AN: This is the last song of Hard Luck Woman. Spike's POV. ^_^ The next song will be a Julia song and it will be the beginning of Real Folk Blues. Thanks to Loren for insight on the way people look when you're drunk. ;)
-Rhyein
Disclaimer: I don't own Bebop or "Gotta Knock a Little Harder" which is by Yoko Kanno.
*
Happiness is just a word to me
And it might have meant a thing or two
If I'd known the difference
Emptiness, a lonely parody
And my life, another smokin' gun
A sign of my indifference
Always keepin' safe inside
Where no one ever had a chance
To penetrate a break in
*
Ed was gone. She'd left. Ein too… and Faye. They're all gone. It's just Jett and me again. It's eerie, the silence. I had gotten so used to the noise, and now it's gone. I stared out the window and lit a cigarette. Jett wanted to stay on Earth an extra day… Just in case the girls came back. I know he misses them already.
I do too.
Sure, Ed could be annoying sometimes, but she was good at what she did, and was useful in catching a bounty on more than one occasion. She was so animated, so innocent, and so… different from everyone else on the ship. You know, I think I'll even miss her wrapping herself around my legs.
Hell, I'll even miss Ein… He was a good pillow… and smart. I could usually get him to go steal Faye's clothing while she was in the shower.
…Faye. I'm not gonna think about her. It hurts.
I blinked and noticed that my cigarette had gone out. It had burnt all the way to the filter, and I hadn't even really smoked it. What a waste.
*
Let me tell you some have tried
But I would slam the door so tight
That they could never get in
Kept my cool under lock and key
And I never shed a tear
Another sign of my condition
Fear of love or bitter vanity
That kept me on the run
The main events at my confession
*
Jett walked into the room… well… more like stalked. He'd been brooding since Ed disappeared. I guess he'd forgotten how to work the computers while she was around.
"Spike? What is that thing on the hull of the ship?" he asked, scratching his head absently.
"It's called a pinwheel, Jett… Come on. First you're in shock because I can read, and now you don't even know what a pinwheel is… You know, being a genius is really a pain in the neck sometimes," I teased, walking out of the room. Jett just chuckled and shook his head.
"If you're a genius than I'm a beautiful, young woman!" he called after me.
"Hellooooo, gorgeous!" I shouted back, smiling.
*
I kept a chain upon my door
That would shake the shame of Cain
Into a blind submission
The burning ghost without a name
Was calling all the same
But I wouldn't listen
*
I wandered back toward the lounge area of the ship. I knew that Jett was going to leave for Mars soon. Ed and Ein are obviously not coming back and Faye has her own ship and could get back to us if she wanted… Wanted…
God I feel like an asshole.
I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands. I'm tired. I have a headache. I miss Faye. I'm a complete and utter asshole.
That's what I get for thinking with my hormones.
I think I need to get drunk. The world always looks better when you have a bottle of Jack in your hand… Makes the people around you look better too…
Fuck it. I'm going to sleep.
*
The longer I'd stall
The further I'd crawl
The further I'd crawl
The harder I'd fall
I was crawlin' into the fire
*
I laid down on the couch, stretching out completely. The sound of the engine was soothing… familiar… calm… Too calm.
I stared at the fan on the ceiling and began to count the revolutions it made.
I love Julia. I love her hair, her face, her body, her smell, her voice, her eyes, her hands, her smile, her touch… I love her.
I… I like Faye… I like Faye a lot… I like her hair, her face, her smile, her voice, her eyes, her hands, her body, her smell, how she always steals my cigarettes and thinks that I don't know, the way she looks when she's been shopping, how melodramatic she is…
Why am I thinking about them again?
25… 26… 27… 28… 29…
I could feel myself beginning to doze off.
*
The more that I saw
The further I'd fall
The further I'd fall
The lower I'd crawl
I kept fallin' into the fire
Into the fire
Into the fire
*
"Hello, Spike," came a voice. I jerked awake. I know that voice. That's her voice.
"Julia!?" I gasped, glancing around the room. There she is. Sitting quietly on the stairs. She was wearing a blood-red, turtle-neck sweater, black pants and her black coat. Her blonde hair fell softly around her shoulders. She smiled at me.
"It's been a while. How are you?" she asked. I can't move. I'm just sitting here staring at her.
"I'm… I…" I stuttered. I don't know what to say. She laughed lightly, that angelic laughter.
"You look like you're alright. You're a bounty hunter now, then? Where are your famous partners?" she inquired, looking around the lounge.
"Uh… Jett's in the back…" I said. I feel like an idiot. There she is, in front of me, smiling at me, and all I can do is sit here and stare in dumbfounded shock. Dumbass.
"What about Ed and Faye?"
"They left…" I replied. Wait a sec… "How do you know them?" I asked.
"The Bebop is famous. Spike Spiegel, Jett Black, Faye Valentine and Radical Edward," she told me. I nodded and finally found that I could move again. I took the opportunity to stand up.
"Julia… Wh-"
"Don't," she interrupted. I stopped halfway toward her.
"Why?" She gave me a pained expression.
"Spike…" It slowly dawned on me.
"You're a dream." I sat down on the edge of the couch and closed my eyes. "Of course you are."
"I'm sorry, Spike," she said. I glanced at her and noticed that she was slowly becoming transparent. I stood up quickly.
"No! Don't go! I don't care if you're not real! I don't want to ever wake up from this!" I cried.
*
Suddenly it occurred to me
The reason for the run and hide
Had totaled my existence
Everything left on the other side
Could never be much worse that this
But could I go the distance
I faced the door and all my shame
Tearin' off each piece of chain
Until they all were broken
But no matter how I tried
The other side was licked so tight
That door it wouldn't open
*
"Yes you do, Spike. We both know that. Your green-eyed angel is out there… The one disguised as a demon," Julia said to me.
"No, I want you. I love you!"
"Spike, don't torture yourself and her… What are your chances of ever seeing me again?"
"Julia…"
"I love you, Spike… But so does she… and she's right in front of you."
I watched as Julia faded away.
"…Julia…"
*
Gave it all that I got
And started to knock
Shouted for someone
To open the lock
I just gotta get through the door
*
"Spike!"
I opened my eyes. It was Jett.
"Spike! Wake up! Time to eat!"
I groaned and put a hand to my forehead. Julia…
"Come on, Spike!"
"Coming!" I called back, and sat up.
*
And the more that I knocked
The hotter I got
The hotter I got
The harder I'd knock
I just gotta break through the door
Gotta knock a little harder
Gotta knock a little harder
Gotta knock a little harder
Break through the door
