Time to go on with the next piece of the story. What will Herb do to Zim?
Find out!
Herb stood in the door of the mechanic's shack. "All right Zim, you're staying here until the boss decides when to do IT to you. And to keep you from escaping, your pod is staying right here with the rest of the junk. Ta!" He slammed the door shut and locked it. Zim, who was of course inside the hut, ran to the door and wrestled with the doorknob, trying to open it. He had no success. Glumly, he sat on the one chair in the structure, pondering what he had done. He had only wanted to keep his job, was that really so wrong? Why hadn't he been able to find Rana's ticket? What had happened to Gir? How would the fans react to this new Dib Membrane Show? What did Herb mean when he said the boss? He was president and C.E.O. of Nickelodeon, how could he have a boss? How was he going to get out of this hut without his trusty utility pod? As he was thinking, he thought he saw a silhouette through the shack's large window. Curious, he walked up to the window. Whoever was casting the shadow was just out of sight, but Zim could tell somebody was there. "Hello? Is anyone there?" he called.
The silhouette turned to face him. "Hello Agent Zim. How are you doing?"
"Who are you?"
"I'm you. Or rather, I WAS you."
"You mean you're from the past? You're a lot taller than I am."
"It was a figure of speech. I'm not saying I'm you, I'm saying I was once like you."
"I suppose you're a guard of some sort. Would you happen to know what they're going to do to me?"
"Zim, have you ever seen a person sprouted?"
"Sprouted? What does that mean?"
"Then you don't know that there is nothing worse than the sting of a sproutella bullet."
"Sproutella?"
"It is a chemical, the most dangerous chemical known to toons or men. The very effect of touching it causes a deadly reaction."
"What exactly does it do?"
"The Sproutella gun fires, hitting you with a dart. The dart injects Sproutella into your body, and then the process begins. The green chemical goes through every calcified pore in your bones, causing flowers to sprout from your very flesh. As the unbelievably agonizing pain from having something growing rapidly inside of you increases, begonias blossom from your chest, tulips burst from your hands, roses and daisies grow from your legs, and then the bulbs sprout from your eyes until you crash out, going into full bloom, feeling one last bout of pain more excruciating than anything you could possibly imagine, and finally you are nothing more than a patch of wildflowers on the ground, swarming with butterflies. And THEN you die."
Zim gulped. "N-no, I-I've never seen that."
"I have. Too many times…"
"Once again, who are you?"
"I already told you, I'm you, a fellow prisoner."
"Yeah, but with a bigger cell. Please, let me out! I have to do something!"
"The only way out, Zim is to be let back in. If you scream out your loyalty long enough, perhaps the company will come and stick you back in their fold. Well?"
Zim paused for a moment. He did want his job back, but…no. He really did want his job back, his show, but not at the price of his dignity. He knew something was wrong here. "Nickelodeon is running a crooked game, and I intend to prove it."
"Do you really mean that, Zim? Or are you just trying to intimidate me?"
"No! I mean it! I'm gonna blow the lid of this place, exposing Herb Scannell and Dib for the frauds they are! And then, then I will rain my doom from the sky onto their filthy doomed heads!"
"My friend, you are an enemy of Nickelodeon." The silhouette disappeared. The doorknob turned and the hut opened revealing the figure, a big pink starfish with a bathing suit, a green jacket and a little beret. "Welcome to the club!"
Zim blinked. "Patrick Star? I thought you were kicked off Spongebob Squarepants!"
Patrick nodded. "I was!"
"Then what are you doing here?"
"Follow me and I'll explain everything."
A few minutes later, in an alleyway right outside of the building…Patrick looked into the eye of one of the decorative monsters carved into the wall. "Patrick Star and guest requesting permission to come down." He stepped away, looking at a freight elevator in the ground. The metal hatches opened up, the elevator rising from the ground. Patrick stepped into the elevator, followed by Zim. As the elevator descended, Zim asked, "What's going on here?"
Patrick took a deep breath. "Zim, one year ago I discovered something horrible about Nickelodeon. This information forced me to quit and form a movement called the LTA, the Lost Toon's Alliance. I am of course the leader." The elevator hit bottom, opening onto a square room somewhere in the sewers. A tunnel one side of the room led deeper into the sewers, while another one was covered by a big hatch. There was a table with a slide projector in the middle of the room, a large computer on the right wall, and a smaller worktable in the upper-left corner of the room. Sitting at the table, working on a radio of some sorts, was…Sandy? "You already know Sandy, of course."
"Hey Zim." Said Sandy.
Patrick walked up to the slide projector and turned it on, showing a complicated diagram on the screen at the back of the room. "Like I was saying, I discovered something horrible about Nickelodeon."
"What?"
"Back in 2002, one of the stars from a show turned evil and has been corrupting the company from within. They are doing something truly horrible, Zim."
"What?"
"Do you never wonder why you were cancelled for a short time?"
"I've asked, but nobody's ever told me."
"It was because the toon who has corrupted and taken over Nickelodeon didn't want any competition. As one of the most popular shows, you were perceived as a threat and done away with."
"Yeah, but the fans brought me back. Can't they just do so again for this cancellation?"
"I'm afraid not. This toon is really calling all the shots now, and he will make sure you stay down. That's why he tried to sprout you, but I found out about his plans ahead of time and rescued you."
"But why are you telling me all this? And what is this toon trying to do? Who is he?"
"I am telling you all this because I think you have the potential to be one of my agents. I have no idea as to who this toon is, but I do know what he's doing. Or at least part of it."
"Okay, what's going on? I'm dying to know. And if you give me any more runaround, I'll sic Gir on you."
Patrick chuckled, then got serious. "Zim, have you wondered why all of your clients, even the best ones, have never seemed to qualify for anything better than walking?"
"Yes, especially my last one, Rana."
"When did this slump start to happen?"
"Right after I got rehired."
"And does that tell you anything?"
"What do you…OH! You mean the toon has made sure all of my clients are bad ones?"
"Not exactly. You see Zim, most of your clients DID qualify for a ticket on the Mega Rail, especially her. But this mystery toon has gained access to their files and stolen their tickets on the Mega Rail."
Zim was aghast. "That's horrible! Why would he do something like that?"
"As you know, many toons never make it to the employment office and just quit. Many of them settle down and run their own businesses, becoming quite rich as a result. But they all still yearn for a chance to get a job with the company, so a ticket on the Mega Rail would be like a key to a chest of gold for them."
"This toon is stealing the tickets from their rightful souls and stealing them for money? That's awful. And that means all of the poor souls who lose their tickets are forced to walk all the way, and some of them might not even make it…"
"Exactly. And with the lack of good talent, our shows have been getting worse. Remember Spongebob's last Christmas special?"
"Ugh, don't remind me. Okay, so this fiend is doing something unspeakably evil. What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to join me, Zim. Be a member of the resistance."
Zim shook his head. "Sorry Patrick, but I really don't think so. All I want is to find Rana so I can get my job back."
Patrick shrugged. "Okay, but you can't get out of the city without my help. When you really make up your mind, let me know." He leaned against a wall, examining the diagram.
Zim was still having a little trouble absorbing all this in. He found it all too easy to learn he had been used for years, but what was being done with these tickets appalled him. He decided to talk to Sandy, who was still working on the radio. "So Sandy, what are you doing here? You're not really a secretary?"
"I'm a spy, Zim."
"How long have you been with this movement of Patrick's?"
"Only six months. He recruited me after Herb kicked me off of Spongebob. Of course, now you know why…anyway, I couldn't resist when Patrick asked me. He just seems so…noble!"
Zim turned and looked at Patrick, who was picking at his belly button. "If you say so. What are you working on there?"
"A radio to communicate with our field agents."
"You have field agents?"
"Yeah, lots of people are eager to join a revolution. Although I think most of them are just in it for the berets."
"It doesn't look like it's working. Is there a problem?"
