Title: Sailor Bishounen Part 3

Author: Hakumei

Warnings: Craziness and insanity. Not to mention bad puns, jokes, and a strange version of Sailor Moon. Definitely yaoi, some yuri hints here, very mild but they are there, bad language (Oooo!), mild angst, not a lot but just to be safe. A very OOC Heero and Duo, it's after Endless Waltz, none of our G-boys will dress in drag (sorry if you guys like that!). At first mild Relena bashing BUT if you hate Relena (which I do); she actually turns good in this fic. She's actually in my opinion, somewhat cool, if one can believe that to happen to be Relena. A bit of a clutzy Duo and at first a womanizer version of Wufei. Ooo and swearing, incase you aren't into that stuff. Just to be on the safe side of mentioning.

Pairings: 1+?, 2+?, 3+4, 5+OC, 6+9, D+R, 5+S, 5+2, R+2

Disclaimers: They aren't mine, never will be. Not making any money out of this so there ain't no purpose in suing me! I just write it to ease my boredom during class and afterwards like during band or choir ^_^; Any of the original characters mentioned throughout the fic solely belong to me with the exception to Ides, she belongs to a friend of mine but I'm just temporarily borrowing her with her permission.



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Chapter 3: Heroic Mars

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~Preventers Main Office in Europe~

Wufei was sitting at a desk typing out a report when the phone on his desk rang. "Hello, good afternoon. Chang Wufei speaking, may I help you?" he asked politely.

"Yeah hi. Wufei, it's me Sally."

"Hello Sally...." Wufei said, semi-paying attention to the woman.

"I was just calling to tell you that four of us have been assigned to go to San Francisco on a mission. There have been rumors of strange attacks there and the San Francisco base has asked us to send a team from the head office to help investigate. We're on that team." Sally informed him briefly through the phone.

Wufei "hmm'd" at the news as he began to idly chew on a pen. "Who are the other two being sent on the mission?"

"Zechs and Noin. I was asked to help form the group and since we all know each other and have worked together in the past, I figured it would be much easier. Duo and Heero are in San Francisco and will be working with us once we arrive. There is a meeting in twenty minutes in my office for further details."

"Ok, I will be there."

"Bye see you in a bit." Wufei heard the click on the other end as Sally hung up the phone. He finished his report and hurried towards the meeting room.


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Wufei flexed his muscles as he walked down the ramp of the plane. He waited for the others at the bottom as he looked up at them. He had been leaning against the railing as Sally and Noin talked when something yanked on his ponytail causing him to yell in annoyance, completely startled by the unexpected sneak attack. He turned around and glared at the amused violet eyes of Duo. "Maxwell!!!"

Duo hugged Wufei tightly, causing Wufei to gasp for air. "Glad to see you too Wing Wong." He chuckled as he received a glare from both Wufei and Heero. "I see you haven't changed much Wu-Chan, still up tight as ever. You'd think after being around Noin and Sally for two years you'd learn to at least lighten up...hmm, guess not!" Duo giggled as he smacked Wufei playfully on his back.

Wufei nodded his head every now and then as Duo's endless and excited chatter questioned him on this and that. Duo was clearly glad to see his Chinese friend. They waited for their suitcases from the plane and he attempted to answer Duo's ridiculous questions about him. He was glad to be back with the crew.


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Wufei sighed contentedly as he sat into the plush upholstered beige chair, putting on his glasses so he could read his novel and drink a cup of mint tea, his favorite. He loved reading books, a favorite past time of his when he wasn't working. He was about to turn the page when he heard a crash, bing, bang, boom, and then a prolonged, "owww."

Wufei let out a breath of air as he put down his book on the little oak coffee table in front of him. Only Maxwell would trip over the door mat like that, he thought as he walked up to unlock his apartment door only to find Duo on the floor rubbing his ass and a smirking Heero not to far behind him, leaning against a wall.

"Konnichiwa Wufei," Duo said as he slowly got up off the floor and stood next to Heero.

"Maxwell, did you have a nice trip or was the floor that appealing to you?" Wufei said with a chuckle as he let his two guests in.

"Very funny Wing Wong, is that a sense of humour I hear? No, I didn't think so." Duo took a seat on the sofa, Heero sitting down next to him as he crossed his legs at his ankles, Wufei taking a seat on his nice upholstered chair.

"We're here to discuss things about the mission," Heero stated bluntly, getting directly to the point.

"Yes, that is a good idea." Wufei said agreeing with Heero as he reached forward and took a sip of his tea.


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~The "Fresh 'N Green" grocery store~

"Shimatta! You baka onna!" an enraged Wufei yelled at a poor grocery sales clerk who tried to help him. "I want Romaine Lettuce, not Iceberg Lettuce!"

"S-sorry, sir! It's my first day here," the little redhead stammered.

"They should fire you for your insolence, you silly woman." Wufei folded his arms and glared at the poor young woman as she reached for a fresh head of Romaine Lettuce.

Why couldn't that damn onna Sally Po do the groceries like women are supposed to? How come I got stuck doing them, he wondered as he continued his silent mental rant.

Mockingly he repeated Sally's exact words to himself in his head: because Noin, Zechs, and I have to work on some paper work and you're the only valid candidate to go on them. Be a dear and please do them for us. She had asked him this in an almost pleading tone he could not resist since women were able to pull that off and leave men feeling flustered and doing as they bided.

Wufei, being the man that he was couldn't argue with Sally even if he wanted to because she was giving him 'the look,' the one where men couldn't argue with them because you'd be damned to a place worse than hell if you argued. He cracked and went on his merry way to the nearest grocery store. Here he was at the present moment, stuck with some bumbling teenaged girl who was seemed to barely hit puberty. He was about to insist the girl hurry up and get the damn lettuce but a loud crash at the back of the aisle caught his attention.

