Scene 4: Inside the Jaguar:
Draco and Harry are slumped in the back of the Jaguar being driven. The both light cigarettes.
Harry- stop me from drinking today, Drakes. ¡®Mione has threatened to leave home again.
Draco- Darling you don¡¯t drink.
Harry- I¡¯m not a drinker but you know what she¡¯s like¡¦ (Picks up phone from her bag.) I¡¯m just going to call in. (he dials)
Draco- What will you drink?
Harry- Water.
(Draco gives a blank stare.)
Harry- It¡¯s a mixer, Drakes. You have it with whisky. (On phone) Ron, it¡¯s me. I¡¯m in the car coming in. how are things on your end..? Models¡¦? Good. Lights¡¦? Good. Guest list¡¦? Will just do your best. I¡¯m rushing.
Draco- I tried not drinking once¡¦ Worst eight hours of my life. Are you going straight to the office.
Harry- Yes.
Draco- Past Harvey Nichols?
Harry- No, Drakes.
Draco- Well it is almost Lunch.
Harry- (looking at his watch) Ten-thirty, Drakes.
(Draco¡¯s face pleads)
Harry- Look we can do Harvey Nichols quickly, pick up lunch and take it to the office.
Draco- Whatever. But remember, darling, it¡¯s your company¡¦ You¡¯re the boss¡¦ You can do what you want. Don¡¯t let them pressure you.
Harry- (Picks up phone) I¡¯ll just ring the office¡¦
Draco- You¡¯ll kill yourself the way you work.
Harry- Right! (Shoves phone back into bag.) Will you come to the show later, ¡®Mione's refused and I need just a little bit of bloody support.
Draco- Of course you do. And of course I will.
Harry- Deserted by son and daughter.
Draco- Were is Neville?
Harry- Pot holing with his university. I don¡¯t want to talk about it.
Draco- I mean some times I wonder what the point of having children is¡¦ if their not ay your launches. Did you tell them how important this was to you?
Harry- I faxed the bloody Dean, the bollocky halls of residence and the buggery mountain rescue. What more can I do.
Draco- Nothing and you shouldn¡¯t have to. My god look at you you¡¯ve been a fantastic father. And what for? Left here if we¡¯re going to Harvey Nic¡¯s.
Harry- (To driver.) Left.
Scene 5: Outside Harry¡¯s Offices.
The Jaguar pulls up, Harry and Draco get out. Harry talks over-loudly as he walks in.
Harry- I wouldn¡¯t drive around in that huge car, pouring out pollution, but there were three people in that car!
Draco- Oh shut up Harry, no one can hear you.
Harry- (on phone) Ron, I¡¯m coming though the door now.
Scene 6: Inside the office:
Harry and Draco enter.
Harry-right don¡¯t panic! I¡¯m here.
(They enter main office followed by Ron)
Harry- Ron?
Ron- I think everything¡¯s just about done.
Draco- There you are darling. I told you things would manage without you.
Harry- Lights¡¦ music¡¦ stage¡¦ press¡¦ tickets¡¦ models¡¦ designers?
Ron- All done.
Harry- Right, Ron did all the models turn up?
Ron- yeah, every single one.
Harry- And the¡¦?
Ron- ¡¦ Oh except one.
Harry- You¡¯re not going to tell me it¡¯s Yasmine LeBon?
Ron- No.
Harry- Thank¡¦
Ron- No Sorry yes¡¦ Yasmine LeBon is ill.
Harry- (Nearly Fainting) Oh my buggery bullocks, why the bloody hell didn¡¯t you tell me earlier?
Ron- Her husband rang and said ¡°Simon LeBon¡± Which it thought was rather amusing.
Harry- Amusing?
Ron- Yeah¡¦ Very modern of him to have taken his wife¡¯s name. Still I phoned around and I think I¡¯ve found a replacement.
Harry- Who?
Ron- Betty Boo.
Harry- SHIT!
Ron- Some of the designers aren¡¯t happy but I said you¡¯d speak to them.
Harry- This is all your fault Draco.
Draco- It¡¯s all fixable.
Harry- (to Ron) How¡¯s the celebrity and VIP list looking.
