A.N. Okay, since people keep asking me if I can tell them when I upload, just say in your review if you would like me to e-mail you!!! There… now that that's settled… I hope you enjoy this chapter, and the next chapter of Harry Potter and the Torch of Darkness will be posted soon!!! Thanx very much! Happy Holidays!!!!!
Mal
Darkness. Just like the day before. And the day before that. AND the day before that… He had awoken to darkness and despair every day for the last 4 weeks or so. He didn't want to get up anymore. He just wanted to sleep and rest his weary bones.
Harry stared at the inside of his eyelids, and repeated these thoughts over and over again in his face. But there was something different about waking up that day… something slightly familiar….
He slowly opened his eyes. His head was resting on… a pillow? It seemed like ages since he had had a pillow to sleep on. Harry just stared, and slowly a memory came floating back…
Faces. Two of the faces were somehow familiar, but one was not… They were speaking to him, but his brain didn't seem to want to register what they were saying…
Then he was walking down a hallway, his legs aching like he hadn't walked in ages. Each step was a huge achievement for him.
Now he was in a car… the two familiar people were in the front seats.
"How's he doing?"
"His eyes are closed, but I don't think he's sleeping…"
And an unfamiliar room, with Quidditch posters and a broom on the bureau. Harry ran his hand over the smooth broom handle, but he jerked his hand away. Then he was lying on the bed. A nice, big, comfortable bed…
Harry blinked and lifted his head. He was in the room with the Quidditch Posters, and the broom on the bureau. He was lying on the bed, still in the dirty robes that he had worn in Azkaban. He took a deep breath and slowly got off of the bed. With a shaking hand he reached for his glasses. He was shocked to find that someone had washed them.
Harry began to search the room he was in more thoroughly. He gently pulled open one of the drawers in the bureau and slowly pulled out a black tee shirt. He held it up. It looked like it would fit. Harry opened another drawer and found some pants, and another drawer held some socks. Harry peeled his dirty robes off of him and pulled on the new clothes. He slowly walked toward one of the doors in the room.
On the door was a plaque that said "Harry's Room". Harry's room? His room? Harry stared at the door and ran a trembling hand over the plaque. He pulled the hand away and slowly walked down the hall and to the stairs.
There were two voices coming from the kitchen. They were familiar… Harry knew them.
"They're Sirius and Remus you dolt," said a voice in the back of his head. "Your godfather and his best friend?"
Harry's eyes widened. Where was he? And why were Sirius and Remus here?
It seemed as though he was seeing everything clearer now… the previous day it had been a fog. He hadn't known where he was or why he was there. He had seen everything through a cloud of despair and confusion. He seemed even more confused now though. He was shaking madly, and just wanted to run back into the room he had woken up in and hide in the corner.
Harry had taken a step back, and was preparing to go back to the room, when he heard Remus say, "Well, I'd better get to the store. Take good care of him…"
"Yeah, I will," Sirius replied.
Harry backed away some more, and was almost near his door when Remus had left. Harry opened the door and went back inside. He peeked out of the window, and saw Remus slowly walking to a Muggle car parked in the driveway. Remus turned and looked up at the window. Right at Harry. Harry quickly backed away from the window and into the corner farthest away from the door.
He couldn't face them. He just couldn't. He didn't deserve them. He deserved to be dead, or to have the soul sucked out of him. He had killed someone, and more people were going to be killed because of him. It was his fault Cedric was dead. He knew that somehow his parents had died because of him. Even though he was miles away from Azkaban the Dementors seemed to be with him, making horrible thoughts run through his head. Corners were like a sanctuary for him. He felt safe in them now…
Sirius was moving around downstairs, and Harry could hear the sound of a radio playing. He shuddered again.
"You have to face them one time or another…" said the voice in his head. "Best be sooner rather than later!"
Harry steadied himself with the wall as he stood up. He was shaking again, and it was getting worse as he got closer and closer to the door.
For the second time he opened the door and walked over to the stairs.
"You can do this…" continued the voice. "One foot after the other."
Harry stepped onto the step and slowly walked to the first floor, his hand shaking as it held onto the railing.
Harry could now hear what Sirius was listening to. It was a wizard station, and Sirius was humming along to it (rather out of key, I might add…). Harry was in an unfamiliar living room.
There were pictures of some people, including Sirius, Remus and Harry's parents. There was a picture of their wedding day, and another picture of when they were still in school. Harry found himself staring at the pictures for quite a while, until a loud CLANK came from the kitchen.
