Letters from a Dark Lord: Part 2
By: Angua27
Okay, same drill as last time. I don't own anyone (except maybe Samwise and Professor Lupin, but they don't really come into this story). Sorry I can't get the doodles on here. It looks better in my notebook. Hope you like. R/R
Dear Sharkey,
I just got your letter and I'm in a hurry to send it - or rather Fatty - back. He's eaten practically everything in my cupboard. He also smoked all the pipeweed and complains there's no more. I told him that we don't have pipeweed here, although we do have Longbottoms, but he just bit my ankle. There's the singing as well. Whenever he's bored, or lonely, or happy, or just bit my ankle he starts singing. I never thought anyone, human or not, could sing so much and so horribly. Fatty wants me to teach him the dark lord laugh, but I told him to ask you and shoved him in the closet.
The picture of you looks very dark lordish. The long hair and slightly insane gleam in your eye works well. Although your forehead is a touch too shiny. Perhaps you should use some powder. I know it does wonders for me.
The "multi-colored peace sign" your orc was talking about was my new dark mark. I used to have a skull with a snake sticking out of the mouth, but my friend Ronnie told me it scared people. He also said the green mist didn't go with my complexion.
Well, Fatty is now riding horseback on Wormtail now, so I guess I better get going. DO NOT SEND FATTY AGAIN!
BFF,
Voldie
P.S: I enclosed a picture too.
Dear Voldie,
I'm sorry about Fatty. He was probably just a bit excited. Your picture looks great too. I like the silvery mist, but why's it moving? Every now and then it starts to do the YMCA. It's quite disconcerting.
I have a symbol too. It's just a white handprint though. Do you think if I changed my dark mark I could be more successful? Maybe white is too dull of a color. What about neon pink or orange? Maybe I could cast a spell on it so it flashes both colors. That would be - as you say - wicked.
Were you serious about meeting? I would like to get together sometime. My place is a mess so we should probably meet at your pad. Perhaps you can give me some hints on dealing with the ents and help perfect my evil laugh. Fatty says that mine isn't as scary as yours. He tried to show me how you do it, but he kept snorting and insisting it was part of it. I have suspicions that he wants to overthrow me.
Do you have a dark lord chant or language? I speak in the Black Tongue and my chant is "As nazg durmbatuluk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatuluk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul." The translation is roughly "I am really cool, I am the bomb, I am really awesome, and actually kinda nice too," but Gandalf translated it wrong. He said he didn't think my version sounded right. He's always doing stuff like that, but it helps me sometimes. All he has to say is "Mordor" in a foreboding tone and everyone gets scared of me. It's pretty cool.
Write soon,
Sharkey
Dear Sharkey,
It's been pretty quiet around here without Fatty. Maybe I was wrong about the little guy. I'm lonely and need a friend so perhaps you could send him back. I've already bought some shin guards.
I don't have my own language, per se, but I can speak Parseltongue. I'll tell you some useful phrases:
sssssssSsss - Saruman
ssSsssSssss- Voldemort
sssS ssss Ss - Best Friends Forever
sssSsssssssS - Fatty
ssSsssSsssssS SSSsssssS sssssSsSsS - I'm a Dark Lord and Proud of it.
I hope you find these helpful. I am one of the only people who can speak Parseltongue beside Harry Potter and all snakes. I was thinking of a new symbol for you and I didn't come up with one, but I have something almost as good. You should make shirts that say "My Dark Lord went to Mordor and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." Then you can make all the orcs wear them. You could show Gondor that you have a sense of humor while you are raiding their city.
What do you think about meeting next month at The Hanged Man? None of the Ministry of Magic hang around there because they're afraid of running into me. My buddy Fudge also takes care of keeping me hidden. It was great when he put the dementors in Hogsmeade. I just wore a black cloak and went to the Three Broomsticks for butterbeer (I don't mind telling you that Madame Rosmerta's a piece!). I'll bring some butterbeer along though and you can bring some more pipeweed. I'll try to get my pals Fred and George to lend me some ton-tongue toffees too. They have a nice buttery goodness to them. It's a shame about the tongue thing, but they keep promising me they'll get better next time. Maybe I could even get Ronnie to come along go give you some hints on fixing up your citadel. He's really good with interior decorating and stuff. I'll also bring Wormtail because he has nothing better to do anyway. Write next time whether you can come or not. Okay?
BFF,
Voldie
Well, that's all I have for now. I may write more and I may not. It all depends if you people like it or not. But these are fun to write anyway. So...PLAH!