"Yeah, the damn thing won't stay on the right frequency. It's be a useful tool, but it's not the way to get our information, and we can't get that until we can fix up that old computer over there. Once that thing's up, we can hack into the company and learn anything we can."
"Do you mind if I take a look at it? I might be able to fix it." She shrugged and got off her stool. Zim got at the table, took apart the radio, messed around with a few parts, and put the thing back together. "Finished."
Sandy sat down and tested it. "Hey, nice job! Thanks Zim! However, there is still one problem with this thing."
"What? I didn't see any other problems."
"It's too easy for someone to eavesdrop on any communications by using the same frequency. Patrick is right, we need a different form of communication with the agents. Uh, do you mind? I've got to check up on our man in Zapato." With that, she started playing with the radio. Zim looked at Patrick for a moment, finally making up his mind. He walked over to the starfish and got his attention.
"Okay, I've decided. I'll join the LTA, just as long as I don't have to wear a silly beret."
"Hey, don't knock the beret man!"
"Sorry. Can you get me out of the city now?"
Patrick shook his head. "Sorry. Can't."
"What? Why not?"
"I have an assignment for you, your first one. Sandy's radio is well and good, but we need a better way to contact our field agents. I need messengers."
"You want me to be your messenger?"
"No, no, too dangerous. History has shown only one creature to be of aid in a cause such as this: carrier pigeons!"
"You want me to get you some pigeons?"
"No, I need you to bring me some eggs so I can train them from birth."
"And if I get you the eggs, you'll get me out of the city?" Patrick nodded. "Where am I gonna find some pigeon eggs?"
"We're in a big city, Zim. Where do pigeons love to hang out?"
"On the rooftop, of course! Well, I'll be back soon." He started over to the freight elevator.
"Good luck, Agent Zim." The big starfish called after him.
Zim got into the alley and looked around, trying to figure out how to get to the top of a building. It would be too weird if he just went inside a building and asked to go to the roof, so he decided it would be easier to climb. Extending his spider legs, Zim leapt onto the side of the Nickelodeon building and started scaling the skyscraper, careful to stay away from windows. After a very long climb, he pulled himself onto the rooftop. He was in luck, there was a huge flight of pigeons nesting on the rooftop. He could see a nest full off eggs inside one of the ventilator openings. Zim carefully started to walk towards the birds, not wanting to aggravate them. Unfortunately, the birds did not like an Irken intruding on their nesting grounds and all of them rose up, like something out of The Birds. The nasty birds flew toward Zim, pecking at him. Screaming, he ran away until they stopped chasing them and settled back down. Scowling, Zim tried to devise a cunning plan to lure away the dirty avians and steal the eggs while they were distracted. Then he decided, Slark this, I'll just blast the hell out of them. Extending his spider legs, Zim aimed at the pigeons. "All right birds, I'll give you to the count of three to vamoose or I fire! One...two…three!" As the pigeons weren't moving, Zim started firing lasers from the tips of his legs, startling the pigeons and causing them to fly away, cooing. "Running away, eh? I won't stand for that! Take this! And this! And some of this! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" His lasers streaked through the air, frying pigeon after pigeon. He didn't stop laughing until every bird had fallen out of the sky, a blackened husk. "Ha! That will teach you to mess with the likes of Zim, stupid filthy stink- birds!" His way clear, Zim walked over to the ventilator opening. Of course, he was too short to reach it and had to rise using the spider legs to grab the whole nest. Still using the mechanical legs, he slowly and carefully walked off the edge of the building, climbing down the side of the skyscraper. When he finally reached the bottom, he walked over to the eye Patrick had used earlier. "Agent Zim and guests requesting entrance." The freight elevator shot up behind him. He stepped in and found himself back in the LTA headquarters. He marched over to Patrick and presented him with the entire nest. "Agent Zim reporting for duty. Mission successful, sir."
Patrick took the nest in his two stubby, er, appendages, looking impressed. "Wow, you got a whole nest! With these, I can breed an entire army of winged messengers! And the ones that don't hatch I can save for food. Congratulations, Zim. Are you ready to leave yet?"
Zim was tempted to say yes, but had a thought. "Patrick, Sandy said you guys needed this computer here working so you could hack into Nickelodeon, right?"
"Yeah, but we haven't been having much success."
"I can fix it."
Patrick got a hopeful look on his face. "Really? That would be great!"
"Yeah, just give me a minute…" Zim pulled the computer out and opened up the back, tinkering with the insides. After fifteen minutes, he climbed out, walked to the front of the computer, and started it up. "There you go. She's all yours."
Patrick grinned. "Nice work, soldier! You are truly a friend to the revolution, and now…now I will help you!" He walked over to the tunnel sealed by a hatch and opened it. "Follow me."
Half an hour later…Zim and Patrick were walking down a long service corridor, the way lit by the starfish's flashlight. While he didn't have to wear a silly beret, Patrick insisted he wear a jacket, at least for a little while. "To find Rana, you must journey through the Petrified Forest and make it to the port town of Speedo Bottom."
"Speedo what?"
"It was named by Spongebob fans in the company."
"Ah. How do you know she'll be there?"
"I don't. But I do know that if anyone walking is trying to get to the employment office, they must go to Speedo Bottom, where they must wait until a ship they can afford passage on comes in. However, you may be in for a very long wait for this woman, my friend."
"I'll wait as long as it takes, Pat." Said Zim determinedly.
Patrick looked down at his comrade for a moment, thoughtful. "Zim…are you in love with this woman?"
"Love? Of course not, Patrick. She's just another client. A beautiful, talented client who is my only chance of getting my old job back and one-upping Dib once and for all. But love? No, no, no."
Patrick nodded, not believing him. "Of course Zim. Of course." He stopped, pointing his flashlight ahead of them at a ladder at the end of the tunnel. "We've arrived. Good luck on your quest, agent Zim. I'll keep in touch." With that, he walked away, leaving Zim to climb up the ladder by himself.
He reached the top of the long ladder and found a hatch. He opened it and climbed out. He was on top of a hollowed-out tree stump at the edge of the Petrified Forest. He could see Nick City only a few miles away. Before he turned to walk into the dark foreboding woods, he took a final sad look at the city that had been his home for so many years. Okay, so it was only about six but that's really how old he is. Shedding a small tear, he walked into the Petrified Forest. It was everything he had heard it was, huge and dark and weird, with lots of hardened trees. He started getting nervous, constantly hearing noises. He knew the woods were supposed to be full of monsters, and every twig snapping and wood cracking sounded to him like a beast preparing to pounce. He was very surprised when he heard crying. Curious, he ran in the direction of the wailing, running past many trees and stuff before finding himself in a large clearing. He as astonished to see two things, aside from a signpost that pointed to the way out of the forest. The Doom Wagon and Gir were here! He ran over to his partner. "Gir, why are you crying? What are you doing here?" Zim asked.
Gir blinked back tears and looked up. "Master?" he suddenly leaped, jumping onto Zim's head and hugging it tightly. "Master, I was so worried! They fired me and kicked me and Doomy out of town, and they told me you were dead!"
"It's okay Gir, I'm here and quite alive. We can't get our jobs back at the moment, but we are going to look after Rana."
Gir stopped wailing, still on his master's head. "The nice lady?"
"Yes Gir, the nice lady." There was a long moment. "Gir, get off my head!"
Gir got off of Zim's head, sat down and started crying again. "Gir, what now?"
"Before the execs left, they took the most important thing in my life and threw it over in the woods over there!" shrieked Gir, waving his hand at a path leading away from the clearing.
"They took out your soul?"
"No, even worse!"
"What could they take away from you that's more precious than your soul?"
"The keys to the Doom Wagon! Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"
Zim winced, his antennae shaking from the noise. "Gir, stop crying! Just wait here and I'll get your keys back."
