THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RED DWARF
PART 12Frodo hadn't wanted much. Just a nice, relaxing bath. A few
moments to himself.
Not being killed would be nice, too.
Gollum, who had been stalking him for days, tightened his grip on the Hobbit's
throat. "Gives me the precious!"
"No!"
Frodo kicked out with his right foot, catching Gollum in an
unfortunate place. This gave him the opportunity to twist free and escape the
room.
The first person he ran into was Cat. He tried breathlessly to explain his
predicament, but all he could say was "G . . . Goh . . ."
"Where are your clothes, bud?" Cat demanded.
"Goh . . . gol . . ."
"What, the water too hot? Too cold?"
"Ruh . . . ruh . . ."
"Ruh? Rubber duckie? You forgot your rubber duckie! I'll let you borrow
mine, if you--"
By this time Frodo had recovered somewhat. "Help . . . me," he
gasped.
"I am! Let me go get the duckie--"
Unfortunately, Gollum had also recovered. He came tearing around the corner,
out for blood. Hobbit blood.
"We kills Hobbitses!" Gollum shouted.
"What is your problem, bud?" Cat asked him.
Gollum lunged for Frodo, who tried to duck out of the way but ended up colliding with Cat and knocking them both over.
Frodo grabbed a metal rod to use as a club . . .
"Stay back!" he warned. "I will hurt you if I
have to!"
Gollum's eyes were fixed on the ring, hanging at the end of its chain around
Frodo's neck. "Mine . . ."
"Uh, guys," Cat smiled weakly, "can't we talk this over?"
Just then Sam came running up. He knew there'd be trouble, he just knew it.
"You gives us the ring!" Gollum shouted at Frodo
as Cat stood between them. "It's ours, it is, and we kills stinking
Hobbitses if they not gives it!"
"Mr. Frodo, sir . . ."
"Not now, Sam!"
"But--"
Gollum lunged at Cat. "We kills furry creature because
it helps Hobbitses steal our ring!"
"Hey! My suit! You're getting it all wrinkled!" Cat complained, not
noticing the minor detail that Gollum was trying to kill him.
Lister was in the middle of making a late breakfast (eggs
with extra curry powder and bacon on the side) when he saw the commotion.
"What the smeggin' 'ell?"
"Get it off me!" Cat pleaded.
"It's Gollum." Frodo said, still holding the metal
rod. "He attacked us without warning . . ."
"We hates furry creature!" Gollum hissed. "Hates it! It helps
Hobbitses steal our ring!"
Lister tried to tackle Gollum, but it was like trying to hold onto a wet garden
hose. No matter how he tried, Lister just couldn't get a grip. "Smeggin'
'ell!"
There was the sound of something metallic hitting something hard. Gollum slumped over.
"Well, that takes care of him." Frodo put the bar down as he suddenly remembered he wasn't wearing anything. "I'll, um, just go have my bath while you lot take care of him."
"What the smeg is his problem, man?" Lister asked Sam. "What's this fixation he has on rings?"
"Not just any ring, sir. THE ring. He had it for so
long that it took over his mind . . . and made him the hideous thing you see
now."
Lister shook his head. "Sorry, man. I'm not following you."
"It's all in the book. I haven't read it all the way through yet, but I've looked at some of it."
Lister turned around and saw Kryten standing right behind
him. "What do we do now, Kryte?"
"I recommend we move Mr. Gollum to a stasis booth until we're ready to
leave. After that, we'll keep him sedated."
"Why can't we just kill 'im?"
"Because he is an important part of the book, sir. Because of him, the
ring was . . . is . . . will be . . . oh, I hate what time travel does to verb
tenses! Anyway, we need to send him back with the others."
"Mr.Lister's right." Sam interjected. "We should just kill him, no matter what that book says . . ."
"But that could completely unravel the fabric of space/time! No, we have to put you all back exactly as we found you . . ."
"And we'd better do it fast." Holly piped up from a nearby monitor screen. "That portal's closing in sixteen hours."
Meanwhile, in the Men's room just off the Drive Room . . . Merry was barfing to beat the band.
