*the curtain opens and we see Kamui leaning over towards Subaru, while the rest of both sets of Dragons mill about*
Kamui: Pssst! Subaru! What are we doing here again?
Subaru: Well…CLAMP decided we needed to loosen up, and that we were terrible actors. And we should practice something classic. They find this particular play amusing.
Kamui: …
Subaru: And the cast list is getting ready to appear…
Cast list: (appears)
In something resembling the order of appearance
Sampson- Arashi
Gregory- Yuzuriha
Abraham- Nataku
Balthasar- Kakyou
Benvolio- Kusanagi
Tybalt- Hokuto
Capulet- Aoki
Lady Capulet- Karen
Montague- Fuuma
Lady Montague- Satsuki
Prince Escalus- Kotori
Romeo- Seishiro
Rosaline- Kanoe
Paris- Kamui
Juliet - Subaru
Juliet's Nurse- Sorata
Mercutio- Yuuto
Friar Laurence- Keiichi
Peter- Daisuke
Seishiro: Good gods, who decided I should be wishy-washy?
Kamui: … It could be worse. You could be the hated fiancée….
Seishiro: What a cheerful idea…
Subaru: Maybe we should try to get this over with?
Kamui: …
Others: *nod*
Sorata: Hold it. Pause. Fix the language so normal humans can understand it. (hands out red pens) Just change it so it makes sense. Doesn't have to be exact.
(scribbling ensues)
Sorata: OK, now we can start.
SCENE I.
Tokyo. A public place.
[Enter Arashi and Yuzuriha, of the Sumeragi clan. Arashi has her sword pulled out and Inuki is trotting and Yuzuriha's side.]
Arashi: Ugh, let's not take any coal home.
Yuzuriha: Why would we, anyway? That's not our job.
Arashi: …
Yuzuriha: Well, you're boring.
Arashi: Sure, just don't piss me off.
Yuzuriha: Not too likely. You're pretty patient.
Arashi: But I will get ticked off by one of those Sakurazuka clan servant.
Yuzuriha: (giggling) Just don't run away.
Arashi: (snorts): Like even. (aside) Who the hell wrote this stuff?
Yuzuriha: Whatever. (aside) No kidding…
Arashi: I'm supposed to make some sexist comment here, but I think I'll pass.
Yuzuriha: Er…ditto?
Arashi: Oh, well, it's all the same to me. Men, women, I'll kill them either way if they tick me off…(Gee, I sound like Fuuma.)
Yuzuriha: Really?
Arashi: Yup.
Yuzuriha: …
Arashi: …Damn, I'm hot.
Yuzuriha: Uh-oh. Pull your sword out of your hand; I see Sakurazuka servants. Maybe you'll gross them out and they'll leave.
Arashi: …Thanks. (proceeds to pull her sword out) Look, I pulled my sword out. If you get in a fight, I'll back you up!
Yuzuriha: (as Inuki is transforming) (dryly) Planning on running away?
Arashi: …Hey! Don't worry about it, I intend to do no such thing.
Yuzuriha: Will too!
Arashi: Well, never mind. Here they come.
Yuzuriha: Dare me to make faces at them? …Well, maybe not. I'll just frown and see if they get mad.
Arashi: I think I'll flip them off. If they ignore it, they're wusses. (thinking)…I'm not this rude!
Enter Nataku and Kakyou
Nataku: Hey, are you flipping us off?
Arashi: I am flipping someone off…
Nataku: Us?
Arashi: (to Yuzuriha) Is the law on our side, if I say yes?
Yuzuriha: No.
Arashi: No, I'm not flipping you off. (thinking) Stupid…
Nataku: What, do you want to fight?
Arashi: No!
Nataku: If you do, I'm up for it. Sakurazuka are better anyway.
Kakyou: (nods agreement)
Arashi: ...
Yuzuriha: Oh, here comes on of the Sumeragi clan.
Arashi: Oh yeah.
Nataku: You lie.
Arashi: Unless you're chicken, draw your swords (*grumble* more sexist stuff) Yuzuriha, remember what I taught you.
(fighting ensues)
(Kusanagi enters)
Kusanagi: Stop that, you idiots. (uses his sword to knock the others' apart)
(Enter Hokuto)
Hokuto: (laughing) Kusanagi, you're such a coward. (pulls out a sword) I will be your death. Come fight me.
