Chapter Three: If I Could Turn Back Time
Lai watched for any sign of reaction in the man straddling her desk chair. She leaned against her windowsill, now dressed in black jeans and a blue blouse. Hitner folded his arms over the back of the chair and stared blankly at her.
She sighed and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I understand. I've done it before. I just don't understand what you need me for."
"I can't reach back that far in time to see what happened. I can only get bits and pieces of it. The only clear history I can get is from sixteen years to present day." She said.
"How old are you?" Hitner asked incredulously.
"Almost eighteen."
"That's pathetic. You haven't used it enough. If you'd use it more you'd get better at it. It's like any thing else, if you don't exercise it, it doesn't work."
She glared at him. "Daddy never wanted me to. He said that there might be consequences for that kind of thing."
"Don't be naïve. He didn't want you using it because he didn't know what kind of power it would give you." Hitner said with disgust.
She looked shocked. "He wouldn't do that to me."
Hitner rolled his eyes. "Of course he would. Any one would. Think about it, Lai. We could rule the world with the kind of power we have."
"I don't want to rule the world. It would be boring." Lai muttered. "Anyway, can you do it?"
"Of course I can do it. There's only one thing."
"What?"
Hitner leaned back and put his hands behind his head. "If you could focus far enough back, you could do it on your own because you know him well. He's your dad. I would need something connected to that time in his life. You only want that one day, right?"
"Yeah," she said slowly. She didn't like where this was going to wind up.
"Well? Is there anything like that? It has to something tangible." He said.
Lai fidgeted with her fingernail for a moment. "Well…there is one thing,"
"Great. What is it?"
"It's a coat."
"You don't sound very sure about it."
"It means a lot to him. It's one of those 'off-limit' things, you know? I've only seen it once, but it just had this ethereal feeling about it. Kind of like it was sacred."
He had to smile at the sincerity she had. "Well, we'll make it quick and put it back. You'll know why he circles every May twenty-first in red, and he won't be any the wiser."
She stared at him for a minute. He really was beautiful. He had an exterior of being harsh, but he seemed somehow harmless underneath that. "All right." She said quietly.
Suddenly he felt nervous about this entire ordeal. She was placing a lot of trust in him, and she had only met him yesterday. He stood and stretched. "Let's go then. Where is it?"
"In his office."
The two crept into the office. Brad Crawford was no where in sight, and Lai knew he wouldn't be back for at least two hours. He was doing some game with the younger kids. Once seeing that there was no one in the office, Hitner strode in and flopped down on one of the couches.
"Nice thing your dad's got going here." He said, gazing around.
She ignored the comment and walked over to a chest on the far wall. Lai pulled open one of the doors to reveal several coats. There was a black raincoat, a black dress coat, a black dinner jacket, a black snow coat and finally a white double-breasted blazer.
"Jeez, doesn't he wear anything but black?" Hitner asked with amazement.
"In coats, no." Lai replied, gently taking the white coat off the hanger. It was soft and perfectly clean, as if it hadn't been worn in years. She brought it over and sat next to Hitner.
He ran his fingers over the material. "It doesn't look like your dad's coat. It's to narrow, maybe."
"It isn't." She pulled the collar towards her and flipped the tag on the inside. Underneath the label was a word. "It's says 'guilty.' It's not dad's handwriting. But he's had this coat for as long as I can remember. He's just never worn it. He just keeps it around, like a memento."
"Did it never occur to you just to ask him why the word was on there?" Hitner asked dryly.
"No."
"Think you'd get a bad reaction?"
"I know I'd get a bad reaction." Lai said.
"Hn. He hides a lot behind those shields of his." Hitner said.
"Everyone does."
He grinned. "Naturally. So, you're sure you really want to do this? You realize I'll be able to see everything that happens too."
"Can you keep your mouth shut about it?"
"If it makes the lady happy."
"It would."
"Then it shan't be heard to a soul by me."
"Let's do it."
"All right. Close your eyes, get a good hold on the coat. Now focus on the past, and more specifically, your father. It's like a rewind button in your head. Look for that day." Hitner instructed carefully. They had to do this just right, because if they focused too much of their energy, the results would be disastrous.
Lai could see her father and blurred images of him in her mind's eye. It was like a tape rewinding, going backwards at amazing speeds. She could make out the time he came to Rosenkreuz, which meant they were getting close to that day.
