(that afternoon…)

(Schu and Nagi are standing in Farfello's room, where our favorite Irish psychopath is running on one conveyer belt thingies. He's chained by the wrists to it and in front of it on a fishing line, a piece of toast is hanging just out of his reach. Connected to the conveyer belt are more conveyer belts that are powering a fan. In front of the fan is a pinwheel)

Farfello: (running) Must…kill…toast…

Schu: Nagi, please explain WHY you did this?

Nagi: Ummm…it's making that pinwheel move…

Schu: Well, duh, what's so great about a stupid pinwheel?

Nagi: Just look at it, all the pretty colors…look at how they swirl together…pretttttty…and hypnotic…

Schu: Eh? *stares at it and his eyes glaze over* Ahhhh…*drools* So…pretty…

Nagi: (evil cackle) *picks up Schu with his mind and is about to slam him into the wall like a fly on a windshield but (da da da da!) Crawford enters and saves the day by slapping Nagi…again)

Nagi: Dammit, you don't let me have any fun…

Crawford: Don't mess with my man!

Nagi: (snaps his fingers) Talk to the hand cuz the face ain't listenin'!

Schu: (who is…somewhat normal again) You're triflin', foo'…

Farfello: Don't playa-hate!

(they all suddenly stop and stare at one other)

Nagi: I mean, I hate the world and I hope you all die!

Crawford: I have some business to take care of.

Schu: I'm going to go find something to screw.

Farfello: DIE, DAMN YOU, TOAST, DIE!

(later…)

(Crawford and Schu are in the bedroom cuddling *awwww…*)

Crawford: Schu…what was in that box?

Schu: Um…what box?

Crawford: You know damn well which box.

Schu: It was all in your imagination…actually, this is all a dream! *does weird little dream-like movements with his hands* Whooooooo…Bradley Crawford, you are sleeping…I'm not really Schuldig, I'm just Schuldig invading your dreeeeeeams…

Crawford: *blinks*

Schu: *drops hands* Well, I tried.

Crawford: Dammit, just tell me…

Schu: …porn.

Crawford: What?

Schu: Porn, yeah. I got a whole box from that adult store down the street. They were just *giving* it away *grins*

Crawford: There's no adult store down the street.

Schu: Yes, there is, you just haven't looked hard enough! Brad, I think you forgot to take your brain medicine.

Crawford: What the hell are you babbling about?

Schu: You know, your brain medicine…

Crawford: I thought I told you to stop smoking crack!

Schu: I did! I'm just uh, so happy tonight! Yeah!

Crawford: And why, might I ask, could you possibly be happy on such a miserable night, in such a miserable house, of miserable people, in a miserable town, in a miserable country, on a miserable planet, in a miserable univers-

Schu: Alright! I'm happy because…it's our…3.53554579456 month anniversary!

Crawford: Eh?

Schu: Yeah, happy anniversary! So, tonight, you have to stay in here and not go into my room and find out what's in the box…sooooo that I can give you your anniversary present!

Crawford: And where is this present?

Schu: It's…well…uhhhh…(sees a shiny object on the bedside table and grabs it) It's this! (holds it out to him, smiling)

Crawford: …it's a paperclip.

Schu: Yeah, you can do lots of things with a paperclip, especially if you're McGuyver!

Crawford: (sighs)

(SUDDENLY, the door squeaks open something enters…)

Schu: Uh, BRAD, TAKE ME NOW! *flings himself at Crawford*

Crawford: AHHHH!!! Get off of me, now, Schuldig!

Schu: (desperately trying to keep his face in front of Crawford's) How about if I serenade you? (sings in his German accent) Uhhh, so horny, uhhhh, so horny-

Crawford: Gah, stop it!

Schuldig: Shake ya ass, watch yourself, shake ya ass, show me what you're workin' with-

Crawford: (shoves him away to see the intruder)

Schu: Aw, crap…

(sitting at the foot of the bed is a tiny, adorable little white kitten)

Cat: (meows)

Schu: Surprise?

Crawford: (glaring) Why. Is. There. A. Cat. In. My. Apartment?

Schu: OUR apartment-

Crawford: You know I'm allergic to animal hair, dammit!

Schu: Could he just stay with us for tonight? Please Brad?

Crawford: No!

Schu: But…he has nowhere else to go…I got him from the pound where he was about to be put to sleep.

Crawford: No, you didn't.

Schu: Alright, I got him at Pet Palace, but that doesn't make any difference!

Crawford: *crosses his arms*

Schu: Pleeeeeeeeease, Bradley?

Crawford: No.

Schu: (puppy dog eyes) Pleeeeeeeease?

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: ALRIGHT!!!!!!!! FINE!!!!!!

Schu: (happily kisses Crawford on the cheek) thank you, liebe…

Crawford: (grumbles)

Schu: And look…(picks the kitten up) …isn't he cute?

Crawford: (looks over) Well…maybe a little, I guess.

Schu: (holds it out to Crawford) Try holding him.

Crawford: (looks at the cat, who's staring at him innocently, then smiles) Alright. (takes it. Suddenly, the cat hisses and bite Crawford's hand) AH, you little bastard!

Cat: (hisses then attaches itself to Crawford's face by its claws)

Schu: That can't be good.

Crawford: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (runs around the room with the cat stuck to his face, screaming) GETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFME! (runs into the wall) Owwww…(falls over with the thing still clinging to him)

Schu: Bad Ein Wenig Schuldig!

(the door to Farfello's room opens. Crawford steps in, with bandages all over his body and a cast on his arm. He's holding the cat, which has a bag of Wonderbread attached to its back)

Crawford: Enjoy. (throws the cat in and locks the door)

Farfello: (stares at the Wonderbread, eye twitching) Bread…bread is even more pure than toast! It must suffer…then God will cry! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…

(we hear the sounds of a cat yowling and maniacal laughter)

Schu: Dammit, It didn't work right! I wasn't supposed to use that until 1 week of whining didn't work…alright…using a cat to drive Brad crazy until I got what I wanted wasn't the answer…so what's the next thing? (a little light bulb appears above his head and he grins) Oh, yes…I'll be cruising along in my new Mercedes Benz soon enough…