Tempt not a desperate man! I always loved that line.
[puts on Linkin Park's In the End] Ah...how fitting.
SCENE III. A churchyard; in it a tomb belonging to the Sumeragi clan.
[Enter Kamui and Yuzuriha (the page) bearing flowers and a torch]
Kamui: Give me the torch. Stand back there. I'm going to put out the torch because I don't want to be seen. Go over there and if you hear or see anyone coming, whistle to me so I know. Give me those flowers and go.
Yuzuriha: [aside] It's creepy standing out here. But I will do as you ask.
[moves to stand at the back of the stage]
Kamui: Sweet flowers...oh, I would have strewn flowers on your bridal bed, but instead I place them in your tomb. I will remember you, Subaru. Nightly I will place flowers on your grave and cry.
[Yuzuriha whistles]
Someone's coming. What cursed person is coming here tonight to disturb my remembering?
[moves back with Yuzuriha]
[Seishiro and Kakyou enter with a torch]
Seishiro: Give me those flowers and the torch. Take this letter and deliver it to my father tomorrow morning. And listen: whatever you see or hear, stand away and don't interrupt me in what I'm doing. I go into the tomb partly to see Subaru's face and partly to take my ring from his finger. So go on, leave me. If you come back to try to find out what I'm doing, I'll kill you. I and my intents are wild and more dangerous than tigers or the roaring sea.
Kakyou: [somewhat worried] I will leave, sir, and will not bother you.
Seishiro: Thank you. You are a good friend. [hands Kakyou some money] Take that. Live long and prosper!
[muffled snickers from backstage]
Seishiro: And goodbye, my friend.
I only sound sort of like I'm planning on killing myself.
Kakyou: [aside] Well, I'm a bit worried. I'll hide somewhere around here. He looks mad and I don't think his intents are good. [goes to the back of the stage with Yuzuriha and Kamui]
Seishiro: You, tomb of death. Open so I can give you another life! [opens the tomb]
Kamui: That's the banished Sakurazuka that killed my love's cousin. The grief for mourning over that cousin probably killed my love! He's come here to do some villainous deed to the dead bodies!
Yuuto: Necrophilia!
Kakyou: [covering Yuzuriha's ears] There are children around here!
Kamui: I will stop him! [comes forward][1]
Stop, Sakurazuka! Can your vengeance be pursued further than death? Come with me, for you must die!
Seishiro: Can't we all just get along?
Kamui: ...No?
Seishiro: Yes, I must die. That's why I'm here. Gentle man, I am desperate. Do not tempt me. Leave here, leave me! Please, I ask of you! Do not force me to put another sin on my soul by making me mad. Leave! By heaven, your life is more precious than mine, for I plan to kill myself. Don't stay, leave, and from now on you can say a madman's mercy told you to run away.
Kamui: No.
Seishiro: Fine! Fight me, then! [they do so]
Yuzuriha: They're fighting! I'll go call the watch!
Kamui: Oh, I am killed! [pauses in his dying scene] OK, why do characters always have to state that? I think it would be pretty obvious what happened when they fall down and bleed all over. [returns to the script, falling down on the ground in an exaggerated swoon]
If you are merciful, open the tomb and put me with Subaru. [dies]
Seishiro: Of course I will. Oh, you are Yuuto's kin, the noble Kamui. Of course, I think Kakyou mentioned that Kamui was to marry Subaru. Did he say that or did I imagine it? Or have I gone crazy, hearing him talk about Subaru, that I think that it happened? I apologize, Kamui, we are both cursed by fortune. I'll bury you in a hero's grave. Oh, here is Subaru. His beauty makes this vault full of light. [sets Kamui down gently] Oh, my love, my husband!