Gir stopped crying. "Okey dokey! Taco!" He ran over to the Doom Wagon and started making engine noises in the driver's seat. Zim walked down the path Gir had indicated. He went a ways and found himself at the base of a large petrified tree. Some of its roots arced out of the ground and into the air before plunging back into the ground again. Large spider webs were woven into every arch. Zim noticed that the nearest one had something glimmering in it, the keys! As Zim approached the web, he saw what must have made the webs. They were spiders. Dachshund-sized spiders. Dachshund- sized spiders with wings. However, they didn't seem to be making any threatening moves towards him, so he ignored the monsters. He tried to pull the keys from the web and failed. Extending a spider legs, he cut into the web, trying to slice it up. He made a large gash. As he prepared to make another cut, he heard a strange chittering sound. He looked up just in time to see a giant winged spider twice his size fly out of the top of the tree. It landed on the web, over the gash he had made, and mended it before flying back into the treetop. "Well that didn't work." Zim muttered. He needed a new plan. He noticed a pile of what looked like human bones lying near the web. The spiders seemed to have sucked the marrow out of them. Disgusted, he suddenly realized he had an idea. Grabbing one of the bones, he threw it into the web next to the keys. The spiders weren't interested in the bone, but that hadn't been the point of the maneuver. Extending a spider leg, he reached through a gap above the bone and curled over the bone, pulling on it. He backed away, pulling as hard as he could on the bone. When he couldn't pull back any further, he pulled back his leg. The web snapped back, throwing out the keys and the bone like a rubber band. Pleased with himself, Zim ran over to where the keys had landed, grabbed them, and ran back to Gir.
Meanwhile, back in Herb's office…The drapes were pulled down over the windows, keeping anybody from looking in. The light closest to the desk were turned off, keeping the being sitting behind the desk enshrouded in darkness. That being was not Herb Scannell. Herb and Dib were standing before the man, or should I say toon, that had taken over the company. The toon glared angrily at Dib. "Sir, I assure you that as soon as Zim is dealt with I will personally go looking after the missing woman and bring her back." Dib said.
"Just like you 'personally' picked her up?" asked the figure behind the desk sarcastically.
"Well, that was my intention. But Zim somehow managed to get to her first." Said Dib, trying to justify his failure.
Jumping onto the top of his desk from his chair, the boss glared down at both of them. Well, he glared down at Dib anyway, the toon was pretty short and only came up to about Herb's height when standing on the desk. "Dib, we gave you the fastest ship and the best clients. So how did Zim manage to get in there and eat your lunch!?!" shouted the boss.
Dib recoiled. Herb felt he should intervene. "Oh now Bog, you can't get too mad. After all, it wasn't Dib's fault."
The boss narrowed his eyes. "Oh, but you should know that I CAN get too mad, Herb. But not at Dib. After all, he's not the one in charge of this operation. Not until now, that is."
The boss pulled a menacing-looking gun from a holster on his hip. Herb's eyes widened in horror upon recognizing what kind of gun it was. "Bog, don't!"
The boss fired his gun twice, shooting two darts at Scannell. The little propellers on the backs of the bullet darts spun, sending the Sproutella within into Herb's body. Herb doubled over, gasping in pain. As little buds started appearing on his body, he fell onto his back, screaming. Seconds passed, the buds getting bigger and bigger, his screams getting louder until finally the flowers completely covered his body. With one final, ear- splitting shriek, Herb died. The boss grunted when he saw what kind of flowers had grown. "Huh, Marigolds. For some reason I was expecting daisies." He put the Sproutella gun back in its holster and returned to his chair. "Now Dib, be a good boy and personally get Mister Zim from the garage and bring him up here to be sprouted. As soon as this is over and we can get onto new business, the better."
Nodding, Dib headed for the door. He paused and turned around. "What do we do with this?" he said, gesturing to the corpse of Herb Scannell.
The boss shrugged. "Just have it sent to the Meadow, like the rest of them."
"Whatever you say, Emperor Bog."
Back in the forest…Gir was once again hugging Zim's head. "You got the keys back! Thank you Master! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!"
Zim pulled off Gir and handed him the keys. "Come on Gir, we've got to find Rana and get out of here." Gir saluted and leapt into the driver's seat. Zim climbed into the throne. "Okay Gir, turn on the life form detector and set it to Irken so we can find her."
Gir paused. "Life form detector? What life form detector?"
Zim sighed. "You know, the little device that allows us to find a specific sort of life form, which makes it easier to find protoforms when their species are already determined?"
"Oh, that life form detector. I took it out."
Zim's eye twitched. "You…took it out?"
"Yuh-huh!"
Zim restrained himself from attacking Gir and strangling him for doing something so stupid. "Dare I ask why you took it out? Was it to make room for the cupcake? Or for the tuna?"
"No, I took it out to make room for the artificial intelligence module."
"What artificial intelligence module?"
"The one talking to you, love." Said a feminine British voice that seemed to be emanating from the whole vehicle.
"Aaaahhh! Who are you?" asked Zim.
"I'm the Doom Wagon. Gir had the insight to install me with a brain so I would have more than just a pretty body. Call me Doomy."
Zim hesitated, then shrugged. A talking car wasn't really that odd. After all, he had seen weirder things in cartoons. "Okay, can you find Rana?"
"Sorry Master, but as my honey said, the life form detector is gone."
"'Your honey'? Whatever, can you find the quickest way to Speedo Bottom?"
"Why not just check the signpost over there? It would be a lot quicker than tapping into a satellite network."
"Good point." Gir looked over at the signpost. It said, "This way to Speedo Bottom" and pointed to a path leading from the clearing. He pointed down the path. "That way!"
Gir shifted the Wagon into gear, accidentally knocking over the signpost as he turned towards the path. "Whoopsie, I hope that wasn't important!"
Zim groaned. "Let's just hope the next person to come here isn't Rana. Onward! And don't use the main engine!"
"Awwww…" whined both machines. Moving at normal fast speed, the Doom Wagon flew down the path, using its special jets to go above rocks and stuff. After following a long, winding path, they stopped in front of a big metal wall wedged between two trees. As there seemed to be a river behind the trees, there was no way to go around the wall. Fortunately, there was door. Thinking there might be a bridge behind it, Zim got down from the wagon and walked toward the door. Just as he was about to open it, Gir called out to him. "Master, wait! Don't you know what's behind that door?"
"Yeah, the way out of this forest." Said Zim, about to turn the handle.
"Demon beavers, love! They'll make you into a dam!" said Doomy anxiously.
Zim snorted. "Relax Mr. and Mrs. Gepetto! I'm not made of wood!"
He opened the door and walked through, not hearing Gir and Doomy's last words. "But Master, they don't use wood!"
As Zim stepped through the door, he saw several things. First of all, the river he had seen was made of tar, not water. Second, there was a bridge, and one big enough to support the wagon. More specifically, it was a dam. A dam made of bones from hundreds of cartoons who had been killed on their way through the forest and put there by the horrible beavers who had made this macabre crossing. Thirdly, there were the beavers themselves. They were twice the size of Dobermans, and they had leathery red skin and flaming backs. They truly were demons. One of the beavers noticed Zim, roared, and started towards him. Screaming, Zim ran back through the wall. The beaver roared at him then went back to doing nothing on the dam. Panting, he looked at the anxious Gir and Doomy. "Okay, you were right. The beavers are dangerous. But I have to go back there."
"Master, don't! They'll eat you alive!" cried Gir.
"I have to, Gir. Besides," he said, taking the fire extinguisher he had stolen from the network room out of his pod. "I have a weapon."
