Wild Night, Part Two: After The Night

(See Part One For Disclaimers)

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Chapter five: the Morning After
Do I really have to tell you where?

. . . for just one moment in time, I was yours and you were mine. A moment that's gone with the breeze. . .
Original Poem

Amanda was having this amazing dream. Okay, it didn't start out amazing; it started with Lee being held by Kincaid. But then Kincaid was dead. Lee took her to the Agency, and then Rock Creek Park. And then, they went to his apartment. . .' Oh. My. Gosh.' Amanda opened her eyes, and noticed immediately that she was not in her room at home. And she had no clothes on. And there it was, a large male hand around her waist. 'Oh. My. Gosh.' In the dream, the last thing she remembered was them kissing. Now, she had to concede that maybe it wasn't a dream. They had kissed, and had obviously gone a lot further . . .

Lee was having this amazing dream. Amanda had come home to his apartment. They'd shared some wine, sat on the couch talking, and the next thing he knew, they were kissing. . . he'd picked her up, and they went towards the bedroom, and the peace he felt rivaled his other dream. . . Wait! 'Amanda?' His eyes opened, and the first thing he noticed was the soft woman spooned to him. Then he noticed that they were both naked. And the scent. . . Amanda's perfume. . . 'Oh. My. Gosh,' he thought, borrowing Amanda's favorite phrase.

Amanda knew that he must be waking up, but she didn't dare move to find out who was spooned up behind her, although she had a pretty good idea. Then, the fluttering of his hand across her belly stopped. 'He's awake,' she thought.

He'd felt her body tense. 'What are we going to do? What should I say? What can I say to her? Oh hell.' What was he thinking? It was obvious what the outcome of last night had to be. . .

'What do I say to him? What are we going to do about this. . . Oh my gosh. Did we really? We must have.' The memories of them entering the bedroom slammed into her. 'Oh my gosh! What am I going to say?'

"Amanda?" Lee whispered.

'Should I pretend to be asleep? If I do, then I won't have to face him yet. I can be fully clothed, and at least have some of my dignity back. No, I can't do it. We're going to have to talk about this,' she decided. "Lee."

'She's awake. I was hoping she'd still be asleep. Then I could have snuck out and gotten dressed, and we wouldn't have to talk about this.' He knew what she must be thinking. Amanda King did NOT have one-night stands. And she certainly didn't take sex lightly.

Amanda couldn't move. She didn't know how she would face him. She did NOT have one-night stands. And she certainly didn't take sex lightly.

Finally, Lee found his voice, and tried for a light-hearted tone. "I'm, ah, going to make some coffee. Would you like some?"

"Um, sure. Uh, you wouldn't mind if I, ah, used your shower, would you?"

"Oh, no, go ahead. The towels are in the cabinet under the sink." Now the only question was how he was going to get out of the bed with out Amanda seeing him. 'What am I worried about? I've been with dozens of women, and this never bothered me before?' A little voice, at the back of his head, rebutted, 'but it's Amanda, not one of your usual women.' Shaking the voice out of his head, and noticing that she was not turning around, he hopped out of the bed, and reached for his robe. After tying a knot in the rope, he left the bedroom for the kitchen.

"Thank goodness," Amanda whispered when he left the room. She climbed out of the bed, looking for her clothes, only to find they were nowhere to be found. She called out, "Um, Lee? Are my, ah, clothes out there?"

Lee had noticed the clothes scattered about as soon as he entered the living room. Realizing that Amanda's clothes were out here, he called back, "Uh, yeah. I'll bring them to you in a second, okay?"

"All right," Amanda called out, and hurried to the bathroom, making sure to close the door.