Death, he has not conquered you. You are still beautiful. Is that Hokuto there in that sheet? Oh, what can I do to make it up to you, cousin? Forgive me! [at this point, Seishiro is crying. The other characters blink at him, and the "dead" Subaru sits up and looks at him questioningly. He pulls an onion out of his shirt, winks, and puts it back.] Oh, Subaru, why are you still so beautiful? Does evil Death keep you this way to be his consort? I will stay here and prevent that. I will never leave here again. Here I will stay. Here will I arrange my everlasting rest. Oh, one last kiss, Subaru. Come, potion. Here's to my love! [drinks it] Oh, pharmicist! Your drugs work quickly. [kisses Subaru one more time] And with a kiss, I die. [does so]
[at the other side of the stage, Keiichi enters with a lantern, crowbar, and spade.]
Keiichi: Oh, I keep tripping...who's there?
Kakyou: An old friend.
Keiichi: Ah! Good friend, whose torch is that over there in the Sumeragi monument?
Kakyou: It is my master's.
Keiichi: Who...?
Kakyou: Seishiro.
Keiichi: How long has he been here?
Kakyou: ...About half an hour.
Keiichi: Come with me to the vault.
Kakyou: Sir, I can't. My master doesn't know I am still here. He threatened to kill me if I saw what he was doing.
Keiichi: All right, stay here. Oh, I'm afraid something bad has happened.
Kakyou: As I was napping here, I had a dream that my master fought someone and that my master killed him.
Keiichi: Seishiro! [heads toward the tomb] Oh, whose blood is this that stains the entrance? This should be a place of peace! [enters the tomb] Seishiro! Oh, you are pale! Who else? Oh, Kamui, too? What a horrible time! Oh no, Subaru stirs.
[Subaru wakes up]
Subaru: Oh, Keiichi! Where is my lord? I remember where I am. Where is my Seishiro?
[noise]
Keiichi: I hear some noise. Subaru, come from this place of death and unnatural sleep. A greater power than we can go against has thwarted our plans. Come, come on. Your husband lies dead in there, and Kamui, too. I'll leave you with a sisterhood of nuns. Come, Subaru.
[noise again]
I dare not stay any longer.
Subaru: Go ahead and leave. I will not.
Kamui: [stops being dead for a minute to scream at Keiichi] Idiot! Don't leave!
[Keiichi exits]
Subaru: What's this? A vial in my true love's hand? Poison was what killed him. [tears fill his eyes] You jerk! You drank it all and didn't leave any for me? Fine, I will kiss your lips. Maybe some poison is still on them.
[kisses him]
Yuuto: What did I tell you?
[Subaru idly throws the empty vial in the direction of backstage.]
Sora: Ow!
Subaru: Your lips are warm.
Sorata: Oh, we need watchmen. Well...Arashi hasn't done anything in awhile. And Nataku, and...uh...Hokuto, I suppose.
Arashi: [outside] Which way?
Subaru: Oh, a noise? I'll be quick then. Oh, sweet dagger. [grabs Seishiro's dagger from his belt] My body is your sheath! [stabs himself through the heart] Stay there and rust, and let me die! [falls on top of Seishiro and dies.]
Yuzuriha: This is the place. There, where the torch is.
Arashi: The ground is bloody. Search around the churchyard. Oh, what a pitiful sight! Here's Kamui, killed. And Subaru, bleeding...? He was buried two days ago. Someone run to the Sumeragi and the Sakurazuka. Some others search. We see the deeds that took place, but the true deeds are unclear.
[Some of the watch re-enters, with Kakyou.]
Nataku: Here's Seishiro's servant. He was in the churchyard.
Arashi: Hold him until the prince comes.
[Reenter more watch, with Keiichi]
Hokuto: Here is a friar who trembles and weeps. He was carrying a spade and coming from the churchyard.
Arashi: Suspicious. Hold him too.
[Enter Kotori with attendants]
Kotori: What happened here, and at such a time of night?
[Enter Aoki, Karen, and some others]
Aoki: What's going on, that caused all this noise?
Karen: Some people in the street cry Seishiro; some cry for Subaru, and yet others cry Kamui. They all run towards our monument.
Kotori: What is going on?
Arashi: Here lies Kamui, killed. And Seishiro, dead. And Subaru, dead before, warm and killed recently.
Kotori: Look around, find out how this horrible murder happened.
