I don't own Cowboy Bebop and I don't own the song 'Why'



A few months later



~I am not here~



"...so we sneak around back while Roderigos and his team go in through the front. We take out the back security guards and shut down the cameras and alarms. That way we won't be caught. Chuck-" the gang leader nods in a weasly looking guy's direction, "you can handle that right?" The weasly guy nods with a grin on his face, proud of his hacking skills. Spike snorts, disgusted with the amateurity of the group.

He had been spying on them for a couple of weeks. For some reason Vicious was convinced that they were going to make a hit on Red Dragon's territory soon, but Spike wasn't so sure. They weren't the smartest bunch that he had ever had the pleasure of working with, but they weren't that stupid. Well, anyway, if they were ever going to make a move against the Red Dragon's, Spike hoped that it would be soon. Because quite frankly he was bored out of his mind.



~I think I've never been here at all~



"psst! hey, Sandros...!" a nudge came from his side.

"Huh?" Spike sat up straight realizing that he had spaced off.



~Or ever will be~



"Hey, were you asleep, man?" the weasly hacker asked.

Spike rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, I guess I haven't been getting too much sleep lately." The weasly guy nodded, excepting this excuse.

Spike stood up abruptly. "I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."



~I feel like a place

Where no one goes anymore~



As he walked to the bathroom, Spike wondered why he had been so tired lately. Was it because he wasn't getting enough sleep like he said to Chuck, the hacker? Vicious had been getting on his case lately, saying that Spike was getting sloppy, that he would end up getting himself killed. Spike smiled, was Vicious actually worried about him? Maybe, they were beginning to become pretty good friends. Vicious was the first real friend Spike had ever had...except for Jack of course.



~Why can't you see that everything's broken?~



Even so, Spike had been feeling out of it lately. Detached, distant. Nothing seemed important anymore. Everything was a repetition of the day before, until all the days melded into one. Spike found himself taking stupid risks, blanking out at odd moments, and he often forgot where and sometimes who he was. And when he did remember, he found himself thinking that he wasn't the same person as the day before. That that was a different Spike, or a different dimension or something.



~Why does it seem this life's turned grey?~



When he got to the bathroom, he pulled out his communicator and called Vicious. As usual when Vicious answered all Spike got was silence while Vicious waited for him to speak first.

"Well, they're planning on taking down a gas station or something," Spike said, not really expecting a response from Vicious. "I really don't think that they're a threat to the syndicate, even if, and this is a big IF, they decide to attack us," he continued.

Vicious chuckled. Spike growled, "What's so damn funny? What the hell is my being here supposed to accomplish?! If you're just trying to piss me off you're doing a good job of it."



~I can't believe in anything sacred~



Vicious' voice came from the other line, smooth and cool, "I have a premonition. Just wait and see." He hung up.



~When I don't believe that I am real~



Spike angrily turned off the comm and headed back out to the meeting room. When he got there, the leader walked in and told them that the department store was out and instead they were going to rob Carbine's Casino.

Spike's eyes widened. Vicious was right. Carbine's Casino was a cover business for the Red Dragons. How did he know?



~I need someone to break the silence

Screaming in my head~



"I know this is a bit bigger than what we're used too, but we've got powerful protectors, the Black Tigers...." the leader continued but Spike didn't hear him. He had heard all he needed to know.



~And in my soul~



Session 6: Why



~It seems so bizarre~



"Give me a beer," Spike said as he sat down at the bar. The barkeep looked him over skeptically. "Aren't you a little young to be drinking?"

Spike growled, "Just give me the fucking beer." The barkeep was about to answer but then he saw Spike's face. His expression was contorted in fury but at the same time his eyes were empty as he glared at the bartender. There was no emotion in Spike's eyes. They were the eyes of someone who had lost everything. Eyes so cold and vacant that it seemed that this boy was looking for death because inside he was already dead.



~But none of this matters~



It was one of the most frightening things that the bartender had ever seen and later he would remark that the boy looked like a demon thirsty for vengeance against the god who had thrown him out of heaven.

"S...sorry, I...I didn't realize." The bartender hurried to get Spike his drink. Spike ignored him and continued to trace the knotholes in the wood his eyes. He didn't look up when Vicious came in and sat down next to him.



~Thoughts disappear, hope has died~



"You were right, they're making a hit on Carbine's Casino."

"I thought so."

Spike abruptly turned in his seat and glared at Vicious. "You knew all along didn't you?! It was the Black Tigers you were really after!"

Spike glared back down at his drink. "So what's the plan? I want in."

"Sorry, this is strictly syndicate business." Vicious got up and turned to leave.



~Now I am safe, nothing can hurt me here~



"Vish." Vicious stopped.

"I don't think you understand. I owe a debt to them."



~Why can't you see my need for forgiveness?~



Vicious turned, then nodded. "I guess it's all right. You're practically a real member of the Red Dragon's already anyway."

Spike nods and finishes off his beer. "They're hitting it tonight."



Later that night, armed with two guns that Vicious had given him and plenty of ammunition, Spike snuck into the casino with the gang he had been hanging around with for the last few weeks. Unlike the rest of them however, he knew what they were really getting into. He smiled, imagining Black Tigers going down in sprays of blood and gunpowder. "This is for you, Jack."