Kusanagi: I'm just trying to keep the peace. Help me out here, would ya?
Hokuto: Peace? I laugh! Come fight me, coward!
(They fight)
(Enter, several of both houses, who join the fray; then enter Citizens, with clubs)
(Enter Aoki in a business suit and Karen)
Aoki: (wind starting to swirl around him) What's going on here?
Karen: Calm down...
Aoki: No, I won't! Fuuma is here and is fighting. I will too!
(Enter Fuuma and Satsuki)
Fuuma: I'm gonna get you, Aoki!
Satsuki: No, I'm not going to let you fight. (thinking) What the hell...? Go for it, Fuuma...
(Enter Kotori, with Attendants)
Kotori: My subjects, destroying the peace...(sighs)
You beasts, stop fighting, right now! Look, you're bleeding all over!
Drop your weapons, or you'll all be in for it, and listen to me.
This is the third fight between the Sumeragi and Sakurazuka clans.
If any of you start a fight again, the punishment will be death.
For right now, everyone needs to leave; except for Aoki, who will
come with me now. Fuuma, I will see you this afternoon at the courthouse.
And one more reminder- destroy the peace and it will be your death.
(Exit all but Fuuma, Satsuki, and Kusanagi)
Fuuma: Nephew, who started the fight? Where were you when it began?
Kusanagi: The Sumeragi servants and your own servants were
fighting when I walked up. I tried to stop the fight, but the fiery
Hokuto insulted and attacked me. We started fighting, and more
and more people joined in. And that's where you came in and
Kotori-sama stopped us.
Satsuki: Have you seen Seishiro today? I can't find him, though I'm
glad he wasn't in the fight.
Kusanagi: Obasan, I was up an hour before dawn,
I'm an insomniac, you know, and I couldn't sleep. Anyway,
I went to the park and saw Seishiro in a grave of sakura.
I tried to catch up with him, but he saw me and I guess he didn't
want to talk, so I left him alone.
Fuuma: ...He's been seen there a lot in the mornings,
upset, with a big grey storm cloud over his head. As
soon as dawn comes, he goes home and locks himself up,
draws the curtains, and hibernates.This isn't good for him;
I hope some good advice from a friend will help him at
some point.
Seishiro: I'd just like to interject for a moment to point out that this is waaaaay out of character. (the others glare at him and he pops his head off the scene) OK, OK, I'm leaving!
Kusanagi: Ojisan, do you know why he's upset?
Fuuma: No, and I don't want to..
Kusanagi: Have you tried doing anything?
Fuuma: (sighs) Yes. I have, other people have.
But it hasn't helped. He just keeps his feelings inside.
If I knew the problem we might be able to help
him, but he won't tell us.
(enter Seishiro)
Kusanagi: Look, there he is. I'll go talk to him and try
to figure out what's wrong.
Fumma: Thanks. Come on, Satsuki.
(Fuuma and Satsuki exit)
Kusanagi: Heya, Seishiro.
Seishiro: (dazed) Is it early still?
Kusanagi: ...It's nine o'clock....(sweatdrop)
Seishiro: Time drags along when you're sad, doesn't
it? Was that my dad who just left?
Kusanagi: Yeah. What sadness is making your
hours drag?
Seishiro: Not having something that would make the hours
short if I had it.
Kusanagi: (muttering) Like that's helpful. -_-;
Seishiro: What was that?
Kusanagi: (louder) In love?
Seishiro: Out.
Kusanagi: Of love?
Seishiro: No, still in love, but she doesn't like me anymore.
Kusanagi: (edits the script greatly) Love sucks.
Seishiro: You said it. Whoah, what happened here? (aside)
Geez, finally this guy notices...
Wait, never mind, forget I ask. That whole love the family,
hate the Sumeragi thing, right? (ugh, who wrote this part of his speech?)
...I reiterate, love sucks.
Kusanagi: (little watery eyes) No kidding...it makes me so sad!
Seishiro: Which?
Kusanagi: Your poor, broken heart!
Seishiro: Well, that's the way it is...don't go on about it,
it just makes me feel worse. But I have to go. Bye, cuz.