Arashi: Here is a friar, and Seishiro's servant. Both had instruments with them that could have opened the tomb.
Aoki: ...[ignores his line because he's desperately scribbling in his script][2]
Karen: [reading Aoki's line as well as her own] Oh, heavens! Aoki, look how our son bleeds! The dagger is missing from Seishiro's sheath and mis-sheathed in my son's chest!
Oh, this sight of death!
[enter Fuuma and others]
Kotori: Come, Fuuma. You are up early to see your son and heir more early killed.
Fuuma: Alas, but my wife is also dead tonight! Grief from my son's exile has killed her.
[Satsuki, backstage, laughs maniacally, since this is unthinkable. The rest of the cast eyes her nervously]
Fuuma: What gods are conspiring against my family?
Kotori: Well, look.
Fuuma: Oh, how impolite of you to die before your father! [fake cries. Well, he's Fuuma.]
Kotori: Seal up the mouth of the tomb for awhile until we can learn what happened. Let's bring forth the suspicious parties.
Keiichi: I know, the time and place makes it look like I did it.
Kotori: Then tell us right away what you know about it.
Keiichi: Right. I'm the only one who knows all the gory details. I will be brief- [looks at his forthcoming speech] -or not. Seishiro, there dead, was husband to Subaru, and Subaru was faithful to Seishiro. I married them, and their secret marriage day was the day Hokuto was killed. Seishiro was banished from the city, and it was for him and not Hokuto that Subaru pined. [to Aoki, who has a wide-eyed expression] You, to try to make Subaru happy, betrothed him to Kamui. He came to me and pleaded with me to come up with some way to stop his second marriage. If I didn't, he would kill himself. So I gave him a sleeping potion that would make him seem dead; meanwhile I wrote to Seishiro and told him he should come here tonight to smuggle Subaru away from the tomb when the potion stopped its action. But Hinoto, who took my letter, was stopped by accident and gave my letter back last night. So I came alone at the time he was supposed to awaken, meaning to hide him in my room until I could contact Seishiro. But when I arrived, here lay Kamui and Seishiro, both dead. Subaru woke and I asked him to leave with me. But a noise frightened me away from the tomb and Subaru, desperate, would not go with me. As it seems, he killed himself. All this I know, and Sorata knew about the marriage.
Kotori: Where is Seishiro's servant? What can he say about this?
Kakyou: I brought Seishiro news of Subaru's death and he hurried here from Kyoto. This letter he asked me to give his father and threatened to kill me if I went in the vault, so I let him go in alone.
Kotori: Give me the letter, I would like to look at it? Where is Kamui's page, that raised the watch? What was your master doing here?
Yuzuriha: He came with flowers for Subaru's grave and asked me to stand away, so I did. Then someone came with a light to open the tomb and my master drew his sword after a bit and I ran away to call the watch.
Kotori: This letter confirms Keiichi's words. Their love, the news of Subaru's death, and here he writes that he bought a poison and then came to this vault to die with Subaru. Where are the enemies? Sumeragi! Sakurazuka! See what is caused by your hate? Heaven finds ways to kill your joys through love! And I, for letting this feud continue, have lost two of my family. We are all punished.
Aoki: [has finished whatever he was writing] Oh, brother Sakurazuka, give me your hand.
Fuuma: You're not getting my Bud Lite.
Aoki: Har har. I give you my apology, but I cannot offer more.
Fuuma: But I can give you more. I will raise Subaru's statue in pure gold, so that while Tokyo is still called Tokyo, there shall be no figure like that of the true and faithful Subaru.
Aoki: And Seishiro and Subaru shall lie together- oh, the poor sacrifices to our hate!
Fuuma: Does anyone else find this scene hokey?
Seishiro: Yes.
Fuuma: [steps lightly on Seishiro's chest] Don't you hate it when people take forever to die?
Kotori: A dismal peace comes this morning. The sun will not appear in sorrow. Some things will be forgiven and some punished, but never was there a tale more woe
than that of Subaru and his Seishiro.[3]
[all exit]
Subaru: You know what? That ending sucked! The timing, especially.