Ron- Good¡¦ I think. But you know me, I don¡¯t know anyone.
Harry- Just tell me about Joan Collins, Stephanie Powers, Paloma Picasso, Catherine Deneuve, Charlotte Rampling, Give me names darling.
Ron- So far?
Harry- So far.
Ron- So far- Sinnita and Anne Robinson Definate, we¡¯re chasing Anneka Rice. Gave up on Norma Major.
Harry- Get my phone book¡¦ Princess Di has to have¡¦
Ron- Anne
Harry-¡¦ somebody to sit beside. You don¡¯t get Princess Di¡¦
Ron- Anne.
Harry- ¡¦to a major fashion event and sit her next to¡¦ (Stops and looks at Ron.)
Ron- Princess Anne.
Harry- As wall as?
Ron- Instead of¡¦ Only. Possibly with daughter.
Harry- Why?
Ron- well there was a bit of a mix up. I didn¡¯t make the call. But she¡¯s game and a really nice person.
Harry- I wouldn¡¯t care if she was Mother bloody Theresa¡¦ I doesn¡¯t matter for our purposes. What we need is a Princess with a press following and a designer dress on her back.
Draco- Not someone who looks like she runs up her own.
Ron- Her people were a bit cagey about which designer she favored.
Draco- The only label she wears is ¡®Drip Dry¡¯
Harry- Right let¡¯s take stock. We¡¯ve got three hours.
Draco- Right I¡¯m off. Are we eating.
Harry- Yes. What ever French Italian.
Draco- Nobody¡¯s eating that sort of food any more, there¡¯s this fabulous new Japanese in Mayfair. Everything is raw. Anything with a pulse is lunch.
Ron- Oh. The magazine called for you Draco. They need some decisions about this months cover.
Draco- Oh really what do they need to know? It¡¯s the same every month¡¦ a model in make-up with a vacant look on her face. I might look in on the way. See you Harry, here I¡¯ll leave the bottle. (Sets bottle of wine he¡¯s been drinking from half full on table)
Harry- No! I¡¯ll need a clear head.
Draco- Do you want some coke? (Produces small baggie of white powder)
Harry- No.
Draco- save it for later.
Harry- Oh by the way who were you with last night?
Draco- Oh just some windscreen washer I picked up at some traffic light. Bum so tight he was bouncing off the walls. (Mood changes) Sweetie you¡¯re my best friend you know that, remember I know you better then your daughter and anything you do is ok by me¡¦ Can I take your car?
Harry- Oh Drakes¡¦ Okay as long as it¡¯s back by six.
(Draco exits)
Harry- Right! Get me a copy of every record and PR Company in the country, a copy of Who¡¯s Who and the latest issue of Hello! Magazine. Let¡¯s get celebrated up!
Scenes 7 to 13: Harry working Montage¡¦.
Clips from the next three hours of Harry and Rom working
7: Harry making phone calls.
8: Harry- (to bubble) We¡¯ll make it a charity event¡¦ Get on to Princess Anne¡¯s People, tell them everyone there will be mentally ill and we¡¯ll sponsor her to wear a designer dress and make sure she realizes that if she doesn¡¯t those poor children won¡¯t get a thing.
9: Harry tries to resist the wine¡¦
Harry- Ron get four huge video screens. I want them down the sides of the catwalk. Flash up pictures of sad but beautiful children, happy gay couples. And slogans like, ¡®no pollution¡¯, ¡®world health¡¯, ¡®fashion cares.¡¯ Print up thousands of new invites on green totally recycled paper and cab them ¡®round to everybody.
10: Harry selecting photos of children, whales, seals, trees, gay people, disabled people, starving people.
11: Harry dips tongue in wine.
12: Harry- Ron¡¦ Press release. Free champagne reception. Get on to Moet tell them it¡¯s charity. Ring Joan Collins¡¦ Tell her it¡¯s free champagne.
13: Harry- I don¡¯t want to wear this I want to look hip and unbiased get me something from each collection.
Scene 14: Fashion Show Corridor.
