NOTE: We do not own any of these characters except the narrator who has all bold text and the Audience members. Just so you know, don't ask me why I'm putting this in here, we love writing these things. Every time we read a review that lets us know that you guys are enjoying our stories it really makes us happy because we like to make people laugh. So please everyone enjoy the madness that shall ensue after this message has been read to you, ummm by you. Okay don't sue us! If you do we shall go to jail because between the both of us we have like $ 7.48 okay! And all you'll end up getting is a jail cell filled with stories, we would write them on the walls, toilet paper, soap, anything we got our hands onto so just save yourselves the trouble and don't sue us. Thank you! @(-_-)@
FADE IN:
The title reads 'Episode Two: Attack of the SFX'
INT: COURASANT
a really big ship and two little ships fly in through fog....smog.....mist whatever (you see the big ship has strings attached and the little ones are being held up by a hand which is covered in blue everything in this scene is blue save the ships) suddenly the big ship blows up and Padme is talking to Yoda with a couple of really cool looking Jedi in the background that we wish had a bigger part because they are so cool but they don't so stop wishing! Oh yeah Mace is there too. (the back ground is all blue the only thing that is really there besides the actors is a single desk and chair)
YODA
Hello Senator Amidala....
PADME/AMIDALA
It's Padme master Jedi....
YODA
ERRRRR okay Senator Padme.....good to see you alive, happy I am.
PADME/AMIDALA
Who are you talking to? I'm Amidala...
YODA:
ERRRRRRRRR
PALPATINE
I am in total control....and I am evil, but none of you know this...that is what makes me the dark lord of the sith.... (he laughs like a girl) Dark LORD of the Sith....that sounds so....evil....
PADME/AMIDALA
Someone tried to kill me what was that Palpatine did you just say I need Jedi protectors???
PALPATINE
no.....
PADME/AMIDALA
(ignoring him) No I don't need them Palpatine...Who Master Kenobi??? Why him?
PALPATINE
Who is she arguing with???
PADME/AMIDALA
Fine! I'll have a Jedi protector but only because your making me!
she walks off with her entourage the door shuts and everyone inside is left in awe
PALPATINE
ummm.... I sure told her???
INT: PADME/AMIDALA'S APPARTMENT
Obi-wan and Anakin ride up on a wooden platform with a green screen behind it, you can see that hand that is pushing it up and the figures on the platform are about to fall off, Anakin's figure does but a hand takes it and puts it back on the board
OBI WAN
You're nervous . . .
ANAKIN
Duh . . .
OBI WAN
Try to relax
ANAKIN
I am trying! You think I enjoy this?! (suddenly switches topics and becomes calm) It's been so long . . .
OBI WAN
Oh look, we are here. . .
(Scene changes to a another green screen and mangled Jar Jar stands there)
JAR JAR
OBI!
OBI WAN:
Dear sweet mother of Yoda! (Avoids the hug Jar Jar offers and takes off down the hall almost running )
ANAKIN
Waz up? Jar Jar?
AUDIENCE
What?! Jar Jar is back?
RANDOM GEEK IN JEDI ROBES:
Jar Jar was a important role back in episode one, he demonstrated that-
(The rest of the Fans begin to beat Person2 with plastic lightsaber's ) Ummmm this scene was to dumb so we're just skipping a head, deal with it. . .
INT: PADME/AMIDALS ROOM PLACE
Padme umm Amidala errrr who ever she is right now stands on a porch, the door opens and get stuck for about 2 minutes and the Ani and Obi head into the room (it's filled with a bunch of fake Barbie furniture)
PADME/AMIDAL
Obi-wan! So good to see you again. . . You got old. . .
OBI WAN
. . . . . .
PADME/AMIDALA
Don't take it personally Master Jedi.
OBI WAN
Too late . . .
PADME/AMIDALA
(shoves past Obi) My Ani, you got taller!
ANAKIN
No, really? Gee wiz, you didn't change
PADME/AMIDALA
That is wonderful to hear!
ANAKIN
It is????
GUARD DUDE
As you can see the senator is under grave danger. .
OBI WAN
Again?
ANAKIN
I will protect you!
OBI WAN
No you wont!
ANAKIN
Why?
AUDIENCE
Ooooo. . .
OBI WAN
Damn it because I said so. .
ANAKIN
Oh. . .
PADME/AMIDALA
I am going to sleep now. . .(Gets up and heads off )
ANAKIN
(watches her leave) dang it! She didn't remember me....
OBI WAN
Huh? She looked at you and could tell you were Ani I didn't tell her that....what more do you want???
