AN: Just to let the readers know. in the upcoming update I will be
combining chapters. so current chapters 1&2 will become just chapter one
and current chapter 3 will combine with chapter 4 to become chapter 2. I
want to avoid having to many small chapters, however I still want to give
you the story as it comes (hence the small chapters) ^_^
**********
Entry 931199
'Harry has confessed his love for me. I don't know what to think. I can't stand to hurt him. But also have to be true to my heart.
I do wonder how ever if his feelings are sincere. Six years have gone by and never did he ever show any peculiar regard to me. At least nothing beyond friendship. So why now? And how can his feelings towards me be so intense?
Then again perhaps I should be asking these questions of myself. But I have always loved Ron... my affection for him has always been there, I just never wanted to acknowledge it till now. Perhaps it was the same for Harry.
No. He can't possible love me the way he claims. He cannot be serious. Harry is famous and he could have the girl of his choice, he can't possibly want me. He will soon forget, and he will not suffer as I do.
Professor Winthrop said that she understands what I am going through, that she went through the same. Some day I would like to hear her story. I know hers was a happy ending. I wonder if mine will be too?
Harry said that Ron doesn't return my love, that he loves Emma. I can not return Harry's love. Professor Winthrop called this, unrequited love. I can only call this unbearable pain.'
Hermione buried her head in her arms and began to cry again. "Fate is too cruel! I can't stand it!" she said into her arms. That evening she cried herself to sleep.
**********
Hermione was awoken by the sun shining on her face the next morning. She lifted her head slowly which was lying on her diary, the pages stuck to her face momentarily before the weight of the book pulled it back down. Hermione sat up on her still made bed rubbing the sleep and dried tears out from her eyes. She took her diary and placed it back in-between the bed mattresses, then collected her books and headed to the library. She had already missed breakfast and lunch was not for another 2 hours, and she desperately needed to get her mind off of Harry and Ron. So she went to do the next best thing; study.
The library was pretty quiet, she was sure she would get plenty of work done, Harry had Quidditch practice, and Ron never got up until lunch. There was no chance of being distracted.
Hermione found herself a table in the corner and began to unpack her books. From the corner of her eye she noticed someone was sitting on the other side of the room. She took a peek to see who it may be, but soon regretted doing so. Sitting on the other side of the library was Emma.
Hermione took out the last of her books and sat down with her back towards Emm. She was determined not to let the Slytherin girl bother her. Every so often she thought she felt Emma's eyes burning into the back of her head, but never bothered to look and confirm.
Hours had passed and Hermione looked back curious to see if Emma was still there. She wasn't. Hermione looked at her watch, 'Lunch Time'. Deciding that she wasn't really hungry, she continued to work.
Students came in and out of the library, none of them staying for too long and none of them bothering Hermione.
"Hermione?" came a familiar voice.
Hermione turned towards the voice, "Hi Ron."
"Emma said I'd find you here."
"Did she really?" Hermione replied in mock surprise.
Ron sat himself down, "Hermione its not like you to miss both breakfast, lunch and by the looks of it supper. Aren't you hungry?"
"I was just involved in my homework." she said matter-of-factly.
Ron smiled, "Only once before have you purposely missed a meal."
He was obviously referring to their first year, when she skipped Halloween feast. She spent it crying in the bathroom because of what Ron had said earlier that day.
"Something's wrong, Hermione I know it. Why don't you tell me?"
Hermione looked at him with mixed emotions. She wanted to tell him everything, but then again it wouldn't be fair to him. But was it fair to her to conceal it?
"Ron, I'm okay." she lied.
Ron looked at her sceptically.
"Really. I'm ok!" She forced a smile, "Or at least I will be."
"Ok I believe you. Lucky for you Harry had Quidditch practice that went through lunch. If he knew that you missed both breakfast and lunch, he'd flip on us." Ron tried to lighten the mood a little. Then his tone went serious again.
"He…we really care for you"
Hermione reached out to touch Ron's arm, and gave him a reassuring smile, "I know."
"Ron?" came another voice. Hermione's smile quickly disappeared. She knew the owner of the voice and it wasn't welcomed.
"Ron? What's going on?" Emma asked noting Hermione's hands on Ron's arm. Hermione reluctantly took her hand away from Ron.
"I don't understand Emma." he said a bit confused
Emma made eye contact with Hermione, sending accusing glares at her.