Aoki: Here! [hands everyone a sheet of paper, beaming] I wrote a new ending.
Subaru: [after skimming it] ...Cool.
Aoki: OK, people. Let's take it from the scene where Kamui confronts Seishiro.
[the characters all hustle to get back into position]
Kamui: Stop, Sakurazuka! Can your vengeance be pursued further than death? Come with me, for you must die!
Seishiro: Yes, I must die. That's why I'm here. Gentle man, I am desperate. Do not tempt me. Leave here, leave me! Please, I ask of you! Do not force me to put another sin on my soul by making me mad. Leave! By heaven, your life is more precious than mine, for I plan to kill myself. Don't stay, leave, and from now on you can say a madman's mercy told you to run away.
Kamui: No.
Seishiro: Fine! Fight me, then! [they do so]
Yuzuriha: They're fighting! I'll go call the watch!
Seishiro: [has the first brilliant idea anyone in the play has had thus far. He gives Kamui a good tap in the head with the butt of his sword. Kamui crumples to the ground, knocked out but alive.]
Seishiro: Of course, I think Kakyou mentioned that Kamui was to marry Subaru. Did he say that or did I imagine it? Or have I gone crazy, hearing him talk about Subaru, that I think that it happened? I apologize, Kamui, we are both cursed by fortune. I'm glad I didn't have to kill you. Oh, here is Subaru. His beauty makes this vault full of light. Oh, my love, my husband!
Death, he has not conquered you. You are still beautiful. Is that Hokuto there in that sheet? Oh, what can I do to make it up to you, cousin? Forgive me! [no hokey crying this time.] Oh, Subaru, why are you still so beautiful? Does evil Death keep you this way to be his consort? I will stay here and prevent that. I will never leave here again. Here I will stay. Here will I arrange my everlasting rest. Oh, one last kiss, Subaru. [kisses him, then prepares to drink the poison]
Subaru: Nnnh?
Seishiro: [Blinks. Several times. Rapidly.] Subaru?
Subaru: Seishiro! You came for me! [he hugs Seishiro. The vial falls from Seishiro's hand and shatters.]
Seishiro: But- but- you were dead.
Subaru: [frowns] Didn't you get the letter? It was a potion! I wasn't really dead.
Seishiro: ...Oh. [kisses Subaru] Thank God. Come on, let's get out of here.
[they exit the tomb and run into Keiichi on the way out.]
Keiichi: Seishiro...? You made it? I thought you didn't get the letter?
Seishiro: [beaming, holding Subaru's hand] I didn't. But he woke up before I could kill myself, so it's all OK. And now we're leaving. Listen, my servant has a note I wrote to my father. Deliver it to him, but tell him I'm all right after all. Explain things to him.
Keiichi: ...All right.
[all exit]
[Aoki enters as the narrator]
Aoki: After a bit of jumbled confusion, the situation got sorted out with the help of Keiichi, Kotori, and several long diplomatic sessions with both house heads. Both Fuuma and Aoki realized how close they had come to losing their children and house tensions decreased greatly. (Although they still existed.) Seishiro and Subaru lived in Kyoto, since Seishiro was still officially banished. Kotori, however, relaxed the ruling a bit to allow him to visit Tokyo. Fifty years and several grandchildren later, no one could remember why there had ever been hatred. The end.
[exits]
Seishiro: O.o Kids?
Subaru: o.O Grandkids?
Aoki: ... Yeah.
Sorata: [appears wearing a Kiss the Cook apron and bearing plates of goodies] Here's food to celebrate us being done!
[Arashi apparently decides to take Sora up on the offer on his apron. She kisses him and the rest of the cast makes "Awww..." noises.]
Seishiro: Hey, Subaru-kun. What say you we leave all the platonic-ness here and go find a hotel room.
Subaru: Sure. [They wander off, leaving the rest of the cast to stuff themselves silly.]
[1] I love it when I can leave the stage directions the same. ^^;
[2] The author switches her music to "Loser".
[3] This just doesn't have the impact without the rhyme.
