, Nerys?" He asked.
"Well, she's alive. I don't know much more than that. Julian's still operating on her."
"But he started almost thirty hours ago! Has he had a rest?" Sisko exclaimed in surprise.
"No. The nurses have been changed five or six times, but Julian hasn't even sat down. I think his adrenaline is working overtime here."
"He's insane." Sisko said.
"He's in love. Maybe that's the same thing." said Kira with a dry smile.
"Is he really? I thought it was just a game between them."
"Isn't it obvious? Besides, he's her closest friend.. I think his devotion's sweet."
Benjamin slightly frowned when Nerys said this. Catching his thoughts, Kira said:
"Captain, she's not Curzon anymore. She's only half Dax, and the rest of her is Jadzia. She is a separate person than Curzon."
"You're right, I know. Sometimes it's just hard to let go of the past." Benjamin sighed.
"That's what the present is for. Jadzia could be just as good a friend as Curzon was if you let her. Maybe better. She has values." Kira grinned, while Benjamin laughed, both relieved that the tension was gone. Just as they finished talking, Julian stepped into the anteroom of the infirmary.
"Julian, how is she?" they both asked at the same time.
"I am overjoyed to say that her vital signs are stable. I have great hopes that my surgery was successful. I gave her a neural sedative to help her adjust to the unjoining, so she won't be awake for a few days." Despite his exuberant appearance, Julian looked exhausted. He became more serious as he said:" Of course, there's still a chance she won't accept the new nerves, and her brain might try to compensate by releasing adrenaline,...which would cause a hemorrhage. I have a constant watch on her, and the slightest change will be treated immediately."
"What are her chances?"
"I'd say a good seventy percent." He said, trying to suppress a yawn.
"I knew I could count on you Dr. I will personally make certain that your achievement is recognized." Said Sisko with pride.
"Please don't be too certain just yet. I don't know how Jadzia will react to the nerve implants. When she wakes up, she may not remember anything since her joining. She may not want to live without Dax." he said gloomily.
"I know Jadzia, and she would want to live no matter what. She'll adjust to the change, and be happy." said Kira adamantly.
"Dr., when was the last time you had something to eat and a rest? asked Sisko.
"Oh I don't know. Yesterday sometime; I can't remember exactly."
"Go eat and take a nap. You won't be useful to Jadzia if you fall asleep on her. That's an order."
I guess you're right Captain. I'll replicate something, and rest in the infirmary."
"Maybe you should go to your quarters." said Kira
"I really prefer to be near Jadzia. Something might happen, and I've got to be there."
"Very well Dr. I'll see you later. " said Captain Sisko.
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Three days later, Jadzia woke up. She was groggy, and sometimes incoherent, but very much alive. Luckily, Julian was at her side when she awoke, so he could give her a pain suppressant immediately. He didn't know if she would remember him or not, so he was very gentle with her, and didn't say a word. When she finally came out of the stupor, and was able to think more clearly, she looked up and saw Bashir sitting on a raised stool next to her.
"Julian..." she mumbled. She was confused, and something didn't feel right. Dax! Dax was gone, it wasn't there inside her. She felt afraid and didn't know what to do.
Julian was elated that she remembered him. Maybe she would remember other things as well.
"Julian.." she said again. "What happened to me? Where's Dax?" She started trembling, and Julian took her hand in his.
"It's going to be ok Jadzia. What do you remember?"
"I...Gul Dukat..I think he shot me. It's all a blank since then. But what happened to Dax?" she was almost panicking. She felt so empty and alone.
Julian spoke very gently and slowly," Dukat shot you point blank in the abdomen. Dax was injured. It was draining all of your nutrients, and if we didn't remove it, you would both die. Dax was placed in stasis. You underwent an experimental surgery to safely unjoin you from Dax. So far it's been successful." He didn't to tell her that Dax was in its way to Trill for a new host body, and that she could never again be joined. Not yet anyway.
"Julian, I'm afraid. I feel so lonely." she was getting groggy again.
"I won't leave you Jadzia. I'll be right her whenever you need me."
Then she dropped off to sleep again, Julian still holding her hand. He would make sure that no one told her that he invented the surgery. He didn't want her to be angry with him for removing Dax, or grateful either, for saving her life. He felt sad for Jadzia. He knew that it would be hard for her without Dax, but she was strong and independent. She would adjust, maybe even like being her own person again. He only hoped that something could fill her emptiness and make her feel less alone. *Perhaps I can* thought Julian, hoping that he didn't have too much confidence in his abilities.
