Title: Sailor Bishounen Part 1 (Crappy Title, I know but best I could think of at...this wee hour of the night!)

Author: Hakumei

Warnings: Craziness and insanity. Not to mention bad puns, jokes, and a strange version of Sailor Moon. Definitely yaoi, some yuri hints here, very mild but they are there, bad language (Oooo!), mild angst, not a lot but just to be safe. A very OOC Heero and Duo, it's after Endless Waltz, none of our G-boys will dress in drag (sorry if you guys like that!). At first mild Relena bashing BUT if you hate Relena (which I do); she actually turns good in this fic. She's actually in my opinion, somewhat cool, if one can believe that to happen to be Relena. Ooo and swearing, incase you aren't into that stuff. Just to be on the safe side of mentioning.

Pairings: 1+?, 2+?, 3+4, 5+OC, 6+9, D+R (mild implications), OC+OC (mild).

Disclaimers: They aren't mine, never will be. Not making any money out of this so there ain't no purpose in suing me! I just write it to ease my boredom during class and afterwards like during band or choir ^_^; Any of the original characters mentioned throughout the fic solely belong to me with the exception to Ides, she belongs to a friend of mine but I'm just temporarily borrowing her with her permission.

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Chapter 1: Ahoy Sailor Moon!

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Duo sat on a park bench in San Francisco, head nodding, fingers twitching, feet tapping to the beat of the music he was listening to with his Disc Man. He was lost in thought, thinking about his comrades. They all had someone and he felt miserably lonely; Quatre had Trowa, Wufei, well he had his 'Nataku' to worship, a little idol he had somewhere in his room and then there was Heero who had that bitch Relena. Well, at least he thought Heero had Relena. He was always protecting her and stuff which left, he thought sadly and bitterly to himself, gay little Duo all alone.

Quatre, the 'I'm-not-so-innocent-one' always told Duo what he and Trowa did together. As a friend, they were best friends after all, he'd half-heartedly pay attention and listen to what Quatre babbled about. He was surprised once when Quatre told him he and Heero were lovers for a month when they were on Earth during the war. He had even admitted to having two female lovers but had told Duo that Trowa was his one true love, that they would always be together and blah, blah, blah. Those who thought Quatre was an innocent and lost little lamb were disillusioned by the golden boy's angelic appearance and Winner charm that he possessed. Truth be told he was once a terrorist, and an ex-Gundam pilot-a deadly combination.

Duo sighed softly as 'Ein Klein Nacht Musik' began to play through the headphones. Not many people Duo's age fancied classical music but Sister Helen always listened to it and always told him that classical music was the soul of today's music. He usually only listened to it because it reminded him of her and was comforting to him.

Quatre knew a lot about him and vice versa. Quatre also knew Duo was a virgin and liked to tease him about it since Quatre was not. Duo for one did not care and usually dismissed his friend's teasing's since he was proud to be and admit he would save his virginity for that one special person. That one special person being Heero, but he just didn't know it yet. Quatre also knew that Duo was very much in love with Heero and often encouraged him to tell Heero but Duo could never bring himself to tell him because he had a strong inkling that Heero wasn't interested him in that way. He felt that Heero was most likely devout and in love with that bitch Relena.

He looked over towards a couple walking together hand-in-hand feeling a pang of jealousy and resentment as they passed by him. He started to get up and make his way to his apartment so no one would presume he was dead, missing, or abducted, for the three hours he had been gone.

As he was walking past an alleyway, he noticed three kids picking on what appeared to be a black cat. It hissed and growled as he ran up to the group of children. In all of his eighteen years of living, he had noted how the children seemed to be getting more and more cruel and selfish by the year. No one on L2 would ever beat a cat; it just wasn't deemed fit since that cat could one day be your saviour if it led you to the remnants of a half-abandoned meal. But that was then, this is now-a supposed peaceful time. He decided to save the poor cat feeling pity from the past.

"Hey! Do you guys mind leaving my cat alone? I don't want to be pressing any charges on anyone for some misunderstanding," Duo called as one of the older boys walked up to him trying to look macho.

"We didn't know this was YOUR cat sir. If it's your cat, what was it doing outside near a dumpster SIR. Explain THAT," the boy said with a hint of triumph. Duo nearly hit the kid for his rudeness. He looked down to the kid and gave him his Shinigami grin.