******

Lee started gathering the clothes from the floor. He picked up Amanda's blouse and fingered the buttons. He remembered fumbling with those same buttons the night before, and sending one flying across the room in his haste to get the shirt off of her. "Oh my. . ." He looked behind the couch and found her pants, and then he found her bra by the coffee table. He saw himself fumbling with the clasp, feeling as nervous as a teenager on his first time. "Huh? Nervous? My God, what happened last night?" He sat down on the couch. They'd been drinking wine, the glasses were still on the table, and the bottle next to them was empty. Snatches of the conversation they'd had floated through his memory. He'd held her hand, telling her that nothing like that would ever happen again. She'd said he couldn't promise that. He'd argued the point, saying he would never let anyone hurt the woman he-

"Oh. My. God!" He'd told Amanda that he loved her. He'd known that he cared about Amanda more than he'd ever cared about anyone. But love? Was that what those feelings were, the ones he couldn't put his finger on? Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he went into the bedroom and placed Amanda's clothes on the bed. As he did so, a floodgate of memories opened up, and he saw the entire night, the tender kisses and caresses, the feeling that had coursed through his very soul as he'd made love to Amanda. Every intimate exchange. He heard the little mewling sounds she'd made in the back of her throat as he'd touched her. And with startling clarity, remembered the feel of her hands on him, and finally, the sense of coming home as their union had been sealed. And it hit him, that last night had been like nothing he'd ever experienced before. The only thing was, how would he explain this to Amanda?

He heard the shower turn off, and mumbled under his breath, "Snap out of it, Stetson!" He growled under his breath as he fished through his drawers for something to wear.

******
In the shower, Amanda's mind was starting to replay the events of the night before. Sitting on the couch with Lee, the wine, talking about the case, her actions when Kincaid raised the gun to Lee's head. He'd told her nothing like that would ever happen again. She'd said he couldn't promise that. He'd countered, saying he would never let anyone hurt the woman he-

"Oh. My. Gosh!' Amanda muttered under her breath. Had Lee really told her he loved her? No, her mind had to be playing tricks on her. All the times he'd told her that they were just business partners, and friends. Very good friends. Her mind played over all the times they'd held hands, all the times he'd guided her with a hand placed at the small of her back. And the kiss, the kiss in San Angelo. The speech that came after it.

Then there was that time he'd come to her house the night of Buck's block party, in that W.C. Fields mask. He'd been so close to kissing her that night, she knew it. And then her mother came out, asking if she'd seen her other shoe.

Sure, she'd hoped, deep, deep down, that someday he would, but even she recognized that for what it was, a dream. A wonderful fantasy. How many times had she dreamed about last night? All those cold, lonely nights. And the feelings he aroused in her, just by his touch! Just by a simple holding of hands. Could that tender emotion be nestled inside Lee Stetson's heart, and could it really be for her?

She finished her shower, her mind still centered on that last thought. If he had told her he loved her, could it have been just because they had been drinking? 'Or maybe,' that little, tiny sliver of hope inside her whispered, 'he did mean it. Look at the leaps your relationship has taken in the past years. Think of all the times you've caught him staring at you lately. The look in his eye that you only have a second to catch. I know you think you've been imagining it, but what if you haven't? Isn't it slightly possible to be a combination of the two? That he does feel that way for you, but he couldn't get the guts to say it while he's dead sober?'

She finished toweling herself off and went to retrieve her clothes from Lee's bed. As she put her bra on, she remembered the feel of him caressing her. When she reached for the blouse, she remembered the popping button. She could see him sweeping her up in his arms. And now she remembered him asking if she was sure she wanted to continue.

"Oh my GOSH!" She really hadn't thought she'd been taken advantage of, but as that memory hit her full force, she knew. . . she'd told him yes. She could have backed away, but she didn't. Lee had given her that chance . . . didn't that alone speak volumes? Suddenly, the rest of the night came back to her. The gentle feel of his touch. The look in his eyes as they'd been united. She'd never seen him look that way before. Her skin tingled as she placed a finger to her lips, remembering the way he'd kissed her. The way she'd responded.

