A/N: I know I've got the cliche Z-fighters-get-together-for-a-barbeque scene below, but dude - it just fit.
Chapter 16
ONE MONTH LATER
Axle hung back in the shade of a monstrous canopy, more than a little overwhelmed by quite possibly the largest residence she'd ever seen in her life.
Capsule Corporation. Home of the Briefs.
The blue-haired female - Bulma, they said her name was - and Goku's wife, were organizing the catered barbequing that filled the immense backyard area with a deliciously meaty aroma. It made Axle incredibly hungry, and surprised her in no small manner that the men weren't hovering like flies for the first cooked morsel to be slapped down on a plate.
Then she looked at the pool and chuckled. Granted, it looks like they're having a ridiculously good time over there… An alarmingly tall water slide dropped down into a chlorinated swimming hole the size of a large pond, and Goku, Krillin, and Yamcha all seemed to be taking turns to see who could slip down it the fastest - three grown males, so beside themselves with chuckles and sniggering, it were as though they'd just discovered how to laugh.
Nail and Tien stood chatting at the water's edge, bare down to their waists with Dende and Chaotzu sitting atop their broad shoulders like short-limbed, happy little primates. She didn't know what they were saying, but the conversation was visibly amiable from the smiles crinkling their faces. It was good to see Nail fit in so well with the fighters after being split from Piccolo.
Trunks was wading in the shallow end of the pool, playing with himself… Literally. Axle still had a difficult time comprehending the whole 'time travel' thing, and it was strange as hell watching the young man laugh it up with a chubby, one-year old version of himself. He was actually the reason they had all gathered. A sort of going away party before he returned to the future.
"Mom. I finished my homework," she heard Gohan say behind her. "NOW can I go swimming?"
Axle turned to see the black-haired, sternly pretty female toss him a narrow-eyed side glance over her shoulder while she was cutting up vegetables. But the disapproving look seemed more out of habit than true aggravation.
"All right, Gohan. Just as long as you're finished."
"Yea-heah!" Gohan hopped up, stripped to his swimming suit and was in the water before Axle had even finished turning around.
"Hey son!" Goku cried at the top of the slide. "I'm winning-EGH!"
Goku was abruptly pushed off the slide by Yamcha. Dropped two stories like a lead weight. The pavement crunched when he hit, but he jumped up as only a super being could, the grin still plastered to his face.
"That's only because Saiyans are more dense!" Yamcha cried in gleeful mischief. "But behold! My new technique…"
Axle choked, as Yamcha, with no more warning than a twinkle in his eye, pulled his suit down over his rump, and zipped right down that slide…
On his bare ass.
Axle laughed and shook her head hopelessly while the pool area resounded with another set of hearty guffaws. Yamcha was right, though. He'd gone awfully fast.
She was surprised at his audacity, until she considered what she'd heard about the people who were there. Axle figured there really wasn't anyone around for the guys to impress. And in the post-stress environment of having nearly lost their lives to Cell, they were damn well entitled to act how they wanted.
And boys would be boys…
Krillin was up next, shaking so hard with mirth that she was surprised his pants didn't drop all the way to his ankles when he tried the same trick. Gohan, fortunately retained some semblance of dignity and just watched. Truth was, he just seemed happy that everyone else was happy. And Trunks - he laughed in bewildered surprise at their behavior, as though he had no idea such silliness could be so much fun.
But what made her avert her eyes outright and blush furiously, was when Goku - who decided to take it a step further - grabbed his ankles as he bare-assed down the slide, which automatically flipped him over when he sailed off the lip. Axle knew what was coming, but it was like watching a spaceship come in for a crash landing. You couldn't just look away until it was over.
Hence, the most awkward part of the male anatomy…the little package that was much better visualized in the heat of passion than a spontaneous exhibition, was displayed in all its mammalian crudeness for all to see, as ugly and disturbing as the face of a goat.
Egh…Goku. Had I known you would have provided me with such a nasty visual upon your return, I would have let your ass stay dead.
The backyard erupted in noisy response, but what caught her attention wasn't the helium-pitched squeaks of the pool audience, or the shocked gasps and following verbal tirade of the women… It was a single, derisive 'Hmph' that sounded from behind her.
She turned around to see Frieza's x-xenocide lackey don one of the most genuinely disgusted expressions she'd ever seen. Shoulders tense, jaw muscles jumping with his lip twitching in a snarl, Vegeta glared at the spectacle through slitted eyes. He caught her staring at him, and shook his head.