"You said you'd walk with me to the Great Hall for supper. I'd hate to think that you'd stood me up." Emma said sternly.
Ron looked at her, still a bit puzzled, "Um ok, I'll be right with you, I still got to talk to Hermione."
Emma walked out of the library, as soon as she was out of ear shot Ron turned to Hermione.
"Oi! I don't understand your kind at all!"
"Ron, I - " Hermione stopped; she wanted to say that not all girls are like that, but she decided to.
"Listen Hermione, I had another motive to come looking for you. I need help with our Muggle Studies project, you know me, I don't know anything about muggle sports! Dean said to compare it to Football, but I don't even know how that is played!"
Hermione smiled, "Sure."
"Thanks Hermione! You're the best! And Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"Show up for supper."
"I promise."
Ron smiled at her and then took off.
************
Entry 931200
'There is something not right with Emma, I just can't put my finger on it. She just gives me a bad vibe, but then again all Slytherins do.
Why is it that she's not going with Malfoy, they certainly seem like they would be right for each other. What is her interest in Ron? And what does Ron see in her? I am not trying to convince myself that he should be with me, but he does deserve someone better than Emma. Sure she is pretty, and smart, but Ron deserves more, he deserves someone who will love him. I can't help think that Emma has other intentions in regards to Ron.'
"Hermione?"
It was Lavender's voice. Hermione quickly closed her diary and stuck it under her pillow.
"Hi Lavender." she said cheerfully
"Harry is downstairs. He asked me to see if you were up here."
"Oh, ok thanks, I'll go talk to him." Hermione responded, turning to head down to the common room
"Ya know, you and him would make a cute couple." Lavender called out behind her.
Hermione turned to look at her classmate.
"You'd make a lot of girls in this school green with envy if you were to become Harry's girl. I dare say even some Slytherin girls fancy him" Lavender teased her
"It's not going to happen Lavender." Hermione said playfully, she new that Lavender was joking around with her, but she couldn't help but wonder why she said it. Did Harry put her up to it?
Hermione found Harry down stairs like Lavender said.
"What's up, Harry?"
"I was wondering if you could help me with the muggle studies project"
Hermione laughed, "Not you too! Sure, I'm meeting with Ron an hour after supper in the library why don't you come too?"
"That will work out great cause right now I've got to go to Quidditch practice"
"On Sunday? I thought you had Sundays off."
"Change of plans, Ravenclaw got a new Keeper and he's hell a good one. We got to practice right though supper today"
"Harry, you know you shouldn't skip your meals!" Hermione reprimanded.
"I know, I know, but we really need to beat them in our next game" He tried to reason.
Hermione grimaced, "Want me to bring you something from the kitchen? Your going to be starving after the practice I'm sure of it."
"Thanks Hermione you're a life saver." Harry said kissing her on the cheek.
Hermione stiffen up, she didn't know how to take his affections now that she knew his feelings. Harry turned and left with his broomstick in hand.
"Awe isn't that sweet!? See you two would make a cute couple" came Lavenders playful voice from behind her.
"Shut up, Lavender" Hermione relaxed a little.
"You know he does have a cute butt."
"LAVENDER!" Hermione exclaimed.
"What? I can look can't I?" Lavender joked.
Hermione began to laugh with Lavender.
"I guess it is kind of cute" Hermione confessed.
"Nice to see you have lightened up a little Hermione, I was beginning to worry" Lavender said with a wink.
"Thanks!"
********
"Best Hogwarts meal yet! I'm stuffed!" Ron stated patting his middle with satisfaction "And now for a good nap."
"Ron! Don't tell me you forgot about tonight?" Hermione said exasperated.
Ron let out a laugh "I was just buggin' ya 'Mione! Of course I haven't forgotten."
"Better not of! Listen I got to go to the kitchen to pick up something for Harry, I'll meet you at the library in about an hour?"
"All right then."
Hermione headed down to the kitchens. The kitchen elves were all too eager to help her out. They equipped her with a hefty BLT sandwich, thermos of Orange juice, and a large apple. They would have given her a 5 course meal, but she politely refused explaining that she needed the meal to be easy to transport.
She headed back to the Gryffindor tower.
"Password?"
