Chapter Twenty-six: Misguided
"Why the hell would anyone want to make so many different intersections?!!"
Meryl screamed in frustration, unconciously repeating a certain blonde gunman that was lingering in her mind.
Damn him!! He better be alright -- or else!! And-- ARGH JUST WHERE THE HELL AM I?!!
As she ran, she heard gunshots ring, and stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide with shock. Then she resumed her pace, clutching in her hands a derringer and something else.
"You better be alright, Milly and Wolfwood-san!!"
She muttered, wildly guessing as she ran around a corner. She vented out her frustration at yet another dead end by kicking the wall.
"AARRRRGGHH!! You better not be hurt anywhere, Vash the stupid stupid stupid Stampede!!!!"
Believe me, Vash probably would've sneezed had the situation allowed him to.
Milly heard three gunshots ring in the air and echo everywhere before finding the open silver doors. Discarding her stungun and the Cross Punisher upon seeing the urgency of the situation, she ran hard into the hall, screaming:
"STOP!!!"
Rederine looked off-guard, and Vash took advantage easily by forcing the gun upwards with his own, the shot cracking the air. Startled as Rederine was, he attempted to regain his hold on the gun, but Vash slapped it out using his arm, and pressed the gun heavily to Rederine's forehead.
Milly sucked in her breath, her eyes widening in fear. She lunged onto Vash's arm, wrapping her arms tightly around the gun and securing them there.
"Don't hurt him,"
She said a choked sort of voice, knowing Vash wouldn't kill but would perhaps inflict a lot of pain,
"Don't hurt him more than he already is. Please..."
Vash did not lower his gun, but relaxed the arm slightly. Amber eyes glared angrily upwards at Vash, but Milly saw beyond the anger.
"What is it, girl? You want to kill me yourself? I did hurt your little priest now, didn't I."
He smiled twistedly, but Milly shook her head vigourously, tightening her hold on Vash's again tensed arm.
"...Do you see it too?"
Rederine's eyes cast towards Vash vehemently. See what? Vash's expression was unreadable as Milly nodded against his arm.
"There is so much of it..."
She whispered. Looking at the red-head with her innocent blue eyes, she said with a slight tremor,
"Th-that time... when you shot s-sempai. You made a whole building collapse, b-but..."
She swallowed, gathering the courage,
"You didn't kill anyone. That shows a lot."
"Pure luck."
Rederine said coldly. However, Milly shook her head again.
"You're not a bad person, I know it!!"
She said boldly.
"Your eyes say more than your words. You're not a bad person."
"Oh,"
Rederine's voice grew sarcastic,
"So I'm supposedly good, am I? Shooting the short girl and stringing up your p--"
"You're misguided!"
Milly interrupted.
"Misguided?"
He repeated contemptuously. He laughed shortly, more like a bark than anything else, and snapped,
"Girl, I wouldn't talk about things I don't know about."
Milly's eyes wouldn't stop looking into Rederine's, and he shifted a little uncomfortably. What was with this girl? Didn't she know when to shut up?
"Just because Vash the Stampede has got my head under his gun barrel doesn't mean I have got to listen to your kind of bullshit."
She gave a soft sigh, a small exhalement of breath that Rederine couldn't interpret. It disturbed him.
"You don't know what you're really doing, do you? You're very similar to someone I know."
Vash looked down at Milly, whose eyes were filling with tears and still latched tightly to his arm, and then to Rederine, whose expression was still of someone who was disgusted and sarcastic.
However, Vash looked beyond the exterior and saw the cracked barrier.
"I know a man,"
Milly started quietly, but paused and started again with an increase in volume.
"I know a man who has the most strangest eyes I've ever seen. They look happy and bright, but if you scratch the surface, you see something else. There is pain, anger, sadness, love and hatred, all in there and mixed up. It's painful to look at his eyes sometimes."
She refused to look at Vash but looked at Rederine, her blue eyes penetrating through Rederine's amber ones.
He was in shock.
He had never met anyone who could see right through him like this.
"But when I looked in his eyes recently, they looked clear. They were clear all the way through to his soul, and he was genuinely at peace. Do you know why?"
"No, and I don't want to know."
Rederine said, but Milly carried on as though Rederine had said nothing.
"His pain is still there, and the sadness is as well, but the hatred and anger is gone. The hatred and anger he felt... wasn't to anyone. He wasn't angry or hateful to anyone..., but himself."
"Shut up!"
Rederine snapped. What was this strange feeling of panic inside him? He glanced at Vash. Vash was staring at Milly, who was swallowing.
"To hate yourself is a terrible thing... and to be angry at yourself makes it even harder."
Why was she crying?
"Shut up, girl! I'm not interested in your bloody sermon!!"
Rederine was nearly yelling, his eyes almost bulging out. Why was he so worked up?
"But he learnt how to forgive himself--"
"--Don't you know when to shut up??--"
"--he discovered something special. So he finally did forgive himself... and now he needs to learn to love himself."
