Letters from a Dark Lord
By: Angua27
Wow, it's been quite a while since I last updated this. I've been so busy with other things I haven't been updating what Rosie says is my best fic. Thank you Paw! I think I'll now take this moment to insert a plug. ::begin plug:: I have a community! It's supposed to be a lotr/hp round robin, but it's turning more into a place just for interactive stuff. Anyway, the addy is www.communities.msn.com/LotRHPRoundRobin Please join! ::end plug:: I hope you enjoy this!
Part 4
Sharky M'man!
I am in such a good mood today! I was on the front cover of The Daily Prophet!!! Fudge decided he better tell the world that I'm in power again because I kept bugging him. He's so fun to annoy. So anyway, Fudge got Rita Skeeter to write an article on me and it was pretty creative. They got a bunch of people to say they saw me at a disco club. It's really not Skeeter's style, but I think Fudge put a bug in her ear. (a/n yes, I know, that was a reeeeaaally bad pun) He can be nice like that sometimes. I'm sending you the cutout because it's so exciting. Eep!
I'm glad to hear about the ents. I know I hate having gnomes in my garden and they're much smaller than your ents. I hope your pipeweed supply doesn't get cut off! I would be quite upset.
I'm thinking of getting a new job. Just a side thing to pay the bills, you know? I was going to work at the disco club, but now everyone will be showing up and wanting autographs or dark marks or something. I just can't stand the though of a bunch of teenybopper death eaters running around. Their parents always want them home at a reasonable hour and they send me howlers whenever the kiddies get caught by the Ministry. So I'll probably end up getting a job at Burger King. They get to wear cool little hats and maybe I'll get a discount. I just love them Whoppers.
Write back,
Voldie
The Newspaper Article:
Voldemort Sighted!
By: Rita Skeeter
Yes, you read correctly. Apparently, the Dark Lord that was supposed to have vanished 14 years ago has been seen once again. Dozens of people stormed the Daily Prophet this morning demanding an explanation on why the scorn of wizards everywhere was even allowed in "Disco Dave's: The Club for Wicked Wizards," the disco hall he was apparently in. Daily Prophet writer, Rita Skeeter, spoke with some of the witnesses, including the club's owner, Disco Dave. "I dunno how he got in, man, really! It's not like you expect a vanquished dark lord to come to your disco hall. He looked just like everyone else!" Another patron, though, claimed that this was not the case. "I don't see how you could miss him," said Ronald Weasley, student at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, " He was taking up the entire dance floor with his moves. He was even break- dancing. It was wicked!" There you have the exclusive story which we at the Daily Prophet will be following closely.
**
Dear Voldie,
Congrats on the cameo! I wonder if they could put me in The Gondor Times. I could be citizen of the week. That would be so cool! You're so lucky that you're "in" with your leader. That Aragorn dude is way to "I'm so high and mighty. I'm a king. I was raised by elves. I helped save all Middle-Earth from an evil dark lord." Sheesh! You'd think he was a Valar or something.
Well, the ent saga has taken a new turn. Somehow they've gotten a hold of potato guns. Don't even bother asking how. I suspect Samwise gave them to them. They also have surprisingly good aim for walking trees. I'll just say that if you come over, stay far away from the windows and don't even think about going outside. How long does weed killer work? Because I think the ents seem to be creeping closer. Good thing they're against being hasty otherwise I wouldn't have a citadel left. Could you send me some floo powder before they get any closer? I sooo need to get out of here.
Next time I come to your place we must go to a disco club. Aragorn recently closed Gondor's down. He's such a butt! At least Denethor knew how to have fun. Granted, he was a bit homicidally insane and a closet pyro, but he was FUN! You should have seen him on the dance color. Yes, those were the good old days. You're so lucky to live in dark times. It's so much more fun than peace.
Peace Out,
Sharky
**
Dear Sharky,
I really don't know what to tell you about the ents except maybe you should move. Huge citadels are wonderful and very classy, but just a little showy. Citadels are more suited for when you're in power. Once they "defeat" you, it's smarter to high tail it out because angry (and very arrogant) villagers tend to burn them down. You're lucky you got to keep your citadel for so long, but I think it's time to put up the "For Sale by Owner" sign, old pal. I know it's going to be tough, but there will be more citadels in your future. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you.