"It's my cat, she ran out of the house this morning and I've been looking for her ever since. Now," he said firmly, "let her go, please." The boy nodded and called his group away.

When the children had left, Duo went to the cat to inspect if there was any harm done to it. He noticed a slender, female, black cat with blue eyes starring up at him. Blue eyes are unusual on street cats. What struck him as odd were the two band-aids that were criss-crossed on her forehead as though to conceal an injury or something. He began to scratch under her chin, smiling as she began to purr. After a few moments he took the band-aids off and was surprised to see a gold crescent moon appear on her forehead.

"Hey there kitty, that's one interesting mark ya've got..." Before he could say or do anything else the cat that had been starring at him with the huge blue eyes, ran off. Shrugging, Duo began his journey back to his apartment he and Heero shared a few blocks down.

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When Duo returned home, he closed the door with a soft 'click.' He was about to head upstairs to his room when a hand clasped around his right shoulder and turned him around. "Yes Heero?" he inquired, discontent and mildly annoyed.

"Where have you been Duo? You've been gone for a little over three hours. We've been asked to attend the Shaugnessey Ball." Heero said in his usual monotone.

Duo looked at Heero with mild scrutiny. "I was out Heero. I'm a grown boy, I'm allowed to go out alone by myself you know. And besides, why do we have to go to this stupid ball thing anyway?" he said as annoyance oozed through his voice.

Heero cocked an eyebrow and Duo's question. "We are to be there in case any fights break loose, we don't need any troubles. Besides, Relena will be there and she might need protection. We were asked while you...out. You know she's going to be here for at least a good two to three months on that restoration project. It was only a matter of time she'd ask for our help. You're suit's upstairs and ready to go. We're leaving in one hour."

Duo almost gagged at the mention of Relena's name. Of course he wants to protect that pink bimbo. He never notices a thing I do or my flirtatious rapprochements but he'll jump at the mere ring of a phone to protect HER! I could be captured and blown to pieces and he'd never notice I'm missing. If it were Relena, it's a different story, Duo thought bitterly as he made his way to the bathroom to take a shower not bothering to answer Heero.

He was about to take his clothes off and hop in the shower when he noticed the black cat he'd rescued earlier on sitting on the toilet seat with her tail swishing madly back and forth. He was about to wonder how the cat got into the apartment when the cat began to talk to him. "Hello Duo Maxwell, my name is Luna." She said in an odd British accent. "You must listen up carefully for what I am about to tell you is very important. Your life and many other lives depend on this."

Duo took a step back, nearly tripping over his towel. "Yep, I'm definitely going insane. Cats generally don't start talking to people. Now I know for sure zero gravity and that Zero System are finally catching up to me. What ever it is, I'm signing myself into the nearest asylum," Duo babbled as he sat on the floor in disbelievement.

Luna hopped onto Duo's lap placing her paws on his chest and gently began to shake him. "You are not going crazy, Duo. Just listen to me for a minute! I will explain everything to you. There is a terrible danger lurking here on Earth. You are a sailor scout, Sailor Moon to be exact. I wasn't sure who it was but when you walked up to me and rescued me, you had the same expression Serena did and then I saw her in you. You are Sailor Moon with a slight twist Duo. You aren't supposed to be male but that really doesn't matter because either way you'll do a good job and get it done, vanquishing the evil that has begun to terrorise Earth. You are Sailor Moon, champion of justice, past Moon Princess, and future Neo-Queen...err King Serenity." The small cat proclaimed with fierceness he didn't think a cat would have.

Duo raised a hand in hopes of stopping this insanity. "Hold on a second. I'm some ex-princess chick, well SUPPOSED to be a chick but somewhere along the line I got screwed up and I'm male and super hero person that saves the world?"

Luna nodded her head. "I think you've got it. Now, take this make up compact...wait, I don't think this is appropriate for a young man such as your self. I'll remodify it so it will suit you." The black cat said some sort of enchantment before the compact turned into a wristwatch with a silver crystal inside. The cat seemed to think for a moment before speaking again. "I also made a few enhancements to your sailor scout uniform. Instead of having a fuku skirt, you'll have paints and a sailor suit and hat for obvious reasons."

Duo sighed in relief. "For a cat you sure do think of everything!"

