Just so you guys know I myself have never tried committing suicide though yes I have seen my mom try more than once. (about five or six overdoses) And I did take what Monica went through in school from what I went through until I thankfully moved away. Though I do have pretty bad depression and self esteem issues I haven't gone as far as Monica will in this chapter.
Monica Geller couldn't help but smirk when she looked at her self in the mirror. Over the course of a year she managed to lose a lot of the weight she once carried. It was thanksgiving again and Ross was again bringing the boy who hates thanksgiving other wise known as Chandler. She hated him and couldn't wait to show off her new look. No longer is she the fat girl that Chandler refused to be around. This year is the year of revenge. She didn't have anything planned as of yet but he was going to pay for his remarks. Some how he'll pay.
"Monica!" Judy yelled from downstairs
"Okay. Show time" Monica straightened her red dress and headed down stairs where Chandler and Ross stood by the entrance with Jack and Judy.
"Monica you remember Chandler?" Jack greeted
"Of course" she put on a fake smile
"Where's Rachel?" Ross had to ask
"Their family went away this year" Judy sighed "Anyway I better work on dinner" with that she left the room. Jack also left to 'help' her.
"Man I can't believe Rachel went away"
"Yeah too bad dude" Chandler said
"Um Chandler if you want I can make you some Mac and Cheese again" she smiled
"That would be great"
"I'll get started then" Monica turned around and entered the kitchen
"Dude you never mentioned your sister was hot!"
"Cause she is my sister! and don't even think about it"
"Sorry" Chandler shuffled his feet
"Wanna go to my room and listen to music?"
"Sure I guess" he reluntacly followed Ross up to his bedroom
Mean while Monica started making Chandler's Mac and Cheese while trying to think of some way to get even with him. Her favorite idea was the one to throw Chandler out side with out any of his clothes on. But that would mean getting him naked which would mean trying to seduce him. The problem with that is she wouldn't know where to start. She has no experience with the opposite sex. It's times like this where she could really use some one like Rachel.
Later that night she got her chance to try and seduce him while Ross, Judy and Jack left to make an appearance at a friends house. Monica stayed home because she hated her parents friends and she could make a move on Chandler. Though she still hadn't figured out how.
"Hey" Monica sat on the couch beside Chandler who was watching T.V
"Hey"
"What'ca watching?"
"The Simpsons"
"Neat"
"Um listen I've been meaning to talk to you about something"
"What?"
"Ross told me about last year"
"What about last year?"
"Me calling you fat and then you attempting to kill your self"
"Oh that........."
"I am really sorry about calling you...fat.....I never meant to hurt you"
"What's done is done. You can't change the past"
"But still. I feel terrible"
"Just so you know. It isn't your fault I am or was suicidal....a lot of stuff in school and my mom always nagging me.....it just built up until I couldn't take it anymore"
"Are you in therapy?"
"Yeah. I have been for a year now"
"Has it helped?"
"Why are you so concerned about me?"
"Is that not allowed? Me caring about you"
"I didn't think any one cared about me"
"Why would you think that?"
"I don't know.....being severely depressed brings your self esteem to minus zero and I dunno I just feel like I could stand in the middle of a crowded room screaming and no one would look"
"Mon. Trust me you are a beautiful person inside and out, any guy would love to call you his girlfriend"
"What about you?"
"Sure. I definitely wouldn't mind having you has a girlfriend"
"Then prove it"
"How?"
"Follow me" Monica took his hand and led him to her bedroom. They then started to make out and ended up going all the way. After having sex they both agreed it was a big mistake and should never be discussed again. Chandler went to the guest bedroom and Monica stayed laying on her bed and let the tears roll down her face. She now knew in her heart that she should have never seduced him like she did. That losing her virginity did not feel good physically or emotionally. It in fact felt awful. 'Boy is my therapist going to have a field day with this' she sniffled.
As the weeks slowly went by she stayed in her room most of the time not even leaving to attend therapy or even school. Instead she let the depression get worst and more severe. She even got back down to the stage where she wanted to harm her self. Judy of course didn't see it and forced her to go to school. But Monica would instead go to an abandoned warehouse and sit on the edge of the roof watching cars drive by. It would take some self coaching to not jump and end it all. After sitting on the roof everyday for a week the school must of made some phone calls home because one day Ross followed her. On this day instead of sitting on the edge she was standing.
"What are you doing??"
"Standing" Monica simply replied
"On the edge of a roof???"
"So?"
"So?? What if you fall!?"
"If I fall then I fall"
"Oh my god"
"What?"
"Your suicidal again aren't you?"
"I don't think I ever stopped wanting to die"
"I do not understand why do you WANT to die??"
