At Seventeen

The inspiration for the fic is from a song by the same title and my own experiences from being teased and made fun of at my old school. As much as you may hate it, this fic is the reality of high school in a lot of cases like mine.

"Are you still coming?" Monica asked her best friend Rachel

"To what?"

"Thanksgiving silly"

"Oh right. Of course"

"Um Ross is bring some friend"

"Yeah? he cute?"

"I dunno. I've never met him"

"Hmmmm wuz his name?"

"Chandler I think.....I don't know"

"That's a weird name"

"Yeah I know" Monica laughed

Once they arrived at school Rachel met up with her boyfriend Chip and Monica went to class early. Besides Rachel she doesn't have any friends and the group she hangs out with loves to tease her so Monica would rather sit by her self. On her way to her home room it felt like everyone was laughing at her. Being over weight isn't easy especially with all the teasing that comes with it. She could feel her self dying each day. A deep depression seems to get worst as time dragged on. Her parents aren't any help either. Judy, her mother, always puts her down and criticizes her while Jack, her father, doesn't seem to notice it. Once she arrived at home room she took her seat in the very back of the class room and waited for the bell to ring. Ten minutes later the bell rang and students started to file in.
A male student took a seat in front of her and started to laugh with a friend.

"Who do you have a crush on?" one student asked

"Monica" the other student started to laugh

Monica closed her eyes and restrained her self from crying. She couldn't give them any thing else to tease her about. The teacher arrived minutes later and started attendance. After that everyone was sent to an assembly about self confidence. Everyone was asked to raise their hands and put them down if they related to a certain question. One of the questions was 'do you regret looking at the person beside you?' and right away the person sitting beside Monica put her hand down. Monica acted like she didn't see but really wanted to break down in tears. This was just a typical school day too. Everyday fellow students would tease and pick on her to her face and probably behind her back.

That evening Monica sat in her room for the rest of the night and cried. This was almost becoming a routine. She would go to school and act like everything is fine in her life and then arrive back home and cry. Suicide thoughts even started drifting in her mind. Though she was too afraid to actually do it. Monica sighed and grabbed her diary.

"Dear Diary
Today at school I was teased and picked on to my face a few times just like any other day. I don't understand. Why me?. Why do I have to be fat and ugly? why does everyone have to tease me? I am going to be alone for the whole life. I mean who wants to date some one like me who is fat. Everyday I cry and no one knows or even cares how sad I am. All my mom and dad care about is my nineteen year old brother Ross. He just started college and my mom doesn't seem to think I will make it that far so she's milking it for all it's worth. Maybe I should just end it all now. Take a bottle of pills from the bath room and just stop it. Stop all the teasing and all the bullying. Stop everything"

Tears fell on her diary soaking the paper. This shouldn't be how life goes. She shouldn't feel depressed and almost to the point of harming her self. She shouldn't be the one that is bullied everyday. Any one but her. But then reality comes to play. She is the one who is depressed and overweight. Everyday she prayed she would wake up thin or better yet wake up as some one else.

That Friday it was time for Thanksgiving. While Judy made dinner, Monica and Rachel sat in the living room talking.

"Mon I think I'm going to leave a little early"

"Why?"

"Chips parents are out of town so I'm going to stop by his place after dinner"

"So you are guys gonna....you know.....?"

"I don't know. Maybe" Rachel smirked

"Be sure to tell me all about it" Monica whispered. This is as close as she is gonna get.

"Definitely"

Monica ran to get the door when she heard some one knock and answered it to reveal Ross and who must be his friend.

"Hey Monica! This is my friend Chandler. Is Rachel here?"

"Living room"

"I'm going to go say hi" Ross excused him self and entered the living room

"Hi Chandler. I'm Ross's little sister"

"Oh kay" he scoffed and left to find Ross

Once it was revealed that Chandler refused to eat any thanksgiving food, Monica volunteered to make him some Mac and Cheese. While she made the food Rachel paced back and forth out of boredom.

"Rachel. Please stop that pacing"

"Sorry"

"I hope Chandler likes this"

"I think you want him to like more than the food"

"No I don't!"

"Admit it Monica. You have a crush on him"

"I will not admit it because there is nothing to admit too"

"Suureeee"

"Shut up"

Rachel rolled her eyes and started to check her make up in the toaster reflection. Monica finished up the Mac and Cheese and served it too Chandler.