ANAKIN
I've thought about her every day since I last saw her....
OBI WAN
STALKER!!!! STALKER!!!! That's really creepy man!
ANAKIN
She's intoxicating..... I can't think around her....I can't think without her.....I've been having bad dreams master.
OBI WAN
WHOA! You sure jump subjects quickly....
ANAKIN
MASTER!!! This is serious! I see my mommy dying.....
OBI WAN
Damn..... you need counseling
ANAKIN
No I do not want to talk to the counsel....
OBI WAN
No....I mean counseling...you, you have no clue what I'm talking about...Okay nevermind. Dreams pass in time. Oh crap did you sense that???
ANAKIN
PADME!!!!
The two run into her room and a worm is about to eat her face off. Anakin plays the big shot hero and kills them saving little perfect princess....
PADME/AMIDALA
No I am a Senator...
Are you sure??? I mean you never really know your own name...
PADME/AMIDALA
FINE! I'll be just Padme...there are you happy now???
Yes....back to the story OBI WAN looking quite cool might I add jumps through a window grabbing onto a probe and goes for a ride through Courasant. Anakin quickly runs outside and jumps into a speeder to get his master.
INT: COUASANT NIGHT
ANAKIN
(after catching OBI WAN) Way cool! Master that was awesome you liked kicked ass....
OBI WAN
Oh Yoda I'm gonna die...
ANAKIN
(looks at Obi and not the traffic) Why do you say that?
OBI WAN
Because your driving.....
ANAKIN
OH!
Umm the rest of this scene was cut because well it's pretty much all blue scene stuff.
AUDIENCE
We want the scene!!!
Oh fine! I'll tell you about it....Anakin and Obi go chasing after this chick that's not really a chick but a really ugly alien Anakin almost gets the killed several times and Obi says 'I don't like it when you do that' a lot and Anakin says 'sorry' a lot then Anakin goes the wrong way and looses the chick that's not really a chick in the traffic and Obi yells at him which is actually pretty funny. Anakin jumps off of the speeder, out of the speeder whatever and lands on the not really a chick's speeder thing and looses his saber. OBI WAN follows them and catches the saber which if your like me is pretty funny there are you happy now!!!
AUDIENCE
Yes!!!
RANDOME GEEK IN JEDI ROBES
No!!!
(the audience throws food at him)
Okay Anakin crashes the not really a chicks speeder and chases her into a bar.
INT: BAR!!!!!
OBI WAN
Anakin!
ANAKIN
Master...she went in here
OBI WAN
I have you lightsaber...
ANAKIN
DOH! Can I have it back?
OBI WAN
(has his hands behind his back) Which hand is it???
ANAKIN
Oh wait! In Trivial Pursuit it's always which hand??? Ummm.... Oh yeah.. The right one
OBI WAN
(give him his saber) Good boy! Lets go get him
ANAKIN
It's not a he it's a not really a chick...
OBI WAN
Oh well in that case I'm gonna go get drunk!
Obi goes to the bar and drinks blue Vodka! Anakin walks around trying to find the not really a chick person but instead finds a lot of different people like the actors that play Han Solo, C3PO, R2D2, and a lot of others I don't wanna name. Oh yeah on one screen they're playing the Pod Racer game which is really good and everyone should buy! And then George has his kids in there...Any way as Obi drinks his blue Vodka Anakin walks around in circles. But SUNDDENLY! Out of no-where, Obi-wan chops off some random persons arm and it turns out that is was the chick who's not really a chick and is revealed as a bounty hunter!
ANAKIN
Oh Nice one master!
OBI WAN
Thank you Padawan...
He downs the rest of the drink and smiles, picks up the armless person leaving her, his, it's arm behind
ANAKIN
This is our business, go back to getting wasted...
INT: ALLY A DARK SPOOKY ONE TOO
Outside in a run-down ally, Obi-wan drops the person to the ground
OBI WAN
Who sent you?
BOUNTY HUNTER LADY MAN
I wont tell you.
ANAKIN
DAMNIT! Who sent you!?
BOUNTY HUNTER LADY MAN
It was some guy in this jet pack-
She gets hit by a pebble thrown from someone behind the camera which then pretends to die, not that well though . . (Anakin checks for a pulse)
ANAKIN
He....or umm She....uhhhhh...... Its dead master. .