Rederine shot a glance at Vash. He was looking at Milly in surprise, and Rederine realised.
"You're like him, mister."
"Go to hell."
"Y-You're like him a lot!"
"I am not like Vash the Stampede!!"
Rederine screamed, and shoved the gun barrel pressed onto his forehead upwards with swift arm movement. Vash was so startled he couldn't stop Milly's arms releasing his as she watched Rederine in surprise, and he couldn't stop the red-head's hands grabbing folds of her clothes and slamming her onto the dull metal floor.
"Don't you dare say that again!! Bitch, do you have any idea what you just said??"
He glared at her as she lay below in a stunned sort of way, and as Vash reached over to pull Rederine off - probably with the intention to hurt him - Milly looked straight into Rederine's eyes, her gaze straight through to the soul again.
A tear slipped down Milly's cheek.
"Stop hating yourself!!"
The three words shattered Rederine's barrier and buried deep into him.
"What...?"
He spoke as he stared at the girl, so occupied he didn't notice Vash's elbow coming at him. It caught him squarely on the jaw, and he was thrust backwards. Milly cried out, telling Vash not to hurt him, and as Vash protested, the words echoed in his head.
Stop hating yourself.
He had never realised it... but it was true.
He didn't hate Vash the Stampede.
He didn't know him, and he knew deep down all along that it wasn't Vash's fault, really. Vash couldn't help existing... not unless he killed himself. And Rederine, in all truth, hated killing.
As Vash pointed a gun at his leg, and Milly restrained him from shooting, more thoughts filtered in.
He didn't hate the professor, either - although he had definitely lost his admiration for him, somewhere in him, he knew the professor was really... well, his father. He had spoilt his experiment, and he was sure the professor hadn't meant to hurt him... he was his son, surely he had only hit him in anger...
But himself?
What if he had never existed?
The countless people he had hurt wouldn't have been. His father wouldn't have been so mentally scarred. Vash the Stampede would have been left alone.
Had he known this..., all along...?
This hatred...
He knew.
"You must realise to hate yourself is a terrible thing. You can't blame yourself for everything. You c-can't -- you can't hate yourself like this!! It's wrong!!!"
Too stunned with realisation to say anything, the hall was completely silent as Rederine stared at the girl who knew more than anyone else. She didn't know him, yet she knew him deep down. It was shocking... and it was true.
All of it was true. Was it really that wrong to hate himself? The way the girl clung to Vash's arm in a pleading way to let him live, and the way her eyes were brimmed and spilling with tears just for his pain - even though she hardly knew him! - and the way she was looking at him, in him, through him... it really did seem wrong.
Wrong. He had never thought precisely about that. Right and wrong, good and bad... he had always thought himself as 'bad'... but being 'wrong'... he had never wanted to kill anyone. Was that the 'right' in him?
But he usually never wanted to hurt... but the hatred in himself had driven him to hurt...? If there had been some 'right' in him, then when hurting right?
That was dangerous.
That was really dangerous.
He was a dangerous person when he hated himself...
He was then startled to realise that Vash had put down his gun, and Milly had let go and was crying quietly to herself.
The girl was so innocent that seeing someone in such pain truly hurt her.
Rederine saw this and wondered why.
"Why are you crying?"
He asked dully.
"I'm just relieved."
She whispered. Vash saw all the strength gone in Rederine at her words, and gave a small smile.
The two men let their eyes meet briefly; aqua against amber, dying embers of a once flaring fire against swirls of an ocean that would froth if made to.
And then Rederine collapsed onto his back. Vash's small smile widened, the tension in the room slowly dissolving. He took a small breath before he asked softly,
"Were you confused, or were you just lost?"
Rederine listened to the question, and pondered.
"Both."
He answered finally. He lay flat on his back, looking up at the metal ceiling illuminated with red light, and wondered how pathetic he was if all he had allowed himself to see until now was just that...; red.
Wolfwood heaved a huge sigh of relief, relaxing against his slab of metal. Milly had scared him half to death when she had run into the room. He had been so certain Rederine was going to shoot her. But Tongari had taken care of the chance by tackling the gun out of the red-head's hands.
Then Milly was talking, her sweet, understanding voice echoing around as she clutched Vash's arm like she would never let go. Wolfwood's heart caught in his throat when she was winded down like that by the weirdo. That had him on the edge of the platform, ready to jump off and kick the bastard off his girl - when Vash took things into his hands again by shoving him off.
Now, it seemed that the guy had calmed down to an extent he was lying down and soaking in everything he was being lectured.
Thank God.
Wolfwood settled himself into a crossed-leg position, looking down in relief and lighting a cigarette - and fell backwards as Milly cast her eyes directly to where he was and waved cheerfully. Vash blinked and turned to where the priest was.
"Wolfwood-saaaaan!"
Milly called out, smiling as she wiped a tear from a cheek. Sweatdropping, Wolfwood waved back.
"Whatcha doing up there?"
Vash asked in confusion.
"I got lost."
