SCENE II. Sumeragi's orchard.

Enter Subaru

Subaru: [yawn] Here's an idea for you all: sleep is good.

Karen: Someone keeping you up at night, Subaru?

Subaru: [pulls out his script] Ahem. As I was saying. Hurry up, sun and set. Blah blah blah. Cause Seishiro's coming tonight- [glares at Sorata and Karen] And don't even say whatever you're thinking.

Sorata: [waves his hands in mock-surrender] Wasn't gonna!

Subaru: Hurry up and be night. Yeah. And Seishiro, hurry up. That's about all this speech says. [yawn] Oh, and make Seishiro a constellation when he dies- go ahead, Yuzuriha, get it out of your system.

Yuzuriha: [sing song] FORE-Shadowing!

Subaru: [cough cough blush at next part of speech]
Um...even though I'm married, I haven't had sex yet. I want to have sex. Right now.

Yuuto: [frowning at his script] Are you sure it says that? I didn't see that...

Subaru: More or less, yes.
Hey, here comes Sora!

[Sora enters, holding some cords]

Subaru: What news? Are those from Sora?

Sora: [nervous] Yes, yes... [tosses them carelessly on the floor]

Subaru: What's the news? Is something wrong?

Sora: Oh, boy, here's the point where we start having problems with gender roles. Oh well, He's dead, he's dead. We're screwed! He's killed, he's dead!

Subaru: Is heaven so jealous?

Sorata: Seishiro is, though heaven is not. Oh, Seishiro, Seishiro! Who would have thought Seishiro would have done such a thing?

[All the characters pause here to raise their hands. Seishiro glares at them all.]

Seishiro: Har har.

Subaru: You're evil to torture me this way? Has Seishiro killed himself? If you say yes...that word will be more poisonous than a black widow. Just- whatever it is, please tell me.

Sora: [still blathering] I saw the wound! With me own eyes! A pathetic, bloody corpse...pale as ashes, all covered in blood. I passed out when I saw it.

[backstage, Arashi makes a sound that seems suspiciously like an unlady-like snort.]

Subaru: Oh, my poor heart is breaking!

Sorata: [oblivious] Oh, Hokuto, Hokuto, the best friend I have- [pauses and pokes his head through the curtains to backstage] I'd just like to interject here to say that I didn't know Hokuto up until this stupid play, and while I think she's pretty cool, I wouldn't be that upset if she died.

All: ....

Sora: Uh...again, I mean. [returns to script]

Oh, honest gentleman! I wish I hadn't lived to see your death!

Subaru: Sorata, what are you talking about? Is Seishiro killed, and Hokuto dead? My dear cousin? Then it is doom for all, for who is worth living for if those two are gone?

Seishiro: [backstage, dryly] How...eerily appropriate.

Sora: Hokuto is gone, and Seishiro banished- Seishiro killed her, so he is banished.

Subaru: Oh, God! Did Seishiro kill Hokuto?

Sorata: I thought I just established that.

Subaru: [rolls eyes] Well humor me and establish it again.

Sorata: Yes, he did, he did! Curse the day he did!

Subaru: Oh, horrible man who hid behind a beautiful face! [breaks into another spontaneous yawn, breaking the seriousness of the scene] An...a bunch of metaphors like "Dove feathered raven" and "damned saint" meaning that Seishiro is an evil bastard who's quite beautiful.

Sorata: Men are evil. A curse on Seishiro!

Subaru: Over simplifying much?

Sorata: [big, fake yawn] Pot calling kettle?

Subaru: I hope your tongue burns for making a wish like that! A curse is cursed if it tries to attack itself to him! Oh, it was horrible of me to say such horrid things about him!

Sora: You'll say good things about the man that killed your cousin?

Subaru: [irritated] Should I say bad things about the man that is my husband? Oh, Seishiro-san, who can repair your name when your own husband of three hours has mangled it? But...why did you kill my cousin? Wait...of course, my horrible cousin would have killed you. Stop, tears. Tears are only for sorrow, not joy. After all, my husband is alive, when Hokuto would have killed him. And Hokuto, who would have killed my husband, is dead. This is all good news- so why am I weeping? Oh, there was word worse than that of Hokuto's death. I wish I could forget it- but "Hokuto is dead and Seishiro banished." [yawn] Blah...blah...blah...it sucks. [wail] I want my mommy and daddy! Sora, where are they?

Sorata: Mourning over Hokuto's corpse. Do you want to go to them? I can take you there.

Subaru: [yawn] Damn, now I won't get to have sex.

Sorata: Go to your room. I'll find Seishiro to [cough, snicker] comfort you.

[A few seconds later, when this sinks in, much muffled laughter is heard backstage.]

Sorata: Seishiro will be here tonight- I bet he is at Keiichi's cell, and I'll be able to find him there.

Subaru: Oh, find him, and give him my ring! And tell him to come have sex with me!

Sorata: ...One track mind, Subaru?

Subaru: You just had to get that out of your system, didn't you? [yawn] And now I'm going to get some sleep.

[all exit]