Scars of Kismet
Part 2
By Sakata Ri Houjun
Warning: Lemon-lime and it gets a little dark where Chiri's concerned
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Kouji watched as his lover flopped down onto the bed and buried his face into the pillow. And he smirked.
So, Gen-chan, he purred. What do ya want to do tonight?
I just want to sleep, Tasuki mumbled, his voice muffled by the pillow.
Sleep, huh?
Tasuki turned his head to look up at his friend. I'm pretty fucking tired.
Sure, Gen-chan. But when Tasuki's expression did not change, he sobered. Something's bothering you, isn't it?
Tasuki did not answer but averted his eyes, afraid that his friend might find the truth hidden within. Kouji was silent as he thought it over and finally came to a conclusion.
It's Chichiri, isn't it? Tasuki started at his question and the blue-haired bandit nodded as he realized he was right. I think I know what's going on.
Tasuki gulped. You do? Had his friend guessed that he had fallen in love with the other seishi?
Kouji nodded. Yep. You're worried about him because of how depressed he's gotten recently.
Tasuki relaxed a bit when he realized that Kouji hadn't figured out the truth and sighed in relief. Kouji, everybody's noticed his change in behavior. I just wish I knew what to do in order to make him happy again.
Do what ya do best, Genrou. Just be you. I mean, I laugh my ass off watching you do some of the stupid shit you do.
But it's not that easy, Kouji, Tasuki continued, remembering in vivid and painful detail how he had kissed his friend and the reaction he got because of it. I'm afraid I might do something I might regret. I know he's been avoiding me lately because I he trailed off and turned his face into the pillow again before he shoved his foot into his mouth.
Kouji blinked. What did you do, Genrou?
Nan demo nai, came the muffled reply.
I've known you to do some bone-headed shit, but you shouldn't worry too much about it. He placed on hand on Tasuki's bare shoulder and flipped the younger man over to stare into the surprised golden orbs. But I think it'll be okay in the end. And he pressed his mouth over Tasuki's, hoping to take his mind off of Chichiri, at least for tonight anyways.
Tasuki found himself suddenly unable to breathe as Kouji's hands trailed down his bare chest and stomach. His legs were slowly spread apart as the older bandit broke to kiss to lean down and nuzzle his stiffening member. But in his mind's eye, he still only saw Chichiri's sad expression he had worn last night in the kitchen.
His protests gave way to a strangled moan. This wasn't right. Tasuki really didn't want to do this even though his body was urging him to continue. Something inside him was demanding that he stop this now before it got out of control.
With a shaking hand, he reached out and pushed Kouji away. He scooted back a bit out of the older bandit's range and met his friend's confused and hurt eyes.
Kouji, I I can't do this. Not tonight and I don't think I could keep doing this.
Kouji sat back on his heels and furrowed his brow. Did I do something wrong?
The flame-haired bandit placed his hands over his friend's. Iya. You've been my best friend, my brother, and my lover all this time. It's just that, some things just can't go back to the way they used to be. He looked away as tears were threatening to spill. I guess I had myself convinced that I could go back home, but ya never can, as the old saying goes. And I still love ya only This wouldn't be right.
Kouji nodded resolutely. I can't say that I hadn't noticed that you'd changed, Genrou. But you kept on acting like nothing was wrong so He gave a dry laugh.
It's more my fault for letting it continue like it did. No hard feelings, right? His tearful eyes met those of his friend's as a hopeful smile spread across his face.
Kouji leaned forward and stole a quick kiss. Well, I will miss you crying out underneath me night after night, but of course. I just want to know who the lucky guy is.
Tasuki jerked back and scratched his head. There is no one else. At least not one who loves me back, his mind added.
Kouji returned sardonically.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Chichiri couldn't take it anymore. Ever since yesterday when Tasuki has kissed him, touched him, alien sensations had been awakened in his body at the memories. He had not wanted to hurt his friend the way he did, but he had been scared of his own body and the way it had been hardening at another's touch.
And yet, ever since then, he regretted reacting the way he had to the situation. A part of him wanted to apologize to Tasuki for hurting him, and another more primal part wanted to finish what was started.
Subconsciously, his right hand moved to rub lightly over his left arm as he thought. Then once he had noticed the action, he pushed back the sleeve and traced cool fingertips across the lacework of healed flesh. The scars were so faint, they were hardly visible, but he didn't need to see them to know that they were there.
Some of the wounds were almost as old as the one in his face. And each one made by his own hand whenever he felt the despair threatening to tug him under. The very first one had been created dangerously close to his wrist on the day following the flood. After that, he had lost count of how many times he had hurt himself. Physical pain somehow had allowed him to forget his turbulent emotions as he used to watch the blood pool on his arm in morbid fascination, letting his misery slowly abate.
He hadn't felt the need to hurt himself in such a long time, had he? Why was he suddenly feeling the urge now?
Maybe Tasuki had always lusted after him, but had never got the chance until last night and took advantage of his drunken state? And maybe he lusted for Tasuki as well? Well, maybe not Tasuki but more along the lines that he was curious about the act of sex itself? And perhaps that was the reason why they had stayed together for so long. It seemed like a plausible answer.
He had to find out for certain and he wasn't going to get a resolution brooding in his room. He had to confront Tasuki about the situation anyways and apologize. So he pulled his sleeve back into place and stood up to proceed to Tasuki's room. Once there, he pushed open the door without knocking.
Chichiri peered into the bandit's room.
Tasuki looked up from where he was lying on his bed, head leaning back against his folded arms. The blankets were draped about his hips and a look of pleasant shock was on his openly expressive face. Chiri? What are you doing here?
Chichiri entered the room fully then and closed the door. We need to talk, Tasuki, he started, dropping all pretenses.
It was then that Kouji made his presence known from the far corner where he had been getting dressed. Then I guess I'd better leave.
The monk spun and faced the dark-haired bandit with a blushing face. Kouji-kun? I-I didn't know you were here. He looked down in awkwardness as images of why Tasuki was nude and Kouji was getting dressed flashed through his mind. And he was strangely hurt. Gomen nasai. I'll go now, he muttered.
As he turned to go, Kouji snagged his wrist, halting him in place. I was just on my way out the door, Chichiri.
Daijobou, Kouji-kun. I-I just came I just wanted to let Tasuki know I-I'm leaving and I wanted to say goodbye.
Tasuki sat straight up in bed. What do ya mean by that, Chiri?
But Chichiri ignored the younger man's questions and yanked his hand free from Kouji's grip as he opened the door and left. Kouji stared after the monk's hasty departure and then looked over at his friend's disbelieving and shocked face. It was then that he put two and two together.
he said as he smiled. No one else, huh?
Tasuki scowled. It's not what you think, Kouji
The dark-haired bandit chuckled as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed and ruffled his friend's hair. I should have seen this coming. Although I'll admit that you've got excellent taste.
The red head grinned then, realizing that Kouji wasn't mad about his feelings for Chichiri. But then that smiled disappeared as Chichiri's words replayed themselves within his mind. He said he was leaving. He needed to do something to stop him, fast.