/When we get close, just slow your focus down./ Hitner whispered into her mind.
Lai was looking. Closer and closer and she still wasn't sure of when to stop. She knew when she saw a flash of red. They had made it. And May twenty-first played out like a movie in their minds.
Bradley Crawford sat and stared mindlessly at his computer screen. There was nothing here. There hadn't been anything for forty-five minutes, and checking ahead, there wasn't going to for another two hours. Of all the things he had to get stuck with, why did watching the wormed computer of Omi Tsukiyono have to be it?
He drummed his fingers on the desk. He might as well stay where he was. There wasn't anything better to do with his time. Farfarello was drugged and neatly stashed away in his straight jacket, Nagi was surfing the web trying to hack into government sites, and Schuldig hadn't been in the house since eight that morning.
He felt a distinct twinge when he thought about the German. It was his fault that he had stormed out of the house. As an immature end to the dispute, he had told Schuldig to drop dead. Schuldig had coldly retorted by telling him to be careful what he wished for.
Brad rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, marking out the day with a red 'x'. It was a waste anyway. He would have to apologize later. He then realized he'd used red to mark the day instead of blue, and muttered a low curse. He didn't have any white out left, either. He scratched at the ink absently and decided to entertain his 'sixth sense.'
He instantly regretted it.
His whole body seized up as he saw the black car careening around the corner; the startled look in the jade eyes, the silver bullet, the red on the cream colored coat; the flame hitting the sidewalk.
Brad emitted a strangled cry as he pulled away from the vision. He looked around, gasping for breath, desperate for an answer. It was real. Schuldig was gone, he was still there, and the computer screen was still blank.
/Schuldig!/
He snatched his coat and was gone as the door slammed behind him. He could still make it. It wasn't over yet. It might not have even happened. /Schuldig!/ He saw the future, not the past or occurring. The future. He could still stop it. He could fight the future.
As soon as he hit the first corner he knew he was wrong. He was running, running, and as fast as he could and still he knew it wouldn't be fast enough. He wasn't going to make it. He flung himself along the sidewalk. Why hadn't he thought to take the car? The detour, he remembered. He wouldn't have been able to get to where he needed to go. He was seeing it again, the body on the sidewalk. The red spilling, pooling out underneath him. The red hair falling and brushing against the cement.
He came around the final corner and froze. The entire world fell silent. He could hear the wild thumping of his heart, hear his breaths come out in short gasps. But all he could see was the body on the sidewalk. Schuldig was lying on the sidewalk, unmoving, and unresponsive to the screaming going on in Brad's mind.
He should have responded to the screaming. Brad made his body move towards him. He could still get to him. Schuldig wouldn't just leave him like that.
Brad could feel the wetness of tears on his face as he knelt by Schuldig. He had failed as a leader, as a partner, and as a friend. He reached out and brushed his fingers across Schuldig's cheek.
"Schuldig…" he whispered. His flesh was cold under the American's touch. /Schuldig?/ The thought rang hollow.
Brad fought for emotional control as he pulled the body into his arms. He held Schuldig's head against his chest and kissed the top of his head before leaning his face against it.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Schuldig. I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry I didn't make it." He whispered into the flame red hair. Tears trailed down his face, as the leader of Schwarz was broken.
"Let me change it, God! Please let me change it," he cried.
Brad was sobbing, clutching to the telepath as if he was all he had. The Japanese teenager was silent as he came upon the scene. He'd followed Crawford from the house; afraid he would find something like this. He stood next to them, saying nothing. Brad looked up at him and Nagi realized it was the first time he'd seen their leader hurt.
"We were supposed to be able to survive anything." Brad said, half to himself and half to the boy.
Nagi bit his lip. "He's gone, Crawford." He said quietly.
He ignored the comment and pressed his face against Schuldig's head again. Nagi almost didn't hear the words their leader spoke next.
"One day, somehow, I'm going to make this right for you, for me, for us. I promise you, I'll find a way. You said you'd follow me to the ends of the earth, Schuldig. If it's the last thing I ever do, I'll bring you back from them."
Nagi waited a moment before placing a hand on Crawford's shoulder. He was going to miss the German too, but he wasn't coming back. He heard sirens in the distance. "Crawford," he said softly.
