Seishiro: [yawning] I'm feeling lazy. How about you, Subaru-kun?
Subaru: Un. Abbreviate?
Sorata: OK, less sex and more sleep for you two.
Seishiro: Just cause you're not getting laid...
Sorata: [holds up recent Asuka] I am! I am! I am the luckiest guy in the world!
[Arashi grabs the Asuka from him and smacks him over the head with it.]
Arashi: [clearing throat] Ahem. I'd thank you not to get into our private life here. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
SCENE V. Sumeragi's orchard.
[Enter Seishiro and Subaru above, at the window]
Subaru: Why are you leaving? It's not even day time yet.
Seishiro: Is so.
Subaru: Is not.
Sorata: Awww...they're arguing like an old married couple.
[Arashi smacks him with the Asuka again and he gives her a sulky beaten-puppy look but shuts up.]
Seishiro: OK, fine. It isn't day yet. My Subaru-kun says it isn't, so it isn't. And even if they take me and kill me, it doesn't matter. It's not day yet.
Subaru: It is! It's morning. Go, leave now.
Seishiro: OK, so now you agree with me.
Subaru: That wasn't what he said.
Seishiro: So?
Subaru: ...
[Sorata enters]
Sorata: Sir!
Subaru: Sora.
Seishiro: Does anyone get the feeling there are too many "S" names in this scene?
Sorata: ...Anyway. Karen is coming here. It's day and you need to be careful.
[exits]
Seishiro: [sticks his tongue out] I told you, nyah nyah.
Subaru: OK, you can sneak out through the window.
Seishiro: OK, give me a goodbye kiss and I'll leave. [grabs Subaru and sweeps him back for a rather long, involved kiss]
[Karen walks in as a joke, giggles, and winks.]
Karen: Oopsie. Sorry, Subaru, I didn't know you were sleeping with a guy from our evil nemesis's family. I'll just leave you alone now.
Seishiro: Back to your regularly scheduled script…
...Now I'm supposed to "goeth" down. Why "goeth"? Why couldn't this guy just say "go"? I mean, I goeth and cometh and sleepeth and haveth sexeth, except he doesn't say that in so many words.
CLAMP: Seishiro...
Seishiro: OK, OK, I'm going.
Subaru: Don't forget to write!
Seishiro: I won't!
Subaru: Will we ever see each other again?
Seishiro: Of course, and all our pain will pay off. [gives a very big faked cough that sounds an awful lot like "Yeah right".]
Subaru: Oooh. That's bad. I swear you look as pale as if you were dead.
Yuzuriha: [singsong] ForeSHAdowING!
Seishiro: You look pale, too.
Subaru: Oh, thanks.
Seishiro: No, seriously. We're both so sad we've lost all the blood from our faces. And with those lovely words...goodbye! [exits]
Subaru: Fate sucks.
Karen: What ho-
Yuuto: Kanoe.
Karen: Right. Anyway. Subaru, are you up?
Subaru: [straight-faced] Mom, is that you? What is she doing up so early?
[Karen enters. Again.]
Karen: How are you?
Subaru: Not so good.
Karen: Still crying for Hokuto? All your tears will wash her out of her grave. However, all your crying will not bring her back to life, so perk up. Some grief shows how much you love her, but too much grief shows a lack of intelligence.
Subaru: Please, let me still mourn. I have had such a great loss...
Karen: But you don't really feel anything but the loss. You are not really weeping for Hokuto.
Subaru: I'm weeping for the loss, so I am weeping for Hokuto. [under his breath] OK, this is kind of a stupid argument. Let's get on with it.
Karen: [hiding an amused smile] Well, perhaps you're more upset that his murderer is still alive.
Yuzuriha: [singsong] DraMATic IronY!
[Everyone pauses and stares at her.]
Yuzuriha: [shrug] AP English.
Subaru: What murderer?
Karen: That murderer Seishiro.