Speaking of houses, I'm thinking of moving. I've been living the last year or so at my dad's old place. It's really bad. I think it's finally time to get my own headquarters. Maybe I'll even get my own citadel. After all, my power is rising and pretty soon I'll need a bigger place to keep my legions of dementors and death eaters. The dementors can be really picky about their rooms. They won't sleep anywhere except on water beds with feather pillows. They also like a LOT of pink. Dementors, go figure. I should probably just take over Azkaban because all my dudes are in there anyway. LOL
I started my job at Burger King on Tuesday. Everyone has been really nice. They were especially nice after I cast Cruciatus on a whiny customer. The manager has even been paying me extra to take longer lunch breaks which gives me more time to plot my world takeover. I'm beginning to think I shouldn't be so mean to muggles – nah.
BFF,
Voldie
**
Dear Voldie,
I guess you're right. It is about time to give up the old thing, but it's so hard! We've had so many good times together. It's like loosing a good friend. Could you send me some more floo powder? See, I used what you sent me to move everything out and when I came back to make sure I didn't forget anything I kind of got stuck. Boy, do I feel stupid! The ents are getting really close so HURRY!
I've decided to start my own dance club. I was thinking about how much Gondor needs a place to hang out and instead of complaining about it I should do something. You also said that you were starting at Burger King (thanks for the crown, by the way) so it got me thinking about my own business. Of course I can't walk into Gondor looking like I do now because they'd stone me, but I've made some changes. I dyed my hair brown and I wear it in a ponytail. I stole my clothing style from Legolas because it seems like chicks dig it. I also trimmed my nails and got contacts. I'm going to call myself Figwit. Isn't that a cool name? I really hope no one recognizes me because this dance club could be a good thing! I know I'm excited.
I bet you're really busy with your job and rising to power and stuff, but I really think we should meet again. I could bring some pipeweed and I would really like some more Mike's Hard Lemonade. Maybe I could sell it at my dance club. By the way, what do you think I should call it? I need a really good name so please help me out!
Peace Out,
Sharky
**
If you didn't get the Figwit joke go to my community. I have the link to Figwit Lives! in my news section and I'll be moving it to links really soon. Sorry, I really couldn't resist. Review! Please, tell me if you want more.
By: Angua27
Wow, it's been quite a while since I last updated this. I've been so busy with other things I haven't been updating what Rosie says is my best fic. Thank you Paw! I think I'll now take this moment to insert a plug. ::begin plug:: I have a community! It's supposed to be a lotr/hp round robin, but it's turning more into a place just for interactive stuff. Anyway, the addy is www.communities.msn.com/LotRHPRoundRobin Please join! ::end plug:: I hope you enjoy this!
Part 4
Sharky M'man!
I am in such a good mood today! I was on the front cover of The Daily Prophet!!! Fudge decided he better tell the world that I'm in power again because I kept bugging him. He's so fun to annoy. So anyway, Fudge got Rita Skeeter to write an article on me and it was pretty creative. They got a bunch of people to say they saw me at a disco club. It's really not Skeeter's style, but I think Fudge put a bug in her ear. (a/n yes, I know, that was a reeeeaaally bad pun) He can be nice like that sometimes. I'm sending you the cutout because it's so exciting. Eep!
I'm glad to hear about the ents. I know I hate having gnomes in my garden and they're much smaller than your ents. I hope your pipeweed supply doesn't get cut off! I would be quite upset.
I'm thinking of getting a new job. Just a side thing to pay the bills, you know? I was going to work at the disco club, but now everyone will be showing up and wanting autographs or dark marks or something. I just can't stand the though of a bunch of teenybopper death eaters running around. Their parents always want them home at a reasonable hour and they send me howlers whenever the kiddies get caught by the Ministry. So I'll probably end up getting a job at Burger King. They get to wear cool little hats and maybe I'll get a discount. I just love them Whoppers.
Write back,
Voldie
The Newspaper Article:
Voldemort Sighted!
By: Rita Skeeter
Yes, you read correctly. Apparently, the Dark Lord that was supposed to have vanished 14 years ago has been seen once again. Dozens of people stormed the Daily Prophet this morning demanding an explanation on why the scorn of wizards everywhere was even allowed in "Disco Dave's: The Club for Wicked Wizards," the disco hall he was apparently in. Daily Prophet writer, Rita Skeeter, spoke with some of the witnesses, including the club's owner, Disco Dave. "I dunno how he got in, man, really! It's not like you expect a vanquished dark lord to come to your disco hall. He looked just like everyone else!" Another patron, though, claimed that this was not the case. "I don't see how you could miss him," said Ronald Weasley, student at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, " He was taking up the entire dance floor with his moves. He was even break- dancing. It was wicked!" There you have the exclusive story which we at the Daily Prophet will be following closely.