"Temenos Agora"
The Fat Lady's Portrait opened wide, allowing Hermione to enter. Almost immediately Hermione heard the familiar voices of Ron and Harry.
"Harry what the hell are you talking about?"
"You heard me; leave Emma."
"Why would I want to leave Emma! Don't tell me you fancy her!"
"I don't fancy her, you know that! And I'm sure that you don't care for her either! Just admit it Ron! It is not fair to her, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to Hermione"
"Hermione!? What's this have to do with Hermione?" Ron asked caught off guard.
Hermione shrunk deeper into the shadows of the entrance. Fearing that Harry would tell Ron about her feelings, but still wanting to hear, knowing she shouldn't.
"I remember a time when all you could think about was Hermione. How you couldn't imagine life without her. What happen?" Harry asked, avoiding Ron's question, but still addressing the discussion.
"She deserves better than me Harry. She deserves someone, someone like you." Ron admitted.
"That is up to her to decide not you and not me."
"Harry no one can love her and protect her as much and as well as you do. Even if I do love her with all my heart, I can never love her as you do you know that?"
"But she doesn't want me she wants you! Ron, you!" Harry told his friend. "She has told me as much herself. Ron if you still love Hermione, let Emma go, and be true to your feelings."
There was a bit of silence. Hermione dare not move, for hear of revealing that she had heard the whole conversation. She wondered how long it would be before she would be able to emerge from the entryway.
To her great relief it wasn't long, for the portrait had opened and Neville entered.
"Oh Hi Hermione."
"Hullo" Hermione greeted back, and then entered the common room trying to look nonchalant.
Ron and Harry both looked a Hermione. Harry was still in his practice robes, and was covered in dirt.
"I brought you your supper Harry. How was Quidditch practice?"
"It was good thank you. I think we will be able to beat Ravenclaw no problem."
"Glad to hear it, well um I'm off to see Professor Winthrop for a few questions about the project. We are still meeting tonight in the library right?" Hermione asked.
Ron and Harry nodded in agreement.
"Good, see you tonight." Hermione smiled, and then headed back out the portrait. Hoping that she didn't give away any clue told them that she knew about their conversation.
Hermione headed straight to Professor Winthrop's office like she said, however she didn't have questions about the project (she had in fact finished it three days ago). Hermione desperately needed someone to talk to, someone who could understand her, and Professor Winthrop was the only one who came close to that description.
**********
Entry 931199
'Harry has confessed his love for me. I don't know what to think. I can't stand to hurt him. But also have to be true to my heart.
I do wonder how ever if his feelings are sincere. Six years have gone by and never did he ever show any peculiar regard to me. At least nothing beyond friendship. So why now? And how can his feelings towards me be so intense?
Then again perhaps I should be asking these questions of myself. But I have always loved Ron... my affection for him has always been there, I just never wanted to acknowledge it till now. Perhaps it was the same for Harry.
No. He can't possible love me the way he claims. He cannot be serious. Harry is famous and he could have the girl of his choice, he can't possibly want me. He will soon forget, and he will not suffer as I do.
Professor Winthrop said that she understands what I am going through, that she went through the same. Some day I would like to hear her story. I know hers was a happy ending. I wonder if mine will be too?
Harry said that Ron doesn't return my love, that he loves Emma. I can not return Harry's love. Professor Winthrop called this, unrequited love. I can only call this unbearable pain.'
Hermione buried her head in her arms and began to cry again. "Fate is too cruel! I can't stand it!" she said into her arms. That evening she cried herself to sleep.
**********
Hermione was awoken by the sun shining on her face the next morning. She lifted her head slowly which was lying on her diary, the pages stuck to her face momentarily before the weight of the book pulled it back down. Hermione sat up on her still made bed rubbing the sleep and dried tears out from her eyes. She took her diary and placed it back in-between the bed mattresses, then collected her books and headed to the library. She had already missed breakfast and lunch was not for another 2 hours, and she desperately needed to get her mind off of Harry and Ron. So she went to do the next best thing; study.
The library was pretty quiet, she was sure she would get plenty of work done, Harry had Quidditch practice, and Ron never got up until lunch. There was no chance of being distracted.
Hermione found herself a table in the corner and began to unpack her books. From the corner of her eye she noticed someone was sitting on the other side of the room. She took a peek to see who it may be, but soon regretted doing so. Sitting on the other side of the library was Emma.