Luna smiled as she handed Duo the watch with a paw. "Now take it and repeat after me: Moon Prism Power."

Duo repeated the words and after a few moments of shojo glittery glow stuff, he stood in front of the bathroom mirror admiring the royal blue pants and matching blue trimmed sailor suit he now wore. His once braided hair had been neatly tucked under his sailor hat in a bun. He wore shinny black shoes and looked really. "Cool! I'm a super hero!"

"Duo, this is not for play. Make sure you wear that watch at all times in case you are attacked unexpectedly."

Duo nodded as he looked at the time. "Now Luna, you can skidattle because I have only half an hour to shower and get ready for that ball thing Heero and me are going to. Heero hates waiting."

"Of course. You are taking this rather well by the way. Good luck Duo! I will be sticking around as your new pet cat to guide and tutor you," Luna added with a smile, if a cat could smile.

"Yes, fine. I hate to rush this but I really have to take that shower now if I don't want Heero on my case!" Duo persisted as he took off his shirt and began to unfasten his belt.

"Very well," with that Luna walked out of the bathroom and headed towards Duo's room to wait.

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The Shaugnessey Ball

Duo sat off to the side while he tried to loosen the collar of his chemise. He hated wearing tuxedos and he hated going to these ritzy ditzy expositions. The people here were so boring to talk to always conversing about how one looked, politics, and so forth. Heero's more interesting than this and he hardly ever speaks, Duo thought as he finally loosened the button he'd been working of for the past minute or so.

Duo watched the myriad of people dancing, laughing, and talking to one another. They were all dressed elegantly but looked so distant and cold as he eavesdropped into the odd conversation. As he was looking around the well ornate ballroom he noticed something lurking in the shadows, something completely out of place. He stood up to investigate, brushing past Heero and Relena who were conversing to one another. Approaching the shadowed figure, he noticed it looked strange and vaguely humanoid since it had a typewriter shaped body with a telephone on top of its head. "Ok, what the HELL is that?"

As if to answer his question the typewriter/telephone thing cocked it's head as it raised an arm and started shooting fireballs at the now panicked civilians. It seemed to be draining their energy as the people dropped to the floor. Worried about the safety of the people, Duo began to look for Heero but no avail, Heero was nowhere in sight. "Oh crap, just when I need him the most, I can't find the bloody bastard!"

Suddenly a black blur jumped in front of Duo, startling him. He sighed in relief when he realised it was only Luna. "Duo, quickly! Transform into Sailor Moon! Only you can save these people!" Duo nodded affirmatively. "Right."

"MOON PRISM POWER!" Transforming into Sailor Moon, Duo ran up to the typewriter monster but realised he hadn't a clue what to do after he transformed and began to panic. "Aw shit! I'm gonna die!" Looking around for Luna he yelled out, "now what do I do?" He dodged several attacks from the monster as Luna hurriedly explained what to do.

"Take of your sailor hat. It will appear into a glowing magical discus. Throw it at your enemy and it should defeat it but when you throw it you must yell out, "Moon Sailor Magic."

"That sounds corny but it had better get rid of this thing ok?" Before he had the chance to attack, the telephone/typewriter monster wrapped itself around Duo, tightening itself as it began to suffocate Duo as he struggled to free himself. "Damn. My first super hero gig and I fail. Marvellous."

While Duo thought all hopes were lost, a rose struck the telephone wire causing it to let go of Duo. He looked up to notice a masked young man in a tuxedo and cape, with a top hat. He held a rose in a white-gloved hand as he glared through the white mask with piercing blue eyes at his opponent. Duo noticed that this masked man looked extremely good, not just good but VERY GOOD! Snapping out of his reverie, Duo heard the caped man mumble something that sounded like "fight now."

Taking the hint, Duo stood tall taking off his sailor hat and aimed. "I am Sailor Moon, Champion of Justice and in the name of the Moon, I shall punish you! MOON SAILOR MAGIC!" The Negaverse monster screamed before it turned into a pile of dust. Duo smiled before he exhaled a breath. The masked man began to speak while looking at Duo. "I am Tuxedo Mask, you did well. Until next time Sailor Moon." With that Tuxedo Mask jumped off a railing and disappeared into the shadows that he seemed to emerge from when he first arrived.