Rederine seemed too lost in his own thoughts to take a look at him, so Wolfwood got ready to jump off the ledge easily -- when the robotic female voice sounded again in a low drone, so suddenly Wolfwood fell backwards with a clunk yet again.
Five minutes before self-destruction.
"Not much time... I wonder if it's possible to stop."
Vash said, trying to look worried but failed to hide the laugh in his voice as Wolfwood sat back up again, looking a little embarrassed.
I see now... I thought I saw familiar pain in his eyes before. He was just a little lost. No doubt he needed someone to help him realise that...
Vash smiled as the red-head appeared to be lost in contemplation, staring at the ceiling with heavily hooded eyes.
It was then that everyone heard footsteps at the main entrance, yet again. They all turned to look at who was entering.
Amidst the glowing red light that glinted off the lenses of a pair of glasses and a large contraption held in one gloved hand, Vash instantly recognised the figure just as a piercing screech of frequency streaked across Vash's head, and he let out a sharp gasp.
A huge pain seemed to rip through his brain, and Vash thread his fingers through his hair, clutching at his skull as he began to breath heavily.
What the hell is this?!
White and blue snapped unpleasant images before his eyes, and red petals seemed to fluttering around everywhere...! Rem's lips mouthed her last words behind a narrowing slit of light, crazed, ice-blue eyes bulged as voices echoed in his head, blood splattered and stained everywhere, splashing and soaking...!?
Suddenly, from all the red, from all the disturbing noise, Vash was aware of a warm smile; a rare, warm smile, and violet-grey eyes gently gazing at him as a hand lifted to him.
M...
He hadn't been concious of himself screaming, but he realised he must have been because the remnants of it echoed around. Someone else was screaming now, thought. With difficulty he cleared his head, looked up. The red light made him shudder, but that was past the point. How much time had just passed now?
Milly was looking at him with an expression of fear and worry, and judging by the level of alarm in her face, it had barely been ten seconds. Funny; it had felt a lot longer than that. He acknowledged his recovery with a small, slightly strained smile, which let Milly let go of the breath she'd been holding.
He looked at Rederine, who was screaming disturbingly as the professor approached slowly, his eyes never leaving Vash as he moved. His mouth was set in a thin, grim line. Vash chose to ignore him and checked on the priest.
Wolfwood on the verge of leaping off, but was still unsure of what to do. He looked down at Milly, and they exchanged quick glances. She smiled reassuringly at him.
"I'll be back,"
She said brightly to Vash, and ran right past the professor to the entrance, and out. Bewildered as Vash was, he was forced to look at the professor when he finally spoke.
"So, Rederine. May I please know just what the hell you think you're doing?"
Professor Corman dropped his professional tone and his eyes and face turned uglier as he gripped the front of Rederine's cloak into his gnarled fingers and shoved his face to his own, his spit flying onto Rederine's face.
"VASH THE STAMPEDE MISSING FROM MY LAB?!! AN ANTI-SEDATIVE MIXED WITH THE SEDATIVES GIVEN TO HIM?!!"
Rederine stopped screaming, but seemed to be containing it, his eyes screwed shut from restrainment and pain, his teeth bared and revealing tightly clenched teeth.
"LISTEN TO ME!! What the HELL is this SELF-DESTRUCTION shit I'm hearing?!!"
Professor Corman hissed his last three words, his eyes bulging and his lips so drawn back from yelling his gums could be seen.
"Did I SACRIFICE my time for you just so you could RUIN ME AGAIN??!!"
His fingers fumbled at the contraption he had with him, turning a reb knob Vash could just glimpse - it could've been any colour under this light, though - clockwise, and Rederine's eyes flew open as he let out a sudden cry. He slammed his fist against the controlling device out of the stunned-looking professor's hands, and crushed the metal to pieces with the heavy heel of his boot. He whammed a heavy punch against the professor's face, jarring his jaw and landing him onto the ground.
"Wh-what is the meaning of-of this??"
The professor spluttered, but only to be responded with another punch and a heel dug into his chest. Noticing that the gun Vash had hit away earlier was now at his feet, Rederine kicked it up and easily caught it, pointing it at the professor with a frosty smile.
As the professor began to choke, his arm reaching up to intercept the gun in a feeble attempt to save himself, his eyes widening in pure fear, Rederine's smile grew fixed.
Something's wrong.
Vash realised a little too late.
"Shut up."
He said, and pulled the trigger.
[A/N: Yay!! I finally got more reviews than chapters!! O.O I knew it was a bad idea to upload 20 or so chapters all at once!! Me=baka. Anyways - thanks for showing interest!! ^^* I need to rewatch some Trigun, but I just remember I lent my friend my Trigun eps. -_-;; (Won't see her for like what two-three weeks?? -_-;;) Anyways.. thanks again!! I guess I'll end up finishing this, won't I? Even if you don't read it, I guess I'll need to settle my concious somehow... ^^;; Thanks for the third time... btw I know this chapter sucks... it makes no sense at all. o_- If I'm bothered, I might even rewrite it... but most likely... I won't. O.O ]