**
Dear Voldie,
Congrats on the cameo! I wonder if they could put me in The Gondor Times. I could be citizen of the week. That would be so cool! You're so lucky that you're "in" with your leader. That Aragorn dude is way to "I'm so high and mighty. I'm a king. I was raised by elves. I helped save all Middle-Earth from an evil dark lord." Sheesh! You'd think he was a Valar or something.
Well, the ent saga has taken a new turn. Somehow they've gotten a hold of potato guns. Don't even bother asking how. I suspect Samwise gave them to them. They also have surprisingly good aim for walking trees. I'll just say that if you come over, stay far away from the windows and don't even think about going outside. How long does weed killer work? Because I think the ents seem to be creeping closer. Good thing they're against being hasty otherwise I wouldn't have a citadel left. Could you send me some floo powder before they get any closer? I sooo need to get out of here.
Next time I come to your place we must go to a disco club. Aragorn recently closed Gondor's down. He's such a butt! At least Denethor knew how to have fun. Granted, he was a bit homicidally insane and a closet pyro, but he was FUN! You should have seen him on the dance color. Yes, those were the good old days. You're so lucky to live in dark times. It's so much more fun than peace.
Peace Out,
Sharky
**
Dear Sharky,
I really don't know what to tell you about the ents except maybe you should move. Huge citadels are wonderful and very classy, but just a little showy. Citadels are more suited for when you're in power. Once they "defeat" you, it's smarter to high tail it out because angry (and very arrogant) villagers tend to burn them down. You're lucky you got to keep your citadel for so long, but I think it's time to put up the "For Sale by Owner" sign, old pal. I know it's going to be tough, but there will be more citadels in your future. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you.
Speaking of houses, I'm thinking of moving. I've been living the last year or so at my dad's old place. It's really bad. I think it's finally time to get my own headquarters. Maybe I'll even get my own citadel. After all, my power is rising and pretty soon I'll need a bigger place to keep my legions of dementors and death eaters. The dementors can be really picky about their rooms. They won't sleep anywhere except on water beds with feather pillows. They also like a LOT of pink. Dementors, go figure. I should probably just take over Azkaban because all my dudes are in there anyway. LOL
I started my job at Burger King on Tuesday. Everyone has been really nice. They were especially nice after I cast Cruciatus on a whiny customer. The manager has even been paying me extra to take longer lunch breaks which gives me more time to plot my world takeover. I'm beginning to think I shouldn't be so mean to muggles – nah.
BFF,
Voldie
**
Dear Voldie,
I guess you're right. It is about time to give up the old thing, but it's so hard! We've had so many good times together. It's like loosing a good friend. Could you send me some more floo powder? See, I used what you sent me to move everything out and when I came back to make sure I didn't forget anything I kind of got stuck. Boy, do I feel stupid! The ents are getting really close so HURRY!
I've decided to start my own dance club. I was thinking about how much Gondor needs a place to hang out and instead of complaining about it I should do something. You also said that you were starting at Burger King (thanks for the crown, by the way) so it got me thinking about my own business. Of course I can't walk into Gondor looking like I do now because they'd stone me, but I've made some changes. I dyed my hair brown and I wear it in a ponytail. I stole my clothing style from Legolas because it seems like chicks dig it. I also trimmed my nails and got contacts. I'm going to call myself Figwit. Isn't that a cool name? I really hope no one recognizes me because this dance club could be a good thing! I know I'm excited.
I bet you're really busy with your job and rising to power and stuff, but I really think we should meet again. I could bring some pipeweed and I would really like some more Mike's Hard Lemonade. Maybe I could sell it at my dance club. By the way, what do you think I should call it? I need a really good name so please help me out!
Peace Out,
Sharky
**
If you didn't get the Figwit joke go to my community. I have the link to Figwit Lives! in my news section and I'll be moving it to links really soon. Sorry, I really couldn't resist. Review! Please, tell me if you want more.