Brad closed his eyes and held his comrade for a moment longer before laying him back on the pavement. Nagi looked around to the windows in the street. They couldn't be seen and the sirens were getting closer. The oracle stood and backed away from Schuldig. Nagi tugged on his sleeve.
"Adieu." He murmured.
Nagi cast one last glance back at Schuldig.
And the memory faded.
Lai and Hitner both pulled away from their look into the past, silent. Their gazes met and he pushed the coat away from him and into her lap. He stood and went to the window. Lai grasped the coat in both hands. It had been Schuldig's coat. That's why his name was in it.
She replayed the last promise over in her mind. /I promise you; I'll find a way. If it's the last thing I ever do, I'll bring you back from them./ That's what her father had meant when he told her every red circle marked another year he didn't keep a promise to a friend. An idea sparked in the back of her mind. She turned to Hitner.
"Can we change it?" she breathed.
He cast a startled glance at her. "Change it?" he echoed.
"Yes, change it. Go back, make it different." She expanded.
"Are you out of your mind? You can't do something like that! It,"
They froze as a click was heard at the office door. Lai gasped.
"My father," she whispered.
Hitner closed his eyes. Lai jumped up and grabbed his arm. "Don't! He'll know if you freeze it, he always knows."
"The coat, you idiot, do something with the coat then," he hissed.
Lai glanced at the door and around the room. She couldn't get the coat back in the chest before her father walked in. She turned her eyes upward in a quick prayer of forgiveness and shoved the coat behind the couch.
Hitner sat on the arm and she took the cushion just as Brad walked into the room. He was startled to see them in there.
"You two need something?" he asked, glancing between them.
Lai shook her head. "They're doing a project in the library so we thought we'd come here to talk. We can go now." She said.
"I'd appreciate it. I've got some business to take care of."
Lai and Hitner stood, disappearing into the hall. The door clicked shut behind them and they breathed a sigh of relief. Hitner knew the girl wasn't going to let the idea go that quickly and mentally sighed.
Brad watched where they had gone even after they're footsteps had died away. He wondered what they had really been up to in his office. Lai had never lied to him before. He looked down at the calendar and the day marked in red. He took a deep breath as a feeling of uneasiness came over him. She had never lied before.
Lai watched for any sign of reaction in the man straddling her desk chair. She leaned against her windowsill, now dressed in black jeans and a blue blouse. Hitner folded his arms over the back of the chair and stared blankly at her.
She sighed and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I understand. I've done it before. I just don't understand what you need me for."
"I can't reach back that far in time to see what happened. I can only get bits and pieces of it. The only clear history I can get is from sixteen years to present day." She said.
"How old are you?" Hitner asked incredulously.
"Almost eighteen."
"That's pathetic. You haven't used it enough. If you'd use it more you'd get better at it. It's like any thing else, if you don't exercise it, it doesn't work."
She glared at him. "Daddy never wanted me to. He said that there might be consequences for that kind of thing."
"Don't be naïve. He didn't want you using it because he didn't know what kind of power it would give you." Hitner said with disgust.
She looked shocked. "He wouldn't do that to me."
Hitner rolled his eyes. "Of course he would. Any one would. Think about it, Lai. We could rule the world with the kind of power we have."
"I don't want to rule the world. It would be boring." Lai muttered. "Anyway, can you do it?"
"Of course I can do it. There's only one thing."
"What?"
Hitner leaned back and put his hands behind his head. "If you could focus far enough back, you could do it on your own because you know him well. He's your dad. I would need something connected to that time in his life. You only want that one day, right?"
"Yeah," she said slowly. She didn't like where this was going to wind up.
"Well? Is there anything like that? It has to something tangible." He said.
Lai fidgeted with her fingernail for a moment. "Well…there is one thing,"
"Great. What is it?"
"It's a coat."
"You don't sound very sure about it."
"It means a lot to him. It's one of those 'off-limit' things, you know? I've only seen it once, but it just had this ethereal feeling about it. Kind of like it was sacred."
He had to smile at the sincerity she had. "Well, we'll make it quick and put it back. You'll know why he circles every May twenty-first in red, and he won't be any the wiser."
She stared at him for a minute. He really was beautiful. He had an exterior of being harsh, but he seemed somehow harmless underneath that. "All right." She said quietly.