Turning his head around he noticed what appeared to be a sad looking excuse of a creature from a bad horror movie, a lettuce cross-bred with a carrot stood there laughing like there was no tomorrow. Floating near him was a blonde man with black bunny ears and a white cottontail. (No he's not the playgirl bunny or whatever...he's no Chippendale either!)

The redheaded grocery clerk began to scream as he gaped at the monstrosity of a 'bad-guy'. "The in the bloody nine hells is THAT?!" he asked.

The monster hissed and the blonde bunny man laughed at the screaming men and women in the store as they panicked. "Collect their energy Greenthumb (1)," the man said in a husky alto.

"Yessss Lord Ysssssbaaaa." Greenthumb launched itself at a poor elderly woman who had been cowering next to a shelf full of soup cans. "Give me your energy human," the monster hissed as it latched on to her.

The woman screamed for a couple of minutes before fainting as the monster sucked up her energy. It cackled as it dropped the barely conscious body on the ground.

Grabbing the nearest weapon, a jar of mayonnaise, Wufei threw it at the thing hitting it dead on its head. It yelled and aimed an arm towards him as he dodged the attack: a flow of deadly tomatoes aiming to strike Wufei down.

"Mercury Bubbles!"

Turning his head he saw the blonde girl who made the room fill with mist. Wufei arched a brow as he saw her partner, a boy with long hair wearing a navy blue sailor outfit. The boy took his sailor hat off and appeared to be using it as some kind of discus weapon. How the hell can that be used as a weapon he thought.

The boy was about to throw the hat/Frisbee thing when a hoard of little carrots with nasty big pointy teeth (2) attacked him. The boy had tripped and fell as one of the little carrots head butted the back of one of his legs. He fell into a heap and a loud "oomph" was heard.

The little carrot men had also knocked down the boy's partner unconscious as they began to head towards Wufei. A black cat leaped in front of him with a red wand in its mouth, dropping it at the base of his feet. She looked up at him with wide blue eyes. "Take this and yell out Mars Star Power" before the cat, cat's can talk, Wufei thought? The cat was knocked away by the monster that was now going to use him as his next victim. As a last resort he did what the cat told him to do. He yelled out "Mars Star Power!" When he was done transforming, he looked down at himself and noted he wore red pants and a matching red sailor shirt and hat. He had the shiny black Dockers as he looked over to the crowed of young heroes.

As Wufei tried to help a frantic woman, a man in a tuxedo sporting a top hat and mask threw a rose at the monster. The blonde girl looked up at the masked man and squealed. The sailor boy sighed, practically groaning. The masked man appeared to be what resembled striking a pose. "You have endangered the lives of the innocent shoppers as they searched for food for their families. You should be ashamed of yourself!" (3) the young man said in a voice that could put Mr. Freeze to shame.

He threw another rose at the monster stabbing it on an arm. During this time, Luna managed to recover and she managed to explain to Wufei all of his attacks. Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury had been knocked on conscious yet again from more renegade evil carrots. He would have sighed on any given day about this, but he didn't really have time
to.

Wufei took a battle stance, ready to destroy the monster as he aimed his palms at Greenthumb. "Mars Fire IGNITE!!!!!"

Greenthumb screeched as it turned into a large pile of dust. Sailor Moon looked over at Sailor Mars when he regained consciousness and proclaimed, "That was so cool! Dude, you are so one of us man! We'd better get out of here though before the crowd and police question us. Sailor Mercury and me can better explain stuff to you. Wufei agreed and followed them out the store, grabbing a few of the important groceries that were on his list before leaving.

Wufei had returned to his normal ensemble of khakis and a green t-shirt as he sat around his coffee table in the small apartment with Duo and Relena. "So…you two are Sailor Scouts too?"

Duo grinned widely. "Yep, you're a part of our team Fei-Fei. And guess what!"

"Do I dare ask what?"

Duo continued on ignoring Wufei's sarcasm. "…I'm the leader of the group. Luna said so! Imagine what Heero would say if he found out I was head of a group of super heroes."

Wufei snorted as he grabbed a handful of chips he had placed out for his guests. "He'd probably think you're a baka. I can't believe you're our leader. How many plans have you botched, Maxwell?"

Duo stuck out his tongue at Wufei as he flicked a chip at him. "Hey, I resent that remark," Duo added with a pout.

Relena, who had been sitting on the beige couch sipping on some Pepsi, had not said a word through the entire little argument looked over across to Wufei. "Actually Wufei, he hasn't been a bad leader. At first I thought it was a ludicrous thing but it turns out he's pretty good at it. Heero never really gave him much credit for his abilities; he's actually pretty smart. So far none of his plans have ever failed. He's much better at strategy planning than I'll ever be, that's for sure." Relena took another sip of her Pepsi as Wufei arched a brow.

"Well I've been rendered speechless. The only thing I thought the braided baka was good at was his insufferable babbling and car remodeling."

"It's not babbling, it's conversing, some skills both you and Heero lack. And I'm glad you appreciate my off-to-the side hobby. It feels great to be appreciated." Duo retorted.

Relena smiled, content at her comment about her new friend. She never really liked Duo much before until she actually got to know him better. Working with him as a Sailor Scout meant she had to trust him, and she did. The role of a leader, oddly enough suited him well. She grinned as she watched Wufei argue again over what battle stance was better.




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TBC...

A little C & C would be nice folks!

Author's Notes:

1. For all you gardeners, sorry, I just couldn't resist the corny name. I never was much of a
green thumb...aheh...
2. If you have ever watched Monty Python's "Holy Grail", you'll know what I'm talking about. Also this is a renactment of an incident that happened in my drama class last year.
3. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with overly lame lines like this? It's actually an effort to sound this LAME!