Hermione took out the last of her books and sat down with her back towards Emm. She was determined not to let the Slytherin girl bother her. Every so often she thought she felt Emma's eyes burning into the back of her head, but never bothered to look and confirm.
Hours had passed and Hermione looked back curious to see if Emma was still there. She wasn't. Hermione looked at her watch, 'Lunch Time'. Deciding that she wasn't really hungry, she continued to work.
Students came in and out of the library, none of them staying for too long and none of them bothering Hermione.
"Hermione?" came a familiar voice.
Hermione turned towards the voice, "Hi Ron."
"Emma said I'd find you here."
"Did she really?" Hermione replied in mock surprise.
Ron sat himself down, "Hermione its not like you to miss both breakfast, lunch and by the looks of it supper. Aren't you hungry?"
"I was just involved in my homework." she said matter-of-factly.
Ron smiled, "Only once before have you purposely missed a meal."
He was obviously referring to their first year, when she skipped Halloween feast. She spent it crying in the bathroom because of what Ron had said earlier that day.
"Something's wrong, Hermione I know it. Why don't you tell me?"
Hermione looked at him with mixed emotions. She wanted to tell him everything, but then again it wouldn't be fair to him. But was it fair to her to conceal it?
"Ron, I'm okay." she lied.
Ron looked at her sceptically.
"Really. I'm ok!" She forced a smile, "Or at least I will be."
"Ok I believe you. Lucky for you Harry had Quidditch practice that went through lunch. If he knew that you missed both breakfast and lunch, he'd flip on us." Ron tried to lighten the mood a little. Then his tone went serious again.
"He…we really care for you"
Hermione reached out to touch Ron's arm, and gave him a reassuring smile, "I know."
"Ron?" came another voice. Hermione's smile quickly disappeared. She knew the owner of the voice and it wasn't welcomed.
"Ron? What's going on?" Emma asked noting Hermione's hands on Ron's arm. Hermione reluctantly took her hand away from Ron.
"I don't understand Emma." he said a bit confused
Emma made eye contact with Hermione, sending accusing glares at her.
"You said you'd walk with me to the Great Hall for supper. I'd hate to think that you'd stood me up." Emma said sternly.
Ron looked at her, still a bit puzzled, "Um ok, I'll be right with you, I still got to talk to Hermione."
Emma walked out of the library, as soon as she was out of ear shot Ron turned to Hermione.
"Oi! I don't understand your kind at all!"
"Ron, I - " Hermione stopped; she wanted to say that not all girls are like that, but she decided to.
"Listen Hermione, I had another motive to come looking for you. I need help with our Muggle Studies project, you know me, I don't know anything about muggle sports! Dean said to compare it to Football, but I don't even know how that is played!"
Hermione smiled, "Sure."
"Thanks Hermione! You're the best! And Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"Show up for supper."
"I promise."
Ron smiled at her and then took off.
************
Entry 931200
'There is something not right with Emma, I just can't put my finger on it. She just gives me a bad vibe, but then again all Slytherins do.
Why is it that she's not going with Malfoy, they certainly seem like they would be right for each other. What is her interest in Ron? And what does Ron see in her? I am not trying to convince myself that he should be with me, but he does deserve someone better than Emma. Sure she is pretty, and smart, but Ron deserves more, he deserves someone who will love him. I can't help think that Emma has other intentions in regards to Ron.'
"Hermione?"
It was Lavender's voice. Hermione quickly closed her diary and stuck it under her pillow.
"Hi Lavender." she said cheerfully
"Harry is downstairs. He asked me to see if you were up here."
"Oh, ok thanks, I'll go talk to him." Hermione responded, turning to head down to the common room
"Ya know, you and him would make a cute couple." Lavender called out behind her.
Hermione turned to look at her classmate.
"You'd make a lot of girls in this school green with envy if you were to become Harry's girl. I dare say even some Slytherin girls fancy him" Lavender teased her
"It's not going to happen Lavender." Hermione said playfully, she new that Lavender was joking around with her, but she couldn't help but wonder why she said it. Did Harry put her up to it?
Hermione found Harry down stairs like Lavender said.
"What's up, Harry?"
"I was wondering if you could help me with the muggle studies project"
Hermione laughed, "Not you too! Sure, I'm meeting with Ron an hour after supper in the library why don't you come too?"