"Utter foolishness…" he grated
She tried to suppress a smile. "You too good for bare-assing, soldier?"
She got his full attention at that, though his aggravation was still directed at the adults in the pool. "Such play isn't worthy of children, let alone warriors," he declared heatedly.
"Yes," she responded, suddenly defending the behavior for no more reason than to hear Vegeta's argument, "But 'such play' gives these heroes a sense of normalcy when they're anything but. Besides, look at what a good time they're having."
He quirked his brow at her. "Good time?" he asked with all the cocky incredulity of a person who considered a 'good time' blowing things up. "They could blast that pool and the planet beneath it in seconds, and yet here they are, acting as though they're bound by the laws of gravity to out-speed each other. It's stupid."
"True," she bantered back, "But one should never underestimate the power of male stupidity."
That curled his lips in a wry smirk as he considered her words. "Hn. Well, if stupidity is the reason for Kakkarot's strength, then that's something I could almost live with."
She grinned and turned her head back to the pool as they shared a moment of amused silence. Truth was, she probably understood Vegeta better than anyone here. Two Stroke had done his fair share in dealing with Frieza's brutes, and Axle could only imagine how difficult it was for the Saiyan to put aside his violent conditioning and allow himself to tolerate the company of such a peace loving group.
Yeah, she mused silently. It's probably better for everyone if you brood in the shadows, my friend. I'd hate for you to accidentally kill one of these good people out of reflex.
"So where's the namek?" he asked, surprising her that he continued the conversation. "Assuming the one over there is the result of that split everyone keeps talking about."
He addressed Nail in such a detached manner, that it made Axle assume he had no idea that she and Nail were together. Like it wasn't even possible. She shrugged and feigned indifference. "Piccolo is coming. With Justice."
"Hmm…"
She knew he was curious about the dragonspawn that had killed Cell and had nearly taken him out. How could he not be? So she continued to divulge information, just so the proud warrior could save face by not asking.
"That girl is something else," she commented honestly, facing him again so she wouldn't be distracted by the ass show over in the pool. "She's a living paradox - innocent as a babe, wise as a god."
He said nothing, but his eyes were locked on her face in masked curiosity. Lucky for him, she could read the signs.
"Being created to destroy evil," Axle continued gratuitously. "Shenlong equipped her with the ability to tell right from wrong. So that's one thing Piccolo doesn't have to teach her-"
"Piccolo?"
Axle grinned. "Yes, Piccolo. We purposely dwell elsewhere so he can't rely on us to do the nurturing. Nail thought it might be good for him."
Vegeta snorted, again missing the hint that she and Nail were a pair. She shrugged and continued.
"Anyways, she's instinctively compassionate, which is another niche in her stick of maturity. And of course she has a grown body, and the knowledge of how to use it. That foregoes training her to walk, fly, fight…" she shrugged. "So all that's left, really is to school her on language and social behaviors. She's incredibly advanced for having just been born."
Vegeta snorted. "Social behaviors. Like the namek has a clue how those work."
She lifted her brows at him, amused. "And you do?"
His eyes widened, but he apparently decided to not take her words offensively. His gaze flickered to the caterers and the blue-haired woman ordering them around. "I am a Prince. I know how they work. I just choose not to use them."
"Ah…"
He didn't outright smile, but his eyes crinkled before the mask of bored annoyance snapped back into place. After another short silence, he said in his customary snide tone, "I take it you've decided to make earth your home."
"Oh yes," she replied, wondering how long it had been since Vegeta had had a conversation with anyone. Knowing she was a mercenary, he seemed more at ease around her than the others. Perhaps it was because she already knew he was a bad ass, and with everyone else he still felt the need to prove it.
"I even lined up a job before the fight with Cell."
"What?"
"I stopped a politician from throwing herself off a bridge."
"Hn. You did this planet a disservice."
"Not in this case, my friend," she said. "Turns out the woman made a career out of defending minorities, and after I talked her out of suicide, she made an impulsive decision and asked me to be her spokesperson," she smiled, recalling again that her mother had been in a similar line of work. "I mean, who better to have representing a minority rights politician than an alien?"
He snorted. "Lucky you."
She clicked her tongue. "You're damn right, lucky me. It's not my style to live off the charity of others," she said as she looked pointedly at him.
