Oh yeah, go cliffhanger me. But hey, I'm writing quickly! Note, however, that I wrote this chapter under the influence of two hours of sleep. But that's okay because it's basically just 5 pages of Hisoka freaking out anyway.

Chapter Five

There's a moment of silence that stretches out into what seems like eternity. I can barely even breathe because the air is so thick. We just all sit there, staring at the wall. My mind starts to kick into gear, trying to figure out the purpose of this. Muraki always has purpose. The only question is, which one of us does he want this time?

Right around then is when Akimiya loses it. Not that I blame him, really. I see it coming about a millisecond before it happens and slam up the strongest shields I can, but it doesn't matter. The force of his emotions tears them right down, the way he shattered them last time. Someday I'll figure out exactly why that happens. You know, someday when I'm not clinging to consciousness with every ounce of willpower I have.

I think I just fell over, but I didn't feel myself hit the ground. I'm shaking. I'm shaking all over and I can't stop. Someone is screaming and I can't tell if it's Akimiya or if it's me. Or maybe both. Could be both. I look up and the world is tinged red behind my eyes or in front of my eyes, something like that, I'm sure it would sound really clever if I could just find a way to put it but it's sort of like the world is steeped in blood

and Akimiya is on the the other side of the room. When he'd get all the way over there? He's trying to leave that's bad he'd better not manage to leave because he'd try to find Muraki and Muraki would just tear him to shreds because I think it's him that Muraki wants I think he's mad that Akimiya ruined his plans last time and he can't just kill me because we discussed that last time and it had something to do with Tsuzuki

who is holding onto Akimiya and trying to keep him from leaving and damn I knew Akimiya was strong but he's fighting like a demon

kind of a funny analogy when you think about it

and Tsuzuki has to throw him all the way across the room and he nearly trips over me so I guess I really must be on the ground


"LET ME GO!"

"You can't." Wow Tsuzuki sounds really reasonable. I suppose that's good but am I still shaking? I wouldn't be surprised if I was but I've lost feeling in my arms and legs don't know what's happening to me but it's really damn scary. "You're walking right into a trap and if you were thinking straight you'd see that" and I think Akimiya just launched himself at Tsuzuki too bad they have to fight because they sorta like each other and Tsuzuki throws him backwards again it's really a good thing that Tsuzuki is so much stronger than Akimiya is




"You don't understand I have to go to her she needs me this is because of me -- "

Wow that's kinda funny Akimiya's talking like I'm thinking

stream of consciousness because you can't quite pull it together enough to be linear

I think they're fighting again really all out fighting like fist fighting and I don't want Tsuzuki to get hurt so I try to get up and fall right back over Akimiya is so angry that it hurts me I can't block it out and I don't know why and god he needs to calm down before I lose my mind I mean I understand that he's upset but

"Think about what you're doing!" Tsuzuki is yelling. "Think about it! Look at what you're doing to him!"



I think he means me

and Akimiya stops dead.

The silence is very loud. I must look totally pathetic to have shut him up like that and now that it's a little quieter I realize that I'm lying on the floor, curled up in a ball. Can't think. Akimiya's rage sort of dissipates and is replaced with despair which is almost as bad. Still hurts. In the sudden silence I can hear someone gasping for breath. Sounds like sobs. Right, that's me. Interesting. I didn't know empathy could knock the wind out of you.

"Hisoka . . ." Akimiya's voice trails off. He turns back to Tsuzuki. "You don't understand, I have to go . . ."

Desperation.

"You can't," Tsuzuki says firmly. "You don't know where to look and you can't fight Muraki even if you did know."

Hopelessness.

Akimiya doesn't answer. He just starts to walk out. Tsuzuki grabs him around the waist and they start struggling again and I can feel the world fading out for me again it's all in shades of red because red is the color of anger. funny does the world look blue when someone else is sad I've never tried it before

Tsuzuki shouts over to me and I think he said something about going home, right, if we both grab onto Akimiya and transport back to the Meifu he'll be forced to transport with us

but that means touching him

and I grab hold of the wall and drag myself to my feet, the waves hit me and I fall back over again but at least manage to tilt myself so I fall onto the others and latch around Akimiya as I do so

painfearregretdenialragedespair

i can't help screaming

oh

God

and I reach for home Tsuzuki guides us and the next thing I know I'm on the floor again and someone lets out a surprise shout where are we? Where are we?