[puts on Linkin Park's In the End] Ah...how fitting.
SCENE III. A churchyard; in it a tomb belonging to the Sumeragi clan.
[Enter Kamui and Yuzuriha (the page) bearing flowers and a torch]
Kamui: Give me the torch. Stand back there. I'm going to put out the torch because I don't want to be seen. Go over there and if you hear or see anyone coming, whistle to me so I know. Give me those flowers and go.
Yuzuriha: [aside] It's creepy standing out here. But I will do as you ask.
[moves to stand at the back of the stage]
Kamui: Sweet flowers...oh, I would have strewn flowers on your bridal bed, but instead I place them in your tomb. I will remember you, Subaru. Nightly I will place flowers on your grave and cry.
[Yuzuriha whistles]
Someone's coming. What cursed person is coming here tonight to disturb my remembering?
[moves back with Yuzuriha]
[Seishiro and Kakyou enter with a torch]
Seishiro: Give me those flowers and the torch. Take this letter and deliver it to my father tomorrow morning. And listen: whatever you see or hear, stand away and don't interrupt me in what I'm doing. I go into the tomb partly to see Subaru's face and partly to take my ring from his finger. So go on, leave me. If you come back to try to find out what I'm doing, I'll kill you. I and my intents are wild and more dangerous than tigers or the roaring sea.
Kakyou: [somewhat worried] I will leave, sir, and will not bother you.
Seishiro: Thank you. You are a good friend. [hands Kakyou some money] Take that. Live long and prosper!
[muffled snickers from backstage]
Seishiro: And goodbye, my friend.
I only sound sort of like I'm planning on killing myself.
Kakyou: [aside] Well, I'm a bit worried. I'll hide somewhere around here. He looks mad and I don't think his intents are good. [goes to the back of the stage with Yuzuriha and Kamui]
Seishiro: You, tomb of death. Open so I can give you another life! [opens the tomb]
Kamui: That's the banished Sakurazuka that killed my love's cousin. The grief for mourning over that cousin probably killed my love! He's come here to do some villainous deed to the dead bodies!
Yuuto: Necrophilia!
Kakyou: [covering Yuzuriha's ears] There are children around here!
Kamui: I will stop him! [comes forward][1]
Stop, Sakurazuka! Can your vengeance be pursued further than death? Come with me, for you must die!
Seishiro: Can't we all just get along?
Kamui: ...No?
Seishiro: Yes, I must die. That's why I'm here. Gentle man, I am desperate. Do not tempt me. Leave here, leave me! Please, I ask of you! Do not force me to put another sin on my soul by making me mad. Leave! By heaven, your life is more precious than mine, for I plan to kill myself. Don't stay, leave, and from now on you can say a madman's mercy told you to run away.
Kamui: No.
Seishiro: Fine! Fight me, then! [they do so]
Yuzuriha: They're fighting! I'll go call the watch!
Kamui: Oh, I am killed! [pauses in his dying scene] OK, why do characters always have to state that? I think it would be pretty obvious what happened when they fall down and bleed all over. [returns to the script, falling down on the ground in an exaggerated swoon]
If you are merciful, open the tomb and put me with Subaru. [dies]
Seishiro: Of course I will. Oh, you are Yuuto's kin, the noble Kamui. Of course, I think Kakyou mentioned that Kamui was to marry Subaru. Did he say that or did I imagine it? Or have I gone crazy, hearing him talk about Subaru, that I think that it happened? I apologize, Kamui, we are both cursed by fortune. I'll bury you in a hero's grave. Oh, here is Subaru. His beauty makes this vault full of light. [sets Kamui down gently] Oh, my love, my husband!