He smirked, refusing to be goaded. He was more confident than that, obviously taking pride in exploiting the kindness of the Briefs. "I've defended this pathetic planet so many times, they owe me."
He had a point. She shrugged. "Fair enough."
Just then, he perked and looked up at the sky. She followed his gaze to see Piccolo and Justice dropping down from the heavens.
They had put Justice in a flattering, seashell dress, that clasped over her left shoulder. It seemed to only enhance her surreal prettiness to the point of distraction. Even the commotion at the pool had settled at the awe of her arrival.
Axle then noticed that Piccolo wasn't wearing his turban or cape, either, perhaps Justice's influence. As a matter of fact, his only attire was a pair of straight-legged black pants to contrast with Nail's white.
Had Nail not already been there, she might have confused the two, she realized, which automatically made her recall the last time she had mistaken one for the other. She couldn't stop the smile from lifting the corners of her lips as the memory replayed itself in her mind's eye.
"I'll live in your memories, Axle. And if I can't have your reality, then I'll have your dreams…"
"It's not the same, Nail. You're not real enough. It still hurts."
He curled himself around her, fitting around the curve of her body as naturally as a shell fits around a snail. He was so warm…his arm was so heavy as it draped across her waist. He was unbelievably tangible. "Is this real enough?"
His breath tickled her neck, and she shuddered, leaning into his embrace. "Close…"
Drinking up his surreal presence, Axle let herself hallucinate in the hazy fog that lingered somewhere between slumber and consciousness. "Just wish…didn't have…t'wake up…"
"Axle?" he said, his voice suddenly taking on a louder, more piercing timbre. "Are you awake?"
For some reason, his last words startled her, and she felt the cool air on her eyes as they fluttered open. Confusion swamped her senses as her sight focused on the unfamiliar setting of a wooden floor with a cream interior. The lighting was poor, and she looked out the window to see the late afternoon sun peeking through tall, green trees.
She felt herself go rigid, and her heart beat sped up. Where am I! Something tightened around her waist, and she looked down to see a green, muscular arm wrapped around her abdomen. Nail?
Couldn't be. He was dead…
I'm still dreaming.
Then he shifted behind her in a very real way.
No. I'm crazy.
A dim recollection of a night of crying and a mountain vacation home touched her awareness.
Ok. Not crazy, she thought as her confusion quickly turned into ire. But Piccolo is if he thinks he can get away with this…
She flipped around to stare wide-eyed at the heavy-lidded namekian behind her. He smiled softly, and moved his hand up to her face to caress her cheek. He opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced immediately as she curled her fists in the skin of his pecks.
His expression shifted into a grimace of pained shock, and she turned and heaved him across the room. He slammed against a dresser and crumpled to the ground.
She stood to her feet. "How DARE you!" she seethed. "How dare you try and take advantage of me while I'm still mourning over his loss!"
"Axle," he managed as he shook off the impact and got back up. "It's me."
"I know who you are, you conniving, backstabbing, twisted-"
"Axle!" he raised his voice, laughing surprise. "It's me! Nail. Piccolo is at the Lookout." Then he winced and rubbed his chest where she'd pinched his skin. "Ouch…"
She blinked, changing her mind again about not being insane. "But you're… He said…"
"After you left, Piccolo spent the night purging himself of my presence. He didn't think it could be done, but," he moved his hand pointedly from his shoulder to his thigh. "Here I-umph!"
He didn't get to finish, because at that precise moment, Axle decided he wasn't Piccolo after all.
And the rest of his words were lost in the kiss.
Axle blinked away the memory, but not before Mr. Popo's words from the following sealing ceremony echoed in her head.
What is sealed in this dimension will be sealed in the next. Axle and Nail, you are now a unit of forever…
Hmph, she thought triumphantly. Let's see Fate try and separate us now…
With a smile on her face, she walked up to them when they landed, noticing with curious amusement that Piccolo seemed flustered. Nail also noticed it, as he approached with Dende still perched atop his shoulders.
"How was the flight over?" he asked pointedly to Piccolo while Justice stared, wide-eyed and wondering, at the new environment. "We were beginning to think you'd changed your mind about com-"
"Oh! This must be Justice," chimed a pleasantly accented voice from behind them, and Axle turned to see an attractive, blonde older woman break their circle and hook her hand in Justice's arm. Justice cocked her head and studied the kind stranger whose eyes disappeared in her smile.