"That will work out great cause right now I've got to go to Quidditch practice"
"On Sunday? I thought you had Sundays off."
"Change of plans, Ravenclaw got a new Keeper and he's hell a good one. We got to practice right though supper today"
"Harry, you know you shouldn't skip your meals!" Hermione reprimanded.
"I know, I know, but we really need to beat them in our next game" He tried to reason.
Hermione grimaced, "Want me to bring you something from the kitchen? Your going to be starving after the practice I'm sure of it."
"Thanks Hermione you're a life saver." Harry said kissing her on the cheek.
Hermione stiffen up, she didn't know how to take his affections now that she knew his feelings. Harry turned and left with his broomstick in hand.
"Awe isn't that sweet!? See you two would make a cute couple" came Lavenders playful voice from behind her.
"Shut up, Lavender" Hermione relaxed a little.
"You know he does have a cute butt."
"LAVENDER!" Hermione exclaimed.
"What? I can look can't I?" Lavender joked.
Hermione began to laugh with Lavender.
"I guess it is kind of cute" Hermione confessed.
"Nice to see you have lightened up a little Hermione, I was beginning to worry" Lavender said with a wink.
"Thanks!"
********
"Best Hogwarts meal yet! I'm stuffed!" Ron stated patting his middle with satisfaction "And now for a good nap."
"Ron! Don't tell me you forgot about tonight?" Hermione said exasperated.
Ron let out a laugh "I was just buggin' ya 'Mione! Of course I haven't forgotten."
"Better not of! Listen I got to go to the kitchen to pick up something for Harry, I'll meet you at the library in about an hour?"
"All right then."
Hermione headed down to the kitchens. The kitchen elves were all too eager to help her out. They equipped her with a hefty BLT sandwich, thermos of Orange juice, and a large apple. They would have given her a 5 course meal, but she politely refused explaining that she needed the meal to be easy to transport.
She headed back to the Gryffindor tower.
"Password?"
"Temenos Agora"
The Fat Lady's Portrait opened wide, allowing Hermione to enter. Almost immediately Hermione heard the familiar voices of Ron and Harry.
"Harry what the hell are you talking about?"
"You heard me; leave Emma."
"Why would I want to leave Emma! Don't tell me you fancy her!"
"I don't fancy her, you know that! And I'm sure that you don't care for her either! Just admit it Ron! It is not fair to her, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to Hermione"
"Hermione!? What's this have to do with Hermione?" Ron asked caught off guard.
Hermione shrunk deeper into the shadows of the entrance. Fearing that Harry would tell Ron about her feelings, but still wanting to hear, knowing she shouldn't.
"I remember a time when all you could think about was Hermione. How you couldn't imagine life without her. What happen?" Harry asked, avoiding Ron's question, but still addressing the discussion.
"She deserves better than me Harry. She deserves someone, someone like you." Ron admitted.
"That is up to her to decide not you and not me."
"Harry no one can love her and protect her as much and as well as you do. Even if I do love her with all my heart, I can never love her as you do you know that?"
"But she doesn't want me she wants you! Ron, you!" Harry told his friend. "She has told me as much herself. Ron if you still love Hermione, let Emma go, and be true to your feelings."
There was a bit of silence. Hermione dare not move, for hear of revealing that she had heard the whole conversation. She wondered how long it would be before she would be able to emerge from the entryway.
To her great relief it wasn't long, for the portrait had opened and Neville entered.
"Oh Hi Hermione."
"Hullo" Hermione greeted back, and then entered the common room trying to look nonchalant.
Ron and Harry both looked a Hermione. Harry was still in his practice robes, and was covered in dirt.
"I brought you your supper Harry. How was Quidditch practice?"
"It was good thank you. I think we will be able to beat Ravenclaw no problem."
"Glad to hear it, well um I'm off to see Professor Winthrop for a few questions about the project. We are still meeting tonight in the library right?" Hermione asked.
Ron and Harry nodded in agreement.
"Good, see you tonight." Hermione smiled, and then headed back out the portrait. Hoping that she didn't give away any clue told them that she knew about their conversation.
Hermione headed straight to Professor Winthrop's office like she said, however she didn't have questions about the project (she had in fact finished it three days ago). Hermione desperately needed someone to talk to, someone who could understand her, and Professor Winthrop was the only one who came close to that description.