Shaking the images from her head before they overwhelmed her, she came out into the living room to find Lee sitting at the coffee table in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. 'He looks better in jeans and a T-shirt than any man has a right to look.' She sat down on the opposite end of the couch, far enough to stay away from his touch.

His head was still hung, as though he couldn't look her in the eye. He couldn't figure out how to begin this discussion with out it coming out wrong. He realized that he wouldn't have told her he lo-lo-lo-! God! He couldn't even say it in his mind! But he knew he wouldn't have said it last night if he didn't feel it, not even to get her in his bed. He'd never used that line to get a woman into bed, never! All his women knew what he was about, that he was seeking something in the short-term, that he never did anything in the long-term. How did he tell his best friend that he was scared of what she made him feel, so scared that he'd pushed her away countless times. So scared that maybe she wouldn't feel the same. So scared that he wasn't even sure that he was ready to start something with her, for fear he'd mess it up. And that's what he did, he'd messed up. Amanda deserved better than that.

She didn't know how to begin. His head was hanging there. She knew that he knew she was there, but he wouldn't look at her. How could she tell him what she knew in her heart of hearts? She had no idea if those feelings were really returned or not, no matter what he'd said last night. How could she tell him she loved him? Would just coming out and saying it pressure him into admitting whatever it was that he felt for her? She knew now that he at least desired her, or he did last night. She could tell that he knew exactly who was with him. She didn't think he would have paused the way he did with any of his other woman. Most of them knew exactly what he was after. So did she, but last night it hadn't made any difference to her. She'd needed him too much to stop at that point.

"Amanda?" Lee asked, finally lifting his head, even though he couldn't look her in the eye.

"Yes?" Amanda was staring in her coffee, as if by looking in the dark pool she could tell the future.

"Um, about last night," he broke off.

Amanda raised her head. 'Here it comes. It was just two people who got carried away. Last night didn't mean anything to him, or he wouldn't be so uncomfortable around me now. He knows what it would have meant to me. He knows I don't take things like that lightly.' She decided to let him off easy, even though she felt like she was suffocating. "I understand."

"You do?" He let out a deep breath and looked over at her, still staring at her coffee.

She couldn't let him know how hurt she was. Amanda could feel his eyes on her now, waiting for her to say something. She nodded her head, knowing that he would see the movement. "Yeah, I understand perfectly."

"And, uh. . . Amanda?" He couldn't take his eyes off of her now. Lee's mind was racing. 'What does she understand? Does she understand how I feel? Does she not feel the same? Does she know how scared I am? Oh God, what if she doesn't feel the same way?'

"I think I'd better be going," Amanda continued on as if he hadn't spoken. "Mother and the boys will be worried." She headed to the door and found her purse on the table. Before heading out the door, she turned to Lee and said, "I'll. . . I'll see you." She closed the door behind her.

Lee was fixed to the couch. Part of him was screaming to go after her, the other part was relieved to get out of this conversation so easily. He didn't think she really understood what he was thinking. All those times he'd said that they had a professional relationship, no more, no less, floated through his mind. He'd come to rely on her instincts and her unique way of looking at things lately. How could he let her walk out like this? He finally leapt off the couch and headed after her, only to find an empty hallway. 'No matter,' he thought and headed for the stairs. When he finally reached the parking lot, he realized that he'd driven her here last night. Her car was still at the Agency. But she was nowhere to be found. He hopped in his car and started around the block, thinking that she'd headed for a metro stop. But she was nowhere to be found. After a half-hour of scouring his neighborhood for her, he headed over to the Agency.

When he arrived at the Agency parking lot, dismay overtook him. Her car was gone.


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Chapter six: The Resignation
Monday, June 17, 9:30 AM.
IFF, Billy's office.

"Past the point of no return, the final threshold. The bridge is crossed so stand and watch it burn. We've passed the point of no return. . ."
(From "Point of no Return")


Billy Melrose walked into the bullpen with a bounce in his step, despite the grayness of the day. That long weekend with Jeannie had been one of his better ideas. No telephones, no interruptions. Just him and his wife for four days, a mini vacation that he'd been badly in need of.