Subaru: [aside] I hope he's far from here, even though he is a murderer. God pardon him! I know I do, with all my heart
[to Karen]...Yet no man but he causes my heart so much pain.[1]
Karen: That's because the murderous traitor is still alive.
Subaru: Yes, I wish I could avenge Hokuto's death.
Karen: We will have revenge for it, don't worry. I'll send someone to Kyoto and poison him.
Subaru: [looking appropriately vaguely horrified] Sounds good to me...
Karen: [waving her hand carelessly] I'll have it done. But now I have some good news for you.
Subaru: Oh, good, I need some good news. Or some Prozac.
Karen: Your father has done something very nice for you that neither of us have expected. There will be a day of joy.
Subaru: What day is that? [under breath] Get on with it already.
Karen: Married, my son, next Thursday morning. Kamui-sama at Saint Peter's Church will happily make you a joyful bri-...er....groom.
Kamui: [offstage] Yeah, right.
Subaru: Too late, I eloped with Seishiro a couple days ago. Is that OK with you, mom?
Karen: ...
Subaru: [back to the regular script, horrified] Now by Saint Peter's Church and Peter too, I will not be a joyful groom! Why such haste, that I must get married to him before he's even courted me! Tell my father that I will not marry yet. And when I do get married, I would rather marry Seishiro, whom you hate, than Kamui.
Karen:....
Subaru: No, that was really in the script.
Karen: Well, here comes your father, you can tell him yourself and see what he has to say.
[Aoki and Sorata enter]
Aoki: What, still crying, boy? You seem to be trying to be a flood or something, you're crying so much. Karen, have you told him?
Karen: Yes, but he refuses...
Aoki: What do you mean, he refuses? Does he not thank us? Isn't he proud? Doesn't he count his blessings, since even though he is unworthy we have found such a wonderful man to be his bridegroom?
Subaru: [under breath] Sure I would, if I hadn't eloped with Seishiro...
Subaru: Not proud, but thankful. I can never be proud of something I hate. But to love you is to be thankful even for something I hate.
Aoki: What are you going on about? Stop it with the "thankings" and "prouds" and all of that nonsense. Just get used to the idea that on Thursday you'll go with Kamui to Saint Peter's Church or I'll drag you there.
Karen: Don't you think that's a bit extreme, dear?
Subaru: Good father, will you let me speak without interruption for a few minutes?
Aoki: Quiet! You disobedient child! I'll tell you that you will go to church on Thursday or you will never be allowed to look me in the face again. Do not speak. Karen, we thought we were blessed with this single child, but obviously he was one too many and he is a curse.
Subaru: ...So that was a no?
Sorata: God bless him! Isn't that going a bit far, Aoki-sama?
Aoki: Quiet, Sorata. Have a little common sense and no gossiping. Leave.
Sorata: I said nothing wrong!
Aoki: Go!
Sorata: May no one speak?
Aoki: [under breath] I feel so...out of character.
Quiet, you fool. You may preach to your gossipy friends, but our house doesn't need it.
Karen: Calm down...
Aoki: But it makes me mad that I've done so much work to find him a husband. And now that I've found such a good match, a nice guy, a noble, a young man, and noble...almost the perfect guy-
...I'd like to interject here to re-establish my straightness.
Subaru: Yeah, yeah. Get on with it.
Aoki: Anyway, now Subaru starts whining, "I'm too young, I can't love, don't make me marry."
Well, fine. Don't marry then. But if you don't, you will no longer live in this house.
[exits]
Subaru: Does fate have no pity for me? Mother, please don't throw me out! If you'll wait for a month, a week, to make me get married- but if you won't, then the bridal bed will be in the monument where Hokuto lies.
Karen: Don't talk to me- I won't reply. You can do as you want, but I won't have anything more to do with you.
[exits]
Sorata: [sarcastically] OK, you two do not make good parents. I forbid you from having children together.
