Author's Notes: Thanks for all the feedback on Crashing Down. I'm, well,
overwhelmed, to say the least. I promise I'll finish it, but right now,
I've been having a bit of writer's block, and needed a different project,
hence, this short fic. Love it, hate it, but please review!
It Looks Like It's Gonna Be A Happy New Year
By Dulcey
They're a happy bunch this New Years Eve. Singing, dancing, getting drunk off of bad champagne, and in general having a grand old time. As with any group, they eventually break into couples: Roger and Mimi, Collins and Angel, and a newly reconciled Maureen and Joanne. And then there's me, sitting to the side and wondering what the hell I'm doing here in the first place.
There's nothing quite as depressing as sitting among your friends and feeling completely alone. It makes me want to get out of there, find some deserted bus stop to curl up in, where my loneliness will at least be justified. They're being nice to me now, but I know they resent me on some level. They resent that I have a chance for success, and the ability to see that success come about. They resent that I'm going to live, when so many of them are doomed to early graves.
Honestly, what do they want me to do? Give up any chance of having my dreams come true, just because they had to abandon theirs by the wayside? Sabotage myself so they can feel better about themselves? I feel guilty whenever I think this. These are my friends, after all. They would want me to be happy. Wouldn't they? I'm not sure.
They'll never admit it, of course. They'll tell me don't be silly, we love you, you're our friend. They'll drag me into the center of the group where they'll make a pathetic attempt to include me for a few minutes. But the effort is even more painful than being ignored, so I'll run out the first chance I get.
I always come back, though. Perhaps because I'm a sucker for punishment, or perhaps because I can't believe that the people I've lived with and loved for so long have really moved on and left me behind.
"Hey, what are you standing off in the corner for?" Collins asks, bringing over the champagne bottle and refilling my glass. "It's New Years Eve! Have some fun for once!"
"Oh, I don't think he's capable of it," Maureen butts in. "If you shoved coal up his ass, you'd have diamonds within a month."
I give her what I hope is a charming smile. "I love you too, Maureen." But she's already gone, off to flash the man who lives in the apartment across the street, no doubt.
Collins makes a few more attempts to draw me out, then gives up and goes back to Angel. I watch in envy as my friends laugh and talk among themselves, wondering when exactly it was that I stopped being the force that held everyone together, and became this lonely, pathetic shadow, an outsider looking in.
No one notices when I slip out the door and down the stairs. I zip up my jacket in preparation for the biting cold that goes along with New Years in New York. They won't notice I'm gone for awhile, and even when they do, I doubt they'll come after me.
Alison is spending the holidays with her family in Westport. I'll be alone for the next three days.
"Happy New Year, Benny," I whisper to myself.
It Looks Like It's Gonna Be A Happy New Year
By Dulcey
They're a happy bunch this New Years Eve. Singing, dancing, getting drunk off of bad champagne, and in general having a grand old time. As with any group, they eventually break into couples: Roger and Mimi, Collins and Angel, and a newly reconciled Maureen and Joanne. And then there's me, sitting to the side and wondering what the hell I'm doing here in the first place.
There's nothing quite as depressing as sitting among your friends and feeling completely alone. It makes me want to get out of there, find some deserted bus stop to curl up in, where my loneliness will at least be justified. They're being nice to me now, but I know they resent me on some level. They resent that I have a chance for success, and the ability to see that success come about. They resent that I'm going to live, when so many of them are doomed to early graves.
Honestly, what do they want me to do? Give up any chance of having my dreams come true, just because they had to abandon theirs by the wayside? Sabotage myself so they can feel better about themselves? I feel guilty whenever I think this. These are my friends, after all. They would want me to be happy. Wouldn't they? I'm not sure.
They'll never admit it, of course. They'll tell me don't be silly, we love you, you're our friend. They'll drag me into the center of the group where they'll make a pathetic attempt to include me for a few minutes. But the effort is even more painful than being ignored, so I'll run out the first chance I get.
I always come back, though. Perhaps because I'm a sucker for punishment, or perhaps because I can't believe that the people I've lived with and loved for so long have really moved on and left me behind.
"Hey, what are you standing off in the corner for?" Collins asks, bringing over the champagne bottle and refilling my glass. "It's New Years Eve! Have some fun for once!"
"Oh, I don't think he's capable of it," Maureen butts in. "If you shoved coal up his ass, you'd have diamonds within a month."
I give her what I hope is a charming smile. "I love you too, Maureen." But she's already gone, off to flash the man who lives in the apartment across the street, no doubt.
Collins makes a few more attempts to draw me out, then gives up and goes back to Angel. I watch in envy as my friends laugh and talk among themselves, wondering when exactly it was that I stopped being the force that held everyone together, and became this lonely, pathetic shadow, an outsider looking in.
No one notices when I slip out the door and down the stairs. I zip up my jacket in preparation for the biting cold that goes along with New Years in New York. They won't notice I'm gone for awhile, and even when they do, I doubt they'll come after me.
Alison is spending the holidays with her family in Westport. I'll be alone for the next three days.
"Happy New Year, Benny," I whisper to myself.
