Dear Journal,          

           Someone told me last year on my 19th birthday (Just after I had Rini) that i was going to lose everyone dear to me. Of course too happy to know that I was Neo-Queen Serenity i didn't take any heed to what that person told me and said that they were crazy. Now i just wish that i had actually listened to what that person told me, then maybe i would've been more cautious of the things that went on around my palace. How could i not have noticed the dark presence around my favorite servant?? I am such a ditz!! I guess that naive girl never left my system.

                                                            -Serenity Winner

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            Serena was sitting by her bedroom window watching more rain fall from the sky. It seemed to rain on and off for the past three weeks. Three weeks already and she hasn't left her room since she got there. Part of her felt guilty because the house technically was her brother's and he just welcomed her home with open arms with not many questions about how's her life been while she was gone. She should be more courteous because as easily he had welcomed her he could've turned her away not recognizing her leaving the both of them with only distant memories of their close relationship they once had.

           She had intended on re-establishing that relationship, but now she was just hurting  too much on the inside. Sure Quatre had tried his best to comfort her, but he doesn't know what it feels like to lose your husband and 1 yr old daughter. Sure he is the empathetic type that can feel exactly what a person feels on the inside but he doesn't know how too neutralize that pain yet.

           She then saw a familiar figure walking towards the house without an umbrella or anything. She recognized the long braid, soaking wet or not it was still flopping around in the rain. She got up from the trunk by the window and grabbed two towels and a blanket and made a mad dash downstairs. She really didn't know this guy but A) if her brother trusted him, then he's ok and B) No one deserved to get sick.. sure he could change but still as far as she could tell his room was the furthest away from the door, meaning by time he changes he still can get sick. When she made it to the opening door she tripped over her own feet and landed right in his arms.

"No need to fall at my feet.. you can worship me standing up.." He said forcing a smile through.

"No.. it's not that. I Brought you Towels.. and uhmm a blanket." She picked up the fallen items.

"That was nice of you.." He said quietly taking one of the towels and started with his braid.

"I know... Sit here and try to dry off.. I'll get you some Tea.." She said rushing off before he could object. He shrugged and wrapped himself up in the blanket. It was then he realized that he was actually cold. He started drowning in his thoughts once more about his whole childhood. He couldn't understand why listening to her words that day got to him like they did. He thought he had gotten over the whole ordeal, but if he did why does he still feel guilty for the death of all those innocent people at the church.

"Here..." Serena smiled and put the tea in front of him. "I hope it's good.. I've only attempted to make Tea a couple of times and sometimes i'm lucky.." She said.

"I'll let you know.." He said and they were silent for a couple of moments.

"You looked kind of depressed. Want to talk about it?? It's good to talk about things that depress you." She broke the awkward silence.

"I guess...." He said. "But only if you talk about your problems too.."

"But.."

"Listen to what you just said. It's good to talk about things that depress you." He said smirking at her flustering up.

"I guess i should kick myself for that.." She sipped her tea slightly as he smiled. "Then you go first.."

"Well I  overheard you talking to Heero that day you came here. You know about loosing people." he said watching her frown. "Not that it's your fault or anything , it's just that i started comparing that to my past."

"So it is my fault."

"No.. No that's far from it. You see before i became a pilot i was a war orphan. I was stuck stealing food from armies to live with what little friends i had." He paused. "After a while i got caught and was taken to the Maxwell Church."

"Maxwell.. your last name is Maxwell."

"That's the funny part... I don't even know what my real last name is.. but anyway i grew up at the church and my friends were all adopted at one point or another, but i was unruly and they kept sending me back to the church." He said missing the smile she directed to her cup of Tea. "After a while Soldiers came to the church saying something about a mobile suit and they'd be able to help with the war. I left and stole a suit for them just to leave the church alone and they.. destroyed the church. The only  people who still cared for me on any level died when i left for a moment. Then for a while after that i met up with a girl.. My Best friend Hilde."

"You liked her??" Serena still didn't look up from her Tea cup.

"Yeah.. it was unimaginable. I was so happy and I was going to Marry this girl as soon as we were of Legal age... you know because i was still 16 maybe 17, that and The war was still going on and i had become a Gundam Pilot like Quatre." He paused momentarily.

"I knew... Quatre was always bad at keeping Secrets.." She said.

"So after the war had happened I went to Earth with Hilde, because she always wanted to go in hopes of seeing the rising Kingdom on earth that knocked Releana Peacecraft off her title as Queen of the Earth, and i was going to propose to her" He missed the pain stricken look in her blue eyes. "So we went.. As soon as we got off the shuttle some guy tried to Mug both me and Hilde. I resisted of course and he opened fired. I just got away with a slight graze on my left shoulder.. but she wasn't as Lucky and took a shot straight in the stomach. I dislocated his shoulder so the local authorities could take care of him but Hilde Died on the way to the hospital." He concluded his story with tears filling up his eyes.

"Twice the disappointment.. that sucks." She moved to the couch right next to him. "My big depression is basically over those who shaped my life. I know all of you over heard the whole quickie of my life story with Quatre... but that's not what hurts most. What hurts most is that my Daughter only got to live 1 year of her life. I was holding her when she took her last breath. I can still see the blood spilling from her little head all over my arms when i look at them now. It's like every time i close my eyes i see the whole thing happening over and over, and only then do i see ways i could saved then.. most of them." She was now crying on his shoulder while he too shed his quiet tears. "Do you believe in destiny??"  She asked when her tears and his slowly came to an end.

"I don't like the idea of anything pre-planning my life."

"Hmm.. Because i was thinking maybe we were supposed to meet.. to help each other heal, know what I mean??.. sure yours wasn't as recent as mine.. but you had no one to feel the same pain you did and the wounds stayed  open.."

" I think i understand what you mean.." He said drinking his tea the same time she had.

"You know something??" She asked.

"What??"

"This is the worst tasting Tea I've ever made." She said smiling at him as he nodded in agreement.

"Guess you weren't lucky this time." He said

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Ok People things will start to look up from here because I've never written something so sad!!! Ok.. Ja for now!!