Elrond stared at the clothes laid out in front of him. He raised a lean, curved eyebrow skywards, his hand twitching faintly. He blinked once, twice, then looked up at Legolas. "You've got to be fucking joking…"

Legolas pouted, reaching over and taking up the black pants. "Oh, come on, I think you'd look great in black, Elly!"

"No, it's not that… just *look* at that *waist*… how much do you *weigh* for Elbereth's sake?!"

The ex-Elf rolled his eyes, hand on hip. "None of your business. Anyway, trust me. It'll fit you like your boyfriend."

Elrond blushed furiously, snatching the pants from Legolas. "I appreciate your offer, but honestly - *look* at these!" He held them up to his waist. "They're so *small* I'm surprised… actually, no I'm not. I can see you wearing these."

Adrian pouted cutely, as it was his nature, and picked up the sleeveless black shirt from the bed. "This'll look great on you, sweetie… Celeborn will absolutely *die* when he sees you in this." He raised his eyebrows up at the Peredhel. "And about those pants, you're also wearing that bulky armour; once you take that stuff off, you'll see how well you fit into those."

Like a hurt puppy, Elrond touched the chest armour, his eyebrows lowering as he began to nibble on his bottom lip. "I'm very fond of my armour…"

Legolas threw up his hands. "Just strip down! Hell, take a bath, even. Wash up a little from sitting around in dirt. Just put on those clothes!" Throwing the shirt and pants back onto the bed, the blonde stalked out of the room and closed the door.

Elrond, after waiting a few minutes for it to sink in, began to slowly remove his garments. It felt odd taking off his familiar armoury – it was almost as if he was stripping memories along with clothes. After laying out each and every piece of armour delicately on the bed, a towel wrapped securely about his waist, he shuffled into the conjoining bathroom to inspect.

The Half-Elf stood gawking at the strange objects, half wondering what they are and what they do, half wondering if they bite. Wincing at the cold tile sinking into the leathery soles of his feet, Elrond made his way to the bathtub.

Bending over to get a good look at the strange looking metal knobs and spout, Elrond reached over and turned the one with the letter 'C' on it, jumping back when water gushed out from the faucet. Regaining his wits and control of his heart, he gave the one with the 'H' the same treatment, amused when even more water spouted into the marble tub.

Looking around curiously, Elrond grimaced in distaste at the shower curtains. A dark purple did not suit the cream and coffee coloured bathroom. And those misty green tiles? Shaking his head, he frowned at the water slowly rising in the bathtub. Such a loud noise, most unnecessary. Shrugging, he picked up and looked over a little pink bottle and several other large white bottles with writings and silly pictures all over them. He wondered what they were. He'd find out later, though. He wanted to know what that standing bowl-type thing in the corner was, first.

Walking over and lifting up the top lid, Elrond peeked into the water and drain inside and at the inner lid, fascinated for some unknown reason. He pondered why Legolas would have such a strange, hideous contraption in his household, but it wasn't any of his business. A silver knob caught his eye, and, on instinct, he moved his hand and bopped it.

Elrond jumped back, horrified, at the loud roaring sound eliciting from it as a result, widened eyes blinking at it as if it he expected it to lash out and bite him. When it didn't, he cautiously inched back over and looked inside to see the water that was previously there twist in a small whirlpool and disappear down that drain. What amazed him the most was that the water instantly returned to fill it back up again. Elrond grinned. How strange.

His attentions turned back to the tub when he felt warm water trickling under his feet, something that wasn't that pleasant in his tastes. Turning around, Elrond gasped, dashing over and turning the knobs the way he had before. Finding that wasn't helping at all, he tried the opposite way. Relieved and bemused as the water stopped flowing, Elrond looked down to examine the destruction. Not *too* much water had escaped, but he remembered that once someone steps into a tub, the water rises a bit with the weight and form. He was obliged to pull the plug at the bottom, delighted in the warm sensation of the water. He plugged it back up when he felt the water was at a good level.