He ran through the door, ready to face the beavers. He strode onto the dam. The beavers roared and started charging at him. Aiming the extinguisher at the first one, Zim let loose, sending a blast of magnesium-based fire retardant at the demon. The flame immediately went out on the beaver's back, and the demon slumped to the ground, dead. The other beavers, shocked, tried to run away. Zim hit them with the extinguisher, killing all the remaining beavers and avenging the poor souls who made up the dam. Zim looked across the dam and saw the path leading out of the forest. But how to get the Doom Wagon across? It wouldn't fit through the door, and it couldn't hover across water. He slapped his head, realizing he had forgotten about the ship's weapons. He returned to the ship. "Huzzah! I have defeated the scourge!"
"Eh?" said Gir.
"He says he beat the nasty beavers, dearest." Explained Doomy.
"Okey dokey."
Zim climbed back into the throne. "Now to get out of this horrible filthy place of…filth. Gir, give me firing control!"
"It's the big red button on the left armrest, Master." Said Gir.
Zim pressed the button. A holographic targeting display unfolded in front of him, a big red X indicating the target. A pair of triggers popped up from the bottom of the throne, raising into his hands. Aiming the crosshairs at the wall, Zim pressed the triggers. The heavy-duty laser cannons on the front of the Wagon hummed, then fired an awesome blast, obliterating the metal wall and making the way clear! "Ah ha! No mere wall can stand up to the might of Zim!"
"That was a hoot!" yelled Gir for no reason.
Gir piloted the Doom Wagon over the dam and down the path. Hours later, night had set in and they had finally reached the end of the forest. A road stretched out in front of the travelers, leading to Speedo Bottom. "Mister Gir, engage the warp drive." Commanded Zim.
Gir pressed some buttons. "Warp drive ready, Master. Fire it up?"
"Make it so."
"You've got it, love!" yelled Doomy, firing up the main thruster, sending them rocketing down the road, to their destinies.
Two days later…The Doom Wagon rocketed past a sign saying, "You are now entering Speedo Bottom" and stopped nicely in a parking lot at the end of the road. The parking lot was in front of what appeared to be an automat perched on a high platform. The automat was a long building with what looked like a giant cactus sticking out of the roof of the entrance. A ledge ran around the base of the cactus, with a door leading into the building on the cactus itself. A path led away from the parking lot, down some stairs, but the whole area was covered in fog so Zim couldn't see anything. As Zim eased himself out of the chair, leaving a Zim-shaped dent in the back of the chair and claw marks in the armrest, Gir started honking the horn. "Miss Rana? Miss Rana? Miss Rana, we're here to rescue you!"
"Gir, quiet!" hissed Zim, jumping down from the throne. "You don't want to wake up everybody in town!"
"But I want to drag race! When everyone sees my hot wheels, we'll be the talk of the town!" said Doomy.
"Good point. You'd better hide Doomy. We don't want to attract attention to ourselves."
"Okay, but can I have some fun with Doomy first?"
Zim was about to say no, but Gir gave him that sad puppy-dog look and Zim couldn't resist. "Oh all right, but make it quick."
With that, Zim started up the stairs on the side of the platform, heading for the next landing. As soon as he was gone, Gir leaned closer to the dashboard. "He's gone. Do you want to…"
"Always do, lover." Gir's head flipped open, and a pair of cables shot out. Two slots opened up near the ship's headlights, two cables snaking out as well. The two pairs of cables wiggled in the air, sensing each other. The cables shot at each other, connecting with a satisfying crackle of electricity. Lights started to race down Gir's cables, going into the Doom Wagon. You might be able to guess what they're doing. Let's go back to Zim, shall we?
Zim got onto the landing, looking around. As usual, the fog obscured most of the landing. Not able to see the stairs that led up to the automat, Zim wandered blindly through the fog, expecting to run into a railing at some point. He didn't. Instead, he ended up walking right off a cliff. As he fell, screaming through the fog, Zim was able to make out what was right below him. His purple blood went cold. When Patrick had said that Speedo Bottom was a port town, the words hadn't really registered in his head. Ports meant water. And right now he was falling towards the ocean, without any paste to protect him. As the surface of the ocean came up closer and closer, he quickly punched in a sequence of panels on the back of his pod. He was immediately covered by a skintight force field that would protect him from the water. Zim relaxed until he realized that he had forgotten to activate the air bubble. The force field would keep water from seeping into his mouth, but he wouldn't be able to breathe. As he was about to press the panel sequence for the air bubble, he hit the water hard, going under. He floundered desperately in the sea, trying to get to the surface and failing because he could not swim. A figure looked down at the Irken floundering in the water from a nearby dock and shook his head in disgust. "Tourists." He muttered. "Well, looks like this is another rescue job for old Velasco."
A little later, Zim groaned and woke up, feeling horrible. He was leaning against the platform with the automat. He was looking into the eyes of a salty-looking pufferfish with a sailor's outfit and an eyepatch. "Are you all right, son?" the fish asked.
"Uh, yeah. Did you rescue me from the water?"
"Yup. Name's Velasco. I'm the Dockmaster around these parts. And you would be?"
"Zim. Invader Zim."
"Ah. Say, is that fine-looking vessel over there yours?" asked Velasco, pointing to the Doom Wagon.
"Yeah, why?"
"Mind if I go give her a look-over? You'll be wanting a place to hide her from the locals, I'm sure."
"By all means, go ahead."
"Thanks."
Velasco walked over to the Doom Wagon. Grunting, Zim got up and walked past Velasco, who was now chatting with Gir, and walked back up tot he landing. Finding the stairs this time, he got to the automat and went inside. There was a small room with a restricted staircase going up to the cactus and a door leading to the main part of the automat. The walls were lined with little refrigerators with food in each compartment, a plastic tile next to each one showing a name and picture of the food inside. Walking across the linoleum floor, Zim noticed a gray squid mopping the floors with all six of his limbs. He looked a bit like Squidward from Spongebob. "Hey, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
The squid looked up. "Hmm? Sure, but we don't really open for a half-hour, and I've got to get this place clean."
"What's your name?"
"You can call me Squidjoe. And yours?"
"Zim."
"Hello, Zim. What else would you like to know?"
Zim pointed to the refrigerator labeled 22. The tile next to it showed a tongue. "What's number 22?"
"Lengua."
"Ew. Hey, I'm looking for a place to stay. Could you recommend a place where I can crash for an indefinite period of time?"
"How much money do you have?"
"Somewhere around the high-end of nothing."
"Then maybe young man, it's time you thought of getting a job."
Zim thought a moment. "Hey, can you get me a job here?"
Squidjoe stopped wiping. "What are your skills?"
"Acting and sales."
Squidjoe scratched his chin thoughtfully with a tentacle. "You Irkens are clean freaks, right?"
"Well, you could say that."
"There's an extra mop over by the counter. If you can help me get this place clean before opening, you've got yourself a job. They keep rooms for the employees in the big cactus, and we've got plenty of spares you can use."
Zim thought for a moment. Did he really want to do this? Degrade himself to the level of janitor just so he could get a job and a place to stay until Rana showed up? He grabbed the mop and started wiping the floor. The sun came out and burned away all the fog, shining down upon the town of Speedo Bottom as the citizens woke up, not yet knowing of the newcomers to their home.
FOUR MONTHS LATER
It was a holiday in Nickworld, the celebration of the formation of Nickelodeon. The moon shone down upon the jiving port town of Speedo Bottom. But at the moment, we look at the third best nightclub in the town, not Maximino's Pig Track (that's the best) or the Blue Pod (that's the second best) but the building that used to be the automat, the Irkana Café. On the ledge just outside the cactus, one being looked down at all of Speedo Bay, admiring the view. This one being held a semi-great deal of power. He was manager and owner of the Irkana Café, third most admired guy in the town, and a friend of the big boy Maximino. This being was still a fair newcomer to town, only staying long enough to wait for somebody special to him, in a way. The being was about the size of a ten-year old, with a utility pod and a nice white tuxedo over his regular uniform. He was none other than Invader Zim.
