What Somebody Like Professor Trelawny Can Do
Chapter 6 : One Fine Saturday Morning
*
James frowned at the floor in the boys dormitories. This day, that had formerly seemed so great yesterday, was not getting of to a good start. He had a babbling Sirius on his hands, a smelly Peter, and a complaining Remus. All because of one simple little prank!
"We are never disabling the Hogwarts water system again!" roared Remus for the hundred and twentieth time. His temper, normally dormant, had risen in the experience of bad hygiene. "I want a shower!"
"I understand," James groaned. He definitely understood- being in the same dormitory as his friend Peter Pettigrew after Peter hadn't showered in twenty-four hours was not something he wanted to repeat. Meanwhile Sirius was going into overdrive. He was giggling and sounding at the same time, a lot like the muggle cartoon Scooby Doo.
"I want to do more!" he crowed. Remus burrowed his head in his pillow in an attempt to drown out the noise. He shouldn't have allowed Sirius to have some chocolate covered coffee beans.
"What's that smell?" James, who had been oblivious to the world for a few minutes while trying to regroup, looked up suddenly from the contemplation of the floor.
Remus looked pointedly at Peter. Peter blushed. "What? What?"
"Have some deodorant, it's supposed to make you smell 'shower fresh'." Sirius giggled. James was rolling his eyes again, this was ridiculous. Had he even had his medicine yet?
"I repeat," Remus continued. "We are never, EVER, over-my-dead-body, messing around with H2O again!"
"I just can't understand how they haven't fixed it by now," James said while glaring at Sirius who was doing cartwheels around the room. These were the times when a Lily Evans would be extremely useful.
"Oh tah," said Peter airily as he applied liberal amounts of dried soap to his arms. "They're probably still dealing with the Slytherins."
"Oh yes," exclaimed Sirius with a far off look in his eyes. He whispered reverently, "The Slytherins."
*
The sun slanted through a slit in the curtains and crept into the far off corner where Lily's bed lay. Lily was snoring softly as the clock ticked past eleven o'clock. Her book had been smashed against the wall and Lily had a good chance of falling out of the bed if she leaned any further over the side.
"Lily," a voice whispered in her ear.
"Oh just hit her with a pillow," another tittered.
"Come on Arabella," said a third. "You're sort of her friend. Wake her up!"
Arabella, the fourth and last girl standing over Lily, shook her head. "She has obviously had a very traumatizing time of it with those stupid boys."
"Stupid!" gasped the second, Janie McPherson, in shock. "How could they be stupid?"
"Easily," Arabella remained aloof although, when she thought of Sirius Black, her heart flip-flopped. But of course she'd never let on that she liked him. A very nice Ravenclaw sixth year happened to have shown an interest in her. Besides, he never went on sugar highs.
"Let's get this over with," the first young lady, Sophie Morong, said. The last girl, Anne St. John, nodded in silent agreement. Anne, Sophie, Arabella, and Janie were silent for a moment while considering what to do next. Sophie, who had 'tittered', finally came up with an idea that satisfied her at least.
Cupping her hands to her mouth, Sophie screamed. "LILY!"
"Wha-?" with a bump, Lily fell out of bed. "Ouch," she moaned rubbing her sore head. "It's too early to be up." The other four held back snickers. Lily was always the first one up.
"So what was it like?" demanded Anne immediately.
"What was what like?" Lily asked sleepily. She looked at the clock, 11:09 it blinked. Absentmindedly, Lily wondered who had fooled with her clock. It couldn't have been past seven.
"Being alone with James, of course," Janie said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Why would you care?" Lily said. "He's a jerk!" She yawned sleepily before heading to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower."
The four remaining girls looked at each other.
"Um, Lily," Arabella called hesitantly. "You can't."
"Excuse me?" Lily mumbled through a mouth full of mouth wash as she reappeared. "What do you mean, I can't?"
"Well…" Anne drawled. "The water works have kind of broken down." Lily accidentally spat her mouth wash out on the floor.
"What?!"
"It's actually pretty cool despite the fact we reek," Sophie rambled on ecstatically. "Someone ambushed the Slytherins right in their own house! They got pelted with stink pellets and they can't wash off. Of course neither can we but that's not the point. They've been quarantined in the Slytherin house until the showers are working again."
"Petunia!" Lily cursed as she went back in the bathroom to test the shower. It didn't work despite the sizzling glare she sent its way. "Well I'm going to go swimming in the lake then- this is so revolting
"I know," Arabella agreed. "How immature of the Marauders."
