She fell

Cree's glaring at me again…

I don't like it when he gets like this.

He scares me.

He misses Adam something fierce. He decided it would be better if I was split up from Frankie. Problem was, Dragon would not leave Adam , meaning Frankie and Finn went one way, and Cree and I the other. I miss Frankie.

…Adam told me we should write down something for posterity, thinking of the first thing that comes into our minds. Cree did his last night, when we were all together in an old warehouse. He sat up all night staring at Adam. Poor kid.

Adam said that writing out our most vivid memories would help us understand the inner problems and demons that we each face. Each of us has something we regret. I should know, I was there for each of them. I know Cree regrets not being able to save Jack. Adam…I don't want to know about hers. Finn and Dragon each had jobs they failed at while at Manticore, and Frankie regrets a few things she did on mission.

I know what I regret. I regret losing the one I trusted almost as much as Frankie. She was a wonderful girl, and she fell. Eva, my Eva. She was a darling. Those eyes, and that smile, it melted my cold heart.

My earliest memory of Manticore is pain. Searing pain running up and down my body as I punished again and again for breaking rules. I was only three the first time. I remember that Cree, who's the same age as me, tried to get up to comfort little Adam, but he was tied down. I got out of my crib and went to the little crying toddler. I pulled her out of her crib like Cree used to, and I rocked her to sleep.

Then I dropped her.

The soldiers came running and I was caught. I remember the punishment for that. Six months in solitary. One of the Psychologists later told me it was all Lydecker's Idea. He wanted to see what I could take. I took it all and changed. I never really cared for anyone till I was ten. For six months seeing people meant pain, talking to people meant push-ups, and disobeying an order meant medical experimentation.

And Adam wonders why I'm so fucked up.

After I was allowed out, I was always alone. Even after I joined the Unit led by X5-599, I was alone. I ignored everyone and just kept to myself. In my childish mind, pain was still synonymous with other people. Relationships were pain in my mind.

I remember the look on the faces of some of the others when they saw the me and all my cruelty. I shocked them. X5-452 always tried to talk to me until I kicked her and sent her whimpering to X5-201. X5-599 yelled at me for that, and hit me. That reminded me that people were not nice.

I never liked X5-599 or any of those others. I never even referred to them by their names. I don't know if I still remember them all, not that I care too.

Eva was the first one to show me kindness. I remember on a mission, I was hit. We were using paintballs, and they hurt. I chose to leave my unit of X5-493, 711 and 701. I remember being on my own and being shot by damned Tinga.

I only remember Tinga's name because of the files I had to study on her when I was sent out after her. THAT caused me pain too.

I fell to the ground and writhed in pain. I was only a little girl of ten, and damn my leg hurt. I held onto it and was quiet. No one could know where I was, or that I was hurt.

If only Frankie had watched where she was stepping, things might have been different. She, Eva, Adam and Finn where trudging through the woods and stepped on me. Finn wanted to leave me behind, Frankie did too. Adam set my leg and said she'd carry me back if Eva told her to.

Eva did.

Eva sent Finn and Frankie on ahead to scout out the enemy. She turned to little Adam and asked her if she could carry me. She said no, she was too little.

Adam was always a very small child.

Eva tossed her gun to Adam, and picked me up. She was so gentle as she carried me back to base. I remember watching Adam scout out the others as she carried me through the darkened forest. Her footsteps and the beating of her heart were all I could hear.

When we got back to base, Lydecker smiled at Eva and told her what a good soldier he was for going out and fetching me. Then he took Adam away for a few days. She came back thin and upset and unable to talk about what happened.

She was just a kid.

So was I.

So was Eva.

Eva saw the little girls suffering and tried to comfort her. She gathered tiny Adam in her arms and coddled her until the guards came in the night she came back. She never ceased to amaze me, Eva did. She was wonderful.

I don't think I'll ever forgive 452 for killing her.

I remember the night of the escape. I remember Eva taking the gun from the guard. I remember Adam grabbing my hand as 201 helped 452 to her feet.

Then it all goes blank.

Adam told me I was shaking when Lydecker shot Eva. I don't remember. Finn, Frankie, Dragon, Cree, Jace, Adam and Brin all have recounted the story to me over the years, but it seems like a memory, like something that happened to someone else. To this day, when I fall down, I still expect Eva to come pick me up.

But I know she won't.

Because she fell.

And I wasn't there for her.

Manticore killed my friend.

Manticore killed my sisters and brothers.

Manticore killed my personality.

Manticore nearly killed me.

I won't let them though. I'm big enough to handle myself. I'm an adult. I'm not a little girl anymore.

But sometimes, at night, when I was in Manticore, I would sit up and think. I would walk to the door and look out. Sometimes I saw Eva falling backwards, a bullet lodged in her brain, and it would make me feel like a little girl again, a scared little X5 with no one to run to.

I know I have to be strong. It's required. Adam looks to me for help. Finn and Dragon think I'm invincible. Cree thinks of me as an equal, and if I was weak I don't think Frankie would be the same. Sometimes I wish I was allowed to be weak, that I could be the one who needed to be hauled along.

I can't.

And I never will.

Because the only one strong enough to save me was Eva.

And she fell, when it really should've been me.

I'm nothing, see.

Expendable.

And even if no one else sees it.

I know it to be true.

But right now I just have to take Eva's place.

Because she tried to haul too many people.

Authors Note: This one was a lot darker than the first. I think they all will be. The Next one will be Finn. PLEASE REVIEW THIS! IDEAS WOULD BE NICE!