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Another few days and Jadzia was feeling well enough to have visitors. Captain Sisko was the first to see her, and gave her a big hug when he came in.
"How are you old man?" He said with a grin.
"Better. You can't really call me old man anymore though." She said with a note of sadness in her voice.
"Sure I can, if I want to. That is, if it's ok with you. You're not a different person than you were."
"I guess not. I just feel,..empty. I remember everything; all their memories are still with me. But I can't talk with them anymore; I don't have their confidence. I feel alone and afraid."
"It will be fine Jadzia. You have many friends, and we'll take care of you. It won't be any different than before." said Sisko.
"But you were Curzon's friend, and now he's gone."
"Curzon has been dead for some time now. I am Jadzia's friend now." he smiled at her.
"Thank you Benjamin. I needed that. But what's going to happen to me? A Trill has never been unjoined before. What will the Symbiosis board to with me? Am I even fit to be the science officer anymore?"
"Of course you're fit. You gained all your knowledge prior to the joining. I will do everything in my power to keep you here. We need you."
"I would really love to stay. I couldn't bear to leave everyone, you, Nerys, and Julian." Her voice dwelled on Julian's name more than the others. She felt something for him, but she couldn't quite understand it.
"I am very proud of Julian. It is a privilege to have him serve here. After what he did for you, I'm sure you don't want to leave him." Sisko didn't know the she hadn't been told of Julian's achievement.
"Did for me? Do you mean how he saved my life?"
"Of course." He said with a puzzled look. "That surgery he developed is amazing."
"He developed it? He said it was an experimental surgery he just tested on me."
"You mean he didn't tell you? I'm sorry, I should have been more careful."
"It's too late, you'll have to tell me now." she said.
" We had to make a choice. It was you or Dax, but Julian wouldn't settle for that. He thought of a way to replace the nerves that Dax joined with, and reconfigure your neural patterns so you could live safely without the symbiont. I don't fully understand it myself, but he spent over thirty hours non-stop operating on you. He's quite an amazing person." Benjamin said proudly.
Jadzia could only stare at Benjamin and gasp. Julian had brushed it all off as some lucky coincidence, and had never let on that he did it all himself. Suddenly, she felt immeasurably grateful to be alive. After all, she had been annoyed with Dax lately; she could get used to being without it. She even felt a new sense of freedom; she could make her own decisions and mistakes, without having to depend on someone else's life experience to guide her. For some reason, she suddenly thought how strange it was to be a year younger than Julian, instead of a few centuries older.
"Thank you for telling me Benjamin. I had a right to know."
"I don't think Julian will appreciate it very much."
"I'll be able to handle him when he finds out that I know. He probably didn't want me to feel grateful to him. Or angry." she said.
"I'll leave you now to rest. You have to get strong enough to finish that Tandelorian bio report." Sisko said with a grin as he walked out of the infirmiry."
A few minutes later, Major Kira came in with a friendly greeting.
"It's really good to see you Jadzia. The station wouldn't be the same without you."
"Thanks Nerys. I feel a lot better today. Julian thinks I might start walking tomorrow."
"That is good news. The Captain just told me that you know what Julian did."
"Yes, and I feel so grateful to him. He just doesn't give up does he. He never did. Remember that time he tried to save the little Tylithian mouse? When it died, he was sad for days."
"You're a lot more important to him than a mouse, so it's not surprising that he did what he did. Jadzia, you may not want to hear this, but I think you should know anyway. He's in love with you. It's pretty obvious when you really stop and think about it."
"Are you sure it's not just a passing..thing?" Jadzia asked with some anxiety.
"I really don't think so. He's been in love with you since you first came to the station."
"But what about Melora Kaszler? He was in love with her."
"I don't think so. You were pretty busy then, and kind of ignoring him. I think he just needed company, and Melora was interested in him. Anyway, that was a long time ago. What matters now are your feelings. Is he still just a good friend? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just don't want to see him disappointed anymore."
"Nerys, I don't...oh what's the use. I have to tell somebody." Jadzia then told Kira what she had been feeling for Julian, and about Dax's warnings. "I'm all confused. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I'm really in love with him. What should I do?"
"You have to decide that yourself. In my opinion, you ARE in love with him. Confusion is the first sign."
"And how would you know?" Jadzia said grinning. "I bet you haven't been in love since you were a kid."
"You'd be surprised." Kira said in low tone while blushing.
"Was it Shakar? I know you hung around him a lot while he was here."