Subaru: Oh, God! Sorata, what should I do? How can I stop this? My husband is on earth but my faith has gone on to heaven. How can I get my faith back unless my husband dies and sends it from heaven? Comfort me and give me some advice, Sora. Oh, that the fates should play such tricks on someone as gentle as me. Sora- don't be so quiet! Don't you have something comforting to say?
Sorata: All I can say is this...
Seishiro is banished and might as well be dead. He will never dare to come back for you. Or if he does, it will have to be by stealth. Since this is the situation, I think it would be best if you married the Magami lord. He's a good boy. Seishiro's a dishcloth compared to him.
Seishiro: [offstage] Thanks.
Sorata: I know I sound callous, but I think Kamui will make you happy. It is better than your first match. Even if it doesn't, Seishiro might as well be dead.
Subaru: Is that really how you feel?
Sorata: Yes. I spoke from my heart and soul. And if I lie, let my heart shrivel up.
Subaru: Amen!
Sorata: What?
Subaru: You've made me feel much better.
Sorata: I did? Oh, I mean, of course I did!
Subaru: Go and tell my mother that, since I have made my father angry, I'm going to Keiichi's cell for confession.
[mutter] Yeah, Keiichi's cell? Shouldn't this send off alarm lights in Sorata's head?
Sorata: Of course. This is a wise decision.
[exits]
Subaru: Curse him! Oh, he's horrible! Is it worse that he wishes me to go to Kamui? Or that he says such horrible things about Seishiro with the same tongue he used to use to praise him? I no longer place my trust in you, Sorata.
Sorata: [offstage] Biiiiig mistake.
Subaru: I'm going to go to Keiichi and find out what he thinks I should do. If there's nothing else, I have the power to die.
[exits]
[1] I'm truthfully not sure where the aside ends in this line...so I guessed. Lady Capulet is responding to what Juliet said in the last sentence, so the whole thing can't be aside, but it's not clearly marked in the script I have. *shrug* Oh well, it's not the end of the world.
Subaru: Un. Abbreviate?
Sorata: OK, less sex and more sleep for you two.
Seishiro: Just cause you're not getting laid...
Sorata: [holds up recent Asuka] I am! I am! I am the luckiest guy in the world!
[Arashi grabs the Asuka from him and smacks him over the head with it.]
Arashi: [clearing throat] Ahem. I'd thank you not to get into our private life here. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
SCENE V. Sumeragi's orchard.
[Enter Seishiro and Subaru above, at the window]
Subaru: Why are you leaving? It's not even day time yet.
Seishiro: Is so.
Subaru: Is not.
Sorata: Awww...they're arguing like an old married couple.
[Arashi smacks him with the Asuka again and he gives her a sulky beaten-puppy look but shuts up.]
Seishiro: OK, fine. It isn't day yet. My Subaru-kun says it isn't, so it isn't. And even if they take me and kill me, it doesn't matter. It's not day yet.
Subaru: It is! It's morning. Go, leave now.
Seishiro: OK, so now you agree with me.
Subaru: That wasn't what he said.
Seishiro: So?
Subaru: ...
[Sorata enters]
Sorata: Sir!
Subaru: Sora.
Seishiro: Does anyone get the feeling there are too many "S" names in this scene?
Sorata: ...Anyway. Karen is coming here. It's day and you need to be careful.
[exits]
Seishiro: [sticks his tongue out] I told you, nyah nyah.
Subaru: OK, you can sneak out through the window.
Seishiro: OK, give me a goodbye kiss and I'll leave. [grabs Subaru and sweeps him back for a rather long, involved kiss]
[Karen walks in as a joke, giggles, and winks.]
Karen: Oopsie. Sorry, Subaru, I didn't know you were sleeping with a guy from our evil nemesis's family. I'll just leave you alone now.
