*Gasp* Eeek! Boy, did I let this sit on the back burner for a long time. Sorry! Wait, why an I apologizing. I blame everything on the cat! But, boy am I happy to see more stories in this archive! YAAAY! Please keep them coming! Also thank you all for your wonderful comments. And now to answer a couple of questions that people have been asking *puts on her glasses, comfy chair, portable fireplace, and pulls out her long list of questions*.

Yes France and Germany exist in the EFC universe- England does, so why not them? I'm lazy with names, ok?

Why fluff and innuendoes? It's fun to write, and all I can write.

I keep Mendanbar with duct tape and Austrian Polkas. Seems that they put him to sleep…

Yes, Daystar will be appearing, and hopefully Shiara, in the next story of this crazy little universe, but in a different way than the books. I'm starting to call this AU "The Ellipses Universe" seeing as all the titles end with them….

Yes, I am writing another story, called "Baby Woes…" And that's all I'm saying, for now.

So keep those reviews and more Mendanbar/Cimorene stories! I think Mendanbar really needs to stopped being gypped! He never did nothing to you!

And now for our feature presentation

Chapter 6: Ill-fitting hats, Village idiots, and Conspiracies –or- A solution?

Cimorene tried not to grimace. When she had gotten the palace of Eldanberg on the mirror, a steward had answered. But despite her hopes, the King was in, and had rushed to get to the mirror as soon as he heard that the call was from the Enchanted Forest.

He was just as greasy and grotesque as before, and a sheen of sweat from running to the mirror left trails down his brow. He was dressed in extravagancies that must have cost a fortune out of his people's pockets: from the ermine trim to the hat heavily embroidered with gold crammed down on his head. It was obvious he had been waiting for Mendanbar to call. It wasn't completely unknown that the King of the Enchanted Forest had occasionally 'strange' dressing habits, even though most didn't realize it was his own choice and preference, not out of lack of resources.

Surprisingly, Humpbert seemed almost disappointed that it was Cimorene who had called, and not Mendanbar. His lips soon formed a sneer though, and his voice dripped with an almost perverted tone. "Why, Cimorene! You're looking…ravishing, as always."

Cimorene shivered involuntarily at the vile undertones. "That's Queen Cimorene to you. What is this all about, *Prince* Humpbert? Please don't tell me you're planning to violate thousands of regulations and treaties just to prove you're not the sniveling idiot you really are. Such an idea is stupid, and you know it!"

Humpbert scowled at her. "This throne is rightfully mine, so address me a King, you stuck up princess! The Enchanted Forest has caused more harm to every kingdom with all the improper…things that come out of it! I'm doing the world a favor!" He glared at her, his face now a dark beet red. "King Mendanbar has one hour to call and respond to the formal declaration of war. Or else!" His glare became a menacing grin.

Cimorene stared right back; she wasn't losing an argument that easily. "Or you'll what? Start a war?"

"Why- How dare- I'll…ARGH!" Humpbert made a move to grab his hat and throw it to the ground, but stopped suddenly, and a wave of fright passed on his face. Just as soon as it happened, he ended the call.

Cimorene blinked. What in heavens had just happened?

Mendanbar strained to hear the rest of the conversation. He was quite pleased at Cimorene's retorts; even more happy that they were in favor of him.

A few moments after hearing a high-pitched squeal, the door pushed against him. Cimorene called from behind it. "Mendanbar, it's bad enough that you go listening like that, but could move so I can finally get out of here?"

Mendanbar scooted back, and looked up sheepishly up at his wife. "Sorry?"

She looked at him for a moment in mock hatred, before a grin spread and ruined the image. "C'mon, let's get you off the floor. Upsie-daisy!" After straining to pull him up, she embraced him, letting herself be smothered for a moment. Then she turned to Morwen and Telemain.

"Can we figure out a plan quickly? Just talking to that…thing make me feel dirty." Cimorene rubbed her arms absently, coming to rest on his husband's hand. She then looked around. "Where's Kazul?"

Morwen smiled. "She's taking a short nap outside of the kitchen. I would suggest you would wake her up, seeing that you're the only one who's immune to dragon fire, in case she forgets where she is. We'll catch up." She nodded at Telemain, who was intently examining the portable enchanted mirror. "Seems he's forgotten we're even here."

Kazul did not end up roasting anyone, and the five conspirators reviewed Cimorene's conversation with him.

Morwen held her chin in thought. "The farther and farther we get into this, the less and less I think that wizards are involved in this at all."

Telmain, still slightly absorbed with the mirror, nodded. "Quite possibly, it may be a underlying factor that we have yet to postulate. Is there perhaps another hypothesis for his displeasure with the Enchanted Forest? Maybe something that has to do with his malformation in his cranium?"

Morwen, Cimorene, and Kazul blinked. "What?"

"He seems to have to be hiding something on his head. See?" He proffered the mirror, which showed King Humpbert. Only now, it was obvious that the crown he wore was shoved farther down his head than one would expect. "I would suspect an enchantment of some sort. But I can't think of any that would somehow make him blame the Enchanted Forest…. Elves and Fairies exist in many places, as well as witches, enchanters…."

"Enchantments! That's it!" Everyone turned to Mendanbar, who looked rather pleased with himself. "I think I know what's going on. Now, if we can get this to work…."