By: Angua27
Okay, same drill as last time. I don't own anyone (except maybe Samwise and Professor Lupin, but they don't really come into this story). Sorry I can't get the doodles on here. It looks better in my notebook. Hope you like. R/R
Dear Sharkey,
I just got your letter and I'm in a hurry to send it - or rather Fatty - back. He's eaten practically everything in my cupboard. He also smoked all the pipeweed and complains there's no more. I told him that we don't have pipeweed here, although we do have Longbottoms, but he just bit my ankle. There's the singing as well. Whenever he's bored, or lonely, or happy, or just bit my ankle he starts singing. I never thought anyone, human or not, could sing so much and so horribly. Fatty wants me to teach him the dark lord laugh, but I told him to ask you and shoved him in the closet.
The picture of you looks very dark lordish. The long hair and slightly insane gleam in your eye works well. Although your forehead is a touch too shiny. Perhaps you should use some powder. I know it does wonders for me.
The "multi-colored peace sign" your orc was talking about was my new dark mark. I used to have a skull with a snake sticking out of the mouth, but my friend Ronnie told me it scared people. He also said the green mist didn't go with my complexion.
Well, Fatty is now riding horseback on Wormtail now, so I guess I better get going. DO NOT SEND FATTY AGAIN!
BFF,
Voldie
P.S: I enclosed a picture too.
Dear Voldie,
I'm sorry about Fatty. He was probably just a bit excited. Your picture looks great too. I like the silvery mist, but why's it moving? Every now and then it starts to do the YMCA. It's quite disconcerting.
I have a symbol too. It's just a white handprint though. Do you think if I changed my dark mark I could be more successful? Maybe white is too dull of a color. What about neon pink or orange? Maybe I could cast a spell on it so it flashes both colors. That would be - as you say - wicked.
Were you serious about meeting? I would like to get together sometime. My place is a mess so we should probably meet at your pad. Perhaps you can give me some hints on dealing with the ents and help perfect my evil laugh. Fatty says that mine isn't as scary as yours. He tried to show me how you do it, but he kept snorting and insisting it was part of it. I have suspicions that he wants to overthrow me.
Do you have a dark lord chant or language? I speak in the Black Tongue and my chant is "As nazg durmbatuluk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatuluk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul." The translation is roughly "I am really cool, I am the bomb, I am really awesome, and actually kinda nice too," but Gandalf translated it wrong. He said he didn't think my version sounded right. He's always doing stuff like that, but it helps me sometimes. All he has to say is "Mordor" in a foreboding tone and everyone gets scared of me. It's pretty cool.
Write soon,
Sharkey
Dear Sharkey,
It's been pretty quiet around here without Fatty. Maybe I was wrong about the little guy. I'm lonely and need a friend so perhaps you could send him back. I've already bought some shin guards.
I don't have my own language, per se, but I can speak Parseltongue. I'll tell you some useful phrases:
sssssssSsss - Saruman
ssSsssSssss- Voldemort
sssS ssss Ss - Best Friends Forever
sssSsssssssS - Fatty
ssSsssSsssssS SSSsssssS sssssSsSsS - I'm a Dark Lord and Proud of it.
I hope you find these helpful. I am one of the only people who can speak Parseltongue beside Harry Potter and all snakes. I was thinking of a new symbol for you and I didn't come up with one, but I have something almost as good. You should make shirts that say "My Dark Lord went to Mordor and all I got was this lousy T-shirt." Then you can make all the orcs wear them. You could show Gondor that you have a sense of humor while you are raiding their city.
What do you think about meeting next month at The Hanged Man? None of the Ministry of Magic hang around there because they're afraid of running into me. My buddy Fudge also takes care of keeping me hidden. It was great when he put the dementors in Hogsmeade. I just wore a black cloak and went to the Three Broomsticks for butterbeer (I don't mind telling you that Madame Rosmerta's a piece!). I'll bring some butterbeer along though and you can bring some more pipeweed. I'll try to get my pals Fred and George to lend me some ton-tongue toffees too. They have a nice buttery goodness to them. It's a shame about the tongue thing, but they keep promising me they'll get better next time. Maybe I could even get Ronnie to come along go give you some hints on fixing up your citadel. He's really good with interior decorating and stuff. I'll also bring Wormtail because he has nothing better to do anyway. Write next time whether you can come or not. Okay?
BFF,
Voldie
Well, that's all I have for now. I may write more and I may not. It all depends if you people like it or not. But these are fun to write anyway. So...PLAH!