Whoa! It looks like Zim's gotten a lot farther than just a janitor in only four months. Rana has apparently not shown up yet. What strange adventures will Zim get into in this quaint portside town? Find out next time…
Herb stood in the door of the mechanic's shack. "All right Zim, you're staying here until the boss decides when to do IT to you. And to keep you from escaping, your pod is staying right here with the rest of the junk. Ta!" He slammed the door shut and locked it. Zim, who was of course inside the hut, ran to the door and wrestled with the doorknob, trying to open it. He had no success. Glumly, he sat on the one chair in the structure, pondering what he had done. He had only wanted to keep his job, was that really so wrong? Why hadn't he been able to find Rana's ticket? What had happened to Gir? How would the fans react to this new Dib Membrane Show? What did Herb mean when he said the boss? He was president and C.E.O. of Nickelodeon, how could he have a boss? How was he going to get out of this hut without his trusty utility pod? As he was thinking, he thought he saw a silhouette through the shack's large window. Curious, he walked up to the window. Whoever was casting the shadow was just out of sight, but Zim could tell somebody was there. "Hello? Is anyone there?" he called.
The silhouette turned to face him. "Hello Agent Zim. How are you doing?"
"Who are you?"
"I'm you. Or rather, I WAS you."
"You mean you're from the past? You're a lot taller than I am."
"It was a figure of speech. I'm not saying I'm you, I'm saying I was once like you."
"I suppose you're a guard of some sort. Would you happen to know what they're going to do to me?"
"Zim, have you ever seen a person sprouted?"
"Sprouted? What does that mean?"
"Then you don't know that there is nothing worse than the sting of a sproutella bullet."
"Sproutella?"
"It is a chemical, the most dangerous chemical known to toons or men. The very effect of touching it causes a deadly reaction."
"What exactly does it do?"
"The Sproutella gun fires, hitting you with a dart. The dart injects Sproutella into your body, and then the process begins. The green chemical goes through every calcified pore in your bones, causing flowers to sprout from your very flesh. As the unbelievably agonizing pain from having something growing rapidly inside of you increases, begonias blossom from your chest, tulips burst from your hands, roses and daisies grow from your legs, and then the bulbs sprout from your eyes until you crash out, going into full bloom, feeling one last bout of pain more excruciating than anything you could possibly imagine, and finally you are nothing more than a patch of wildflowers on the ground, swarming with butterflies. And THEN you die."
Zim gulped. "N-no, I-I've never seen that."
"I have. Too many times…"
"Once again, who are you?"
"I already told you, I'm you, a fellow prisoner."
"Yeah, but with a bigger cell. Please, let me out! I have to do something!"
"The only way out, Zim is to be let back in. If you scream out your loyalty long enough, perhaps the company will come and stick you back in their fold. Well?"
Zim paused for a moment. He did want his job back, but…no. He really did want his job back, his show, but not at the price of his dignity. He knew something was wrong here. "Nickelodeon is running a crooked game, and I intend to prove it."
"Do you really mean that, Zim? Or are you just trying to intimidate me?"
"No! I mean it! I'm gonna blow the lid of this place, exposing Herb Scannell and Dib for the frauds they are! And then, then I will rain my doom from the sky onto their filthy doomed heads!"
"My friend, you are an enemy of Nickelodeon." The silhouette disappeared. The doorknob turned and the hut opened revealing the figure, a big pink starfish with a bathing suit, a green jacket and a little beret. "Welcome to the club!"
Zim blinked. "Patrick Star? I thought you were kicked off Spongebob Squarepants!"
Patrick nodded. "I was!"
"Then what are you doing here?"
"Follow me and I'll explain everything."
A few minutes later, in an alleyway right outside of the building…Patrick looked into the eye of one of the decorative monsters carved into the wall. "Patrick Star and guest requesting permission to come down." He stepped away, looking at a freight elevator in the ground. The metal hatches opened up, the elevator rising from the ground. Patrick stepped into the elevator, followed by Zim. As the elevator descended, Zim asked, "What's going on here?"
Patrick took a deep breath. "Zim, one year ago I discovered something horrible about Nickelodeon. This information forced me to quit and form a movement called the LTA, the Lost Toon's Alliance. I am of course the leader." The elevator hit bottom, opening onto a square room somewhere in the sewers. A tunnel one side of the room led deeper into the sewers, while another one was covered by a big hatch. There was a table with a slide projector in the middle of the room, a large computer on the right wall, and a smaller worktable in the upper-left corner of the room. Sitting at the table, working on a radio of some sorts, was…Sandy? "You already know Sandy, of course."
"Hey Zim." Said Sandy.
Patrick walked up to the slide projector and turned it on, showing a complicated diagram on the screen at the back of the room. "Like I was saying, I discovered something horrible about Nickelodeon."
"What?"
"Back in 2002, one of the stars from a show turned evil and has been corrupting the company from within. They are doing something truly horrible, Zim."
"What?"
"Do you never wonder why you were cancelled for a short time?"
"I've asked, but nobody's ever told me."
"It was because the toon who has corrupted and taken over Nickelodeon didn't want any competition. As one of the most popular shows, you were perceived as a threat and done away with."
"Yeah, but the fans brought me back. Can't they just do so again for this cancellation?"
"I'm afraid not. This toon is really calling all the shots now, and he will make sure you stay down. That's why he tried to sprout you, but I found out about his plans ahead of time and rescued you."
"But why are you telling me all this? And what is this toon trying to do? Who is he?"
"I am telling you all this because I think you have the potential to be one of my agents. I have no idea as to who this toon is, but I do know what he's doing. Or at least part of it."
"Okay, what's going on? I'm dying to know. And if you give me any more runaround, I'll sic Gir on you."
Patrick chuckled, then got serious. "Zim, have you wondered why all of your clients, even the best ones, have never seemed to qualify for anything better than walking?"
"Yes, especially my last one, Rana."
"When did this slump start to happen?"
"Right after I got rehired."
"And does that tell you anything?"
"What do you…OH! You mean the toon has made sure all of my clients are bad ones?"
"Not exactly. You see Zim, most of your clients DID qualify for a ticket on the Mega Rail, especially her. But this mystery toon has gained access to their files and stolen their tickets on the Mega Rail."
Zim was aghast. "That's horrible! Why would he do something like that?"
"As you know, many toons never make it to the employment office and just quit. Many of them settle down and run their own businesses, becoming quite rich as a result. But they all still yearn for a chance to get a job with the company, so a ticket on the Mega Rail would be like a key to a chest of gold for them."
"This toon is stealing the tickets from their rightful souls and stealing them for money? That's awful. And that means all of the poor souls who lose their tickets are forced to walk all the way, and some of them might not even make it…"
"Exactly. And with the lack of good talent, our shows have been getting worse. Remember Spongebob's last Christmas special?"
"Ugh, don't remind me. Okay, so this fiend is doing something unspeakably evil. What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to join me, Zim. Be a member of the resistance."
Zim shook his head. "Sorry Patrick, but I really don't think so. All I want is to find Rana so I can get my job back."
Patrick shrugged. "Okay, but you can't get out of the city without my help. When you really make up your mind, let me know." He leaned against a wall, examining the diagram.
Zim was still having a little trouble absorbing all this in. He found it all too easy to learn he had been used for years, but what was being done with these tickets appalled him. He decided to talk to Sandy, who was still working on the radio. "So Sandy, what are you doing here? You're not really a secretary?"
"I'm a spy, Zim."
"How long have you been with this movement of Patrick's?"
"Only six months. He recruited me after Herb kicked me off of Spongebob. Of course, now you know why…anyway, I couldn't resist when Patrick asked me. He just seems so…noble!"
Zim turned and looked at Patrick, who was picking at his belly button. "If you say so. What are you working on there?"
"A radio to communicate with our field agents."
"You have field agents?"
"Yeah, lots of people are eager to join a revolution. Although I think most of them are just in it for the berets."
"It doesn't look like it's working. Is there a problem?"
