Authors ramble-I am having a terrible, rotten, no good, very bad day. (My boss called and said I was suppose to be into work at 2 I have it down as 5), I got another headache from hell today, and the basement smells like my socks and oil paint (guess where the computer is…. Ok I am done now.
Yes I did have fun with the baby book in this chapter to (see the slightly edited chapter 2 note)
Here are some definitions- (not all of them fit) Cecilia-dim sighted, Noah-quiet peace, Bobby-brilliance *cough, cough*, Beka-tied, bound. Chandler-candle maker, Florence-prosperous, and Brennen means dirty hair (lol) or little raven
***WARNING***
This is the most depressing chapter of the three. It does have hope but it is about death and grief. No blood just the story of those left behind.
Seamus Zealny Harper
Where Do I Go From Here?
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Fight the tendency to quit while you're behind
Dave weinbaum
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It's morning already. I can feel the warmth of the sun starting to fill our small hut. The winter is still mild. The small fire is enough to keep away the frostbite but now the sun is here. Soon I will have to get up and face the day but for now I enjoy the sun as it chases the night chill out. I will have to get up soon. There is no time to stay in bed. Soon my mom will be waking me up, tell me to go get the water. I will have to walk up to the stream today. All of the snow is now gray, brown and yellow. There is nothing that is clean in the camp. Even getting water I have I have to walk to the source of the stream where it first runs under the fence. Before the trash and waste of the camp has been drained into it. It still is brown though. We will have to boil before we can even think of using it.
Bren likes to talk of spaceships were people just use a tap to get clean fresh water. There is no point to dream of spaceships. The only way a mudfoot gets into space is as a slave and then you are dead before long. I would stare at the stars as a young boy back then they held promise. Hope of where I could go; now I don't look. There is no escape from the camp. You live and you die. I go on raids with Bren but I didn't believe we were really doing any good like he did. Earth was a death trap.
I would die here and be buried with the rest of my brothers and sisters. I would be buried out there with Nick. Why did Nick die instead of me? The bullet was for me. I should have been shot but no Nick had to be the big brother and save me. Kris, Nick, Britt, and little Anya were all dead. I was the only Harper child left and soon they would come for me.
I had been id, not like they ever needed that to come and get me though. They had captured Cecilia on the last raid. After they beat, tortured and raped her repeatedly she gave in. She tried only giving the names of those she thought had been killed. She had seen the uber aiming at me as they grabbed her. She didn't know they got Nick instead. Soon I would be joining him though. Nick gave up his life for nothing. When they let Cecilia go to have us kill her for her betrayal, she told of what she had done, with tears pouring down her face. She then ran out of the hut we were in straight towards the fence. It took a single shot for the guards to kill her. Now Noah, Chandler, Florence and I all lived with a death sentence over our heads, till they came to claim us as slaves and beat us to death.
I will be the last of this generation. Soon all the Harper children will be buried at the fence. Was it just last week we buried Nick? How so would it be before my parents would have the yellow paper in their hand saying I was dead? Was it just last winter that Krishna died? Was it three Britt finally came down with her final cough, no I had just had my twelve birthday, so it was five years ago or maybe four, I can't remember? I stopped keep track so long ago. The days and years blended and all I know is that I am still alive.
Soon they would take me away like they did with Anya. They dragged her away as she kicked and cried. I remember her face, her blood stained clothes and how her hair looked red it was so caked with blood and dirt. At night I am sometimes haunted with that night. Her eyes beg me to save her. I was so helpless that night. How could a five year old protect his sister from a Neitzchien? I still wish I had fought that night. Brothers are supposed to protect their sisters. It's every brother's job not just the older ones. But I couldn't stop it. In the end it was the two boys and now it is just me.
The house changes after each death but the first one changed it the most. I can still remember the laughter in my dreams. That night the laughter died. The night the first of us died. The years may blend together but I remember each face, each death. I wonder if my parents can take one more. It won't be long before they come with the green paper. The yellow page with my name on it probably has already been typed.
