A.N. Thank you to everyone who reviewed!!! Oh, and Harry IS wearing boxers while he is asleep. Don't want anyone to get confused… Please review!!!!
Mal
~*~
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you
~*~
It had to be nearly midnight. Remus had fallen asleep on the couch, and was now drooling on one of Sirius' pillows. Sirius sorely wanted to throw a bucket of water on his friend, but instead decided not to. It would get his couch wet anyway. So instead he took a blanket and covered his friend with it, before going into the kitchen and putting away the Mexican food he had ordered. He picked up and turned off all the lights before going upstairs to watch Harry through the night.
The moon was shining through the windows as Sirius walked in. He took one look at the bed and his eyes widened. He bolted from the room, ran back downstairs, and started shaking his friend.
"Remus! Remus get up!" Sirius hissed.
"Umph…"
"Get up Remus! It's Harry! Get up!"
Remus' eyes snapped open and he threw off his blanket. The two of them ran upstairs, sounding like a herd of elephants, and skidded to a stop in Harry's room.
"He moved!" Sirius said, pointing to his godson who was now curled up on the bed instead of lying flat, like he had been.
"He had to have been awake if he moved!" Sirius exclaimed, grabbing his friend's shoulders. "He woke up! He woke up Remus! He's going to be okay!"
Sirius did a little dance around the room before striding over to Harry's bed, pulling up a chair and sitting down.
"You're going to watch him all night? Again?"
"Yes. I want to be here when he wakes up."
Remus shook his head, said goodbye, and left.
Sirius fell asleep, his head resting on his arms, from where he had been watching his godson slumber.
~*~
Please… Please just make the pain stop… anyone… please…
Harry's eyes snapped open and he looked around the room wildly. He was staring at the wall, which were painted green and where several posters hung. He tried to sit up, but hissed in pain. He slowly worked his hand down to his side, where the pain was at its sharpest. He felt a thick bandage covering it, and when he applied pressure it stung so much that his eyes watered. He took his hand away and slowly rolled over, ignoring his soreness he had from not using his muscles.
He nearly fell out of the bed when he saw Sirius, asleep with his head on the end of the bed. He remembered the last time he'd seen Sirius. He had been so mad… he didn't think Sirius would ever forgive him. And then he'd gotten himself involved with Voldemort…. Harry shuddered and leaned against the headboard, bringing his knees up close and wrapping one of the thin sheets around his arms.
Everything was wrong in his life. He didn't have any real family, unless you counted the Dursleys. He had been charged for murder, and had gone to Azkaban for it. He had been proved innocent, but he knew that he was really responsible. So many people were dead because of him… He just wanted everything to go away. He wanted to get away from it all. He was afraid. Afraid of going on with his life because he didn't want anyone else to get hurt because of him…
~*~
Sirius grunted slightly and lifted his arms, stretching. He gave another grunt as he twisted his back. He sighed and looked at the bed. A grin spread across his face as he saw his godson, sitting up in bed.
"Harry… you're-you're awake!" Sirius couldn't hide his glee. He stood up and hugged Harry tightly tightly. Harry gave a whimper and started to struggle weakly. Sirius pulled away, scared that he had hurt him.
"I'm sorry," Sirius said quickly. "I'm just so happy to see you awake. You've been asleep for two weeks, you know."
Harry didn't answer, just stared at a spot on the opposite wall.
"Harry?"
Still no answer, and Harry drew the blanket closer around him. Sirius was deeply reminded of the day that they had gone to pick Harry up from Azkaban. He didn't speak, he was deathly thin, and his eyes didn't seem to focus on anything.
"You've missed quite a bunch, Harry," Sirius said, giving a small chuckle. "It might take a while to explain everything to you."
Harry shrugged and burrowed even more into his blanket.
"Do you want something to eat?"
He shook his head, still not looking at his godfather, and whispered hoarsely, "Please. I just… I just want to be alone right now…"
Some of the happiness faded from Sirius' features. "All-Alright. Just call me if you need anything. 'Kay?" Sirius patted Harry lightly on the shoulder and walked away.
The next few days went slowly. Harry spent most of the time in his room, not speaking to anyone. Madame Pomfrey came and changed the bandages on Harry's chest, and told him that he probably only needed to wear them for a week or so more. She also removed a spell that had been placed on him, so he wouldn't get dehydrated while he was asleep.
Sirius would bring Harry food, only to find it later, untouched. Occasionally he made Harry eat by sitting and watching him, making sure that he did. Whenever Sirius asked if Harry wanted to hear what happened with Voldemort, Harry would just shake his head and close his eyes tight.