Death, he has not conquered you. You are still beautiful. Is that Hokuto there in that sheet? Oh, what can I do to make it up to you, cousin? Forgive me! [at this point, Seishiro is crying. The other characters blink at him, and the "dead" Subaru sits up and looks at him questioningly. He pulls an onion out of his shirt, winks, and puts it back.] Oh, Subaru, why are you still so beautiful? Does evil Death keep you this way to be his consort? I will stay here and prevent that. I will never leave here again. Here I will stay. Here will I arrange my everlasting rest. Oh, one last kiss, Subaru. Come, potion. Here's to my love! [drinks it] Oh, pharmicist! Your drugs work quickly. [kisses Subaru one more time] And with a kiss, I die. [does so]
[at the other side of the stage, Keiichi enters with a lantern, crowbar, and spade.]
Keiichi: Oh, I keep tripping...who's there?
Kakyou: An old friend.
Keiichi: Ah! Good friend, whose torch is that over there in the Sumeragi monument?
Kakyou: It is my master's.
Keiichi: Who...?
Kakyou: Seishiro.
Keiichi: How long has he been here?
Kakyou: ...About half an hour.
Keiichi: Come with me to the vault.
Kakyou: Sir, I can't. My master doesn't know I am still here. He threatened to kill me if I saw what he was doing.
Keiichi: All right, stay here. Oh, I'm afraid something bad has happened.
Kakyou: As I was napping here, I had a dream that my master fought someone and that my master killed him.
Keiichi: Seishiro! [heads toward the tomb] Oh, whose blood is this that stains the entrance? This should be a place of peace! [enters the tomb] Seishiro! Oh, you are pale! Who else? Oh, Kamui, too? What a horrible time! Oh no, Subaru stirs.
[Subaru wakes up]
Subaru: Oh, Keiichi! Where is my lord? I remember where I am. Where is my Seishiro?
[noise]
Keiichi: I hear some noise. Subaru, come from this place of death and unnatural sleep. A greater power than we can go against has thwarted our plans. Come, come on. Your husband lies dead in there, and Kamui, too. I'll leave you with a sisterhood of nuns. Come, Subaru.
[noise again]
I dare not stay any longer.
Subaru: Go ahead and leave. I will not.
Kamui: [stops being dead for a minute to scream at Keiichi] Idiot! Don't leave!
[Keiichi exits]
Subaru: What's this? A vial in my true love's hand? Poison was what killed him. [tears fill his eyes] You jerk! You drank it all and didn't leave any for me? Fine, I will kiss your lips. Maybe some poison is still on them.
[kisses him]
Yuuto: What did I tell you?
[Subaru idly throws the empty vial in the direction of backstage.]
Sora: Ow!
Subaru: Your lips are warm.
Sorata: Oh, we need watchmen. Well...Arashi hasn't done anything in awhile. And Nataku, and...uh...Hokuto, I suppose.
Arashi: [outside] Which way?
Subaru: Oh, a noise? I'll be quick then. Oh, sweet dagger. [grabs Seishiro's dagger from his belt] My body is your sheath! [stabs himself through the heart] Stay there and rust, and let me die! [falls on top of Seishiro and dies.]
Yuzuriha: This is the place. There, where the torch is.
Arashi: The ground is bloody. Search around the churchyard. Oh, what a pitiful sight! Here's Kamui, killed. And Subaru, bleeding...? He was buried two days ago. Someone run to the Sumeragi and the Sakurazuka. Some others search. We see the deeds that took place, but the true deeds are unclear.
[Some of the watch re-enters, with Kakyou.]
Nataku: Here's Seishiro's servant. He was in the churchyard.
Arashi: Hold him until the prince comes.
[Reenter more watch, with Keiichi]
Hokuto: Here is a friar who trembles and weeps. He was carrying a spade and coming from the churchyard.
Arashi: Suspicious. Hold him too.
[Enter Kotori with attendants]
Kotori: What happened here, and at such a time of night?
[Enter Aoki, Karen, and some others]
Aoki: What's going on, that caused all this noise?
Karen: Some people in the street cry Seishiro; some cry for Subaru, and yet others cry Kamui. They all run towards our monument.
Kotori: What is going on?
Arashi: Here lies Kamui, killed. And Seishiro, dead. And Subaru, dead before, warm and killed recently.
Kotori: Look around, find out how this horrible murder happened.