Axle made the connection that she was Mrs. Briefs, and stepped back to observe the exchange.
"You're a lovely girl, and strong too! Imagine that. Defeating that monster Cell all by yourself-"
Axle smiled as Justice was dragged away by Mrs. Briefs towards the canopy. If there was one thing about Justice's personality that Axle had noticed, it was that Justice recognized kindness and was comfortable around it. So she let them be.
She turned her attention back to Piccolo whose expression was still open in a state of bewildered exasperation. When Justice was out of hearing range, he blew his breath out in a long exhale, his eyes wide with incredulity.
"She keeps on killing people!" he hissed to them in a strangled tone meant to be a whisper. "We passed two towns on the way over, and she just plummeted. Dropped. Next thing I knew, her hellish screech echoed through the streets, followed by a symphony of terrified screams from the bystanders as she turned people into goo."
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "I tried to call her, but she wouldn't come. I chased after her, but she ignored me. I'd think she was being insolent, but it doesn't seem like she can help it. She's just..." he clenched his hands into fists, "...Agh!"
For some reason, Axle found it morbidly humorous that Justice, who was as shy and sweet as a sparrow, had a small, insignificant, unbreakable habit of killing people… Evil people, albeit, but people, nonetheless. But by the look on Piccolo's face, he obviously found it far from amusing, so she bit the inside of her lip to keep from laughing.
"So I tried to avoid populated areas," he continued, his eyes darting around like fireflies. "But with no people to distract her on the ground, she decided instead to chase the damned SUN!"
Axle snorted and clapped a hand over her mouth as Nail shot her a quick 'behave yourself' glance.
"And she's just so cursing fast…" Piccolo raised a hand wearily up to his forehead, and shut his eyes, inhaling deeply. "I must have chased her for half a globe…"
Losing her grip on her composure, fast, Axle decided to excuse herself. "I'm gonna go," she pointed aimlessly behind her, "check on…something…" Then she turned just in time to hang her head in sniggering as she all but ran away from them. By the time she got to the canopy, she'd calmed enough to not look like a blubbering idiot, and noticed that Mrs. Briefs had shown Justice the outdoor picture box.
"It's a TV, dear, and here's the remote…" Mrs. Briefs handed a rectangular black gadget to Justice and pointed to its buttons. "This changes channels, and this is the volume…"
Justice was sitting on the edge of the sofa, her violet stare fixed on the miniature people on the screen. Axle knew it for what it was. Every civilization seemed to have some sort of entertainment box that played fictitious portrayals of real life. She shrugged. It just might be a good way for Justice to learn about things…vicariously, anyhow.
She hung back and watched silently as Justice flipped the channels excitedly, blinking broadly at the alternating pictures. Then it landed on a certain station, and she stopped.
An indigenous male and female of earth were involved in some sort of intimate conversation, their anguished faces inches apart. They were speaking in a different earth tongue than what Two Stroke had taught Axle, so she didn't recognize the words, but she could only imagine what was being said…
"Te quiero, Felipe. Di me que me quieras a mi!"
"Ay, mi amor. Ya sabes que estoy casado. No puede ser."
The male tried to step back, but the female, with her long black hair and heavy brown eyes threw herself at him in a passionate lip lock. The man seemed to fight it, but the woman caged him against the wall, deeply kissing him until he finally gave in, and grabbed her to him.
Axle snorted. Been there, done that…
Then she noticed Justice's reaction, and reconsidered the notion about this picture box being a good form of education. The girl began bouncing on the sofa cushion, tossing a grinning, skittish glance at Axle as though to say, 'Did you see that!' Then, as the embrace progressed, Justice's mouth hung open, and her eyes peeled wide in some sort of hormonal, sensory overload.
Uh-oh…
Axle started wringing her hands, as a tickling dread began to nag at her conscience.
That's when Mrs. Briefs noticed the program and smiled delightedly. "Oh! Bulma's father will be so happy to know he isn't the only one who enjoys Spanish soap operas."
Axle took a step forward, deciding that these 'Spanish soap operas' weren't the best way to introduce Justice to sexuality. "I don't know if she should be watching that-"
She was stopped by a muscled arm as it materialized to block her. Startled, she looked over at Vegeta, whose customary smirk was tinged with a hint of mischief in his eyes. He glanced at her and held a finger to his lips, shaking his head. His gaze fell back on Justice, watching her like a prankster who knows a joke is about to be cracked.
