SCENE V. Subaru's bedroom.

[Enter Sorata]

Sorata: Subaru! Oi, Subaru! Hey, you lazy child! Get up! Subaru, sweetie, wake up! Groom, why are you not awake yet? Hey, say something! Well, you'll need your sleep, since I imagine Kamui will be keeping you up.

[Subaru twitches marginally in the bed, then returns to playing "dead".]

He is really sound asleep. But I need to wake him up. Sir. Sir! If you don't wake up, I'll send Kamui up here.

[Sorata pulls the curtains open]

What, did you wake up and get dressed and then go back to sleep? I need to wake you. Sir! Sir! Wake up!

[There is a pause as Sorata finally realizes that Subaru is not going to wake up. The "dead" body lets out a cough that sounds a lot like 'finally!']

Sorata: Oh, God! Oh no! Help, help, my lord is dead! Oh, no! My lord! My lady!

[Enter Karen]

Karen: What's going on? Did you call?

Sorata: Oh, horrible day!

Karen: What's the matter?

Sorata: Look! Look! Oh, terrible day!

Karen: Oh me, oh me! My child, my only child! [crying] Wake up, wake up, please! Wake up or I'll die with you! Help, call help!

[Enter Aoki]

Aoki: Hurry up, bring Subaru out. Kamui is waiting!

[The other three characters in the room, including Subaru, all glare at him.]

Aoki: [raises his hands in a defensive gesture] It's in the script, it's not my fault.

Sorata: He's dead, deceased- [pauses] expired, gone, no longer living. See the little "X"es where his eyes should be! That is a dead parrot!

Karen: He's dead, he's dead, he's dead!

Aoki: Let me see him-

Karen: What, you don't think I can tell when my own son is dead?

Aoki: -Oh, he's cold! His blood no longer runs! [looks at rest of speech and revises it]
Yep, he's dead all right.

Sorata: Curse the day! It's a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! [the "corpse" behind him calmly smacks him.]

Karen: Oh, woeful time!

Aoki: Death that has taken him from here to make me cry has tied my tongue. I cannot speak.

[Kamui, Keiichi, and some musicians played by Yuzuriha and Arashi enter. The "corpse" mutters something to the effect of "here we go again."]

Aoki: [to Subaru] Can you pretend to be realistically dead for the rest of the scene?

[There is no response from Subaru, who now has his eyes closed and hands crossed over his chest in a mockery of an Egyptian sarcophagus]

Keiichi: Is Subaru ready to go to the church?

Aoki: Ready to go, but never will return! [to Kamui] Oh, my son, the night before your wedding, Death lay with your husband.

[There is a pause here as everyone glances toward Seishiro, except Subaru, who is still obediently "dead".]

Sorata: In this case, that almost has a double meaning.

Aoki: There he lies, his virginity taken by my son-in-law Death. Death is my heir, my son has wedded death. It all belongs to Death!

Kamui: After all my waiting for this morning, it gives me a sight like this?

Karen: Cursed, sad, wretched, hateful day! Have we had enough yelling at the day yet? All right, then, I'll switch to the hour.
Most miserable hour that Time has ever seen in all his eternity! Oh, my poor, one poor, loving child! The only comfort is that I did not have to see him die!

Sorata: Oh, woeful, woeful day! I say this several times.

Kamui: [looking around] We're not capable of taking this scene seriously, are we?

[The rest all shake their heads.]

Kamui: Wronged, divorced, spited by Death! Oh, he seduced you and cruelly took your life. Oh, love! I cannot love you in life, only in death!

Aoki: Why did Death come now, to murder our happiness? Oh, child! My child, no, my soul! You are dead! My child is dead and my son and joys will be buried together.

Keiichi: [looking like he has a headache, especially since he knows that Subaru is alive] Quiet, all of you! You were blessed to know Subaru, and heaven was blessed, too. Now heaven only holds him, and it is better for him. What you wanted for him was your idea of what his heaven should be. Now you weep seeing that he is dead and in heaven? Oh, this is not the way to love your son! Dry your tears and gather rosemary for Subaru. Take him to church in his best clothes, for while we feel like we should morn, this is truly a cause for happiness.

Aoki: All the decorations we put out for the wedding should be changed to black. The musicians should play sad music. Our wedding happiness will be replaced by a sad funeral. Our hymns change to dirges and the bridal flowers will be buried with Subaru. Change all things to funeral sadness.

Keiichi: Aoki, Karen, and you, Kamui-san. Everyone prepare for the funeral. The heavens are angry with you for something. Do not anger them any more by crossing their will.

[Aoki, Karen, Kamui, and Keiichi all exit]

Yuzuriha: Well, that's that. Let's pack up and go.

Sorata: Thank you for coming. I apologize, but you know this is a pitiful event.

[Sorata exits]

Yuzuriha: Well, perhaps we can play for the funeral?

[Daisuke enters]

Daisuke: Musicians, oh musicians. Please, play "Heart's ease".

Yuzuriha: Why "Heart's ease?"

Daisuke: Because my heart is playing the song, "My heart is full of woe." Play me something happy, to comfort me.

Yuzuriha: This is no time to play.

Daisuke: You won't, then?

Yuzuriha: No.

Daisuke: I'll repay you...

Yuzuriha: With what?

Daisuke: Can't give you money, but....I'll give you our ministrel! [aside] What?

Yuzu: [aside] Got me. Stuff. Yeah.

Arashi: [skips several lines and points to the dagger Yuzu is holding] You could put someone's eye out with that.

[backstage, Subaru and Seishiro pause from making out and stare at each other briefly.]

Subaru: [yelling] Neither of us thinks that's funny at all, Arashi!

Daisuke: [peeved with the musicians for something that happened in the skipped lines] You guys suck.

Yuzu: Likewise.

Daisuke: Blah blah. Was this scene supposed to be comic relief or something?

Yuzu: Probably.

Daisuke: [finishes skimming his part and throws his script up in the air in a frustrated gesture] Forget this. I have no idea what's going on.

[exits]

Yuzu: What a jerk.

Arashi: Yeah. Well, we'll stay till dinner. They'll probably feed us.

[all exit]