Seishiro: Back to your regularly scheduled script…
...Now I'm supposed to "goeth" down. Why "goeth"? Why couldn't this guy just say "go"? I mean, I goeth and cometh and sleepeth and haveth sexeth, except he doesn't say that in so many words.
CLAMP: Seishiro...
Seishiro: OK, OK, I'm going.
Subaru: Don't forget to write!
Seishiro: I won't!
Subaru: Will we ever see each other again?
Seishiro: Of course, and all our pain will pay off. [gives a very big faked cough that sounds an awful lot like "Yeah right".]
Subaru: Oooh. That's bad. I swear you look as pale as if you were dead.
Yuzuriha: [singsong] ForeSHAdowING!
Seishiro: You look pale, too.
Subaru: Oh, thanks.
Seishiro: No, seriously. We're both so sad we've lost all the blood from our faces. And with those lovely words...goodbye! [exits]
Subaru: Fate sucks.
Karen: What ho-
Yuuto: Kanoe.
Karen: Right. Anyway. Subaru, are you up?
Subaru: [straight-faced] Mom, is that you? What is she doing up so early?
[Karen enters. Again.]
Karen: How are you?
Subaru: Not so good.
Karen: Still crying for Hokuto? All your tears will wash her out of her grave. However, all your crying will not bring her back to life, so perk up. Some grief shows how much you love her, but too much grief shows a lack of intelligence.
Subaru: Please, let me still mourn. I have had such a great loss...
Karen: But you don't really feel anything but the loss. You are not really weeping for Hokuto.
Subaru: I'm weeping for the loss, so I am weeping for Hokuto. [under his breath] OK, this is kind of a stupid argument. Let's get on with it.
Karen: [hiding an amused smile] Well, perhaps you're more upset that his murderer is still alive.
Yuzuriha: [singsong] DraMATic IronY!
[Everyone pauses and stares at her.]
Yuzuriha: [shrug] AP English.
Subaru: What murderer?
Karen: That murderer Seishiro.
Subaru: [aside] I hope he's far from here, even though he is a murderer. God pardon him! I know I do, with all my heart
[to Karen]...Yet no man but he causes my heart so much pain.[1]
Karen: That's because the murderous traitor is still alive.
Subaru: Yes, I wish I could avenge Hokuto's death.
Karen: We will have revenge for it, don't worry. I'll send someone to Kyoto and poison him.
Subaru: [looking appropriately vaguely horrified] Sounds good to me...
Karen: [waving her hand carelessly] I'll have it done. But now I have some good news for you.
Subaru: Oh, good, I need some good news. Or some Prozac.
Karen: Your father has done something very nice for you that neither of us have expected. There will be a day of joy.
Subaru: What day is that? [under breath] Get on with it already.
Karen: Married, my son, next Thursday morning. Kamui-sama at Saint Peter's Church will happily make you a joyful bri-...er....groom.
Kamui: [offstage] Yeah, right.
Subaru: Too late, I eloped with Seishiro a couple days ago. Is that OK with you, mom?
Karen: ...
Subaru: [back to the regular script, horrified] Now by Saint Peter's Church and Peter too, I will not be a joyful groom! Why such haste, that I must get married to him before he's even courted me! Tell my father that I will not marry yet. And when I do get married, I would rather marry Seishiro, whom you hate, than Kamui.
Karen:....
Subaru: No, that was really in the script.
Karen: Well, here comes your father, you can tell him yourself and see what he has to say.
[Aoki and Sorata enter]
Aoki: What, still crying, boy? You seem to be trying to be a flood or something, you're crying so much. Karen, have you told him?
Karen: Yes, but he refuses...
Aoki: What do you mean, he refuses? Does he not thank us? Isn't he proud? Doesn't he count his blessings, since even though he is unworthy we have found such a wonderful man to be his bridegroom?
Subaru: [under breath] Sure I would, if I hadn't eloped with Seishiro...
Subaru: Not proud, but thankful. I can never be proud of something I hate. But to love you is to be thankful even for something I hate.