But we're home which means we're safe and

~~~~

Right. Think I blacked out again. Someone is holding a cold damp cloth against my face. Moving. We're moving. Walking. Someone is carrying me. Tsuzuki. I can feel it, because my shields are gone again. Akimiya is still there, but his presence is a dull pain in the back of my mind.

"Wha . . .?"

"Can you walk?" Tsuzuki asks. I don't think he means to be harsh, but his voice is tense with carefully contained panic.

"A-Aa . . ." He sets me on my feet. I sway and wobble for a second, then start to walk with him. Watari is on my other side. I think Tsuzuki had the good sense to transport us directly to the infirmary. That was awfully nice of him. "Where are we going?"

"Staff room," Tsuzuki answers, putting his arm around my shoulders to help me balance. "Tatsumi and Kachou have been informed, and we need to figure out what we're going to do."

My mind is practically swirling with questions, but they can wait. I have to try to get control back. Rebuilding my shields is too lengthy a process to bother with now, so I'll just have to cope. Tsuzuki takes me into the staff room and settles me into a chair, giving me a mug of tea. My head hurts so badly that the world is fading in and out in pulses of red. I think I might throw up.

Tatsumi and Konoe-Kachou come in a few minutes later.

"Sakamoto-san wa?" Tatsumi asks.

"Sedated," Tsuzuki answers, his voice thin. "We had to."

Ah, that would explain why I can only barely feel him anymore. He's asleep. Probably still in the infirmary.

"What happened?" Konoe-Kachou asks.

Tsuzuki explains the story of that morning while I sip at my tea and try desperately not to look as ill as I feel. I think I might pass out again and that's not a good thing.

Tatsumi gives me a close look when the story is over. "Daijoubu?"

I shake my head, which makes little lightning bolts flash in my head. Remind me not to do that again any time in the near future. When I manage to answer, my voice is hoarse. "The strength . . . of Akimiya's emotions . . . tore down my shields again." I have to talk slowly and carefully, in between the throbbing in my temples. "Because . . . he has no natural shields . . . to keep it inside him . . . and he's close to me . . . it all got fixed on me."

"So you don't have any shields right now?" Watari asks.

"No . . . but . . . I'll be okay. I have to be." Right. Great sentiment. As soon as I'm done wanting to throw up. Good thing I didn't eat breakfast or I think I would have already.

"What are we going to do?" Tsuzuki asks, feeling very worried. Very worried and all seeping into my skin

"Oh God I'm gonna throw up -- "

I run out of the room, because really the last thing I need right now is to throw up in front of everyone. Dart into the bathroom. I've barely eaten but my stomach manages to find something to come up.

"You okay?" Tsuzuki asks, walking in behind me. He thoughtfully gave me enough time to finish being sick before he came in.

"Aa . . ." I fumble for the handle so I can flush the toilet. "So much blood . . ." No, no, no. I'm not about to start crying. That just isn't acceptable. "Sorry . . ."

"It's okay." He still has the cold rag, and hands it to me. I use it to clean off my face, then press it against each of my temples for a few minutes.

"Didn't mean to be sick . . ." but the world is fading in and out and it's disorienting and makes me dizzy and the horrible pain in my head doesn't help nor does the fact that I'm practically feeling the emotions of everyone in the Meifu for God's sake but I don't actually manage to say that.

"Can you come back to the meeting?" Tsuzuki asks.

I nod. Stand. Wobble to one side and fall against the wall of the bathroom.

"Come on." Tsuzuki picks me up like I'm just a kid and carries me back into the room, putting me back into my chair.

"Sorry," I apologize, now blushing. I really hate making a fool out of myself. There are a few mumbles in response. "What are we going to do?"

Tatsumi looks at us. "What do you think Muraki was after this time?"

Tsuzuki looks uncertain, so I think I'd better answer. "I think . . . although I wouldn't stake a year's salary on this . . . that his target was mostly Akimiya. I mean, it gets at Tsuzuki and I too, but Akimiya is the one who ruined his last plan, and he's got to want revenge for that."

"But how did he know about Rika?" Watari asks.

I don't know. I don't, but . . . "When we were on our last mission . . . Muraki was there. He knew we were there. He must have found out . . . somehow . . ." Brain, function. Please. "Akimiya's dreams . . . Muraki can see into people's dreams, he told me that once, and I know Akimiya had at least one dream with her while we were there . . . if Muraki saw it, he could have figured it out."

The nausea finally fades and I'm left exhausted. I droop back into my chair, feeling like I haven't slept for a week. "That dream he had this morning that I got sucked into . . . I thought it was a dream about Rika and Saiki, but it wasn't. It was Muraki. Akimiya saw what was going to happen in that dream, so he went down to stop it . . . but I think he was too late. Either that or Muraki kicked his ass . . . either is possible."

"He didn't look hurt," Tsuzuki remarked. "Why didn't you see that it was Muraki in the dream, though?"

"He had his back to me the whole time," I say. "And I was only in the dream for about fifteen seconds before I forced myself to wake up. I remember thinking that . . . that the feel of it was similar . . . that malice and . . . and twisted pleasure . . . but it didn't tip me off. He must not have realized at first either, or he would have made it in time. It didn't happen until about five minutes after nine, remember? That's what I felt."

Silence.

"Do you think Rika is still alive?" Konoe-Kachou asks me.

I smile, but it's the kind of smile that hurts to look at. "Oh yes. Knowing Muraki, she's quite alive. No use in dead bait, especially when the person you're trying to catch will know if they die."

"Any idea where they are?"

I shake my head. "There are a few places he might go if he was trying to catch me or Tsuzuki, but I don't know how Akimiya's mind works. I can't even begin to guess where Muraki might take her."

"There must be something we can do." Tsuzuki is upset. I can feel it.

Another minute of silence, then

//painbloodfear//

//determination//