Lily had been on her way out the door. "Did you say, Marauders?" she spat out in disgust. She stopped and thought for a moment. "I'll deal with those pansies later," she decided. "Right now I need to get clean."
Lily's roommates wondered at this sudden confidence as they watched Lily run outside and towards a hidden part of the lake. This was so unlike her! I like it, Arabella thought, this will be good for Lily.
*
Lily was nabbed on her way back from swimming by an irate James Potter.
"Where were you?" he demanded as he dragged her down an empty hallway. Lily tried to towel her dripping hair dry though it was very difficult when you only had one hand free.
"Let go of me, you monstrosity of nature," she commanded ripping her arm out of his grasp. "I happened to have been washing in the lake because someone (or someones) happened to have completely blanked out clean and running water for the entire day. Did you even stop to realize that some people enjoy being CLEAN? Or that the human race can't survive without water? Technically, we are all supposed to have eight glasses of H2O each day. Not to mention how disappointed Professor Dumbledore will be in me for not keeping you out of trouble. I'll be given another detention and once you've had two detentions you're bound to go for a third. I'll be the despised stinky chain smoker with fish-net stockings! How could you ruin me like this? I'm as good as a petunia hooker now!"
James hurriedly emptied his mind of thoughts as Lily as a hooker in a short skirt and concentrated on the list he needed for Potions next Monday. Damn, he knew he should have listened in class during the week!
"Lily don't you think you're exaggerating a little?" he asked uncomfortably. How were you supposed to react with a girl you had just imagined as a hooker? A nerdy girl you'd just imagined as a hooker? The girl that was supposed to act like your mother as a hooker? Your mother as a hooker? James choked at the gross thought. Backing up…
"Exaggerating? Exaggerating? How could I possibly be exaggerating, James Potter?" Lily attempted to run a hand through her hair before giving up what with the towel obstructing its path. "I have had my first detention EVER! That's only one step and already I'm associated with people who DISABLE WATER SYSTEMS! What is wrong with the world these days? I'm about to become a juvenile delinquent! Isn't this the past where adults are supposed to interfere?"
"Okay, hang on a minute," James said frowning as Lily led the way to the infirmary. "First of all, that water system thing was genius at the time. Second of all, you had no part in it so stop taking credit for it."
"Of course I had no part in it!" Lily exclaimed angrily. "But now that I'm supposed to act like your surrogate mother and all, I have to take responsibility for it!"
"Somehow I don't think Professor Dumbledore will blame you," James said trying to think of a way to convince Lily to help him with Sirius. "How could you have known that at one o' clock in the morning after a long detention, we'd still have enough energy left to wreck havoc on the school?"
"Right," Lily said beginning to come around to his reasoning. "Exactly! James, you're a genius! I could kiss you!"
"I'd rather you didn't," James recalled his painful experience in the forest the night before. Lily rolled her eyes at him but was too happy at having been cleared of any responsibility in his latest prank to take further action.
By now they had made their way into the main corridor of Hogwarts where students had clustered to compare hysterical stories at the expense of the quarantined Slytherins. Lily ducked her head after acquiring a couple of glares for being on the arm of James Potter(who was 'supposedly' ineligible since his girlfriend was rather possessive and nasty). However, Lily caught a thumbs up from Arabella Figg directed in her general direction and smiled. This experience could be useful in expounding her social skills, she was sure.
"Can we stop at the infirmary?" Lily finally asked James as they headed down a side hallway that could be turned into a route for a side errand their.
"That's where we're going," James said impatiently. "We're supposed to meet Remus, Peter, and Sirius there. I hope Sirius got his pills," he added on a side note to himself but Lily hadn't overheard.
"Well that's handy then," she exclaimed with a mood lightening in every step. While James had been having a steadily horrible day all the way through, hers just kept improving. "I have some stress medication to get from Madame Pomfrey." James rather thought that he could use some of that stuff now too what with the future meeting with the dissatisfied trio waiting for him. They arrived to much confusion in the infirmary. It appeared that Sirius, while in his highly caffeinated state, had accidentally spilled Peter's leftover potions' experiment all over a bunch of Hufflepuff second years. There seemed to be a mixture between a riot and a mob inside the hospital and Sirius had been forced to wait outside so as not to excite any "harmful" feelings in the already pained Hufflepuffs. It didn't matter much that the Slytherins had had to be quarantined when they themselves were in such discomfort.
"Hello Sirius," Lily greeted as soon as they were close enough to see Sirius' somewhat dazed expression. She looked at him with a bit of concern. "Are you feeling alright."