Kusanagi: No, wait, I'm coming! And be nice; don't try
to leave me behind.
Seishiro: Whatever, you're not talking to Seishiro
anyway. He's off somewhere else...(muttering) Or his marbles
are...
Kusanagi: (helpfully) Lights are on, but nobody's home?
Seishiro: Two cokes short of a six-pack!
Kusanagi: Not the sharpest quill on the porcupine!
Seishiro: (starting to smirk) Engine is running, but
there's no one behind the wheel.
Kusanagi: (chuckling) Coupl'a gunmen short of a posse!
Seishiro: (triumphantly) Couple of bodies short of a serial killer!
(suddenly the omnipotent voice of CLAMP breaks through the clouds)
CLAMP: Get back to the play right now, or you're both dying in the next Asuka!
Seishiro: But I already died. In that other Asuka. You know, the one where
I died?
CLAMP: You're funny, Seishiro. Really. But trust us, we are
omnipotent. We managed to kill Kotori four times in the movie.
I'm sure we could manage a paltry two times for you.
(both men eep and go back to reading the play.)
Kusanagi: So, in all truth and sadness, whom do you love?
Seishiro: What, should I groan and tell you?
Kusanagi: No, don't groan. Say it sadly. Well, in that whining way Romeo has.
CLAMP: ...(omnipotent head glares)
Kusanagi: Eep!
Seishiro: I love a woman.
Kusanagi: Wow, I guessed that. I'm good.
Seishiro: Good for you. -_-; She's pretty.
Kusanagi: Yay me! ^_^
Seishiro: Unfortunately, she's not so close to hitting the
mark as you are. Or rather, she isn't close to being hit
by Cupid's arrow. She's just not interested...she ignores me.
Kusanagi: Has she sworn to stay a virgin?
Seishiro: Right again. She wants to enter a convent. Sucks to be me, then.
Kusanagi: Seishiro, take my advice and just forget about her.
Seishiro: How?
Kusanagi: You could try other women.
Seishiro: (considers) Well...maybe...if you could
find some one who...or perhaps... Nope, won't work.
Kusanagi: Wanna bet on that? I'll win it, or die in debt.
(exit)
Kamui: Pssst! Subaru! What are we doing here again?
Subaru: Well…CLAMP decided we needed to loosen up, and that we were terrible actors. And we should practice something classic. They find this particular play amusing.
Kamui: …
Subaru: And the cast list is getting ready to appear…
Cast list: (appears)
In something resembling the order of appearance
Sampson- Arashi
Gregory- Yuzuriha
Abraham- Nataku
Balthasar- Kakyou
Benvolio- Kusanagi
Tybalt- Hokuto
Capulet- Aoki
Lady Capulet- Karen
Montague- Fuuma
Lady Montague- Satsuki
Prince Escalus- Kotori
Romeo- Seishiro
Rosaline- Kanoe
Paris- Kamui
Juliet - Subaru
Juliet's Nurse- Sorata
Mercutio- Yuuto
Friar Laurence- Keiichi
Peter- Daisuke
Seishiro: Good gods, who decided I should be wishy-washy?
Kamui: … It could be worse. You could be the hated fiancée….
Seishiro: What a cheerful idea…
Subaru: Maybe we should try to get this over with?
Kamui: …
Others: *nod*
Sorata: Hold it. Pause. Fix the language so normal humans can understand it. (hands out red pens) Just change it so it makes sense. Doesn't have to be exact.
(scribbling ensues)
Sorata: OK, now we can start.
SCENE I.
Tokyo. A public place.
[Enter Arashi and Yuzuriha, of the Sumeragi clan. Arashi has her sword pulled out and Inuki is trotting and Yuzuriha's side.]
Arashi: Ugh, let's not take any coal home.
Yuzuriha: Why would we, anyway? That's not our job.
Arashi: …
Yuzuriha: Well, you're boring.
Arashi: Sure, just don't piss me off.
Yuzuriha: Not too likely. You're pretty patient.
Arashi: But I will get ticked off by one of those Sakurazuka clan servant.
Yuzuriha: (giggling) Just don't run away.
Arashi: (snorts): Like even. (aside) Who the hell wrote this stuff?