Sitting at his desk, he started sorting through the pile of papers that had accumulated during his absence. One in particular caught his eye. "Well, Stetson, you've finally done it," he raged under his breath, his mood now dark as the day. He headed for the door, bellowing out into the bullpen "SCARECROW! Get in here NOW!"

Francine looked up from the paperwork she'd been absorbed in and looked over at Lee. "What have you done now?"

"Nothing that I know of," Lee replied innocently, heading to Billy's office. "What's up, Billy?"

Billy closed the door and the shades, a sure sign that he was about to get a lashing about something. "What the hell happened this weekend?"

Lee could do nothing but stutter at this point.

Billy handed him a piece of paper from his desk. As Lee read it, he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. She'd said she was leaving the Agency, but he hadn't believed it. Until now. He was looking at Amanda's letter of resignation.

"Do you know where I can find her?" He squeaked out.

"No, I don't. I'd imagine she'd be at home."

"She's not, Billy. I. . ." how could he put this? Suddenly, he felt like Billy could see through him, and knew exactly what he'd done on Friday night. He'd tried calling Amanda's house all weekend, but couldn't get past the answering machine. Going by had done him no good, either. She seemed to have disappeared. Even calling early this morning had proved fruitless. "I tried getting hold of her all weekend. She's not there, and neither are her mother or the boys."

Billy knew now that it had to be something personal between them. He'd seen all the signs that they were falling in love with each other, but he didn't think they'd done anything about it yet. Now he wasn't so sure. "Look, just tell me what happened this weekend."

Lee hung his head, and recounted the turns the Kincaid case had taken, while Billy cursed softly under his breath.

"It was just supposed to be surveillance, Lee What in the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I'd heard shots, Billy."

"And you went in without backup! And actually expected Amanda to stay in the car? You know she never stays in the car!"

"Ah, hell, Billy, don't you think I know that?" Lee's head shot up. "Don't you think I don't know that she never would have pulled that trigger if I hadn't been so . . . pigheaded."

"Did she see Phaff yet?"

"I don't know," Lee answered honestly. "They kept her in debriefing forever, he may have been in there. They wouldn't let me any where near there."

"Is there anything else I should know about this? She says she never wants to be contacted by anyone in the Agency again, Lee."

"I know," Lee whispered softly, his head falling into his hands. "I just don't know if she'll ever forgive me. . . Ah, god, Billy! I don't even know if she. . . if she. . . she doesn't know. . . Ah hell!"

Billy shook his head, wondering if he should say anything. Lee may not have come straight out with it, but there was more, of that he was certain. Did Lee know how Amanda felt for him? He usually tried to keep himself out of his agent's private lives, but watching Lee in agony . . .

"Lee, Amanda . . ." Billy paused, choosing his words carefully. "Amanda is a very special woman."

"Yes," Lee admitted.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I'm not sure."

"You care about her . . . she's been a great friend to you. always stuck up for you, even when all the evidence has pointed out of your favor."

"Yes," Lee whispered.

Billy thought in the ensuing silence. 'Should I say something about the deeper feelings there?'

"It goes a lot further than friendship, Billy," Lee mumbled.

Finally throwing caution to the wind, Billy stated simply, "She's in love with you."

Lee's head shot up at this statement. "She's. . . she's told you that?"

"No, just like you haven't told me that you're in love with her."

Lee started to sputter.

"Lee, I didn't get to be section chief by being blind. I can see it in the way you look at each other. Up until now, I'd thought you were both still in denial about it."

"Billy, we . . . we were. Maybe she still is. Oh hell, I don't know. I mean, she makes it clear that she doesn't want to talk to me."

"Lee. . . "

"No, Billy, it's probably better this way. I mean, what do I have to offer her?" He stood up and pounded out of the office, leaving Billy dumbstruck.


The end.

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