"I think Poppy may have doubled my pills," Sirius said groggily. "I don't think she was very happy. Do you?"
"Um," Lily was spared further comment by James asking where Peter and Remus were.
"I think Peter might have gotten some of the potion on himself too," Sirius said. "And Remus just left to look for you. So if Remus is supposed to be with you, and you are here, and he isn't here, than where is Remus?" Sirius started muttering to himself.
"I think Poppy gave him triple dosage," James whispered as Lily made to enter the infirmary. "Try to avoid her, okay? We have some things to do today and I can't have you being helpful."
"Potter!" Lily exclaimed in shock. "How rude!"
"Just get on with it, will you," James said impatiently. "We have errands to run."
"You sound like my Mum," Lily said disapprovingly. She left James and Sirius alone for a few moments to gulp down some of her own medicine and returned to find Sirius back in his normal state.
"Greetings fair Lily," Sirius said scrambling to his feet as she came back. "Sorry about my lapse there."
"No…problem," Lily said wondering what other strange things she had yet to learn about this 'fabulous' foursome.
"What did you want to get, Prongs?" Sirius asked, almost promptly forgetting about the newer addition to their group. "I never knew you to have a craving for Honeydukes."
"I believe that was only you and Wormtail, Padfoot," James said. "I need to go to the Quidditch supply shop to get another pair of twig scissors. I believe you sat on the last pair."
"Oh yes," Sirius said as he paused to remember the occasion. "Yes, you idiot. I believe you were the one that seated me on it."
"Just a harmless prank!" James protested good-naturedly while brushing his hair out of his eyes. Lily, who was trying to decipher this odd language the two were talking in (Wormtail? Prongs? Padfoot?), noticed that his glasses were slightly askew- added to his messy hair it gave him a handsome but rakish appearance that agreed with his rakish personality. Oh dear, Lily thought. You know he is only putting up with you to get on Dumbledore's good side. Besides, he has only been rude to you ever since we met!
"I bet Moony is waiting for us at the witch," Sirius said after they had been walking for a few minutes. "Why don't we go there instead of searching?"
"Padfoot, for once you've had a good idea," James said.
"What are talking about? I come up will all our good ideas!" Sirius exclaimed.
"So you are there resident genius?" Lily asked with raised eyebrows of astonishment. "No wonder Professor Dumbledore assigned me to keep an eye on James." James opened his mouth to speak but decided better of it. Dumbledore would probably not like it if he spilled the real reason of this situation within the first week. Even if it did mean destroying his reputation in the process. After all, test scores would show that he was best in the class as usual.
"Where are we?" Lily asked as they walked in a part of Hogwarts she had never been in before in all of her five years there.
"It's an escape me and Jamesie discovered our first year here," Sirius said.
"James and I, you mean," Lily corrected.
"Not Jamesie, James," James said simultaneously. Sirius ignored both remarks.
"Well, why are we escaping?" Lily asked. She considered what she said for a minute. "Wait- we are escaping?"
"Like I said," James repeated in the same tone he generally used to address his much less intelligent girlfriends and one nighters. "We. Are. Going. Shopping." Upon seeing a small gleam in Lily's eye (she hadn't bought new clothes for quite a while) he added hastily, "For Quidditch!"
"Oh," Lily said with some disappointment since she wasn't much of a sports fan. "But we aren't allowed to go shopping anyway. This isn't a Hogsmeade weekend."
"Has that ever stopped us before Mr. Prongs?"
"I don't believe it has, Mr. Padfoot," James answered. "Just go along with this, Lily."
"Absolutely not!" Lily exclaimed in horror. "I think we already had this conversation earlier James! If we get caught, then I'll get another detention and we've already explored the future after that." James was reminded of his thoughts of his mother as a hooker and resisted shuddering- barely.
"Lily, Lily, Lily," Sirius began in an effort to reassure her. "You're with the experts now. Have we ever been caught before?"
James coughed into his first. "Yes," he hacked hoarsely. Sirius shot him a glare.
"Don't mind Prongs," Sirius finished. "He hasn't been having the best day."
"I wonder why," James grumbled under his breath as images of a giggling Sirius came into his head. As they walked closer to a statue, Lily realized what they had meant by 'the witch'. (She had thought it rather odd since their were a couple of hundred witches in the building to refer to one simply as 'the'). This statue was quite ugly in its picture of a hunched figure that looked rather like a hag with the warts on the chin and gruesomely depicted lice in the grizzly stone hair. True to Sirius' guess, Remus was leaning on the witch comfortably and every so often checking his watch.