"That was way to weird for me but that Tuxedo Whatever guy sure is one FINE looking guy! You can set me with him any day!" Luna stood in front of him and chuckled. "You must change back into your clothes from the party and make sure every one is alright." Duo walked off to the side and reverted back to his normal outfit: the tuxedo he loathed wearing.

As Duo was checking up on how people were doing Heero walked silently up behind him. "Duo, it's time to go." Duo nodded his head and turned to follow Heero to their car.

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Back at the apartment

Tired from all his fighting, Duo went upstairs to go to bed. The ball had ended because of 'terrorists', as security claimed. Duo knew this was not the true reason, so here he was, back at home preparing himself for what would hopefully be a good night's rest; as of recently he'd been having nightmares and weird fragmented dreams of death and destruction.

As he fell asleep into the arms of the dream god Orpheus, he was later only to be awoken from his deep sleep from a faint buzzing sound.


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BzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz!

Duo groaned as he slowly gained consciousness, awaking from the land of dreams. He did not want to get up for work. He was going to be doing paper work for the Preventers and was not looking forward to it.

He rolled over, placing a pillow over his head in hopes of catching a few more Z's when something jumped on his back and started to scratch him. He yelped as he sat up quickly. "Ok, for fuck's sake! I'm getting up dammit, you don't have to scratch me to death Heero! You fucking bastard!" he said with his eyes closed from the sleepy grit.

He heard an amused chuckle-female-as he turned around and opened his eyes. He stared into the blue eyes of his black cat, Luna. "Good morning Duo," she said chirpily. "Time to get up, you've got a hard day at work ahead of you."

Duo groaned for a second time that morning, not wanting to be reminded of work. "Good morning to you too," he said groggily as he yawned and stretched. Luna pounced on the floor as she sitting as her tail swished from left to right as Duo made his bed. He soon got dressed in his usual Preventer's uniform, brushing and rebraiding his hair afterwards.

He hurried down a flight of stairs towards the kitchen, grabbing some breakfast along the way before grabbing the local newspaper, 'The National Blurb' from the mail slot at the front door.

When Duo reached the small kitchenette, Heero was already seated on one of the stools, eating a bowl of Cornflakes and reading a book. Heero always seemed to be up before Duo. This sometimes aggravated him since Heero never let him read the funnies until he was finished. Duo smiled at his early-rising partner. "Mornin' Heero! How are ya?"

"Hn," was Heero's response, not even lifting his eyes from the paper to look at Duo. He took a sip of his coffee and smiles once in response.

"Glad you're fine, Heero."

Duo went to the fridge, grabbing the carton of milk and taking a box of Cornflakes from the cupboard. He poured himself a cup of already made coffee by Heero and put three spoonfuls of sugar into his coffee. He got his cereal ready and sat down next to Heero, munching happily on his breakfast.

"Duo, look at the front page of the newspaper..." Heero said, trailing off.

Duo looked over at Heero and then spoke through a mouthful of Cornflakes. "Kinda can't, you've got the front page." Which sounded more like 'kndcha cn't, u gnot, da, fnont prche.'

Amazingly Heero understood. "Hn, well there's this Sailor Moon guy, some super hero of justice. This city sure is strange for wanting to attract attention." Heero stated as a matter of factly.

"Sounds like Wufei if you ask me. So what's up with this Sailor Moon person? A wacko? Possible serial killer?" Duo asked, intrigued.

"Don't really know, thought you might. You're into the whole super hero stuff in those books you read," Heero said as he took another sip of coffee.

"They're called manga's and I don't know anything about what you're talking about."

Heero raised a brow and smirked at Duo. "Hn, come on. We'd better get going to work."

"First I gotta feed the cat." Duo said standing up after finishing his cereal and killing a bowl of kitty food for Luna.

"Cat?" Heero inquired as he eyed Duo with suspicion.

Duo smiled. "Yep, found a stray cat yesterday. I decided to keep her. I called her Luna!" he said excitedly as Luna walked in and began to meow. Duo's smile turned into a full-fledged grin. "See Heero, ain't she a beauty?" He said as he bent down to pet Luna's black fur.

"Come on, hurry up!" Heero pressed.