"Not really. At the time I thought I was, but I soon found out he was really a jerk. But how did this conversation turn to me anyway?"
Jadzia's matchmaking mischief was at work, and she quickly thought of something that at once surprised and pleased her.
"Odo! It's Odo, isn't it? Does he know?"
"How did you...wait a minute...you're not going to trap me into saying anything."
"You just gave yourself away Nerys. It IS Odo. When did it happen?"
"I guess you caught me." Kira said, looking sheepish." I don't know exactly. It just happened. Do you think he has feelings for me, Jadzia?" She asked, half-afraid of the answer.
"I think he does. He's very attached to you. Remember how he acted when you were transferred off the station? Quark once told me that Odo actually tore up his quarters when you going with Shakar."
"Really? So you think I have a chance?"
"I'd say you have a very good one." Jadzia said with a smile.
"Thanks Jadzia. See, things aren't any different than before, are they."
"No, I guess they aren't." She said, feeling more contented than she had in years. Kira left the infirmiry, with a bounce in her stride, feeling very happy for Jadzia and for herself…
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Julian was frantic. He had spent the last hour running around the station, trying to find Jadzia. Gul Dukat had invaded the station; somehow he managed to beam onboard, and he was reeking havoc on the promenade. One of Quark's precious lobes had been blown off, and Rom had been knocked into a coma by a tricorder blow. He rounded a corner and arrived just in front of the infirmary. Then he saw Jadzia tearing up the stairs towards the Bajoran temple.
As Julian reached the temple, Gul Dukat himself appeared, not a hundred yards behind Jadzia.
"Jadzia! Behind you!" frantically shouted Julian, as he ran to aid her. But it was too late. As she whirled to face Dukat, he fired his phaser. She took it directly in the abdomen, and fell face down on the cold floor.
"No!!!!" Julian screamed, simultaneously going for Dukat's throat. In his pain, Julian sounded like a mix between a mortally wounded cat, and a vicious lion, about to kill its prey. They struggled hand to hand for a few minutes, which seemed like an eternity to Julian. Captain Sisko, Odo and O'Brien appeared on the promenade, just in time to see Julian lunge at Dukat. They were amazed that Julian had lasted this long against the incredibly powerful Dukat. O'Brien was about to go help Bashir, when Sisko held him back.
"He needs to deal with this himself." Sisko told him.
"But why Sir? He can't hold up much longer."
Sisko turned his head toward Dax. He seemed to be the only one who deduced the situation, but he was too much in shock to call for a nurse to help Dax. O'Brien followed the Captain's gaze, and immediately became somber. He knew better than anyone that Julian was in love with Jadzia, and felt as the Captain did, that Julian should deal with Dukat himself; as long as could that is.
Under normal circumstances, Julian would long ago have succumbed to Dukat's power, but now, with fear for Jadzia, and despicable hatred for Dukat on his side, he had almost superhuman strength. He could feel Dukat straining against him, and took advantage of the opportunity to place his hands around the Cardassian's throat. He squeezed with every ounce of his being. He must do this quickly, Jadzia might still be alive and he was the only one who could help her. Dukat was weakening, and fell to his knees, gasping for breath. All the will for peace was gone from Julian, he only desired to see this pig punished by death, and if he was the executioner, so much the better.
"He's really going to kill him." Sisko said to no one in particular.
"I believe he is Sir." said O'Brien. He was not about to stop Julian. One less Cardy in the world would be a blessing.
Sisko finally snapped out of it. "I want Dukat alive. He's of no use to us dead." A security team immediately tried to separate Julian and Dukat. It was not easy, for Julian had an iron grip on Dukat's throat, causing the veins to bulge out on his face. He was very near death, and the team released him from Julian just in time. He keeled over, unconscious.
Once Dukat was out of Julian's sight, he rushed over to the forgotten Jadzia. Not many had noticed her, and those that had were too shocked to do anything. She was still lying on her face, and Julian rolled her over, placing her head tenderly in his lap. A few tears of anguish escaped from his eyes and dropped on Jadzia's neck. He felt for her pulse, and joyfully shouted: "She's alive!" to everybody. He immediately tried to put his feelings aside, and become the doctor again. He ran a tricorder over her, and examined her wound, which was very serious. He didn't bother to call for a stretcher, but very gently picked Jadzia up and carried her across the way to the infirmiry. *If anything happens to her, I'll kill myself* he thought on the way. He placed her on a surgical biobed, not noticing that Sisko and O'Brien had followed him in. Odo was cleaning up the mess on the promenade. A nurse was put in charge of Dukat, and she soon had him out of danger.