I just lay on the floor I don't want to deal with today. I don't want to deal with my death. I don't want to face the empty room that will greet me. I don't want to think that I now have my brother's and sisters' clothes and blankets keeping me warm.
I crack my eyes open to see how much longer I can say asleep. My mom is sitting in front of my bed looking at me. My father is talking to some Neizchiens I can see the paper in their hand. I know it is my time. I look at my mother. I can't explain I can't find the words; there are no words at a time like this. I don't need to say anything though; she says it all for me, "run."
She has said it so quietly I don't know if I have heard it. How can I run from the ubers, if I run, if I escape I will have no where to go. But I can see it in her eyes. She is not going to let me be taken today. I nod and go out the small hole in the back of the hut. I turn back to her. I can't just leave. Who will die in my place this time? She just gives me a half smile. I know now, it will be my parents. I hear my mom cry out and it is cut short my gunfire.
I don't think I knew where I was running. I just ran. I don't remember being stopped by Bren. I don't remember being hidden in his hut. I know I went on raids. I know I built shrillers, designed and built simple weapons and started working at breaking into the uber supplies. It was around the spring I decided to try it. I got some spacer to help me. He said he would pay me and give me free passage off earth. The fact was I didn't really care. All I wanted to do was hurt the ubers. I didn't feel anymore. All I felt was hate and I didn't care about anything else.
We got the weapons to the ship and took off. As I looked at earth I knew I had gotten off. I was free from the hell hole. I was the last of my family but I was free. It was with that though I passed out on the ships deck.
I thought I was in heaven when I woke up. I had to have been lying on a cloud. I couldn't sit up but when I brought my hand to my face I could see that it was clean. If I could just move maybe I would see them. Maybe there was an afterlife and I would see my family again.
"You're awake kid." I heard a voice said. It wasn't any of my family's. The hope I was feeling left my heart. I was alive. A redhead appeared in my line of sight. "You know when people are hit by laser fire they normally don't just walk around dripping blood until they pass out on my decks." Where was I? I felt my stomach start to come up. Before I could swallow and kept it down I threw up all over the place. The women just swallowed, put one arm under me and lifted me to my feet. She led me into a small room. She put me down on a strange chair bolted to the floor. "Think you can stay sitting on your own kid. I started to nod but the movement made me light-headed. She smiled and reached behind her keeping one hand on my shoulder. She had a cloth in her hand when she turned back around. She then turned a knob and water came rushing out of a fountain, fresh water like Bren use to talk about. I was really here, among the stars. The spacer that had hired me appeared behind the women.
"Beka what are you doing."
"What I need to do Bobby."
"You don't know what he's got."
"No but I know he is sick and wounded. He helped us Bobby and now he needs our help."
"Just dump him out an airlock, his mudfoot."
"No, he is a member of this crew now." With a grumble the spacer, Bobby I guess left. Beka turned back to me and started wiping the vomit off of me. Tears silent tears started pouring down my face. "Kid you ok? You're not in any pain are you? Come on kid, if I am going to help you you have to talk to. Come on give me a nod at least" I nodded through the tears. No one had cared for me like this in years. Mom had tried but she was too busy trying to keep us alive. Britt use to stay by my side but now she was dead.
I couldn't talk. I couldn't explain the tears. The first ones I had cried since I was a little boy watching my sister being dragged away. Maybe it was all the pain, all the death, all the memories finally coming back to me. Maybe it was all the feelings of the last year coming back to me. Maybe it was because I had found someone who cared for me and an afterlife, my life after all the death of earth. (*There's your hope*)
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Sometimes people leave you,
Halfway through the woods.
Do not let it grieve you,
No one leaves for good.
You are not alone,
Truly no one is alone
Baker's Wife
Children Will Listen
Into the Woods
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