"Yeah, the damn thing won't stay on the right frequency. It's be a useful tool, but it's not the way to get our information, and we can't get that until we can fix up that old computer over there. Once that thing's up, we can hack into the company and learn anything we can."
"Do you mind if I take a look at it? I might be able to fix it." She shrugged and got off her stool. Zim got at the table, took apart the radio, messed around with a few parts, and put the thing back together. "Finished."
Sandy sat down and tested it. "Hey, nice job! Thanks Zim! However, there is still one problem with this thing."
"What? I didn't see any other problems."
"It's too easy for someone to eavesdrop on any communications by using the same frequency. Patrick is right, we need a different form of communication with the agents. Uh, do you mind? I've got to check up on our man in Zapato." With that, she started playing with the radio. Zim looked at Patrick for a moment, finally making up his mind. He walked over to the starfish and got his attention.
"Okay, I've decided. I'll join the LTA, just as long as I don't have to wear a silly beret."
"Hey, don't knock the beret man!"
"Sorry. Can you get me out of the city now?"
Patrick shook his head. "Sorry. Can't."
"What? Why not?"
"I have an assignment for you, your first one. Sandy's radio is well and good, but we need a better way to contact our field agents. I need messengers."
"You want me to be your messenger?"
"No, no, too dangerous. History has shown only one creature to be of aid in a cause such as this: carrier pigeons!"
"You want me to get you some pigeons?"
"No, I need you to bring me some eggs so I can train them from birth."
"And if I get you the eggs, you'll get me out of the city?" Patrick nodded. "Where am I gonna find some pigeon eggs?"
"We're in a big city, Zim. Where do pigeons love to hang out?"
"On the rooftop, of course! Well, I'll be back soon." He started over to the freight elevator.
"Good luck, Agent Zim." The big starfish called after him.
Zim got into the alley and looked around, trying to figure out how to get to the top of a building. It would be too weird if he just went inside a building and asked to go to the roof, so he decided it would be easier to climb. Extending his spider legs, Zim leapt onto the side of the Nickelodeon building and started scaling the skyscraper, careful to stay away from windows. After a very long climb, he pulled himself onto the rooftop. He was in luck, there was a huge flight of pigeons nesting on the rooftop. He could see a nest full off eggs inside one of the ventilator openings. Zim carefully started to walk towards the birds, not wanting to aggravate them. Unfortunately, the birds did not like an Irken intruding on their nesting grounds and all of them rose up, like something out of The Birds. The nasty birds flew toward Zim, pecking at him. Screaming, he ran away until they stopped chasing them and settled back down. Scowling, Zim tried to devise a cunning plan to lure away the dirty avians and steal the eggs while they were distracted. Then he decided, Slark this, I'll just blast the hell out of them. Extending his spider legs, Zim aimed at the pigeons. "All right birds, I'll give you to the count of three to vamoose or I fire! One...two…three!" As the pigeons weren't moving, Zim started firing lasers from the tips of his legs, startling the pigeons and causing them to fly away, cooing. "Running away, eh? I won't stand for that! Take this! And this! And some of this! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" His lasers streaked through the air, frying pigeon after pigeon. He didn't stop laughing until every bird had fallen out of the sky, a blackened husk. "Ha! That will teach you to mess with the likes of Zim, stupid filthy stink- birds!" His way clear, Zim walked over to the ventilator opening. Of course, he was too short to reach it and had to rise using the spider legs to grab the whole nest. Still using the mechanical legs, he slowly and carefully walked off the edge of the building, climbing down the side of the skyscraper. When he finally reached the bottom, he walked over to the eye Patrick had used earlier. "Agent Zim and guests requesting entrance." The freight elevator shot up behind him. He stepped in and found himself back in the LTA headquarters. He marched over to Patrick and presented him with the entire nest. "Agent Zim reporting for duty. Mission successful, sir."
Patrick took the nest in his two stubby, er, appendages, looking impressed. "Wow, you got a whole nest! With these, I can breed an entire army of winged messengers! And the ones that don't hatch I can save for food. Congratulations, Zim. Are you ready to leave yet?"
Zim was tempted to say yes, but had a thought. "Patrick, Sandy said you guys needed this computer here working so you could hack into Nickelodeon, right?"
"Yeah, but we haven't been having much success."
"I can fix it."
Patrick got a hopeful look on his face. "Really? That would be great!"
"Yeah, just give me a minute…" Zim pulled the computer out and opened up the back, tinkering with the insides. After fifteen minutes, he climbed out, walked to the front of the computer, and started it up. "There you go. She's all yours."
Patrick grinned. "Nice work, soldier! You are truly a friend to the revolution, and now…now I will help you!" He walked over to the tunnel sealed by a hatch and opened it. "Follow me."
Half an hour later…Zim and Patrick were walking down a long service corridor, the way lit by the starfish's flashlight. While he didn't have to wear a silly beret, Patrick insisted he wear a jacket, at least for a little while. "To find Rana, you must journey through the Petrified Forest and make it to the port town of Speedo Bottom."
"Speedo what?"
"It was named by Spongebob fans in the company."
"Ah. How do you know she'll be there?"
"I don't. But I do know that if anyone walking is trying to get to the employment office, they must go to Speedo Bottom, where they must wait until a ship they can afford passage on comes in. However, you may be in for a very long wait for this woman, my friend."
"I'll wait as long as it takes, Pat." Said Zim determinedly.
Patrick looked down at his comrade for a moment, thoughtful. "Zim…are you in love with this woman?"
"Love? Of course not, Patrick. She's just another client. A beautiful, talented client who is my only chance of getting my old job back and one-upping Dib once and for all. But love? No, no, no."
Patrick nodded, not believing him. "Of course Zim. Of course." He stopped, pointing his flashlight ahead of them at a ladder at the end of the tunnel. "We've arrived. Good luck on your quest, agent Zim. I'll keep in touch." With that, he walked away, leaving Zim to climb up the ladder by himself.
He reached the top of the long ladder and found a hatch. He opened it and climbed out. He was on top of a hollowed-out tree stump at the edge of the Petrified Forest. He could see Nick City only a few miles away. Before he turned to walk into the dark foreboding woods, he took a final sad look at the city that had been his home for so many years. Okay, so it was only about six but that's really how old he is. Shedding a small tear, he walked into the Petrified Forest. It was everything he had heard it was, huge and dark and weird, with lots of hardened trees. He started getting nervous, constantly hearing noises. He knew the woods were supposed to be full of monsters, and every twig snapping and wood cracking sounded to him like a beast preparing to pounce. He was very surprised when he heard crying. Curious, he ran in the direction of the wailing, running past many trees and stuff before finding himself in a large clearing. He as astonished to see two things, aside from a signpost that pointed to the way out of the forest. The Doom Wagon and Gir were here! He ran over to his partner. "Gir, why are you crying? What are you doing here?" Zim asked.
Gir blinked back tears and looked up. "Master?" he suddenly leaped, jumping onto Zim's head and hugging it tightly. "Master, I was so worried! They fired me and kicked me and Doomy out of town, and they told me you were dead!"
"It's okay Gir, I'm here and quite alive. We can't get our jobs back at the moment, but we are going to look after Rana."
Gir stopped wailing, still on his master's head. "The nice lady?"
"Yes Gir, the nice lady." There was a long moment. "Gir, get off my head!"
Gir got off of Zim's head, sat down and started crying again. "Gir, what now?"
"Before the execs left, they took the most important thing in my life and threw it over in the woods over there!" shrieked Gir, waving his hand at a path leading away from the clearing.
"They took out your soul?"
"No, even worse!"
"What could they take away from you that's more precious than your soul?"
"The keys to the Doom Wagon! Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"
Zim winced, his antennae shaking from the noise. "Gir, stop crying! Just wait here and I'll get your keys back."