"It's about noon," Remus said in greeting. "I think we might as well go to the tavern to have lunch."
"Remus has a crush on a waitress at Hogsmeade," Sirius whispered mischievously to Lily and had the gratification to see a slight blush on Remus' cheeks. Lily grinned and made a mental note never to tell secrets to Sirius.
"Fine but you're going to have to eat quickly," James said impatiently as he took his wand out of his robe pocket. "I want to get my kit while they're still on sale. Mum and Dad are still mad about that little…incident…from before we went back to school," he said on a side note to Sirius and Remus. "There won't be much pocket change for me until Christmas."
"The way I see it, we were doing them a favor," Sirius said innocently. "That vase was dead ugly." Remus glared at Sirius, not quite forgetting how his aunt had put him on gnome duty when he got back from the Potters. James began to tap the witch with his wand while Remus asked Sirius what had happened to Peter. Lily watched them in a sort of glazed stare (one that she used often in the History of Magic classroom) when she suddenly realized just what James was doing. She rushed him knocking his wand on the floor where it skittered a few feet away.
"Is it me, or did Lily just go mad?" Sirius asked of no one in particular.
"I refuse to let you go to Hogsmeade without permission," Lily stated furiously standing in front of the witch statue. Remus noticed that the two looked eerily similar despite the fact that Lily didn't have lice or warts. He amended his opinion, their expressions looked similar. "Can't you be like the less 'important' people for once in your miserable lives and do something by the rules? We have a real Hogsmeade weekend in only another week. Must you disobey at every moment? Wasn't last night enough? Can't you ever do anything right?"
"We have a game Friday night for your information, Miss Perfect," James said stiffly. "Most of my broom gear was 'accidentally' destroyed by Snape and Sirius sat on my twig cutters. Now please move away from the witch or I'll remove you by force." Lily glared at him, not for a minute believing him capable of such a feat. He looked very scrawny in his oversized robes that he had borrowed from a seventh year on the Quidditch team and didn't seem capable of moving her, bony knees and all. However, the next minute removed any sense of doubt as James actually picked her up and replaced her on the other side of the hallway without any illusion to effort. Lily frowned at such invasion of her space.
"James Potter," she began again with even more anger. "If you think for one second that I'm not going to tell Professor McGonagall about this, you are WRONG."
"Filch spawn," Sirius muttered. "Figures." Lily ignored him, knowing that she wouldn't go to Professor McGonagall about this even though she threatened.
"She won't tattle," James said carelessly picking his wand back up and returning to the witch. "Lily's too scared of Minny."
"I wish you'd stop nick-naming the teachers," Lily mumbled under her breath. "How disrespectful." She looked up and noticed that the witch had moved revealing a dark passageway and the three boys were now looking at her.
"Should we take her with us?" Sirius asked. "Grandmother threatened not to get me the new Comet 260 if I got more than two hundred detentions in the first semester," he added with narrowed eyes at Lily.
"I told you she wouldn't tell," James said in a better mood now that the passageway was open and he was officially on his way to Hogsmeade. "We might as well bring her with us," he said with a sigh thinking of Professor Dumbledore's instructions to become friends. Easier said than done, James thought his lip curling while remembering all of yesterday's events. None of those had led to Lily trusting him- something pretty important if he wanted to be friends with such a Miss Prim.
"But I don't want to go!" Lily exclaimed stamping her foot on the floor like a small child throwing a tantrum. Remus snorted.
"Come on Lily," he said. "You've never been to Hogsmeade until you've been there with the Marauders."
Lily held out for a few minutes but after a few minutes of very scary looks from all three teenagers she consented with little grace. "Fine," she grumbled. "But I am not going to get another detention because of you idiots."
"Sure Lily," Sirius said winking over her head to James who was just starting to disappear into the tunnel.
"I can't wait to see Rosie again," Remus said.
"I've been thinking, Lils," Sirius' voice drifted back out through the open tunnel that had been forgotten in the effort to make Lily join them in Hogsmeade. "Maybe it's time for me to chart all the secrets of Hogwarts- you know, for future pranksters? You think you'd want to help? I figure with all that Charm junk in your brain and my personal genius, we could make a pretty decent map."
"Don't call me Lils," Lily's own voice scowled. With all the things on everybody's mind, no one noticed the exposure of their escape.
And no one noticed the dark, black figure standing at the head of the passageway wearing a smirk on his face.
Author's Note:
Sorry about waiting so long to update!!! I can't believe it's been a year already!!! I'm a horrible, horrible person- I know. I'm just glad school's over~ phew! I hope more updates will come soon.
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