Aoki: What are you going on about? Stop it with the "thankings" and "prouds" and all of that nonsense. Just get used to the idea that on Thursday you'll go with Kamui to Saint Peter's Church or I'll drag you there.
Karen: Don't you think that's a bit extreme, dear?
Subaru: Good father, will you let me speak without interruption for a few minutes?
Aoki: Quiet! You disobedient child! I'll tell you that you will go to church on Thursday or you will never be allowed to look me in the face again. Do not speak. Karen, we thought we were blessed with this single child, but obviously he was one too many and he is a curse.
Subaru: ...So that was a no?
Sorata: God bless him! Isn't that going a bit far, Aoki-sama?
Aoki: Quiet, Sorata. Have a little common sense and no gossiping. Leave.
Sorata: I said nothing wrong!
Aoki: Go!
Sorata: May no one speak?
Aoki: [under breath] I feel so...out of character.
Quiet, you fool. You may preach to your gossipy friends, but our house doesn't need it.
Karen: Calm down...
Aoki: But it makes me mad that I've done so much work to find him a husband. And now that I've found such a good match, a nice guy, a noble, a young man, and noble...almost the perfect guy-
...I'd like to interject here to re-establish my straightness.
Subaru: Yeah, yeah. Get on with it.
Aoki: Anyway, now Subaru starts whining, "I'm too young, I can't love, don't make me marry."
Well, fine. Don't marry then. But if you don't, you will no longer live in this house.
[exits]
Subaru: Does fate have no pity for me? Mother, please don't throw me out! If you'll wait for a month, a week, to make me get married- but if you won't, then the bridal bed will be in the monument where Hokuto lies.
Karen: Don't talk to me- I won't reply. You can do as you want, but I won't have anything more to do with you.
[exits]
Sorata: [sarcastically] OK, you two do not make good parents. I forbid you from having children together.
Subaru: Oh, God! Sorata, what should I do? How can I stop this? My husband is on earth but my faith has gone on to heaven. How can I get my faith back unless my husband dies and sends it from heaven? Comfort me and give me some advice, Sora. Oh, that the fates should play such tricks on someone as gentle as me. Sora- don't be so quiet! Don't you have something comforting to say?
Sorata: All I can say is this...
Seishiro is banished and might as well be dead. He will never dare to come back for you. Or if he does, it will have to be by stealth. Since this is the situation, I think it would be best if you married the Magami lord. He's a good boy. Seishiro's a dishcloth compared to him.
Seishiro: [offstage] Thanks.
Sorata: I know I sound callous, but I think Kamui will make you happy. It is better than your first match. Even if it doesn't, Seishiro might as well be dead.
Subaru: Is that really how you feel?
Sorata: Yes. I spoke from my heart and soul. And if I lie, let my heart shrivel up.
Subaru: Amen!
Sorata: What?
Subaru: You've made me feel much better.
Sorata: I did? Oh, I mean, of course I did!
Subaru: Go and tell my mother that, since I have made my father angry, I'm going to Keiichi's cell for confession.
[mutter] Yeah, Keiichi's cell? Shouldn't this send off alarm lights in Sorata's head?
Sorata: Of course. This is a wise decision.
[exits]
Subaru: Curse him! Oh, he's horrible! Is it worse that he wishes me to go to Kamui? Or that he says such horrible things about Seishiro with the same tongue he used to use to praise him? I no longer place my trust in you, Sorata.
Sorata: [offstage] Biiiiig mistake.
Subaru: I'm going to go to Keiichi and find out what he thinks I should do. If there's nothing else, I have the power to die.
[exits]
[1] I'm truthfully not sure where the aside ends in this line...so I guessed. Lady Capulet is responding to what Juliet said in the last sentence, so the whole thing can't be aside, but it's not clearly marked in the script I have. *shrug* Oh well, it's not the end of the world.