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An hour later, Julian was no farther along than before. Jadzia had still not woken up, and her life signs were not very strong. He refused to admit it to himself, but it was very unlikely that Jadzia would survive this. He was about to give her a stimulant, when he remembered Dax. Somehow he always seemed to forget about the symbiont. It was difficult for him to view Jadzia as two separate beings. He ran a tricorder over her abdomen to analyze Dax's condition, and was horrified at what he found. The symbiont was injured, and was draining energy from Jadzia's system. If he didn't remove Dax, Jadzia would die of chemical depletion, but if he did remove Dax, she would die of neural failure; unless he could find a way to restore her neural functions without the symbiont. It had never been done before, even by Trill physicians who spent their entire lives researching the problem. Julian tried again and again to stop Dax from feeding off Jadzia, but without success. He didn't know what to do.
"Captain, I need to speak with you." Julian said, in a tired voice. After he had told all that was going on, Benjamin said:
"If you remove Dax from Jadzia's body, what are the chances of survival for both?"
"That's hard to say. A separation's never been done before, so I really don't know the odds. I'd guess about a hundred thousand to one." He said gloomily," For Dax, all we'd have to do is place it in stasis after healing it's wound, then send it to Trill for a new host body. It's not that complicated."
"I really don't see another option Dr. We are obliged by the Trill treaty to do all in our power to save the symbiont. We must remove it from Jadzia." Sisko held up his hand, as Julian was about to say something, "I don't care more about Dax than I do about Jadzia, but we must preserve peace with Trill I have full confidence in your ability to save Jadzia, Dr.. I have not forgotten the many lives you've saved through your marvelous work."
"Very well, Captain. I will do my best." Julian said gloomily. He prepared a stasis chamber for Dax, called two nurses, and set to work. He healed the external burns and scarring from Jadzia's stomach, and removed the symbiont. Through the whole procedure, Julian was reminded of the time when Verad had forced him to transplant Dax. It was the most difficult thing he had ever done. Now, this was infinitely more difficult because he was going in blind. *Wait, I know what to do. I have to attach a neural stabilizer to her cerebral cortex, and replace the nerves that Dax was attached to. Then I must stimulate her brain functions and monitor their alpha wave patterns. I'll reattach the new nerves to her spinal column, and that should do it. * He felt satisfied that he knew how to proceed, but then, *How do I know this? I couldn't have read about it, it doesn't exist. * Then other things crept into his mind. A strange looking shuttle, dreams, dead Trill, a young Trill girl, he somehow associated with Dax. *Oh well, I'll take advantage of this while I can. It seems like it should work. *
Julian gathered together all the things he would need for the operation, and was surprisingly calm, considering his feelings. After about four hours straight, he sent one of the nurses to report to Sisko that he would not be done for quite some time. The surgery was taking an incredibly long time. Between keeping Jadzia alive, and regenerating her systems, it would probably not be done in less than twenty hours, maybe more.
More time passed. When Julian looked at the life support monitor, he let out a gasp. Jadzia's life signs had started to stabilize.
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Captain Sisko woke up, dressed, and headed for the promenade. It was the morning after the Dukat incident, and Benjamin was anxious to see how Jadzia was, if she were still alive. He approached the infirmary just in time to meet Major Kira coming out.
"How is she, Nerys?" He asked.
"Well, she's alive. I don't know much more than that. Julian's still operating on her."
"But he started almost thirty hours ago! Has he had a rest?" Sisko exclaimed in surprise.
"No. The nurses have been changed five or six times, but Julian hasn't even sat down. I think his adrenaline is working overtime here."
"He's insane." Sisko said.
"He's in love. Maybe that's the same thing." said Kira with a dry smile.
"Is he really? I thought it was just a game between them."
"Isn't it obvious? Besides, he's her closest friend.. I think his devotion's sweet."
Benjamin slightly frowned when Nerys said this. Catching his thoughts, Kira said:
"Captain, she's not Curzon anymore. She's only half Dax, and the rest of her is Jadzia. She is a separate person than Curzon."
"You're right, I know. Sometimes it's just hard to let go of the past." Benjamin sighed.
"That's what the present is for. Jadzia could be just as good a friend as Curzon was if you let her. Maybe better. She has values." Kira grinned, while Benjamin laughed, both relieved that the tension was gone. Just as they finished talking, Julian stepped into the anteroom of the infirmary.