~~~~

Someone is lightly slapping my face. Man, that's annoying. I force my eyes to open. My shields are still gone. "What happened?" I sound worse than ever.

"We don't know." Tsuzuki's eyes are wide and a little panicked. "We were talking, then you just slid right out of your chair and passed out. We've been trying to wake you up for a full minute."

"Akimiya . . ." I could feel him so strongly for a minute. He must have woken up. He must have --

But I don't feel him anymore.

"Oh my God -- "

Somehow, and hell if I know how, I manage to stagger to my feet and take off at a dead run. I can feel everyone else's puzzlement, but I don't want to take the time to explain. I stumble down the hallway as quick as I can and burst into the infirmary with everyone else on my heels.

It's empty.

There's a moment of dumbfounded silence, after which I clearly hear Watari mutter, "That sedative shouldn't have worn off for another hour or so . . ."

World's fading in and out again. The headache has returned. Oh, look, a trash can. Think I'll throw up again. But there's nothing to throw up this time, so I just gag helplessly. Great. Tsuzuki rubs my back reassuringly.

"Obviously he had an idea of where to go," Tatsumi said in a low voice.

"We have to go look for him -- " I get to my feet and immediately sag into Tsuzuki's arms. My legs are weak and shaking. In retrospect, maybe it's a good thing my parents kept me in the cellar. If I'd actually had to have been around people when I had no shields, I don't think I would've lived as long as I did. Of course, it's not every day that my shields get trodden into dirt, then I'm subjected to a hysterical Akimiya for both long and brief amounts of time.

"Yes, we do," Tsuzuki says, picking me up and putting me on one of the beds. "But we is not you. You need to stay here and rest."

I try to sit up, to protest, and the world fades and I drop back. I can't argue, much as I'd like to. I'd only be a liability, and if I come near Akimiya again I'll just pass out. "How will you find him?" I ask.

"It's Muraki," Tsuzuki says dryly. "Which means it's a game. There's got to be some clue that he left."

I snag the bottom of his shirt. "Don't . . . don't go alone."

"I'll go with him," Tatsumi says reassuringly. "We'll be back as soon as we find something."

Tsuzuki pulls a blanket up over me, and leans down to say goodbye, but I pass out before I hear it.

~~~~

I can hear voices above me, but they aren't very clear. They're muffled, like they're coming through several feet of water. My head aches, but it's a dull ache that's subsided to the base of my neck.

"You think I should wake him?" That's Tsuzuki.

"No, let him sleep." Watari. "Kid's had a rough day."

Right, pry the eyes open. The two of them are standing a few feet away. Tsuzuki starts when I open my eyes. "Oh, you're already awake," he says.

"Aa." I manage to sit. Go me! "Find anything?"

Tsuzuki shook his head. "He didn't leave a single clue. We looked all over the surrounding area for any sign of Akimiya or Muraki, but didn't find a thing." He looks upset, and I don't blame him. "Come on, let's go home. There's nothing else we can do today."

I want to protest, but he's right. If I sleep, I can build my strength up and fix my shields, and then I'll be able to help them look for Akimiya tomorrow. For a minute I think Tsuzuki's going to have to carry me all the way home. I feel like I'm in recovery from some illness or something; my legs are really shaky. But I manage to walk, though I have to lean on him for support.

Tsuzuki puts me to bed as soon as we get home and brings me some soup. I think he used one of my recipes because it's pretty good, all things considered. It takes a lot of effort to eat it, and I end up falling asleep soon afterwards.