Shedding the towel around his waist, Elrond climbed into the water, smiling briefly at the comfort it brought to his aching, dirty body. He sat washing off the dirt for a few minutes, ducking under to wet his hair. Rising back to the surface he chose this time to look at those peculiar bottles again.

Elrond picked up the nearest bottle, a square, bulky one filled with a thick green liquid. He could read the first word, and the one at the bottom, as they were 'herbal' and 'shampoo'. Shampoo. He flipped it over. Directions were on a clear label. Pour into hand. Rub into hair. Rinse. Pour into hand. Rub into hair. Rinse thoroughly. Keep away from eyes and mouth. Do not give to children under four. Sounds easy. Let's give it a whirl.

Twisting the cap, Elrond removed it from the bottle, hissing when more than expected flowed onto his hand. Quickly screwing the top back on, the Peredhel plopped the thick shampoo on the top of his head, gathering up his long hair and began to wash it.

Soon enough he was done, but there were other mysterious little bottles calling for his attention. Elrond chose the little pink one he was fondling earlier. There wasn't anything on it, it was just milky and smooth. Deciding to keep it as a pet, he set it aside to probe at the others. He found soaps in liquid forms, that of which he used, and when he was feeling ready he pulled the plug and stepped out of the tub, wrapping the towel he had set aside around his waist once more.

His pink bottle firmly clutched in his hand, the Lord of the Valley returned to the bedroom to dry himself off. Once finished with that task, Elrond pulled on the necessity underclothes and pondered the black pants. Legolas was utterly insane, he thought to himself. Shrugging, he stood and began to dress.

~***~

Celeborn balanced the evening paper on his knee, sipping idly at his cup of coffee he had made ten minutes prior. He had changed his clothes after Legolas brutally attacked him with a scissors and snipped off and up his flamboyant rainbow shirt, much to his dismay. He was now decked comfortably in black jeans and a big long-sleeved grey shirt. His earrings had been reduced to silver studs and little silver hoops, while his bracelets were now only a couple red and yellow ones.

Legolas raised his eyebrow at the text in his book, sipping noisily at his cold tea. Celeborn glared at him over the brim of his own cup, snorting into the mug. The opposing blonde only sighed. "I wonder how Elrond is doing. It's been at least an hour."

Celeborn gawked at him. "You released our dear friend Elrond into a foreign bathroom? Are you out of your *mind*?" He shoved the paper aside, setting his mug down. "This is ELROND, here! You can't just push him into things like that! You've got to show him what things are and what they do! How's he gonna know what the toilet is – he might even end up breaking it, he's so damn curious…"

Legolas threw his hands up in front of his chest to ward away Celeborn's wrath. "Down, boy! Down! Now now, I figured he'd test things out and ask us about them, but it's probably best if he tried to figure it out himself."

"You'd make *such* a good parent." Mockingly, "Go ahead sweetie, go into the kitchen were all the sharp knives and forks and electrical outlets are and try to figure it all out on your own without killing yourself, chopping off an appendage, or electrocuting yourself. Oh yes, what a wonderful tutor."

"Sour, sour, sour," Legolas chanted. "You're just… oh, I *KNEW* those pants would look marvelous on you! You can't deny it, look at you, you pretty thing…"

Celeborn twisted around, jaw hitting the floor and down to the first layer of concrete at the sight of the Peredhel's new attire.

Elrond stood tall and lanky, the semi-tight black pants clinging elegantly to his muscled legs, the bottoms pooling at his feet adding to the effect. A silver belt encircled his surprisingly very slim waist, showing off his lean hips. The sleeveless shirt Elrond wore proudly bared implications of where the firm, powerful chest was rounded at all the right spots; it even gave a hint that he had a near six pack underneath. His arms were thin but sported defined biceps, from his elbow muscle to his wrist lean. The shirt amazingly proved how big his hands really were, his fingers thin yet a little fat due to being Half-Elf.