Yuzuriha: Whatever. (aside) No kidding…
Arashi: I'm supposed to make some sexist comment here, but I think I'll pass.
Yuzuriha: Er…ditto?
Arashi: Oh, well, it's all the same to me. Men, women, I'll kill them either way if they tick me off…(Gee, I sound like Fuuma.)
Yuzuriha: Really?
Arashi: Yup.
Yuzuriha: …
Arashi: …Damn, I'm hot.
Yuzuriha: Uh-oh. Pull your sword out of your hand; I see Sakurazuka servants. Maybe you'll gross them out and they'll leave.
Arashi: …Thanks. (proceeds to pull her sword out) Look, I pulled my sword out. If you get in a fight, I'll back you up!
Yuzuriha: (as Inuki is transforming) (dryly) Planning on running away?
Arashi: …Hey! Don't worry about it, I intend to do no such thing.
Yuzuriha: Will too!
Arashi: Well, never mind. Here they come.
Yuzuriha: Dare me to make faces at them? …Well, maybe not. I'll just frown and see if they get mad.
Arashi: I think I'll flip them off. If they ignore it, they're wusses. (thinking)…I'm not this rude!
Enter Nataku and Kakyou
Nataku: Hey, are you flipping us off?
Arashi: I am flipping someone off…
Nataku: Us?
Arashi: (to Yuzuriha) Is the law on our side, if I say yes?
Yuzuriha: No.
Arashi: No, I'm not flipping you off. (thinking) Stupid…
Nataku: What, do you want to fight?
Arashi: No!
Nataku: If you do, I'm up for it. Sakurazuka are better anyway.
Kakyou: (nods agreement)
Arashi: ...
Yuzuriha: Oh, here comes on of the Sumeragi clan.
Arashi: Oh yeah.
Nataku: You lie.
Arashi: Unless you're chicken, draw your swords (*grumble* more sexist stuff) Yuzuriha, remember what I taught you.
(fighting ensues)
(Kusanagi enters)
Kusanagi: Stop that, you idiots. (uses his sword to knock the others' apart)
(Enter Hokuto)
Hokuto: (laughing) Kusanagi, you're such a coward. (pulls out a sword) I will be your death. Come fight me.
Kusanagi: I'm just trying to keep the peace. Help me out here, would ya?
Hokuto: Peace? I laugh! Come fight me, coward!
(They fight)
(Enter, several of both houses, who join the fray; then enter Citizens, with clubs)
(Enter Aoki in a business suit and Karen)
Aoki: (wind starting to swirl around him) What's going on here?
Karen: Calm down...
Aoki: No, I won't! Fuuma is here and is fighting. I will too!
(Enter Fuuma and Satsuki)
Fuuma: I'm gonna get you, Aoki!
Satsuki: No, I'm not going to let you fight. (thinking) What the hell...? Go for it, Fuuma...
(Enter Kotori, with Attendants)
Kotori: My subjects, destroying the peace...(sighs)
You beasts, stop fighting, right now! Look, you're bleeding all over!
Drop your weapons, or you'll all be in for it, and listen to me.
This is the third fight between the Sumeragi and Sakurazuka clans.
If any of you start a fight again, the punishment will be death.
For right now, everyone needs to leave; except for Aoki, who will
come with me now. Fuuma, I will see you this afternoon at the courthouse.
And one more reminder- destroy the peace and it will be your death.
(Exit all but Fuuma, Satsuki, and Kusanagi)
Fuuma: Nephew, who started the fight? Where were you when it began?
Kusanagi: The Sumeragi servants and your own servants were
fighting when I walked up. I tried to stop the fight, but the fiery
Hokuto insulted and attacked me. We started fighting, and more
and more people joined in. And that's where you came in and
Kotori-sama stopped us.
Satsuki: Have you seen Seishiro today? I can't find him, though I'm
glad he wasn't in the fight.
Kusanagi: Obasan, I was up an hour before dawn,
I'm an insomniac, you know, and I couldn't sleep. Anyway,
I went to the park and saw Seishiro in a grave of sakura.
I tried to catch up with him, but he saw me and I guess he didn't
want to talk, so I left him alone.