~~~~

I've been dreaming a lot lately. Far more than I usually dream. Probably has something to do with the abnormally high rate of weird things happening. And what the hell kind of dream is this, anyway? I'm just standing in a room with a girl in a bed. Yay for me. She does look slightly familiar, though . . .

The door of the room opens and I dodge into a shadowed corner, though I'm not sure if whoever's coming in would see me.

It's Akimiya. He walks over to the bed and sits down on the side of it, giving the girl, whom I'm assuming must be Rika, a gentle shake. "Wake up, love."

Her eyes open and for a second I see sheer terror in them. In the dim light from the window I can see that her face is bruised, but other than that she appears undamaged. Odd. Where did all the blood come from?

I suppose the physical damage probably doesn't carry over into the dream. Why am I here? I didn't extend my shields around Akimiya (because I still don't have them), so I don't know why I would be pulled into his dreams again.

Then I remember something from my very early Shinigami days. My very first assignment, in fact. Tsuzuki was able to use my body for his powers because I used my empathy to synch with him. I guess Akimiya and I were so strongly connected for those few minutes that I must have seeped up some of his powers temporarily.

I hope I don't start dreaming the future.

The terror in Rika's eyes fades and she sits up, throwing her arms around his shoulders. I feel like I shouldn't be watching this, but I have to know what Akimiya's plan is.

"I was so afraid you wouldn't come . . ."

"Shh. You're dreaming, Rika-chan. I'm not really here."

She pulls away abruptly and there's despair in her eyes. "Then -- "

"Yeah, you're still there, but I'm going to get you out as quickly as I can, okay?" Akimiya's voice is so gentle. I've never heard it like this before. "You just need to tell me where you are."

Now I realize why he left the Meifu. It wasn't that he knew where to go, it was simply that he knew if he didn't get away from us, we'd never let him go gallivanting off on his own. With good reason, I might add, though I doubt he'd see it our way.

Rika frowns for a minute. "No . . . I don't think I should tell you."

"What?" Akimiya's voice cracks. "What do you mean, you shouldn't tell me?"

"It's because of something he said," Rika replies, and her nose crinkles in disgust. "You'd think . . . given that he was kidnapping me, that he would have blindfolded me or knocked me out or something, but he didn't. He let me see exactly where we were going. So I asked him, and he . . . he said he wanted you to come. So I don't think I'll tell you."

Akimiya's got one smart girl there, I'll give him that.

It's really too bad that she's right.

"But . . ." Akimiya pulls her into another hug, and I think he's started to cry. "But he'll hurt you, I can't let him, I need to find you . . ."

"Can you fight him, 'Miya-chan?" she asks quietly. "Be honest with me. Can you?"

"I-I . . ." His voice trails off. "All right, no."

"Then why would I tell you were we are so you can come get yourself killed?" She pauses. "Again."

"I'll bring the others!" he says, his voice urgent. Ah, that's a little bit more like it. "Hisoka and Tsuzuki can fight him . . . they've done it before. Please, you have to tell me!"

She gives him a look. "I love you, 'Miya-chan. You know I do. But I don't believe you for one damned second, because you never want to put anyone in danger besides yourself. It got you killed once, and I won't let it happen again."

Damn. If possible, I'd say she's even more sensible than he is.

"Besides . . . if he kills me . . ." Her voice trails off. "Then we can be together again."

Okay, scratch that. She's not sensible at all.

I think they could argue about this for years, but before they can continue, the door opens again and Muraki himself walks in. Akimiya stands up immediately and faces him. Muraki doesn't make any threatening moves; he'd have to be an idiot to start a fight here. They're in a dream, so this is Akimiya's territory. Muraki never likes to start fights he can't win.

"Shinjuku," he says, his voice smooth. "We're in one of the highrises. You can find us from that, can't you?"

Rika lets out a stifled little shriek.

Muraki smiles at her. "You weren't going to tell him, my pretty little doll. So I took it upon myself. I'll see you tomorrow, Sakamoto-san?"

Akimiya nods slowly.

Muraki's smile grows wider. "Good. I'll look forward to it. And now I'll leave you two to have this argument in peace."

He looks around the room for a moment and then his eyes rest on the corner in which I'm hiding.

And he's no longer smiling.

~~~~

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