A small corridor, close to catwalk entrance, is very crowded with models. Designers are doing last minute pinning, punctured by kisses and hugs and sips of Champaign. In the background there is music and applause. Harry is amongst the crowd squashed against a wall. As various designers go by he whispers words of encouragement. There is special hugs for Jonny who has had a nervous breakdown. Two purple covered models come of the catwalk hugging and kissing Harry. Harry leaves corridor.
Scene 15: Dressing room.
People coming going, drinking, flowers are everywhere. As well as half naked models. Draco is slumped on a sofa Harry enters looking a disaster.
Harry- Fabulous out there. A huge success Drakes. Names¡¦ names¡¦ names¡¦ Givenchy, St Laurent, Lagerfeld, English Vouge, French Vouge, American Vouge, Aby-bloody-ssininan Vouge! All the rich bitches from New York, Huchenbuper, Hockwender, Vanderbilt, Huckenfuckenbergen!
Draco- A whole row of skeletons with Jackie O hairdos.
Harry- Selena Scott and Jeff Banks couldn¡¯t even get a ticket! I¡¯m going down in history as the woman who put Princess Anne in a Vivian Westwood Basque!
Scene 16: Harry¡¯s Kitchen.
Late. Hermione is sitting in her dressing gown reading. Every now and then she looks out the window.
Scene 15: Harry¡¯s Office.
Late night. Dim lights Draco and Harry enter. They are very drunk and still drinking. They are a mess.
Draco- Let¡¯s go away.
Harry- When?
Draco- Now. On holiday.
Harry- I can¡¯t I promised ¡®Mione I¡¯d come home. Don¡¯t make me go on holiday, Drakes.
(Crawls over sofa)
Draco- Darling you need a holiday. How long has she been around for? She¡¯s been around forever.
Harry- She¡¯s sixteen.
Draco- sixteen!? Get rid of her. Montserrat, I want to go to Montserrat.
Harry- Look at me Drakes, your looking at a huge success. I¡¯ve got fabulous kids who adore me. ( Heaves into tears.) Just moved myself. Where was I?
Draco- You were about to tell me about there bitch mothers¡¦
Harry- I married the two biggest shits in the world. I don¡¯t know what went wrong with Katie¡¦ We just adored each other¡¦
Draco- you¡¯re gay.
Harry- That wasn¡¯t the reason¡¦
Draco- (moving to sofa) let¡¯s go on holiday.
Harry- Don¡¯t start making me go on holiday Drakes! Look she can¡¯t know I¡¯ve had a drink¡¦ (Referring to Hermione)
Draco- It¡¯s only Sake Drunk. She¡¯s not your mother.
Harry- Not my mother¡¦ she¡¯s not my bloody mother, my mother never knew did she¡¦
Scene 15: Flashback
1968 Harry is staggering up the path Draco and a couple of boys say goodbye. Harry is drunk and stoned¡¦ staggering up the walk.
Minerva- Hello, Harry dear. Good Concert? Why don¡¯t you come in and tell us about it? You father and I are still up.
(Minerva goes into the sitting room. Harry collapses, he gets up very slowly. A massive amount of concentration is required to follow. Minerva¡¯s face is very close to his.)
Minerva- Where was the concert dear? Eel Pie Island again? Who was it? Anyone we should have heard of? The Beatles, The Stones? The Rolling Who? (Sniffs Harry¡¯s breath) is that cider I smell on you breath¡¦..
Scene 16: Outside House(present)
Harry¡¯s car pulls up. Draco gets out first and goes to open Harry¡¯s door.
Draco- (to Harry) She¡¯s not here, darling.
(The door opens and Harry falls out ass first onto the pavement. Hermione appears at front door. Draco gets back into the car and leaves. Harry stagers up the path finally falling into the window well. Hermione turns and slams the door behind her.)
Scene 17: Inside Harry¡¯s kitchen.
Looking out the window. Harry pulls himself to the window and flattens his face to the glass.
Harry- Hermione sweetie let me in¡¦(Gets mad) sweetie let me in! DARLING LET ME IN¡¦
(Roll Credits! as credits roll we see Harry¡¯s bedroom Hermione is chasing Harry around bed trying to get him into it¡¦ his is being difficult and is looking for his joint box¡¦ she gets him in bed, he gets out this keeps happening till we end credits and fade to black¡¦)
The End.