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It was after lunch and Duo was about to work on yet another stack of paper work when his watch-the one Luna had given him-started to beep madly. "What the fuh-how the hell do I turn this thing off?!" Duo yelled as he pressed various buttons on the watch.

He was trying to stop the beeping when the familiar face of a cat appeared where time was once told. "Duo, I am sorry to have caught you at a bad time at work," she huffed a little, "but we have a problem," Luna said hesitantly.

Duo moved to hide in his cubicle, turning up this radio so no one could hear him talk to his pocket watch. "Go on, continue. I'm safe here."

"Well, near the Golden Gate Bridge there seems to be a situation that needs Sailor Moon. You need to hurry up, get there, and transform A.S.A.P." Luna informed Duo.

Duo nodded and began to make a B-line towards the front door when a hand gripped his shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going?" Duo turned around, staring into cobalt blue eyes. "Heero?"


Heero glared. "Where are you going? You have work to do."

Duo smiled angelically. "I uh...forgot to give the cat some kitty litter. I'd better go home and giver her some before you know..." Heero looked at him sceptically before giving him a dismissive nod. "Make it quick."

Duo nodded his head vigorously. "Understood. Thanks Hee-chan!" Duo ran out the door and headed towards the parking lot to drive off in the black Mercury Mystique that the Preventers had loaned he and Heero. He hopped in and drove off towards the bridge quickly, practically speeding the entire way there.


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"Ahhhhh! Will somebody please help me! Save me! Save me!" a blond woman screamed from the bridge, entangled in what seemed to be tentacles from some squid like humanoid creature.

Duo took one quick look around him to see if anyone was nearby as he transformed into Sailor Moon. He ran towards the area where the monster/thing was.

"I am Sailor Moon, champion of Justice. In the name of the moon I will punish you!" God this sounded lame, Duo thought as he recited the words. The squid-thing let go of the woman and slithered towards Duo.

"Sooo you thhhiiink you can beeeat meee?" it hissed before it laughed as it's tentacles tried to warp around his legs.

"This seems familiar, things trying to catch me. We you are my type!" He said as he stomped on one of its tentacles, causing it to scream and get angry.

He took off his hat in preparation to strike it down. "Moon Sailor Magic!" The hat now turned into the discus, hitting the monster in the belly. It hissed and then turned into a pile of grey dust.

"Heh, that was too easy if ya ask me," he said brushing off some dust from his suit. He was about to turn and walk away from the scene when a blurb prevented caught his attention. The blurb turned into a dark blonde haired man wearing a black suit and sporting a white cottontail and bunny ears. Duo almost burst out laughing on sight.

"Who the hell are you supposed to be?" Duo asked in between chuckles. "The Easter Bunny?"

The blonde man growled, annoyed, before shot a ball of energy at him before replying. "I am Ysba, servant of the Great Queen Chunaki, Queen of the evil dust bunnies. I'm here to kill and get rid of you once and for all."

Duo snorted. "Before you finish me off," he said sarcastically, "answer me one thing. Are those ears and tail for real or are they just for show?"

"SILENCE!" Ysba bellowed. "Of course they are real! Prepare to meet your doom!"

A red rose cut Ysba's speech short as the rose cut his cheek. He turned his head towards the direction of where the rose came from and noticed a young man standing on one of the bridge's beams. "Who are you? You cut my cheek! You shall pay dearly for cutting me and my speech short!" Ysba hollered.

Tuxedo Mask glared through his mask, eyes turning cold and menacing. "You have no right to damage what is not yours. You are ruining other people's property."

Ysba laughed insanely. "Whatever there, capey. Well Sailor Moon. It looks like your capey boyfriend rescued your pathetic ass this time. Next time you won't be so lucky." He vanished into a swirl of red hearts with lame elevator music trailing behind.

Duo blushed red at the enemy's comment but as he turned, he noticed he was standing alone. "Damn, he vanished again! I never got to ask him what his name was!" He sighed and transformed back into his normal clothes for work. He headed back to his car preparing for a long lecture from either Heero or Wufei as to why he was late and where he was.


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TBC...

A little C & C would be nice folks!

I know it's lame and corny, but it's meant to be! It's Sailor Moon with a twist. Can you blame me? Any guesses as to WHO Tuxedo Mask might be? I'm not telling but just remember some characters have not been introduced yet so...don't make assumptions yet. ^_^