~The truth and the lies confused as one~



Spike smirked as he watched as the Black Tiger members follow the gang members into the casino. "Some protectors who send in their protected first in case of ambush by the Red Dragons." Spike snuck off to the side and waited until he heard gunshots from over by the card tables. He then came from behind the Black Tigers and shot three in the back of their heads.



~I can't believe in anything sacred~



They went down, their blood spraying onto their shocked comrades. Spike, without any hesitation shoots five more in the chest or head, all mortal wounds. Another one of the handy things that Jack had taught him. "Jack..." Spike thinks as he ducks behind a row of slot machines, bullets whizzing by his head.



~When I don't believe in anything~



From his protected area he manages to take out about ten to fifteen more before getting shot in the arm. Switching his gun to his left hand Spike begins shooting again, but his aim is off. Another bullet grazes his side and he gets shot in the right arm again. He keeps on shooting, still managing to take out a few more.



~I need someone to break the silence~



However, he hears a noise from off to his right. Too late though. It's Chuck, the weasly hacker guy.



~Screaming in my head~



"You traitor!" he yells as he fires a shot at Spike. Spike tries to dodge, but he moves too slowly. He cries out as he feels a sharp pain in his left eye. He brings up his hand to his face and it comes back with blood on it. Chuck shoots him again in his chest and Spike goes down.



~And in my soul~



---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------



("Jack!" A young Spike runs through the house, cradling something to his chest. As he bursts into the garage he yells "Look Jack! Tweety can fly!" He's all grins as he holds his bird out and allows it to fly around the room. Jack pulls himself out from underneath the car he's working on and smiles. "You took good care of that bird, now it's time to set her free."

Spike stamps his foot. "No!"

Jack smiles. "But Tweety needs to be free, Spike. So she can start a family and have kids. She'll be unhappy if we keep her here."

Spike stamps his foot again. "No! Tweety's my friend! I'm her family!"

Jack shakes his head. "Spike, I'm sure Tweety already has a family of her own. How would you feel if someone came and took you away from me?"

Spike looked down at the ground, then up at Tweety who had perched on top of the car. Then he ran over to the window and opened it. Tweety looked down at him and cocked her head. She then spread her wings and flew out the window.



~I am alone~



Spike ran to the window and watched her go. "Bye, Tweety!" he yelled as he waved. "Have a good life!"



~Locked in my memories~

He turns around and he's now in a strange place that he doesn't remember. An apartment it looks like, with yellow curtains. He sees a woman with long wild green hair sleeping on a bed. His mother. He goes over to her and nudges her, trying to wake her up. "Wake up, wake up, Mama." But she doesn't wake.



~There's nowhere left for me to hide~



Spike starts to cry and his tears turn to blood as they hit her. Soon, she is completely covered in blood and Spike notices bullet holes in her chest. As he watches she turns to dust. A breeze sweeps through the room and the dust is blown away. Tweety comes into the room and perches on Spike's nose. "Set me free," she says. "Set me free."



~But I am not real~



Spike watches as Tweety flies out the open window, her feathers changing from canary yellow to dark green. She grows bigger and becomes his mother, her green tresses billowing out behind her. Her green wings flutter behind her as she struggles to stay aloft. "Set me free, Jonathan."



~I've made all I am with lies~



She morphs, her features now resembling Jack's. As a Jack angel appears before him, Spike finds himself back at age sixteen. Jack looks at him, tears trailing down his cheeks. "Set me free, Spike. I don't belong here anymore.")



~Why does it seem that everything's different?~



"Uh...." Spike groans as he rolls over, pain coursing throughout his body. "Where am I?"

"Shhhh...." comes a voice to his side. A feminine voice. Spike turns his head and sees golden tresses. It's the girl that he saw at the grocery store. He smiles up at her, still drugged. "Are you a dream?" She shakes her head.



~Why does it seem that only you are real?~



Spike smiles, "Then I must be in heaven." He passes out again.

When he comes too, the girl is gone. Vicious is sitting beside him. Spike turns over. "How come I can't see out of my eye?"



~I don't believe in anything sacred~



Vicious looks up startled. "Oh, so you're conscious. Don't you remember the shoot out at the casino? You got shot in the eye."

Spike brings his hand up to his eye. It feels like it's there. He gets a confused look on his face.



~So why do I feel so damned alone?~



Vicious smirks, "I paid for your operation to get a new one. Sometimes it takes a while for it to start sending signals to your brain. I think they said they were going to take a look at it."

"Oh." Spike falls asleep.

When he wakes up again, no one is sitting by his bedside. Spike sees this as his chance to make his getaway. He needs to get away from Mars for a while, think things over. He is pleased to note that his eye is finally working as he ruffles through a bag of clothes that Vicious brought him.

"That guy knows me too well." Spike thinks as he pulls out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. "He knew I wasn't going to want to stick around."

Spike climbed out the window and headed down to the docking bay. He figured he could stowaway on one of them. Maybe he'd end up on Venus or something. That would be cool.



~I need someone to break the silence

That's screaming in my head

And in my soul~