Never having had curry before, he'd had no idea it would cause such an adverse reaction. In between bouts of sickness, he lay on the floor, one cheek pressed against the tile's coolness. He just wanted to die and get it over with instead of dragging it out like this.
"Merry?" It was Pippin.
"What?" Merry groaned.
"Are you all right?"
Merry rolled his eyes, but of course Pippin couldn't see him. "No!"
"Can I come in?"
"What for?"
"To help you,of course."
Merry groaned. "Nobody can help me in the state I'm in right now."
"Should I go get help?" The younger Hobbit sounded
almost panicked.
"No . . ."
Pippin heard Merry vomit again. "I'll get help."
Kochanski and Boromir were having a moment alone.
"So what's this secret way to touch a hologram you were telling me
about?"
"Come closer."
They were just inches apart when Pippin came running in. "Miss Krissie!
Help!"
With a sigh, Kochanski pulled away and looked at Pippin. "What's wrong?
Did Gollum escape or something?"
"No, nothing like that. Merry's really sick . . ."
"How sick?"
"He's throwing up. And he won't let me in to see him, and that's not like him, he always lets me help when he's sick . . ."
Rimmer looked at Lister askance. "All right, Listy, what did you do to him?"
"I didn't do anythin'!"
"What exactly are you doing in my room?" Kochanski demanded.
"Can we worry about that later? We've got an emergency!" Lister
turned to Pippin. "Where is he?"
"Down this way. I'll take you there."
"Merry," Kochanski called through the door, "are you all
right?"
No, I'm not bloody all right,
Merry thought, but he was too weak to say a word.
"Merry!"
Desperate times called for desperate measures. "Holly, open the
door," Kochanski ordered.
The door whooshed open with an impressive sound. Unfortunately, they weren't in
a mood to be impressed. They rushed in and found Merry crouched over the toilet
bowl, gripping the sides of the seat nearly hard enough to break it. His face
was flushed and sweaty, and his eyes were closed.
"We have to get him down to the Medical Unit," Kochanski decided.
"He looks awful."
The skutters demurred....
"Go get a stretcher," Kochanski ordered them.
"No time," said Boromir. He picked the halfling up and slung him over
one shoulder.
"Smeg! He's gonna chuck right down your back, man!" Lister warned
him.
"I'll take that chance."
Lister shrugged. "OK, man. I'll get the barf bags."
Kryten was waiting for them, Medi-scanner prepped and ready to go.
"I hope it's nothing serious." Gandalf confided to Lister as Merry was gently placed on the medi-scanner table.
"Go and get Frodo," Merry told Pippin.
"But--I don't want to leave you . . ."
"Go get him!"
Pippin looked around, at the room full of people, and decided Merry probably
wouldn't die while he was gone. So he went to Frodo's quarters.
Meanwhile,the skutters got as far away from the Hobbits as they possibly could.
Frodo was just finishing getting dressed when Pippin rushed in.
"What is it--?" Frodo started to ask, then he saw Pippin standing there. "Pippin, what's wrong?"
"It's Merry. He's very sick . . ."
"How sick?"
"Really sick! He told me to get you . . ."
"How much longer until the portal closes?"
"Fifteen hours," Holly told them.
Frodo silently cursed. It was all his fault. Everything was always his fault.
He rushed to the nearest turbolift . . .
"Oh, no . . ." Sam groaned. He didn't like the
lifts--or, more accurately, they didn't like him.
"Come on, Sam."
"There must be some other way to get there..."
Frodo almost smiled. "Don't tell me you're afraid of a
little mechanical box."
"I'm not afraid of it, sir, I just don't like what it does to my
stomach."
"We've got a bit more serious problem to be overcome at the moment, Sam." Frodo said. "The portal closes in fifteen hours and Merry's taken sick."
"Has he? What with?"
"Don't know yet."
"That's all we need."
(A/N: I've been told my chapters are a bit on the short side. Sorry about that, but I'm just trying to get them out as soon as I can. We're heading into the home stretch now! I'll try to make the last few chapters longer for you. In the meantime, keep reading, and I'll keep writing!)