"Julian, how is she?" they both asked at the same time.
"I am overjoyed to say that her vital signs are stable. I have great hopes that my surgery was successful. I gave her a neural sedative to help her adjust to the unjoining, so she won't be awake for a few days." Despite his exuberant appearance, Julian looked exhausted. He became more serious as he said:" Of course, there's still a chance she won't accept the new nerves, and her brain might try to compensate by releasing adrenaline,...which would cause a hemorrhage. I have a constant watch on her, and the slightest change will be treated immediately."
"What are her chances?"
"I'd say a good seventy percent." He said, trying to suppress a yawn.
"I knew I could count on you Dr. I will personally make certain that your achievement is recognized." Said Sisko with pride.
"Please don't be too certain just yet. I don't know how Jadzia will react to the nerve implants. When she wakes up, she may not remember anything since her joining. She may not want to live without Dax." he said gloomily.
"I know Jadzia, and she would want to live no matter what. She'll adjust to the change, and be happy." said Kira adamantly.
"Dr., when was the last time you had something to eat and a rest? asked Sisko.
"Oh I don't know. Yesterday sometime; I can't remember exactly."
"Go eat and take a nap. You won't be useful to Jadzia if you fall asleep on her. That's an order."
I guess you're right Captain. I'll replicate something, and rest in the infirmary."
"Maybe you should go to your quarters." said Kira
"I really prefer to be near Jadzia. Something might happen, and I've got to be there."
"Very well Dr. I'll see you later. " said Captain Sisko.
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Three days later, Jadzia woke up. She was groggy, and sometimes incoherent, but very much alive. Luckily, Julian was at her side when she awoke, so he could give her a pain suppressant immediately. He didn't know if she would remember him or not, so he was very gentle with her, and didn't say a word. When she finally came out of the stupor, and was able to think more clearly, she looked up and saw Bashir sitting on a raised stool next to her.
"Julian..." she mumbled. She was confused, and something didn't feel right. Dax! Dax was gone, it wasn't there inside her. She felt afraid and didn't know what to do.
Julian was elated that she remembered him. Maybe she would remember other things as well.
"Julian.." she said again. "What happened to me? Where's Dax?" She started trembling, and Julian took her hand in his.
"It's going to be ok Jadzia. What do you remember?"
"I...Gul Dukat..I think he shot me. It's all a blank since then. But what happened to Dax?" she was almost panicking. She felt so empty and alone.
Julian spoke very gently and slowly," Dukat shot you point blank in the abdomen. Dax was injured. It was draining all of your nutrients, and if we didn't remove it, you would both die. Dax was placed in stasis. You underwent an experimental surgery to safely unjoin you from Dax. So far it's been successful." He didn't to tell her that Dax was in its way to Trill for a new host body, and that she could never again be joined. Not yet anyway.
"Julian, I'm afraid. I feel so lonely." she was getting groggy again.
"I won't leave you Jadzia. I'll be right her whenever you need me."
Then she dropped off to sleep again, Julian still holding her hand. He would make sure that no one told her that he invented the surgery. He didn't want her to be angry with him for removing Dax, or grateful either, for saving her life. He felt sad for Jadzia. He knew that it would be hard for her without Dax, but she was strong and independent. She would adjust, maybe even like being her own person again. He only hoped that something could fill her emptiness and make her feel less alone. *Perhaps I can* thought Julian, hoping that he didn't have too much confidence in his abilities.
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Another few days and Jadzia was feeling well enough to have visitors. Captain Sisko was the first to see her, and gave her a big hug when he came in.
"How are you old man?" He said with a grin.
"Better. You can't really call me old man anymore though." She said with a note of sadness in her voice.
"Sure I can, if I want to. That is, if it's ok with you. You're not a different person than you were."
"I guess not. I just feel,..empty. I remember everything; all their memories are still with me. But I can't talk with them anymore; I don't have their confidence. I feel alone and afraid."
"It will be fine Jadzia. You have many friends, and we'll take care of you. It won't be any different than before." said Sisko.
"But you were Curzon's friend, and now he's gone."
"Curzon has been dead for some time now. I am Jadzia's friend now." he smiled at her.
"Thank you Benjamin. I needed that. But what's going to happen to me? A Trill has never been unjoined before. What will the Symbiosis board to with me? Am I even fit to be the science officer anymore?"
"Of course you're fit. You gained all your knowledge prior to the joining. I will do everything in my power to keep you here. We need you."