The dark raven hair was pulled back into its usual side braids that were placed with a clip on the back of his head, his clean, silky locks folding over his broad shoulders like a cape strewn beautifully over a chair. Now that the dirt and whatnot was cleaned off his ageless facial features, his eyes were thin and dark, eyebrows arched in an ever-questioning shape, cheekbones defined and his lips slender. Elrond's beauty rivaled that of his daughter back in the lost days, and rose above that of modern appearances.

Legolas beamed gloriously, proudly standing beside him and looking at Celeborn. "Well?"

Fumbling, Celeborn stood, shakily trying to find real words to describe his astounded opinion on Elrond's demeanor. Elrond's eyes met his and he basically melted under the gaze. "He's hot shit, Legolas. Sexy, beautiful, hot. Oh gods above, thank you for bringing him back to us…"

Elrond rewarded him with a real smile, baring spotless white teeth. Legolas patted his shoulder fondly. "Your boyfriend loves it, and so do I. Oooh, just WAIT till the others see you..!!" Adrian kissed his cheek like any good friend would and bopped off happily, still talking, into his room to get on the phone and brag till the end of the world.

The two remaining stood in silence, looking at the joyful man's leaving backside for a long moment. Elrond moved first, turning his head to look at Celeborn. Celeborn returned the stare, answering the unasked question, stepping over the couch and embracing the Half-Elf tightly. Elrond buried his nose into the short blonde hair, hugging the man strongly. He was hard enough to believe everything that's already happened, but now… it all seemed like a piece of cake, standing there in his love's arms.

Leon reached up to fondle the dark hair lovingly, the silk in his fingers unlike any other. He traced his index finger over Elrond's cheekbone and down to his chin, marveling at the soft yet firm skin under his touch. It was so unreal but so authentic; it nearly blew him away. Pulling apart partially Celeborn then closed the space into the much-awaited kiss, the arms around him tightening and drawing him closer.

Elrond sighed against the other's lips, reluctantly leaving the warmth to look him over. The smile rose to his lips again, his face softening. "Finally."

Celeborn entangled his fingers into Elrond's hair, brandishing one of his own cheeky smiles. "Finally." He leaned over and kissed him again, tenderly. "Been waiting for you. And I'll say it truthfully, I've only had two minor boyfriends, neither as satisfying as you, dear Elfie."

An eyebrow arched. "Oh, really? It's good to know I'm not up for competition."

"The competition you're only up for is something you and I both know very, *very* well."

Elrond smirked. "Indeed." He stole a quick kiss from Celeborn's lips. "I just hope I'm not going to lose that touch."

"Hmm… care to find out?"

"Of *course*. I would *never* pass up a chance to..."

His saucy comment ended as Legolas barged right back into the room, stopping dead at the sight. He managed a weak smile. "Oh. Dear. I didn't see this, I didn't see this," he repeated, shielding his eyes with his hand and bustling back into the room. Rolling his eyes, Celeborn called out after him.

"Jeez, Legolas, and to think that you're the fruitiest one here."

"Shut up or else I'll take away your smelly soaps and confiscate your chocolate whipped cream so you can't use it on Elrond!"

Elrond's eyebrows raised high, an entertained look rearing its head in his grey eyes. Celeborn smirked. "You do that and I'll tell Gorny about the you know what and the you know who in the you know where!"

Legolas squeaked indignantly. "Fine, fine. Just don't make *too* much noise."

Celeborn nudged his nose against Elrond's jaw. "And he's the one talking."

"Heard that!"

"C'mon, Elrond – I've got a problem and we need to solve it."

"Heard that too!"

Leon sighed. Ignoring the blonde in the other room, he pulled Elrond into the bedroom, shutting the door and locking it.

Legolas crept out of his closet, straining his ears until what he heard he was satisfied with. Grabbing the nearest portable phone, he snuck back into his rightful room and dialed eagerly. "Merry? Hey, it's Legolas. I need you to do a big favour for me that involves pizza, chocolate, and a big surprise… why? Well, let me start from the beginning…"