Axle pursed her lips. She should have pushed through. She knew she should have…
I know I'm going to regret this.
When the couple on the TV got horizontal, Justice clapped her hands in spastic, jerky movements and twisted around, her eyes scanning the area. Axle gulped when they stopped on Piccolo - poor, unsuspecting Piccolo - who had finally relaxed from the flight over and was leaning against a palm tree with his arms folded heavily across his chest.
Oh…shit… "Uh, Justice-"
"Eeeee!"
"Justice, wait!"
With a hop and a squeak, the girl jumped up and flew over to the green warrior, her dress fluttering in the wind behind her like a banner. Piccolo's eyes opened a sliver as she neared, and then widened in alarm when she didn't stop. He unfolded his arms just in time to catch her as she flung herself at him, and covered his mouth with hers.
Axle choked, and gasps filled the area, followed by shocked silence by everyone except for Vegeta, who, for all his earlier composure, had doubled over in great, tactless guffaws, clutching at his stomach, while Piccolo struggled in more ways than one.
"Mmmm! Mph! J-Jus-t'mph!" Inarticulate grunts emanated from the broad-shouldered namekian as he stared in wide-eyed panic at Justice's closed face, his hands frantically trying to push her away. But just like the woman in the TV, Justice redoubled her efforts, pinning him to the tree with her body, while her arms snaked around his neck.
At which point, Vegeta's laughter jumped up two octaves and cracked. The attention in the group started to be divided between the passionate spectacle and the Saiyan Prince, as people obviously couldn't decide which was more shocking…the sight of Justice kissing Piccolo or the odd, unprecedented sound of Vegeta's hysterical hee haws.
The Saiyan collapsed on the floor beside Axle, banging the grass with his fists, causing the very ground to tremble. "OUT…OF…" he choked, gurgled, gasped for breath, "Out of ALL of us here, and she goes after the NAMEK," squeak, wheeze, hiccup, "Whose EQUIPMENT doesn't even work!"
Piccolo heard that, and it registered about the same time that it hit Axle - the prince apparently thought namekians were genderless.
"ST-STOP" Piccolo managed as he finally pried Justice from his purpled face, hurling all his bewildered anxiety into his roar at Vegeta. "STOP TALKING ABOUT MY EQUIPMENT!"
That sent the pitch of the Saiyan's laughter right off the scale of human perception.
Justice backed away from Piccolo, obviously distressed at his reaction. After all, it's not what the picture box had shown would happen. The blushing, green warrior huffed and sputtered, with so many different emotions in his face, Axle thought his head might explode. Then, with a final pained look at the girl who had jumped his bones, he powered up and burst into the air, disappearing from sight.
Axle ran up to Justice, who had realized in alarm that she was the center of attention again, and started cowering. Axle circled an arm around her, and looked through the wisps of white hair to the large, violet eyes, and quivering lower lip.
"Pic-co'o," Justice's face scrunched, trying to express emotions she didn't have words for yet. "AAAH!"
"No, my friend," she said. "He's not mad at you. Okay?" She tried to reassure the girl with a smile. Justice just hid her face in her hands.
Nail and Dende approached with worried looks on their faces. "That was…unexpected," Nail said. A colossal understatement.
Axle pointed with her chin at the TV under the canopy, next to a helplessly recovering Vegeta. Nail knew what it was, as evidenced by his, "Oh…"
"Yeah," Axle confirmed. "We've got a baby here with a woman's body and a complete package of hormones. And it looks like Piccolo is her object of desire."
Dende blushed. "She has been awfully fond of him. From the beginning."
"Drawn to him," Nail added. "Is practically impervious to his mean exterior. I think she can see right past it."
"Well," Axle mused. "We need to do something. She needs to learn a lot more about life before she goes throwing herself at someone like Piccolo."
Justice lowered her hands and her eyes darted from one to the other, obviously aware that they were discussing her.
"Mr. Popo can take her into the Hyperbolic Time Chamber for a year, and teach her," Dende suggested helpfully.
Nail nodded. "A good idea," he agreed. "She's too powerful to cut loose on society without knowing how it works, first."
Axle remembered the Hyperbolic Time Chamber from her time at the Lookout. And she found as she looked upon the confused and distressed girl that she couldn't agree more. Justice needed to be taught about life, and as soon as possible.