Gir stopped crying. "Okey dokey! Taco!" He ran over to the Doom Wagon and started making engine noises in the driver's seat. Zim walked down the path Gir had indicated. He went a ways and found himself at the base of a large petrified tree. Some of its roots arced out of the ground and into the air before plunging back into the ground again. Large spider webs were woven into every arch. Zim noticed that the nearest one had something glimmering in it, the keys! As Zim approached the web, he saw what must have made the webs. They were spiders. Dachshund-sized spiders. Dachshund- sized spiders with wings. However, they didn't seem to be making any threatening moves towards him, so he ignored the monsters. He tried to pull the keys from the web and failed. Extending a spider legs, he cut into the web, trying to slice it up. He made a large gash. As he prepared to make another cut, he heard a strange chittering sound. He looked up just in time to see a giant winged spider twice his size fly out of the top of the tree. It landed on the web, over the gash he had made, and mended it before flying back into the treetop. "Well that didn't work." Zim muttered. He needed a new plan. He noticed a pile of what looked like human bones lying near the web. The spiders seemed to have sucked the marrow out of them. Disgusted, he suddenly realized he had an idea. Grabbing one of the bones, he threw it into the web next to the keys. The spiders weren't interested in the bone, but that hadn't been the point of the maneuver. Extending a spider leg, he reached through a gap above the bone and curled over the bone, pulling on it. He backed away, pulling as hard as he could on the bone. When he couldn't pull back any further, he pulled back his leg. The web snapped back, throwing out the keys and the bone like a rubber band. Pleased with himself, Zim ran over to where the keys had landed, grabbed them, and ran back to Gir.
Meanwhile, back in Herb's office…The drapes were pulled down over the windows, keeping anybody from looking in. The light closest to the desk were turned off, keeping the being sitting behind the desk enshrouded in darkness. That being was not Herb Scannell. Herb and Dib were standing before the man, or should I say toon, that had taken over the company. The toon glared angrily at Dib. "Sir, I assure you that as soon as Zim is dealt with I will personally go looking after the missing woman and bring her back." Dib said.
"Just like you 'personally' picked her up?" asked the figure behind the desk sarcastically.
"Well, that was my intention. But Zim somehow managed to get to her first." Said Dib, trying to justify his failure.
Jumping onto the top of his desk from his chair, the boss glared down at both of them. Well, he glared down at Dib anyway, the toon was pretty short and only came up to about Herb's height when standing on the desk. "Dib, we gave you the fastest ship and the best clients. So how did Zim manage to get in there and eat your lunch!?!" shouted the boss.
Dib recoiled. Herb felt he should intervene. "Oh now Bog, you can't get too mad. After all, it wasn't Dib's fault."
The boss narrowed his eyes. "Oh, but you should know that I CAN get too mad, Herb. But not at Dib. After all, he's not the one in charge of this operation. Not until now, that is."
The boss pulled a menacing-looking gun from a holster on his hip. Herb's eyes widened in horror upon recognizing what kind of gun it was. "Bog, don't!"
The boss fired his gun twice, shooting two darts at Scannell. The little propellers on the backs of the bullet darts spun, sending the Sproutella within into Herb's body. Herb doubled over, gasping in pain. As little buds started appearing on his body, he fell onto his back, screaming. Seconds passed, the buds getting bigger and bigger, his screams getting louder until finally the flowers completely covered his body. With one final, ear- splitting shriek, Herb died. The boss grunted when he saw what kind of flowers had grown. "Huh, Marigolds. For some reason I was expecting daisies." He put the Sproutella gun back in its holster and returned to his chair. "Now Dib, be a good boy and personally get Mister Zim from the garage and bring him up here to be sprouted. As soon as this is over and we can get onto new business, the better."
Nodding, Dib headed for the door. He paused and turned around. "What do we do with this?" he said, gesturing to the corpse of Herb Scannell.
The boss shrugged. "Just have it sent to the Meadow, like the rest of them."
"Whatever you say, Emperor Bog."
Back in the forest…Gir was once again hugging Zim's head. "You got the keys back! Thank you Master! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!"
Zim pulled off Gir and handed him the keys. "Come on Gir, we've got to find Rana and get out of here." Gir saluted and leapt into the driver's seat. Zim climbed into the throne. "Okay Gir, turn on the life form detector and set it to Irken so we can find her."
Gir paused. "Life form detector? What life form detector?"
Zim sighed. "You know, the little device that allows us to find a specific sort of life form, which makes it easier to find protoforms when their species are already determined?"
"Oh, that life form detector. I took it out."
Zim's eye twitched. "You…took it out?"
"Yuh-huh!"
Zim restrained himself from attacking Gir and strangling him for doing something so stupid. "Dare I ask why you took it out? Was it to make room for the cupcake? Or for the tuna?"
"No, I took it out to make room for the artificial intelligence module."
"What artificial intelligence module?"
"The one talking to you, love." Said a feminine British voice that seemed to be emanating from the whole vehicle.
"Aaaahhh! Who are you?" asked Zim.
"I'm the Doom Wagon. Gir had the insight to install me with a brain so I would have more than just a pretty body. Call me Doomy."
Zim hesitated, then shrugged. A talking car wasn't really that odd. After all, he had seen weirder things in cartoons. "Okay, can you find Rana?"
"Sorry Master, but as my honey said, the life form detector is gone."
"'Your honey'? Whatever, can you find the quickest way to Speedo Bottom?"
"Why not just check the signpost over there? It would be a lot quicker than tapping into a satellite network."
"Good point." Gir looked over at the signpost. It said, "This way to Speedo Bottom" and pointed to a path leading from the clearing. He pointed down the path. "That way!"
Gir shifted the Wagon into gear, accidentally knocking over the signpost as he turned towards the path. "Whoopsie, I hope that wasn't important!"
Zim groaned. "Let's just hope the next person to come here isn't Rana. Onward! And don't use the main engine!"
"Awwww…" whined both machines. Moving at normal fast speed, the Doom Wagon flew down the path, using its special jets to go above rocks and stuff. After following a long, winding path, they stopped in front of a big metal wall wedged between two trees. As there seemed to be a river behind the trees, there was no way to go around the wall. Fortunately, there was door. Thinking there might be a bridge behind it, Zim got down from the wagon and walked toward the door. Just as he was about to open it, Gir called out to him. "Master, wait! Don't you know what's behind that door?"
"Yeah, the way out of this forest." Said Zim, about to turn the handle.
"Demon beavers, love! They'll make you into a dam!" said Doomy anxiously.
Zim snorted. "Relax Mr. and Mrs. Gepetto! I'm not made of wood!"
He opened the door and walked through, not hearing Gir and Doomy's last words. "But Master, they don't use wood!"
As Zim stepped through the door, he saw several things. First of all, the river he had seen was made of tar, not water. Second, there was a bridge, and one big enough to support the wagon. More specifically, it was a dam. A dam made of bones from hundreds of cartoons who had been killed on their way through the forest and put there by the horrible beavers who had made this macabre crossing. Thirdly, there were the beavers themselves. They were twice the size of Dobermans, and they had leathery red skin and flaming backs. They truly were demons. One of the beavers noticed Zim, roared, and started towards him. Screaming, Zim ran back through the wall. The beaver roared at him then went back to doing nothing on the dam. Panting, he looked at the anxious Gir and Doomy. "Okay, you were right. The beavers are dangerous. But I have to go back there."
"Master, don't! They'll eat you alive!" cried Gir.
"I have to, Gir. Besides," he said, taking the fire extinguisher he had stolen from the network room out of his pod. "I have a weapon."
He ran through the door, ready to face the beavers. He strode onto the dam. The beavers roared and started charging at him. Aiming the extinguisher at the first one, Zim let loose, sending a blast of magnesium-based fire retardant at the demon. The flame immediately went out on the beaver's back, and the demon slumped to the ground, dead. The other beavers, shocked, tried to run away. Zim hit them with the extinguisher, killing all the remaining beavers and avenging the poor souls who made up the dam. Zim looked across the dam and saw the path leading out of the forest. But how to get the Doom Wagon across? It wouldn't fit through the door, and it couldn't hover across water. He slapped his head, realizing he had forgotten about the ship's weapons. He returned to the ship. "Huzzah! I have defeated the scourge!"