Occasionally Remus would stop by, and tell Harry a little about the classes he missed. He said that Harry would have to take classes during Holiday Break, in order to catch up. When Hogwarts caught wind that he was awake, he was bombarded with letters and candy from well-wishers. Harry didn't open one letter, didn't eat one piece of candy. He didn't seem to want to be connected to the outside world. He just wanted to live in the prison that he had created for himself in his mind.
Three days after waking up, Harry got out of bed. He put his hand on the wall, to help steady himself. He opened a drawer and pulled out some clothes, slowly putting them on, and walked through the house. Sirius found him staring out the window in the front room, staring at the yard and the path that went though it.
"Harry? You okay?" Sirius asked slowly. He had been very cautious around talking to Harry for the past few days.
He nodded.
"Do you want to go outside?"
"No."
"Do you want something to eat?"
"No."
"Do you-"
"I don't want anything." An uneasy silence filled the room. Harry stared out the window for a moment longer, before turning, and going slowly back up to his room. He didn't even look at his godfather as he passed.
~*~
It was the same dream he had had a month or so ago. The people were pulling him under the ground… once again he struggled and kicked one of them. The head of Cedric Diggory went rolling away. Its mouth was open slightly and it chanted, "You killed me. You killed me. I'm dead because of you. It's all your fault… I should be alive. You should be dead. DEAD!"
"No…" Harry moaned. "I didn't mean to! I never wanted you dead!"
"You killed us Harry," said another slightly familiar voice. "You killed us both. We're dead because of you."
Harry turned to look at one of the other corpses that were trying to pull him under the ground. His mother… She was horribly pale. Her hair was wispy and dirty. She was almost pure white, except for her eyes. They were no longer the brilliant green that they had been, but red.
"You killed me. You killed your father…" She said, pulling him under even more. "It's all your fault."
"NO!" Harry screamed. "I didn't mean to! I never wanted you dead! I NEVER WANTED YOU DEAD!"
"You killed us," said another voice. The voice of his father. "You know you did. You know it…"
"Please," Harry begged. "Let me go! Let me GO!"
"Harry!"
"Please! Please let me go!"
"Harry! Wake up! It's just a nightmare!"
"NO! STOP!"
"HARRY!"
Harry's eyes snapped open and he looked wildly around. Sirius was standing above him, his hands on his shoulders. Harry was breathing hard, and his side ached from when he had been thrashing around.
"Harry are you okay?!" Sirius asked anxiously, not letting go of his godson's arms.
"Yes," Harry gasped, clutching his side. "I'm fine."
"Harry what's wrong?" Sirius asked urgently.
"Nothing! Just-Just leave me alone!" Harry yelled, pushing away Sirius' arms. Sirius didn't say anything, just stared at Harry with a frown.
"Fine," Sirius said softly. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."
Harry didn't answer, just pulled his blanket around him. He didn't want to talk about his dreams. His dreams had haunted him before and people always took them out of proportion when he talked about them. Harry slowly got out of his bed and walked over to a corner, and curled up in it. At Azkaban the corners had been his sanctuary, but they weren't now. People would still ask him questions, no matter where he was. Harry sniffed slightly and curled up even more. He didn't want to hurt anymore, but everything hurt no matter what he did. He hurt physically and mentally. Sometimes he just wanted everything and everyone to go away…
All of a sudden there was a great flash of lightning outside. Harry jumped and scrambled to his feet. A great sheet of rain came pouring down on the house, the sounds echoing around his room.
The rain poured down on his head as he walked down the path… no one was there… he turned and found himself staring at the giant paw, with the Dark Lord perched atop the creature's head.
"What is little Potter doing wandering around at this time, in this weather?"
Harry gasped when there was another flash of lightning and roll of thunder.
He was in a boat and the rain was pouring down… his hands were magically handcuffed and he was shivering from the icy spray of the water and the raindrops that kept trickling down his neck.
Harry sank to his knees, putting his head in his hands. He wanted it all to stop.
It was raining during the Quidditch Match… Cedric and him were both zooming towards the Snitch, and then…
Coldness swept over him…
"No! Not Harry! Please…"
And then he was falling…
Harry lay shivering on his floor, not knowing what to do next. The rain kept hitting the window, and memory after painful memory kept coming…
~*~
And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
~*~
Sirius sat down on the couch, unsure of what to do next. He had gotten Harry angry, again. What kind of a godfather was he? He didn't deserve Harry. Harry was an amazing child.
Creak!
Sirius jumped and saw Harry sitting at the top of the stairs, leaning against the banister.
"Harry?" Sirius said softly. "What- Do you need anything?"
Harry closed his eyes and shook his head softly.