Suddenly he felt nervous about this entire ordeal. She was placing a lot of trust in him, and she had only met him yesterday. He stood and stretched. "Let's go then. Where is it?"
"In his office."
The two crept into the office. Brad Crawford was no where in sight, and Lai knew he wouldn't be back for at least two hours. He was doing some game with the younger kids. Once seeing that there was no one in the office, Hitner strode in and flopped down on one of the couches.
"Nice thing your dad's got going here." He said, gazing around.
She ignored the comment and walked over to a chest on the far wall. Lai pulled open one of the doors to reveal several coats. There was a black raincoat, a black dress coat, a black dinner jacket, a black snow coat and finally a white double-breasted blazer.
"Jeez, doesn't he wear anything but black?" Hitner asked with amazement.
"In coats, no." Lai replied, gently taking the white coat off the hanger. It was soft and perfectly clean, as if it hadn't been worn in years. She brought it over and sat next to Hitner.
He ran his fingers over the material. "It doesn't look like your dad's coat. It's to narrow, maybe."
"It isn't." She pulled the collar towards her and flipped the tag on the inside. Underneath the label was a word. "It's says 'guilty.' It's not dad's handwriting. But he's had this coat for as long as I can remember. He's just never worn it. He just keeps it around, like a memento."
"Did it never occur to you just to ask him why the word was on there?" Hitner asked dryly.
"No."
"Think you'd get a bad reaction?"
"I know I'd get a bad reaction." Lai said.
"Hn. He hides a lot behind those shields of his." Hitner said.
"Everyone does."
He grinned. "Naturally. So, you're sure you really want to do this? You realize I'll be able to see everything that happens too."
"Can you keep your mouth shut about it?"
"If it makes the lady happy."
"It would."
"Then it shan't be heard to a soul by me."
"Let's do it."
"All right. Close your eyes, get a good hold on the coat. Now focus on the past, and more specifically, your father. It's like a rewind button in your head. Look for that day." Hitner instructed carefully. They had to do this just right, because if they focused too much of their energy, the results would be disastrous.
Lai could see her father and blurred images of him in her mind's eye. It was like a tape rewinding, going backwards at amazing speeds. She could make out the time he came to Rosenkreuz, which meant they were getting close to that day.
/When we get close, just slow your focus down./ Hitner whispered into her mind.
Lai was looking. Closer and closer and she still wasn't sure of when to stop. She knew when she saw a flash of red. They had made it. And May twenty-first played out like a movie in their minds.
Bradley Crawford sat and stared mindlessly at his computer screen. There was nothing here. There hadn't been anything for forty-five minutes, and checking ahead, there wasn't going to for another two hours. Of all the things he had to get stuck with, why did watching the wormed computer of Omi Tsukiyono have to be it?
He drummed his fingers on the desk. He might as well stay where he was. There wasn't anything better to do with his time. Farfarello was drugged and neatly stashed away in his straight jacket, Nagi was surfing the web trying to hack into government sites, and Schuldig hadn't been in the house since eight that morning.
He felt a distinct twinge when he thought about the German. It was his fault that he had stormed out of the house. As an immature end to the dispute, he had told Schuldig to drop dead. Schuldig had coldly retorted by telling him to be careful what he wished for.
Brad rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, marking out the day with a red 'x'. It was a waste anyway. He would have to apologize later. He then realized he'd used red to mark the day instead of blue, and muttered a low curse. He didn't have any white out left, either. He scratched at the ink absently and decided to entertain his 'sixth sense.'
He instantly regretted it.
His whole body seized up as he saw the black car careening around the corner; the startled look in the jade eyes, the silver bullet, the red on the cream colored coat; the flame hitting the sidewalk.
Brad emitted a strangled cry as he pulled away from the vision. He looked around, gasping for breath, desperate for an answer. It was real. Schuldig was gone, he was still there, and the computer screen was still blank.
/Schuldig!/
He snatched his coat and was gone as the door slammed behind him. He could still make it. It wasn't over yet. It might not have even happened. /Schuldig!/ He saw the future, not the past or occurring. The future. He could still stop it. He could fight the future.
As soon as he hit the first corner he knew he was wrong. He was running, running, and as fast as he could and still he knew it wouldn't be fast enough. He wasn't going to make it. He flung himself along the sidewalk. Why hadn't he thought to take the car? The detour, he remembered. He wouldn't have been able to get to where he needed to go. He was seeing it again, the body on the sidewalk. The red spilling, pooling out underneath him. The red hair falling and brushing against the cement.