"Here ya go" Monica handed it to him

"Thank's" Chandler started to try the food "This is good"

"Thank you"

"You should be a chef"

"Okay!" she immediately regretted saying that and left the room as fast as she could

Later that evening she over heard Chandler tell Ross that he didn't want to stay around his fat sister. That comment really hurt her. She now knows for certain that her being fat will stop any guy from liking her. Monica sat in her room crying until around midnight when she decided to get a glass of water. On her way to fill up her glass her eye led her to a steak knife laying in the sink. Subconsciously she picked up the knife and held it above her left wrist. All her problems could end now. With a quick move she used the knife and watched her self bleed. She didn't even feel any regret.

"Monica!!" Ross ran into the room and wrapped a cloth around her wrist "What the hell are you doing!??"

Monica didn't say anything. She stayed quiet as Ross called for Judy and Jack and as he called an ambulance. She couldn't even see what was the big problem. Once the paramedics arrived they bandaged her wrist and because Monica did this to her self they insisted on admitting her into the hospital. Judy was now convinced that her daughter was crazy and should be admitted for a long time while Jack kept his opinions to him self. The hospital ended up keeping her over night and letting her go in the morning and recommending that Monica start therapy right away. That evening Monica sat in her room writing in her diary when Ross entered.

"Can we talk?"

"Now?"

"Yeah"

"Um okay I guess"

"Why did you do it?"

"I'm assuming you mean the wrist thing"

"Yeah. How could you?"

"I've been depressed for a long time Ross. I guess Chandler's comment pushed me over the edge"

"What?"

"Oh please! he didn't want to be left with your FAT sister"

"You heard?"

"Duh!"

"Still Monica how could you hurt your self like that?"

"I don't know! I went to get a glass of water and next thing I knew.....the knife was in my hand and my wrist was bleeding....I didn't plan it or anything"

"When your wrist was bleeding you looked like you wanted to die. Like you didn't care"

"I didn't care......it is hard to explain"

"Obviously because I am not getting it"

"Of course you don't get it. Unless you've been there you can't get it.......you don't know what depression is"

"Guess not" Ross sighed "I guess I will leave you alone. I'm heading back to college tomorrow" with out looking at her, he left the room and shut the door. He seemed to be ashamed to have a sister emotionally unstable like her. She groaned and laid down on her bed. She closed her eyes and imagined what life would be like if she actually succeeded. Her parents would be fine with out her. Monica fell asleep minutes later.

The next day Ross and Chandler went back to college and Judy started looking for a psychiatrist for Monica. She looked through the phone book IN Monica's room so she could keep a close eye on her. She wasn't about to let her daughter do anything stupid again.

"Mom can't I be alone?"

"Nope" she continued looking in the phone book

"Why not?"

"The doctor want's us to keep a good eye on you"

"I am not going to kill my self!"

"Yeah right" Judy scoffed

Frustrated, Monica sat in the corner of her room and started to read 'Little Woman'. She was now half way through the book and wanted to finish it. Besides with her mom watching her every move there isn't much she can do.

At school Monday, Judy asked Rachel to keep a close eye on Monica. In gym class it was time to play basketball and two students were picked as coaches. Everyone seemed to be picked except her. Soon, a team was 'stuck' with her. For the rest of the class Monica sat on the bench while everyone else played. Though she didn't mind too much. She hated playing team sports in gym class. Everyone would just make fun of her even more. For tossing the ball to the wrong person or maybe accidentally going for the wrong net.

After school finally ended Monica told Rachel she wasn't feeling very well and couldn't go to her place. She instead went home and sulked in her room for the evening. Judy later informed Monica that she booked an appointment for a psychiatrist for next week.

One month later things seemed to be getting better. Monica regularly see's her thearapist at least once a week while Judy put her on a strict diet plan. So far she has lost six pounds and is hoping to lose more as fast as possible. She figured that as soon as she was thin like Rachel everyone would treat her better. She would be picked for basketball and guys would want to ask her out. Everything would be perfect.

NOTE: I don't know what hospitals are like in the states or the U.K but here my mom attempted suicide and they only kept her for one night and then released her. And she has done it many times too. Anyway I stopped here because it seemed like a good spot and I don't know if anyone will be interested.

"AT SEVENTEEN"
By Janis Ian

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth...

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say "come dance with me"
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen...

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said: "Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve"
The rich relationed hometown queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly...

So remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debitures of quality and dubious integrity
Their small-town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen...

To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
the world was younger than today
when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me...

We all play the game, and when we dare
We cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say: "Come on, dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me, at seventeen...