Fuuma: ...He's been seen there a lot in the mornings,
upset, with a big grey storm cloud over his head. As
soon as dawn comes, he goes home and locks himself up,
draws the curtains, and hibernates.This isn't good for him;
I hope some good advice from a friend will help him at
some point.
Seishiro: I'd just like to interject for a moment to point out that this is waaaaay out of character. (the others glare at him and he pops his head off the scene) OK, OK, I'm leaving!
Kusanagi: Ojisan, do you know why he's upset?
Fuuma: No, and I don't want to..
Kusanagi: Have you tried doing anything?
Fuuma: (sighs) Yes. I have, other people have.
But it hasn't helped. He just keeps his feelings inside.
If I knew the problem we might be able to help
him, but he won't tell us.
(enter Seishiro)
Kusanagi: Look, there he is. I'll go talk to him and try
to figure out what's wrong.
Fumma: Thanks. Come on, Satsuki.
(Fuuma and Satsuki exit)
Kusanagi: Heya, Seishiro.
Seishiro: (dazed) Is it early still?
Kusanagi: ...It's nine o'clock....(sweatdrop)
Seishiro: Time drags along when you're sad, doesn't
it? Was that my dad who just left?
Kusanagi: Yeah. What sadness is making your
hours drag?
Seishiro: Not having something that would make the hours
short if I had it.
Kusanagi: (muttering) Like that's helpful. -_-;
Seishiro: What was that?
Kusanagi: (louder) In love?
Seishiro: Out.
Kusanagi: Of love?
Seishiro: No, still in love, but she doesn't like me anymore.
Kusanagi: (edits the script greatly) Love sucks.
Seishiro: You said it. Whoah, what happened here? (aside)
Geez, finally this guy notices...
Wait, never mind, forget I ask. That whole love the family,
hate the Sumeragi thing, right? (ugh, who wrote this part of his speech?)
...I reiterate, love sucks.
Kusanagi: (little watery eyes) No kidding...it makes me so sad!
Seishiro: Which?
Kusanagi: Your poor, broken heart!
Seishiro: Well, that's the way it is...don't go on about it,
it just makes me feel worse. But I have to go. Bye, cuz.
Kusanagi: No, wait, I'm coming! And be nice; don't try
to leave me behind.
Seishiro: Whatever, you're not talking to Seishiro
anyway. He's off somewhere else...(muttering) Or his marbles
are...
Kusanagi: (helpfully) Lights are on, but nobody's home?
Seishiro: Two cokes short of a six-pack!
Kusanagi: Not the sharpest quill on the porcupine!
Seishiro: (starting to smirk) Engine is running, but
there's no one behind the wheel.
Kusanagi: (chuckling) Coupl'a gunmen short of a posse!
Seishiro: (triumphantly) Couple of bodies short of a serial killer!
(suddenly the omnipotent voice of CLAMP breaks through the clouds)
CLAMP: Get back to the play right now, or you're both dying in the next Asuka!
Seishiro: But I already died. In that other Asuka. You know, the one where
I died?
CLAMP: You're funny, Seishiro. Really. But trust us, we are
omnipotent. We managed to kill Kotori four times in the movie.
I'm sure we could manage a paltry two times for you.
(both men eep and go back to reading the play.)
Kusanagi: So, in all truth and sadness, whom do you love?
Seishiro: What, should I groan and tell you?
Kusanagi: No, don't groan. Say it sadly. Well, in that whining way Romeo has.
CLAMP: ...(omnipotent head glares)
Kusanagi: Eep!
Seishiro: I love a woman.
Kusanagi: Wow, I guessed that. I'm good.
Seishiro: Good for you. -_-; She's pretty.
Kusanagi: Yay me! ^_^
Seishiro: Unfortunately, she's not so close to hitting the
mark as you are. Or rather, she isn't close to being hit
by Cupid's arrow. She's just not interested...she ignores me.
Kusanagi: Has she sworn to stay a virgin?
Seishiro: Right again. She wants to enter a convent. Sucks to be me, then.
Kusanagi: Seishiro, take my advice and just forget about her.
Seishiro: How?
Kusanagi: You could try other women.
Seishiro: (considers) Well...maybe...if you could
find some one who...or perhaps... Nope, won't work.
Kusanagi: Wanna bet on that? I'll win it, or die in debt.
(exit)