"I've explained this to you Ross! Unless you are extremely depressed then you can't understand!!"
"Jesus christ Monica!! Killing your self is the cowards way out! By jumping you hurt everyone around you don't you see that!??"
"Bull shit! like anyone would care if I died!! If anything I'd be doing you guys a favor"
"How can I make you understand?? no one hates you!"
"Oh yeah!!?? all the teasing and nagging and everything came out of LOVE!?? You have no idea how much shit I have been through okay!??"
"Then tell me okay? help me help you"
"Step off of the ledge!" a police officer yelled from down below. Obviously some one saw her standing there in tears and called 911. A small crowd also started gathering. Some guy even yelled for her to jump.
"I don't need help Ross. I need a miracle"
Monica watched a group of police officers down below obviously trying to figure out a way to get her off the ledge. They probably figured she was a suicidal maniac. She figured she was just doing the world a favor. Minutes later one of the officers came on to the roof.
"I am just here to help okay?"
"If you want to help, you can leave me alone"
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen"
"Your still young. You have plenty to live for"
"Whatever"
"Besides you don't even know how bad life gets"
"Okay number one, you have never been a teenage girl before and second of all you aren't making me wanna live any more"
"Just step off of the ledge"
Monica just glared at the officer. She wasn't going to let him tell her what and what not to do. After all it is up to her if she wants to die or live. Ross meanwhile was talking on his cell phone, probably telling their parents how crazy she had gotten.
"This is your last warning. Step off of the ledge" he slowly made his way towards her
"What are you going to do to me? shoot me?"
"No...." the police officer grabbed Monica around her waist and dragged her off the ledge. He then proceeded to take her down below for medical attention. Why she didn't know because she was obviously not physically hurt. After paramedics checked her out she was released into her parents custody. Judy kept saying how sick she was of Monica's actions while Jack kept quiet. Ross noticed how her breakdowns always came after a visit from Chandler but didn't say anything. Monica sat in the back seat with her eyes closed. The last thing she needs is a lecture from her mother. Once they arrived home Judy sent Monica straight to her room and demanded she stay there. Monica didn't care though. She was glad to be away from everyone.
She grabbed her diary and started a new entry.
"Dear Diary,
Today Ross followed me
to an old warehouse where I happened to be standing on the ledge of the
roof. Until Ross started telling me not to jump and how stupid I was being,
I really hadn't planned on jumping at all. But the more he said not too,
the more I wanted too. Even though I know people who love me. I feel extremely
alone and sad all the time. I really wish all this pain would just go away
but the only way for that to happen is for me too go away. Take that eternal
nap.....but when ever I try someone stops me. Maybe that is a sign. I dunno.
One thing I know is that I can not wait to go to college in the fall. If
I even make it that far..."
Monica closed her diary shut and put it under her mattress. That was the only place she knew her mother wouldn't look. She wiped away yet another tear and decided to have a bath. After getting into the hot water and closing her eyes, she emerged her head under the water and held her breath. She managed to hold it for quite a long time until she finally re-emerged.
"If only I could just drown and everything would go away" she muttered
After she finished her bath, she went back to her bedroom where she found Ross and Judy searching and taking everything out of place. "What are you guys doing??"
"Taking anything sharp"
"Or anything you can hurt your self with" Ross added
"Oh my god. Will you please leave!??"
"Not until we're finished" Judy replied
"Ughhh! fine I'll change
in the bathroom" Monica grabbed a pair of pajamas and stomped off back
to the bathroom where she slowly changed. "I can not believe those two"
she angrily brushed her hair. That night she made a choice. As soon as
she graduated high school she was leaving. She could not stand living with
them any longer. Maybe she could go live in the city. Her grandmother has
been thinking of moving to Florida so she could snatch her apartment.
This could be what she
needs to move past her depression. Losing weight obviously hadn't helped
her very much so starting over could be what she needs.
Show Me The Meaning
(Of Being Lonely)
Backstreet Boys
Show me the meaning
of being lonely
So many words for the
broken heart
It's hard to see in
a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so
soon become
Wild and free I could
feel the sun
Your every wish will
be done
They tell me...
CHORUS
Show me the meaning
of being lonely
Is this the feeling
I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't
be there where you are
There's something missing
in my heart
Life goes on as it never
ends
Eyes of stone observe
the trends
They never say forever
gaze
Guilty roads to an
endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will
be done
They tell me
Chorus
There's nowhere to run
I have no place to
go
Surrender my heart'
body and soul
How can it be you're
asking me to feel the things you never show
You are missing in my
heart
Tell me why I can't
be there where you are
Chorus