"What's wrong?"
Harry drew in a great shuddering sigh and whispered, "I'm sorry Sirius."
"… For what?'
"Everything," Harry said, so soft that Sirius could barely hear it.
Sirius considered Harry for a moment, before standing up and walking up the stairs, sitting down next to his godson.
"What do you mean?" Sirius asked. Harry wrapped the blanket tighter around his shoulders and said, "I-I'm just so much trouble! So many people get hurt because of me and-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sirius said, quickly. "People don't get hurt because of you! People get hurt because of Voldemort-"
"The only reason Voldemort is back is because of me," Harry whispered.
"No, no it was not," Sirius said, reaching over and putting his hand on Harry's arm. Harry sniffed and a single tear leaked out of his eye and trickled down his cheek.
"Come here," Sirius said softly, pulling Harry into a hug. A shiver ran down Harry's spine and Sirius pulled him closer. "It's going to be alright…"
"No it's not," Harry choked out.
"Yes it will Harry, I promise. Voldemort's gone, he can't hurt you anymore…" Sirius tightened the hug. Harry frowned into Sirius's shoulder for a second, and Sirius realized that Harry had no clue what he was talking about. Sirius loosened the hug, allowing Harry to look at him.
"The night that Voldemort attacked you everyone was so worried. We all thought you were dead when Voldemort cast the Killing Curse. I was panicking, thinking that I'd lost you, but after the spell was cast something… bizarre happened. Voldemort froze and started shaking violently. Then-then there was a great wave of energy and everything blacked out for an instant. When everything came back into focus we saw you on the ground, and Voldemort was lying beside you. Harry, he was dead."
Sirius watched as realization dawned on Harry's tear-streaked face.
"But-but that's… that's…"
"No one knows how or why it happened, but you're okay and that's all that matters right now," Sirius whispered, hugging Harry again. "You are once again the Boy who Lived."
"I hate that nickname," Harry said.
"I know."
Harry sniffed and gave a small smile. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You didn't do anything wrong. Your parents would be so proud."
"I know."
~*~
Harry spent one more week at Sirius' house, recovering. Sirius told him everything that happened while he was unconscious. Harry was amazed by it all, and had been especially amazed that he had received Order of Merlin, First Class.
"I don't deserve it," Harry said, astounded. "Honestly, I didn't mean do anything!"
"Well, like Dumbledore said, the Trophy can stay at Hogwarts and you can keep the little medal you'll get. We can frame it!"
Sirius also made Harry tell Dumbledore everything that he had seen or dreamt. It made Harry feel much better to have that load of emotions finally lifted. Hermione and Ron had stopped by to visit, along with Hagrid. They helped him go through all of his Get Well Soon cards and candy, and were very relieved to see Harry getting back to his same old self…
Harry straightened his robes and pulled on his socks before examining himself in the mirror. He hadn't gotten a lot of sleep in the past few days, but his nightmares were getting better. There was a knock at his door and a second later Sirius walked in.
"Ready to go back?" He asked. Harry nodded, grabbed his wand and his backpack, and followed Sirius out the door.
It had been nearly four weeks since he had last been at Hogwarts. He was going to miss Sirius' house-their house and he wasn't going to be able to come back for a while. He had to stay at Hogwarts for Holiday break because he needed extra lessons, and Dumbledore said that there would be no more weekend-overnight visits to his godfather because of the little incident the last time…
They walked down the path and through Hogsmeade, talking about Quidditch and other unimportant things along the way. The two of them reached the gates to Hogwarts, and stopped.
"This is as far as I'm going to go," Sirius said, turning to look at his godson. "You'd better hurry, you 20 minutes to your next class, and you still have to make it through the crowds of screaming fans."
"Ha, ha, ha," Harry said sarcastically. Harry looked up at the enormous castle. "Going to be weird going back. Again."
"Don't worry, you won't be that far behind. The teachers will cut you some slack… Well, Snape might not, but you can always sic Hedwig on him…"
Harry laughed and the gate opened. Before he could close it again, he felt Sirius' hand on his shoulder.
"Stay out of trouble, Harry," Sirius said, pulling Harry into a hug. He rubbed Harry's hair, making it even messier, and said, "Say hi to Remus for me. And remember, if you ever need anything, just owl and I'll come."
"Okay, I will."
"And if you want to know anything, just ask."
"I will. I promise."
With that, Harry walked through the gate, and up the path that led to Hogwarts. Sirius stood at the gate until he saw his godson walk into the castle. Then he smiled, looked up at the sky, and whispered something to the heavens. Then he turned and walked back to their house in silence.
~*~
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
~*~