Arashi: Here is a friar, and Seishiro's servant. Both had instruments with them that could have opened the tomb.
Aoki: ...[ignores his line because he's desperately scribbling in his script][2]
Karen: [reading Aoki's line as well as her own] Oh, heavens! Aoki, look how our son bleeds! The dagger is missing from Seishiro's sheath and mis-sheathed in my son's chest!
Oh, this sight of death!
[enter Fuuma and others]
Kotori: Come, Fuuma. You are up early to see your son and heir more early killed.
Fuuma: Alas, but my wife is also dead tonight! Grief from my son's exile has killed her.
[Satsuki, backstage, laughs maniacally, since this is unthinkable. The rest of the cast eyes her nervously]
Fuuma: What gods are conspiring against my family?
Kotori: Well, look.
Fuuma: Oh, how impolite of you to die before your father! [fake cries. Well, he's Fuuma.]
Kotori: Seal up the mouth of the tomb for awhile until we can learn what happened. Let's bring forth the suspicious parties.
Keiichi: I know, the time and place makes it look like I did it.
Kotori: Then tell us right away what you know about it.
Keiichi: Right. I'm the only one who knows all the gory details. I will be brief- [looks at his forthcoming speech] -or not. Seishiro, there dead, was husband to Subaru, and Subaru was faithful to Seishiro. I married them, and their secret marriage day was the day Hokuto was killed. Seishiro was banished from the city, and it was for him and not Hokuto that Subaru pined. [to Aoki, who has a wide-eyed expression] You, to try to make Subaru happy, betrothed him to Kamui. He came to me and pleaded with me to come up with some way to stop his second marriage. If I didn't, he would kill himself. So I gave him a sleeping potion that would make him seem dead; meanwhile I wrote to Seishiro and told him he should come here tonight to smuggle Subaru away from the tomb when the potion stopped its action. But Hinoto, who took my letter, was stopped by accident and gave my letter back last night. So I came alone at the time he was supposed to awaken, meaning to hide him in my room until I could contact Seishiro. But when I arrived, here lay Kamui and Seishiro, both dead. Subaru woke and I asked him to leave with me. But a noise frightened me away from the tomb and Subaru, desperate, would not go with me. As it seems, he killed himself. All this I know, and Sorata knew about the marriage.
Kotori: Where is Seishiro's servant? What can he say about this?
Kakyou: I brought Seishiro news of Subaru's death and he hurried here from Kyoto. This letter he asked me to give his father and threatened to kill me if I went in the vault, so I let him go in alone.
Kotori: Give me the letter, I would like to look at it? Where is Kamui's page, that raised the watch? What was your master doing here?
Yuzuriha: He came with flowers for Subaru's grave and asked me to stand away, so I did. Then someone came with a light to open the tomb and my master drew his sword after a bit and I ran away to call the watch.
Kotori: This letter confirms Keiichi's words. Their love, the news of Subaru's death, and here he writes that he bought a poison and then came to this vault to die with Subaru. Where are the enemies? Sumeragi! Sakurazuka! See what is caused by your hate? Heaven finds ways to kill your joys through love! And I, for letting this feud continue, have lost two of my family. We are all punished.
Aoki: [has finished whatever he was writing] Oh, brother Sakurazuka, give me your hand.
Fuuma: You're not getting my Bud Lite.
Aoki: Har har. I give you my apology, but I cannot offer more.
Fuuma: But I can give you more. I will raise Subaru's statue in pure gold, so that while Tokyo is still called Tokyo, there shall be no figure like that of the true and faithful Subaru.
Aoki: And Seishiro and Subaru shall lie together- oh, the poor sacrifices to our hate!
Fuuma: Does anyone else find this scene hokey?
Seishiro: Yes.
Fuuma: [steps lightly on Seishiro's chest] Don't you hate it when people take forever to die?
Kotori: A dismal peace comes this morning. The sun will not appear in sorrow. Some things will be forgiven and some punished, but never was there a tale more woe
than that of Subaru and his Seishiro.[3]
[all exit]
Subaru: You know what? That ending sucked! The timing, especially.