(A Jango Fett action figure is lifted up from the ground by strings)
OBI WAN
(picks up the pebble) I have never seen something like this before. . I have to ask Dex but since Dex is completely computer generated I am going to act like I know where this came from and go straight to the library . . .them I'll have to ask that old cranky librarian for help now. . . Damn I really hate her. . and then I will ask Yoda,
ANAKIN
Its just a rock master.. .
OBI WAN
Who is the master here?!
INT: THOSE TWO PEOPLE THAT ARE IN LOVE BUT CAN'T BE ARE LEAVING NOW AND WELL THAT'S WHERE THEY ARE
OBI WAN
Now be a good boy for the Senator okay Anakin?
ANAKIN
Okay master.... I will. Time to go!
(Padme and Anakin walk towards there transport)
PADME
I'm scared
ANAKIN
Weenie....
PADME
Am not!
ANAKIN
Are too!
R2
BEEEEEEEEP
(They both stare at the little droid)
OBI WAN
Oh, they grow up so fast!
(the piolet dude stares at him)
INT: LIBRARY OR I GUESS YOU COULD CALL IT THE NEXT BLUE SCREEN SCENE
Another blue screen back drop and a few fake plastic shelves sit in the background, Obi-wan stands and waits for some random old lady to help him, he studies a clay statue that looks like it was made by a two year old
OBI WAN
Such a wonderful piece of art. . .
A REALLY old lady walks up and narrows her eyes
LIBRARIAN
What do you want?
OBI WAN
Info. .
LIBRARIAN
(Pushes Obi to a computer and points) Did you look it up?
OBI WAN
Yes. .
LIBRARIAN
Did you check the files?!
OBI WAN
Yes. . .
LIBRARIAN
Did you look it up under the card catalog?!
OBI WAN
Yes. . .
LIBRARIAN
Then damnit Master Kenobi! It's not there!. . .Wait, Did you ask Yoda?
OBI WAN
No. . .
LIBRARIAN
Then ask him! (Turns to a little child that taps her on the shoulder ) What!?
AUDIENCE
What a bitch. . .
RANDOM GEEK IN JEDI ROBES:
She is crucial to the plot line-
(He get beat up again)
INT: THE CUTE LITTLE KID SCENE OH I WANT A LITTLE JEDI
Obi-wan makes his way into a small and cramped training room where tiny small children are and Yoda. He is promptly attacked by the children with pots and pans on there heads
CHILDREN
Obi-wan!!!
OBI WAN
Dear sweet mother of
YODA
Errrrrr . .. guest we have children . . .
OBI WAN
I think they found that out already . . .
YODA
Lost a planet he has, how embarrassing. . .(chuckles)
OBI WAN
How did you know?
YODA
Script does tell, yessssss . . . Children, open minds, help Master Kenobi find planet. . .
OBI WAN
Well. .
He drops a small plastic ball on a stand and nothing happens (A sign drops down reading: Special effects to be added later )
OBI WAN
It should be right here (points to nothing) But its not, there is gravitational pull but-
YODA
Go to the center of it you must. . .
OBI WAN
Um ok. .
INT: CLONERS! EVERYWHERE OR I GUESS THE CLONES ARE EVERYWHERE BUT THAT'S JUST AS SCARY!
Obi Wan leaves in his little ship and goes to this place where it's always raining and Q-Tips can walk around like normal freaky aliens, nice isn't it??? (Obi walks into a blue screen and two Q-Tips come in)
Q-TIP 1
We make clones
Q-TIP 2
Of this dude called Jango Fett...
OBI WAN
I must find him and kick his ass
INT: OUTSIDE BET YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE DISCRIPTIVE HUH?
Obi runs outside. Where, oh here's a shocker! It's raining oh yeah he is face to face with Jango
OBI WAN
Rusty bucket of bolts!
JANGO FETT
crazy old man!
OBI WAN
I'm not old You weak-minded Nerf Herder!!
JANGO FETT
Oh thats below the belt (He takes out a plastic squirt gun)
OBI WAN
(draws his plasic lightsaber) Oh, that's really going to help. .. Its raining!
(Jango and tackles him)
A small fight goes on between the pair, with really bad graphics and not that well choreographed fights. It goes from weapons to hand to hand combat until Jango ties Obi-Wan's hands together
JANGO FETT
Now I am going to jump of the roof!
OBI WAN
Oh. . .not good. . .
Jango runs, dragging Obi-wan behind him and jumps, sliding down the wet roof like thingy... Somehow the ropes come loose off of Obi-wan and he somehow lands on a platform, Jango somehow gets back up and takes off before Obi-wan can do anything but throw a metal thingy on the hull of the ship Oh and the space scene has been cut because of lack of interest and sfx
INT: NABOO
(Anakin stands on Naboo looking out at a blue screen)
ANAKIN
I'm going to go save my mommy!