"I would really love to stay. I couldn't bear to leave everyone, you, Nerys, and Julian." Her voice dwelled on Julian's name more than the others. She felt something for him, but she couldn't quite understand it.
"I am very proud of Julian. It is a privilege to have him serve here. After what he did for you, I'm sure you don't want to leave him." Sisko didn't know the she hadn't been told of Julian's achievement.
"Did for me? Do you mean how he saved my life?"
"Of course." He said with a puzzled look. "That surgery he developed is amazing."
"He developed it? He said it was an experimental surgery he just tested on me."
"You mean he didn't tell you? I'm sorry, I should have been more careful."
"It's too late, you'll have to tell me now." she said.
" We had to make a choice. It was you or Dax, but Julian wouldn't settle for that. He thought of a way to replace the nerves that Dax joined with, and reconfigure your neural patterns so you could live safely without the symbiont. I don't fully understand it myself, but he spent over thirty hours non-stop operating on you. He's quite an amazing person." Benjamin said proudly.
Jadzia could only stare at Benjamin and gasp. Julian had brushed it all off as some lucky coincidence, and had never let on that he did it all himself. Suddenly, she felt immeasurably grateful to be alive. After all, she had been annoyed with Dax lately; she could get used to being without it. She even felt a new sense of freedom; she could make her own decisions and mistakes, without having to depend on someone else's life experience to guide her. For some reason, she suddenly thought how strange it was to be a year younger than Julian, instead of a few centuries older.
"Thank you for telling me Benjamin. I had a right to know."
"I don't think Julian will appreciate it very much."
"I'll be able to handle him when he finds out that I know. He probably didn't want me to feel grateful to him. Or angry." she said.
"I'll leave you now to rest. You have to get strong enough to finish that Tandelorian bio report." Sisko said with a grin as he walked out of the infirmiry."
A few minutes later, Major Kira came in with a friendly greeting.
"It's really good to see you Jadzia. The station wouldn't be the same without you."
"Thanks Nerys. I feel a lot better today. Julian thinks I might start walking tomorrow."
"That is good news. The Captain just told me that you know what Julian did."
"Yes, and I feel so grateful to him. He just doesn't give up does he. He never did. Remember that time he tried to save the little Tylithian mouse? When it died, he was sad for days."
"You're a lot more important to him than a mouse, so it's not surprising that he did what he did. Jadzia, you may not want to hear this, but I think you should know anyway. He's in love with you. It's pretty obvious when you really stop and think about it."
"Are you sure it's not just a passing..thing?" Jadzia asked with some anxiety.
"I really don't think so. He's been in love with you since you first came to the station."
"But what about Melora Kaszler? He was in love with her."
"I don't think so. You were pretty busy then, and kind of ignoring him. I think he just needed company, and Melora was interested in him. Anyway, that was a long time ago. What matters now are your feelings. Is he still just a good friend? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just don't want to see him disappointed anymore."
"Nerys, I don't...oh what's the use. I have to tell somebody." Jadzia then told Kira what she had been feeling for Julian, and about Dax's warnings. "I'm all confused. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I'm really in love with him. What should I do?"
"You have to decide that yourself. In my opinion, you ARE in love with him. Confusion is the first sign."
"And how would you know?" Jadzia said grinning. "I bet you haven't been in love since you were a kid."
"You'd be surprised." Kira said in low tone while blushing.
"Was it Shakar? I know you hung around him a lot while he was here."
"Not really. At the time I thought I was, but I soon found out he was really a jerk. But how did this conversation turn to me anyway?"
Jadzia's matchmaking mischief was at work, and she quickly thought of something that at once surprised and pleased her.
"Odo! It's Odo, isn't it? Does he know?"
"How did you...wait a minute...you're not going to trap me into saying anything."
"You just gave yourself away Nerys. It IS Odo. When did it happen?"
"I guess you caught me." Kira said, looking sheepish." I don't know exactly. It just happened. Do you think he has feelings for me, Jadzia?" She asked, half-afraid of the answer.
"I think he does. He's very attached to you. Remember how he acted when you were transferred off the station? Quark once told me that Odo actually tore up his quarters when you going with Shakar."
"Really? So you think I have a chance?"
"I'd say you have a very good one." Jadzia said with a smile.
"Thanks Jadzia. See, things aren't any different than before, are they."
"No, I guess they aren't." She said, feeling more contented than she had in years. Kira left the infirmiry, with a bounce in her stride, feeling very happy for Jadzia and for herself…
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