"Eh?" said Gir.
"He says he beat the nasty beavers, dearest." Explained Doomy.
"Okey dokey."
Zim climbed back into the throne. "Now to get out of this horrible filthy place of…filth. Gir, give me firing control!"
"It's the big red button on the left armrest, Master." Said Gir.
Zim pressed the button. A holographic targeting display unfolded in front of him, a big red X indicating the target. A pair of triggers popped up from the bottom of the throne, raising into his hands. Aiming the crosshairs at the wall, Zim pressed the triggers. The heavy-duty laser cannons on the front of the Wagon hummed, then fired an awesome blast, obliterating the metal wall and making the way clear! "Ah ha! No mere wall can stand up to the might of Zim!"
"That was a hoot!" yelled Gir for no reason.
Gir piloted the Doom Wagon over the dam and down the path. Hours later, night had set in and they had finally reached the end of the forest. A road stretched out in front of the travelers, leading to Speedo Bottom. "Mister Gir, engage the warp drive." Commanded Zim.
Gir pressed some buttons. "Warp drive ready, Master. Fire it up?"
"Make it so."
"You've got it, love!" yelled Doomy, firing up the main thruster, sending them rocketing down the road, to their destinies.
Two days later…The Doom Wagon rocketed past a sign saying, "You are now entering Speedo Bottom" and stopped nicely in a parking lot at the end of the road. The parking lot was in front of what appeared to be an automat perched on a high platform. The automat was a long building with what looked like a giant cactus sticking out of the roof of the entrance. A ledge ran around the base of the cactus, with a door leading into the building on the cactus itself. A path led away from the parking lot, down some stairs, but the whole area was covered in fog so Zim couldn't see anything. As Zim eased himself out of the chair, leaving a Zim-shaped dent in the back of the chair and claw marks in the armrest, Gir started honking the horn. "Miss Rana? Miss Rana? Miss Rana, we're here to rescue you!"
"Gir, quiet!" hissed Zim, jumping down from the throne. "You don't want to wake up everybody in town!"
"But I want to drag race! When everyone sees my hot wheels, we'll be the talk of the town!" said Doomy.
"Good point. You'd better hide Doomy. We don't want to attract attention to ourselves."
"Okay, but can I have some fun with Doomy first?"
Zim was about to say no, but Gir gave him that sad puppy-dog look and Zim couldn't resist. "Oh all right, but make it quick."
With that, Zim started up the stairs on the side of the platform, heading for the next landing. As soon as he was gone, Gir leaned closer to the dashboard. "He's gone. Do you want to…"
"Always do, lover." Gir's head flipped open, and a pair of cables shot out. Two slots opened up near the ship's headlights, two cables snaking out as well. The two pairs of cables wiggled in the air, sensing each other. The cables shot at each other, connecting with a satisfying crackle of electricity. Lights started to race down Gir's cables, going into the Doom Wagon. You might be able to guess what they're doing. Let's go back to Zim, shall we?
Zim got onto the landing, looking around. As usual, the fog obscured most of the landing. Not able to see the stairs that led up to the automat, Zim wandered blindly through the fog, expecting to run into a railing at some point. He didn't. Instead, he ended up walking right off a cliff. As he fell, screaming through the fog, Zim was able to make out what was right below him. His purple blood went cold. When Patrick had said that Speedo Bottom was a port town, the words hadn't really registered in his head. Ports meant water. And right now he was falling towards the ocean, without any paste to protect him. As the surface of the ocean came up closer and closer, he quickly punched in a sequence of panels on the back of his pod. He was immediately covered by a skintight force field that would protect him from the water. Zim relaxed until he realized that he had forgotten to activate the air bubble. The force field would keep water from seeping into his mouth, but he wouldn't be able to breathe. As he was about to press the panel sequence for the air bubble, he hit the water hard, going under. He floundered desperately in the sea, trying to get to the surface and failing because he could not swim. A figure looked down at the Irken floundering in the water from a nearby dock and shook his head in disgust. "Tourists." He muttered. "Well, looks like this is another rescue job for old Velasco."
A little later, Zim groaned and woke up, feeling horrible. He was leaning against the platform with the automat. He was looking into the eyes of a salty-looking pufferfish with a sailor's outfit and an eyepatch. "Are you all right, son?" the fish asked.
"Uh, yeah. Did you rescue me from the water?"
"Yup. Name's Velasco. I'm the Dockmaster around these parts. And you would be?"
"Zim. Invader Zim."
"Ah. Say, is that fine-looking vessel over there yours?" asked Velasco, pointing to the Doom Wagon.
"Yeah, why?"
"Mind if I go give her a look-over? You'll be wanting a place to hide her from the locals, I'm sure."
"By all means, go ahead."
"Thanks."
Velasco walked over to the Doom Wagon. Grunting, Zim got up and walked past Velasco, who was now chatting with Gir, and walked back up tot he landing. Finding the stairs this time, he got to the automat and went inside. There was a small room with a restricted staircase going up to the cactus and a door leading to the main part of the automat. The walls were lined with little refrigerators with food in each compartment, a plastic tile next to each one showing a name and picture of the food inside. Walking across the linoleum floor, Zim noticed a gray squid mopping the floors with all six of his limbs. He looked a bit like Squidward from Spongebob. "Hey, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
The squid looked up. "Hmm? Sure, but we don't really open for a half-hour, and I've got to get this place clean."
"What's your name?"
"You can call me Squidjoe. And yours?"
"Zim."
"Hello, Zim. What else would you like to know?"
Zim pointed to the refrigerator labeled 22. The tile next to it showed a tongue. "What's number 22?"
"Lengua."
"Ew. Hey, I'm looking for a place to stay. Could you recommend a place where I can crash for an indefinite period of time?"
"How much money do you have?"
"Somewhere around the high-end of nothing."
"Then maybe young man, it's time you thought of getting a job."
Zim thought a moment. "Hey, can you get me a job here?"
Squidjoe stopped wiping. "What are your skills?"
"Acting and sales."
Squidjoe scratched his chin thoughtfully with a tentacle. "You Irkens are clean freaks, right?"
"Well, you could say that."
"There's an extra mop over by the counter. If you can help me get this place clean before opening, you've got yourself a job. They keep rooms for the employees in the big cactus, and we've got plenty of spares you can use."
Zim thought for a moment. Did he really want to do this? Degrade himself to the level of janitor just so he could get a job and a place to stay until Rana showed up? He grabbed the mop and started wiping the floor. The sun came out and burned away all the fog, shining down upon the town of Speedo Bottom as the citizens woke up, not yet knowing of the newcomers to their home.
FOUR MONTHS LATER
It was a holiday in Nickworld, the celebration of the formation of Nickelodeon. The moon shone down upon the jiving port town of Speedo Bottom. But at the moment, we look at the third best nightclub in the town, not Maximino's Pig Track (that's the best) or the Blue Pod (that's the second best) but the building that used to be the automat, the Irkana Café. On the ledge just outside the cactus, one being looked down at all of Speedo Bay, admiring the view. This one being held a semi-great deal of power. He was manager and owner of the Irkana Café, third most admired guy in the town, and a friend of the big boy Maximino. This being was still a fair newcomer to town, only staying long enough to wait for somebody special to him, in a way. The being was about the size of a ten-year old, with a utility pod and a nice white tuxedo over his regular uniform. He was none other than Invader Zim.
Whoa! It looks like Zim's gotten a lot farther than just a janitor in only four months. Rana has apparently not shown up yet. What strange adventures will Zim get into in this quaint portside town? Find out next time…