"OW!" Sirius exclaimed. Harry jumped and backed away from the kitchen door. He stood near the base of the stairs, wanting to run back to his room. However, when the string of curse words seceded and the only sound was the radio, Harry walked back over to the kitchen door.
It was slightly ajar, and allowed Harry to peek inside. He could see a small kitchen, and beyond it was Sirius sitting at the kitchen table, reading a newspaper and sipping orange juice. He was humming again.
"I shouldn't disturb him," Harry thought. "I shouldn't ruin everything. He looks so happy, and I don't want to ruin it…"
Harry took a step backwards, when the floorboard creaked. Sirius looked up and saw Harry standing in the doorway.
"Harry?" He said softly. "You're up." Harry shrank back. "Why don't you come in and eat something. You really should…"
Harry gulped.
Sirius stared at him for a moment, stood up, and walked over to open the door fully.
"Come in," Sirius prompted. "I won't bite."
Harry was just staring at the floor. He couldn't bring himself to look Sirius in the eye. All of a sudden there was a hand on his shoulder. Harry pulled away quickly and backed into the wall.
"Harry?" Sirius said, sounding worried. "I'm sorry…" Harry found that he was trembling again, and staring at the floor.
"Harry… please come and sit down," Sirius said, moving forward slowly. "You-you don't have to eat anything if you don't want to… just come sit."
Harry slowly moved forward and walked into the kitchen. He sat down at the table, across from where Sirius had been sitting, and stared at his hands in his lap.
"I was worried that you were going to sleep the day away," Sirius said, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "It's almost two in the afternoon, you know." Harry didn't know this, but he didn't answer either. "Would you like some orange juice?"
Harry still didn't speak.
"How about some hot cocoa? I heard that's your second favorite drink, and the chocolate might make you feel a bit better."
Harry slowly raised his eyes and looked at Sirius. Sirius was staring back at him.
"I'll make you some cocoa then," Sirius said simply. Harry quickly turned away and stared at his hands.
A few minutes later a steaming cup of hot cocoa was sitting in front of him. Sirius had attempted to make whipped cream, but had accidentally blown up the bowl of fruit that had been sitting next to the stove. He was now busy scraping bananas and oranges from the refrigerator door and off of the ceiling.
After the task was complete Sirius came and sat across from Harry and studied him for a second.
"You really should drink that," Sirius said. "It will make you feel better, I promise." With a shaking hand Harry reached forward and took the warm mug. He took a sip.
Sirius smiled and said, "Would you like something to eat?" Harry shook his head slightly and put the mug back down. The cocoa had made him feel better, and some of the coldness had left him.
"Would you like to lie down again? You look awfully tired," Sirius prompted. Harry looked back down at his hands and didn't reply.
"All right…" Sirius said uncertainly. "Just… tell me if you need anything." Sirius stood up and slowly walked back into the kitchen. Harry slowly got up and went back up to his room.
He didn't tell Sirius that he had been very tired again. He slowly lay down on the bed and drifted off to sleep…
~*~
Sirius knew what Harry was going through. He knew, and yet he didn't have a clue. He didn't know what was running through Harry's head. He didn't know what Harry saw. He wasn't Harry, and he didn't know how to get through to him. Sirius ran a hand through his long hair.
Harry's silence was the thing that truly disturbed him. He only acknowledged Sirius once, and that was just a shake of the head.
When Sirius had escaped from Azkaban he had his mind on one thing, and that was to protect Harry from Pettigrew. He hadn't protected him enough, and now Harry might be permanently affected. Several of the other prisoners that were there with Sirius had stopped eating, because they just wanted to die and leave all of the pain behind them. He remembered how thin Harry was, and he knew that Harry had been trying to do just that. Some of those feelings might still be dwelling inside him…
Sirius got up from the kitchen table and walked upstairs. He gently opened the door to Harry's room.
Harry was dozing on the bed, shaking every so often. Sirius reached down and pulled off Harry's glasses, for Harry had forgotten to take them off before falling asleep. Harry frowned in his sleep and then rolled over. Sirius picked up a blanket and gently set it over Harry. He trembled again and pulled the blanket closer in his sleep.
Sirius gave a sad smile and left the room.
~*~
It was almost dark when Harry woke up again. He was startled to find that there was a blanket on top of him. He pushed it off and stood up slowly. He could clearly hear Remus and Sirius' voices from downstairs. They were laughing about something. Harry reached over and picked up his glasses. He slowly pushed open the door and saw a light coming from the living room. Harry sat down onto the first stair and peered through the posts of the railing. Sirius and Remus were laughing hysterically. Sirius was pounding his fist on the arm of the chair, tears of mirth appearing in his eyes.