PADME
I'll go with you....
ANAKIN
Okay!!!!
INT: TATOOINE
The two are now on Tatooine where they meet Lars the guy that bought Anakins mom and married her, wow that really says something about the guy, the only way he could get a wife was to buy one! Oh yeah Anakin goes off and finds a Sandpeople....
RADOME GEEK IN JEDI ROBES
Tusken Radier!
FINE! A Tunsken Raider camp that just so happens to be the one his mom is in. Interesting how he found it in one day when 30 some odd guys couldn't do in a couple months but that's beyond the point.
RANDOM GEEK IN JEDI ROBES
It's the force
AUDIENCE
SHHHHHH...shut up. GEEK!
(Anakin's mom just dies and he goes outside and begins to kill the sandpeople)
AUDIENCE
Ummmm..... I think they should have done that differently. Yeah ironic how she dies right after seeing him again.
RADOME GEEK IN JEDI ROBES
That's not ironic that's the force!
(The audience throws food at him)
INT: LARS HOME PLACE IN THE GROUND
OBI WAN
Ut oh I have been caught by bad guys...I'll call my Padawan
R2
BEEEP BOOOOOP BEEEEEEP BUZZZZ
3PO
He has a message
OBI WAN
I am in trouble send this message to the counsel....HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!
PADME
He may be dying
ANAKIN
Yup....
PADME
Lets go save him!
ANAKIN
Ummmmm okay....
INT: THE PLACE THAT THEY GO TO NEXT
The two rush off to save OBI WAN Kenobi from certain danger cool huh? Okay they end up on this convater belt thing and almost die several times but dont....and Anakin breaks his saber, then they get caught and are put in this Arena thing with OBI WAN for a grand killing. A giant Bull like creature with three horns comes out directly in front of Anakin, A large sharp toothed crab came out in front of Obi and a strange rat tailed 4 eyed tiger comes out in front of Padme. (Obi looks at the other creatures. First his, then Anakin's then Padme then back to Anakin's he looks forward in amaze)
OBI WAN
This is bull shit! How come me and Padme get the dangerous meat eating creatures and Anakin gets a giant COW!!!!
Suddenly they are all free of there restraints and are surrounded by battle droids and more Jedi... oh yeah all the creatures are dead now. Umm they all fight for a while the good guys get there butts kicked then the clones come in with Yoda none-the-less.
INT: LIGHTSABER FIGHT
Obi Wan and Anakin both follow Dracula, or the Mummy, or uh Sherlock Holmes, maybe Dracula a...again, or how about Count Dracula no? Okay try this one Death! Or ummm Sherlock Holmes errr Dracula again ummm Saruman the...the White. No? I still haven't got his name right? Docoo, Dooku? That's it, YES! I got it! Count Dooku! Finally. They both go off and follow Count Dooku Padme falls out of the ship.
ANAKIN
Oh no! Not Padme! WE have to save her!!!!
OBI WAN
From what? She just fell like three feet, in episode one I fell like twenty and no one did anything about it!
ANAKIN
But this is Padme we're talking about
OBI WAN
(sarcastic and not caring) Oh....then it's different. Lets go save her from getting sand in her shoes....
INT: FIGHT PLACE YEAH!
Obi Wan and Anakin run in to where Dooku is.
OBI WAN
We take him together
ANAKIN
No he's mine!
OBI WAN
OHHHHHH! You get all the fun!!!!
Anakin begins to fight Dooku but since Dooku is such a weenie he uses his electricity thingys and fries Anakin. Then Obi Wan goes and fights pretty well but leave it up to the weenie Dooku to cheat and hurt my poor Obi Wan. I mean we all know he could never take him if he didn't do that! Okay Anakin comes to save his master from the weenie but gets his arm cut off, you know how it is I mean parry thrust oh now your missin a hand. Anyway then Yoda comes in and kicks Dooku's weenie ASS! YEAH! And guess what. Yoda totally kicks doing it! He's like the Bruce Lee version of might mouse.
YODA
Asses kicked they were yeeeeees.
ANAKIN
I can't feel my arm....
OBI WAN
That's because you don't have one any more
ANAKIN
Oh, okay.....
INT: COUSEL
YODA
Anakin and Padme with one another the Clone War begun it has.
INT: NABOO
Ummm Anakin and Padme get married and that's pretty much it. Actually it's not very compelling when you tell it this way.