He came around the final corner and froze. The entire world fell silent. He could hear the wild thumping of his heart, hear his breaths come out in short gasps. But all he could see was the body on the sidewalk. Schuldig was lying on the sidewalk, unmoving, and unresponsive to the screaming going on in Brad's mind.
He should have responded to the screaming. Brad made his body move towards him. He could still get to him. Schuldig wouldn't just leave him like that.
Brad could feel the wetness of tears on his face as he knelt by Schuldig. He had failed as a leader, as a partner, and as a friend. He reached out and brushed his fingers across Schuldig's cheek.
"Schuldig…" he whispered. His flesh was cold under the American's touch. /Schuldig?/ The thought rang hollow.
Brad fought for emotional control as he pulled the body into his arms. He held Schuldig's head against his chest and kissed the top of his head before leaning his face against it.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Schuldig. I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry I didn't make it." He whispered into the flame red hair. Tears trailed down his face, as the leader of Schwarz was broken.
"Let me change it, God! Please let me change it," he cried.
Brad was sobbing, clutching to the telepath as if he was all he had. The Japanese teenager was silent as he came upon the scene. He'd followed Crawford from the house; afraid he would find something like this. He stood next to them, saying nothing. Brad looked up at him and Nagi realized it was the first time he'd seen their leader hurt.
"We were supposed to be able to survive anything." Brad said, half to himself and half to the boy.
Nagi bit his lip. "He's gone, Crawford." He said quietly.
He ignored the comment and pressed his face against Schuldig's head again. Nagi almost didn't hear the words their leader spoke next.
"One day, somehow, I'm going to make this right for you, for me, for us. I promise you, I'll find a way. You said you'd follow me to the ends of the earth, Schuldig. If it's the last thing I ever do, I'll bring you back from them."
Nagi waited a moment before placing a hand on Crawford's shoulder. He was going to miss the German too, but he wasn't coming back. He heard sirens in the distance. "Crawford," he said softly.
Brad closed his eyes and held his comrade for a moment longer before laying him back on the pavement. Nagi looked around to the windows in the street. They couldn't be seen and the sirens were getting closer. The oracle stood and backed away from Schuldig. Nagi tugged on his sleeve.
"Adieu." He murmured.
Nagi cast one last glance back at Schuldig.
And the memory faded.
Lai and Hitner both pulled away from their look into the past, silent. Their gazes met and he pushed the coat away from him and into her lap. He stood and went to the window. Lai grasped the coat in both hands. It had been Schuldig's coat. That's why his name was in it.
She replayed the last promise over in her mind. /I promise you; I'll find a way. If it's the last thing I ever do, I'll bring you back from them./ That's what her father had meant when he told her every red circle marked another year he didn't keep a promise to a friend. An idea sparked in the back of her mind. She turned to Hitner.
"Can we change it?" she breathed.
He cast a startled glance at her. "Change it?" he echoed.
"Yes, change it. Go back, make it different." She expanded.
"Are you out of your mind? You can't do something like that! It,"
They froze as a click was heard at the office door. Lai gasped.
"My father," she whispered.
Hitner closed his eyes. Lai jumped up and grabbed his arm. "Don't! He'll know if you freeze it, he always knows."
"The coat, you idiot, do something with the coat then," he hissed.
Lai glanced at the door and around the room. She couldn't get the coat back in the chest before her father walked in. She turned her eyes upward in a quick prayer of forgiveness and shoved the coat behind the couch.
Hitner sat on the arm and she took the cushion just as Brad walked into the room. He was startled to see them in there.
"You two need something?" he asked, glancing between them.
Lai shook her head. "They're doing a project in the library so we thought we'd come here to talk. We can go now." She said.
"I'd appreciate it. I've got some business to take care of."
Lai and Hitner stood, disappearing into the hall. The door clicked shut behind them and they breathed a sigh of relief. Hitner knew the girl wasn't going to let the idea go that quickly and mentally sighed.
Brad watched where they had gone even after they're footsteps had died away. He wondered what they had really been up to in his office. Lai had never lied to him before. He looked down at the calendar and the day marked in red. He took a deep breath as a feeling of uneasiness came over him. She had never lied before.