Harry turned away, preparing to go back to his room so he wouldn't disturb their happiness.
"Harry?"
He turned sharply and saw Sirius and Remus staring up at him.
"Do you want something to eat?" Sirius asked. "We were going to serve dinner soon, and I was just about to come and wake you."
Harry didn't answer.
"Come on down and join us," Remus said, giving a smile. "Perhaps we can interest you in something? You must be hungry."
Harry slowly walked downstairs and Remus walked into the kitchen to get some soup for Harry. Sirius smiled softly at Harry and said, "Did you have a nice nap?"
Harry just stared at the floor and gave a soft shrug.
"When do you want to go shopping for school things?"
Harry looked up and frowned. He had completely forgot about Hogwarts…
"How about next Saturday? I believe that's the day that Remus has a date wi-"
"It's not a date!" Remus yelled from the kitchen. "It's a dinner meeting-"
"With only the hottest girl in Remus' office," Sirius continued. "He showed me a picture. He carries it around with him everywhere."
"I DO NOT!"
"Yes you do!"
"Do not," Remus said, coming back into the living room and putting a small tray on the coffee table.
"So, how about Saturday?" Sirius said, turning back to Harry. Harry just gave a soft shrug and looked down at the tray. There was a steaming bowl of chicken soup and some crackers to dip in it.
"You have to try Remus' soup, it's delicious. I had three bowls," Sirius said. Even though Harry's stomach was aching to eat something, he didn't eat it.
"I remember when Remus went on his first date…" Sirius said dreamily, not speaking to anyone in particular. "Dead nervous. He could hardly talk. And then he forgot her name…"
"Don't remind me," Remus said, putting his face in his hands. "Roberta. I can remember it perfectly now…. Why couldn't I remember it then...."
Sirius sniggered and said, "Remember Pettigrew's first date?"
"Yes. He was wearing those awful robes and all of that cologne-"
"That smell stayed in our dorm room for weeks. No one could figure out how to get it out!"
"And then it turned out that the date was allergic to something into the cologne, and her allergies worked up..."
"Broke out in hives and ran screaming out of the restaurant."
"I think that James' date was the only date that went right on the first time."
"Hey! What about my first date?"
"You took her on a picnic dinner by the lake. You spilled salad dressing on her robes."
"Oh yeah…"
Harry couldn't help it, all of the food talk was getting to him. He ate a spoonful of soup. After not eating for a while, that soup was like heaven on earth.
Sirius and Remus exchanged glances and then went on pretending like nothing had happened.
"Of course, my second date with that girl was much better."
"What? Did you actually spill something on her that wouldn't stain?"
"For your information I didn't spill anything," Sirius scowled.
"Was that the date when you knocked over the statue?"
Sirius glared at Remus.
"Why did I tell you that? I knew that if I told you would be bothering me about that for the rest of my life."
"Yes, it was very stupid of you to tell."
"Shut up."
"Hey, I'm just agreeing with you!"
Harry gently put his spoon into his empty bowl.
"Hungry, were you?" Sirius said, eyeing the bowl. "Would you like some more?"
Harry slowly shook his head.
"Oh! That reminds me!" Sirius said suddenly. He jumped out of his chair and dashed upstairs to his room. He returned a few minutes later, with a flat present in his hands.
"Extra bowls of soup remind you of gifts?" Remus asked.
"No, prat!" Sirius handed the gift to Harry. "This is a belated birthday present."
"OH! So soup reminds you of birthdays!"
"Just shut up and let him open it."
Harry had slowly taken off the blue wrapping. Inside was a picture. It was a picture of his parent's wedding, right when they were kissing. It wasn't moving, like most pictures in the wizarding world.
"So soup reminds you of pictures?"
Sirius threw a pillow at Remus, while Harry just stared at the picture in wonderment.
"It doesn't move because you parents had said that they wanted to catch that moment forever," Sirius said. "And if you say anything about soup, Remus, I will clobber you."
Harry just stared. Around the Alter there were people frozen in the motion of cheering happily.
"I don't know about you, but I could go for some coffee," Sirius said, getting up and starting to go to the kitchen.
"Sirius?" said a soft voice. Sirius turned and saw Harry looking up at him.
"T-thank you," Harry said.