Aoki: Here! [hands everyone a sheet of paper, beaming] I wrote a new ending.
Subaru: [after skimming it] ...Cool.
Aoki: OK, people. Let's take it from the scene where Kamui confronts Seishiro.
[the characters all hustle to get back into position]
Kamui: Stop, Sakurazuka! Can your vengeance be pursued further than death? Come with me, for you must die!
Seishiro: Yes, I must die. That's why I'm here. Gentle man, I am desperate. Do not tempt me. Leave here, leave me! Please, I ask of you! Do not force me to put another sin on my soul by making me mad. Leave! By heaven, your life is more precious than mine, for I plan to kill myself. Don't stay, leave, and from now on you can say a madman's mercy told you to run away.
Kamui: No.
Seishiro: Fine! Fight me, then! [they do so]
Yuzuriha: They're fighting! I'll go call the watch!
Seishiro: [has the first brilliant idea anyone in the play has had thus far. He gives Kamui a good tap in the head with the butt of his sword. Kamui crumples to the ground, knocked out but alive.]
Seishiro: Of course, I think Kakyou mentioned that Kamui was to marry Subaru. Did he say that or did I imagine it? Or have I gone crazy, hearing him talk about Subaru, that I think that it happened? I apologize, Kamui, we are both cursed by fortune. I'm glad I didn't have to kill you. Oh, here is Subaru. His beauty makes this vault full of light. Oh, my love, my husband!
Death, he has not conquered you. You are still beautiful. Is that Hokuto there in that sheet? Oh, what can I do to make it up to you, cousin? Forgive me! [no hokey crying this time.] Oh, Subaru, why are you still so beautiful? Does evil Death keep you this way to be his consort? I will stay here and prevent that. I will never leave here again. Here I will stay. Here will I arrange my everlasting rest. Oh, one last kiss, Subaru. [kisses him, then prepares to drink the poison]
Subaru: Nnnh?
Seishiro: [Blinks. Several times. Rapidly.] Subaru?
Subaru: Seishiro! You came for me! [he hugs Seishiro. The vial falls from Seishiro's hand and shatters.]
Seishiro: But- but- you were dead.
Subaru: [frowns] Didn't you get the letter? It was a potion! I wasn't really dead.
Seishiro: ...Oh. [kisses Subaru] Thank God. Come on, let's get out of here.
[they exit the tomb and run into Keiichi on the way out.]
Keiichi: Seishiro...? You made it? I thought you didn't get the letter?
Seishiro: [beaming, holding Subaru's hand] I didn't. But he woke up before I could kill myself, so it's all OK. And now we're leaving. Listen, my servant has a note I wrote to my father. Deliver it to him, but tell him I'm all right after all. Explain things to him.
Keiichi: ...All right.
[all exit]
[Aoki enters as the narrator]
Aoki: After a bit of jumbled confusion, the situation got sorted out with the help of Keiichi, Kotori, and several long diplomatic sessions with both house heads. Both Fuuma and Aoki realized how close they had come to losing their children and house tensions decreased greatly. (Although they still existed.) Seishiro and Subaru lived in Kyoto, since Seishiro was still officially banished. Kotori, however, relaxed the ruling a bit to allow him to visit Tokyo. Fifty years and several grandchildren later, no one could remember why there had ever been hatred. The end.
[exits]
Seishiro: O.o Kids?
Subaru: o.O Grandkids?
Aoki: ... Yeah.
Sorata: [appears wearing a Kiss the Cook apron and bearing plates of goodies] Here's food to celebrate us being done!
[Arashi apparently decides to take Sora up on the offer on his apron. She kisses him and the rest of the cast makes "Awww..." noises.]
Seishiro: Hey, Subaru-kun. What say you we leave all the platonic-ness here and go find a hotel room.
Subaru: Sure. [They wander off, leaving the rest of the cast to stuff themselves silly.]
[1] I love it when I can leave the stage directions the same. ^^;
[2] The author switches her music to "Loser".
[3] This just doesn't have the impact without the rhyme.
